Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Sometimes it's just not worth it to get out of bed. I get up every day, take my morning meds, and begin my morning ritual. Shave, makeup, hair, outfit, etc. I spend a good amount of time on the comp and in front of the TV. And when I come across something concerning the transgender community, I stop for a look. The thing that bugs me is the other trans women I see. So many of them are absolutely gorgeous. They pass so well, you would think they are cis women, and supermodels to boot. Then I see myself in the mirror. I'm HIDEOUS. I can't stand being around mirrors, unless I have no choice, anymore. If I can see my reflection, I tuck tail and run. That's the main reason I never have, and never will. post an actual pic of myself. It's not worth it to hear false hope, and empty encouragement, from others. If you saw me, you would agree 100% with what I'm saying. As a man, I was fairly cute. I got told that a lot. As a woman, I've made animals run in terror. I am more comfortable in my own skin, since going full time, I'm just not attractive in the least. As a result, I go off the deep end with jealousy fairly frequently.

Every cis woman (or male ) is beautiful dear ... and not every cis woman need to be beautiful. Don't infringe ones misogynistic undertones as your what a woman should be. It comes across as oversexed dolls


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Even porn stars don't look like much without their makeup on.

My other thought is that even if I had been born cis female, I would have been kind of plain looking.  It would have taken a lot of plastic surgery to bring me anywhere close to being able to enter a beauty contest.

But this one thing is true:  From the time I first realized what I was, I had to wait nearly fifty years to transition.  Every time I see the girl in the mirror, she brings an instant smile to my face.  I even get the giggles sometimes over how wonderful it is just to be me. I don't need to be a beauty queen.  I just need to be me.

Don't look at pictures online, instead get out and see real people. Few people I see are "gorgeous." Most have physical "defects" like overweight, underweight, disproportionate faces or limbs, weird fashion choices, etc. Not to malign anybody, I'm among these. I just mean hardly anybody in real life matches those models in photos. And further, even most of those beautiful people in published photos won't look like that in real life.

That stuff is unreal, and few of us will ever match that. Instead we all have a beauty of our own, most of which comes out in conversation and other interactions. We are also our own harshest critics.

Give yourself a break. Learn to love yourself more. Get out and enjoy what life has to offer.
Randy

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Quote from: Jennifer RachaelAnn on June 11, 2017, 10:53:34 PM
Sometimes it's just not worth it to get out of bed. I get up every day, take my morning meds, and begin my morning ritual. Shave, makeup, hair, outfit, etc. I spend a good amount of time on the comp and in front of the TV. And when I come across something concerning the transgender community, I stop for a look. The thing that bugs me is the other trans women I see. So many of them are absolutely gorgeous. They pass so well, you would think they are cis women, and supermodels to boot. Then I see myself in the mirror. I'm HIDEOUS. I can't stand being around mirrors, unless I have no choice, anymore. If I can see my reflection, I tuck tail and run. That's the main reason I never have, and never will. post an actual pic of myself. It's not worth it to hear false hope, and empty encouragement, from others. If you saw me, you would agree 100% with what I'm saying. As a man, I was fairly cute. I got told that a lot. As a woman, I've made animals run in terror. I am more comfortable in my own skin, since going full time, I'm just not attractive in the least. As a result, I go off the deep end with jealousy fairly frequently.

Don't get so down on yourself. Nothing happens without practice and patience... I have been told more often than I can count that the most attractive women have stronger masculine features. Something that may help you is picking out one or 2 of your favorite physical attributes, and highlight those when dressing, doing your hair, and makeup.  Some things you just need to learn to love. I hate my now curly hair... it's taken me a lot of time to learn to accept it.  I love my lips... I accentuate them the most to draw attention from my eyes, which I always try to cover my scarred right eye. I believe that some professional stylist help with clothes and makeup will show you your own natural beauty.

My personal belief is that self confidence brings out our most attractive qualities.  Finding one thing that made me happy with my own body and building on that gave me the spark to show my beauty out in the world.  I truly believe that it will also help you on your path.

Hi Jennifer. I know exactly how you feel. I feel like that a lot myself. I started estrogen therapy 2 years ago. My transition is going very well and I pass with no problem. But I also have albinism.  So everything I accomplish is like voided. People have complimented me and at the same breath insulted me. I've had people tell me " you are really pretty. Too bad you don't have normal skin and eyes" or " you would be beautiful if you weren't albino"  I've been stared at and pointed at for my whole life. I have actually scared a small child. Once I was in line at Walmart and this little boy and his mother were behind me. The little boy hid behind his mom and was grabbing her tightly. She asked him what was wrong and he said " that girl is a ghost. Don't let her get me"  Somehow I stupidly thought stuff like that wouldn't happen after I transitioned. I was a very androgynous boy. I thought I would be pretty as girl and people would see that more than that I was albino. Wrong!  Once these 2 guys were at the table next to me at Starbucks. One of them said "she's hot" The other one said " yeah but she's a ##@ albino!" then the other one said "yeah that's a shame" So it doesn't matter how pretty I am. People always will see the albino first. In high school everyone called me a wraith. Some dork told me I looked like a wraith from that stargate TV show and everyone started calling me that. You'd think maybe after dealing with this stuff my whole life it wouldn't bother me anymore. But it does. And yes I get totally jealous of other people. I even get jealous of my older brother cause he has normal coloring. I'm starting college in the fall and I'm not looking forward to that. Yeah everyone is a little older but I don't think it's going to be any different than high school. I am totally sure you aren't hideous. But I'm not gonna tell you to get over it or that you're being like stupid or anything. It doesn't matter what you look like if you feel like you're hideous or a freak it HURTS! And I know exactly how that feels. If this wasnt cyberspace I would give you a hug.

I sooo relate to this ... it really nails a major aspect of my dysphoric pain, realizing I can never have that kind of beauty ... nope not in this life [descends into another crying jag].

... but then I talk to my best friend who happens to be a cis-woman and she says...
"Welcome to womanhood.  We all feel that way!"

Suddenly my perspective shifts a bit ... my whole outlook shifted quite a lot when I heard that, actually.

Then I go out to the store or whatever and look around at the real people out there shuffling through their ordinary lives ... and they all look ugly ... everyone ... ugh, because my perception has become terribly skewed by media images.  This is what advertising marketers have done to us all, they have made us feel inadequate so that we will buy whatever they promise will make us wonderful.  The more I look at real people out in the ordinary world around me, and the less i look at images on the internet, the better my perspective heals towards truth.  Then I go out and look around and see all sorts of beauty I had missed before 

I don't know how you look so I can't comment on that. What I can say is that it must be very hard to feel like you have been cheated by nature and that everyone's better looking than you. I am not sure this helps, but also remembre we tend to be our own worst critics. You'd be surprised by how many of those naturally gorgeous models feels insecure, self.-conscious and just hyper critical. People in general are never 100% happy with themselves and when it comes to women, there's huge pressure and we end up never feeling good enough, even if you are told by everyone you're hot, pretty, beautiful, whatever. So, do take this into account and try to be kind to yourself. You deserve love and respect. 

Feeling hideous must feel hard, and almost alien-like. Much of what you said actually rubs off to me as possibly Body Dysmorphia. Have you ever considered that? Do you have a therapist you can talk to about these concerns?

I'm not asking to be the next Cindy Crawford, or anything like that. I just want to be attractive. I know there's surgery out there to help fix this, but I will probably never have the money to do that. I can't afford the loan from the bank, and I don't have anyone who could help me financially. So I have to sit here looking like an alien in a wig. My dog is beautiful. My wife is beautiful. My guitar is beautiful. I am not. And it's crushing me. Every day it feels like another elephant has been added to my shoulders. At this point I want to curl up on the floor, with a bag on my head, and never move from that spot again.

I'm sorry to hear that Jennifer.  I hope you have some good people in your life to let in and help you see your own beauty.  Please don't let it get the better of you.

I totally understand what you are feeling because I have always felt the same way. I can't be pretty, so even though I do pass about 75% of the time, I look at myself and see an endless list of masculine flaws: low hair count, big forehead, partially developed facial hair, pointy jawbone, wide shoulders, fat and bloated abdomen, narrow hips, general lack of figure, shapeless legs, big calf muscles, and huge hands and feet. I look at all of that ugliness, and wonder, how am I possibly passing when not a single part of me is normal for a woman? I guess there are a lot of ugly women out there, and certainly I have seen cis women uglier than me. I could probably live with it if it were genetic, but it is not. It is MY fault. I actually had good genetics. My mother and sister have exaggerated feminine features. I was an exceptionally (almost abnormally) effeminate "male" up to age 23; if I had transitioned back then while my body was still capable of changing (and I almost did do precisely that), I would have had the pretty face, gorgeous hair, and feminine figure I so desperately wanted. But, I came up with such an endless list of excuses that I could not even consider transitioning, and in the intervening 5 years before my transition I became so ugly and masculinized that I could never be pretty anymore, despite considerable feminization from hormonal changes. Every week, I cry multiple times over how I failed to express myself when I was younger and therefore ended up as this ugly monster. While I do pass about 75% of the time, the other 25% of the time women are terrified of me and men laugh at me. What could have been the pretty girl of the family is now a laughing stock and a terror. And plastic surgery is no cure, either. I have never seen a trans woman with hip reconstruction, and FFS permanently damages facial muscles and would take away my emotional expression.

So I feel your pain because I am feeling the same pain myself.

I'm so sorry to hear that.  May I ask as to why you still look at photos of other trans women?  I think it can get pretty depressing doing that, especially when you're just starting out with HRT.  Besides, those photos are so doctored up with filters, lighting, make up and tons of shots until they find the perfect one to post. 

I would watch all the supermodel looking super young youtube girls and I had to stop. It triggered my dysphoria more.   That's not what people look like be you be happy love yourself.  Those girls have the same exact insecurities.    Trying to be perfect or as close to as you think u can all the time is exhausting.  Screw that and everyone's opinion find you and your inner peace.    You are beautiful.  <3.     We got this

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Of the people in my life, I can't think of a single one who is physically beautiful. The are beautiful internally and if I had the option of who I would want to hang out with, I would go with the ones who are beautiful internally. Even if we are physically beautiful, that is fleeing. My current avatar is how I looked 35 years ago and while I haven't wrinkled up, I appear older and am less attractive than my avatar. To me, beauty is no where near as important to me as being one with myself. I am no longer depressed about my mind being mismatched with my body and I can enjoy the little things each day. That is what life is really about.

Quote from: Justarandomname on June 13, 2017, 02:41:05 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that.  May I ask as to why you still look at photos of other trans women?  I think it can get pretty depressing doing that, especially when you're just starting out with HRT.  Besides, those photos are so doctored up with filters, lighting, make up and tons of shots until they find the perfect one to post.

I don't know why I still look at photos. Yes I know the "professional" shots are super doctored, but the ones that I usually look at are selfies that girls took of themselves. I don't give the slightest what a fake picture is showing. For the most part. But when I run across another t-girl, whether it's in person or online, I don't stack up. I'm too fat, or I'm not hairless enough, or my masculine feathers far outweigh any feminine I thought I had. The closest thing about me that is any where near feminine is my clothes and makeup. Aside from that I just look like a dude in a dress. A blind man has higher beauty standards than I could meet.

Unfortunately I was in competition with one of the most beautiful women on the planet (think Donna Douglas / Ellie Mae Clampett) looked like my Sister. I felt so inadequate and I wanted to be like her so much I took up tap dancing, baton twirling, and wearing her costumes. Really odd because I grew up to be such a klutz. At around twelve my body outgrew my coordination. I used to buy Cosmo for my wife so I could have it to read for tips. 

I'm sure you are being way to critical of yourself. Transwomen are super critical of themselves. I do it all the time. I feel really ugly when I see women with normal skin and eye color. I don't look at pictures or videos of models. And keep in mind that people look different in pictures than real life. Lighting has a lot to do with it. As for selfies you don't know how many pictures a person took before they got that really good one. No one is gonna post a picture that makes them look bad. And also there are photo apps that let you touch up your selfies. Don't get upset over a picture online. You don't know what touch ups even selfies have had. You need to stop stressing yourself out so bad. We all have things we wish we could change. I would love to have normal coloring and be tall with long legs. But neither is going to happen. I'm not going to tell you that doesn't bother me, it does, but you can't dwell on what you can't change too long or it will make you crazy. Not to mention miserable. I hope you feel better and find a little peace soon sweetie.

Hugs
Julia

Quote from: DawnOday on June 13, 2017, 08:04:15 PM
Unfortunately I was in competition with one of the most beautiful women on the planet (think Donna Douglas / Ellie Mae Clampett) looked like my Sister. I felt so inadequate and I wanted to be like her so much I took up tap dancing, baton twirling, and wearing her costumes. Really odd because I grew up to be such a klutz. At around twelve my body outgrew my coordination. I used to buy Cosmo for my wife so I could have it to read for tips.

Who are Donna Douglas and Elle may clampett? Models or actresses?

Ellie Mae Clampett was the country-beautiful daughter on The Beverly Hillbillies TV show. With one of the Gabor sisters as her mother. Totally fake beauty in my eyes at the time, but for sure the peak of their genre.

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A couple of thoughts. 

First it takes a few years for the feminizing effects of HRT to work their magic.  You really will be surprised at what the final result is.

Second, to be confident is to be beautiful.  My picture is from Astoria Pride a few days ago.  I had a wonderful time and I rocked it.
The beauty in my smile is from the inside out.  I don't think of myself as particularly pretty, but when I am in the space that I've always dreamed of being I feel beautiful.

Peace,
Julie

I guarantee you that you look better than more than few who have walked this path,,, If I sent you a picture of myself you would have absolute proof!

Seriously, beautiful is beyond even the reach of most ggs. Average is really is OK... but i still more than some of us can get to...

Do what you can , and then learn to live with where you can get to... and believe me I know that is easier said than done... after 20 years I have not managed it.

- karen

Beauty is so subjective.  Look at a Rubens nude painting and then look at a supermodel today.

Sometimes I'll see a transgender woman and my first reaction is. "She is obviously clockable."

Then I start talking to her and interacting face to face and really seeing her and I'm like. "Wow. She's drop dead gorgeous."  Maybe my taste tend to the androgynous.  But so be it.

Even when I was playing the game of trying to be a man I was never really attracted to super feminine, classic, oval face, perfect beauties. I always was always more interested in a crooked smile or a cute overbite or a girl with some kind of uniqueness or eccentricity.

I've also met trans women with personalities so big they suck the oxygen out of the room.
Or contrary-wise,  I've also met perfect cis beauties who are so vapid I couldn't even relate to them.

The ideal we strive for anyway is to see thru all the BS and see the person that lies within and not let our eyes fool us. Right?  That kind of personal growth is one of the best things about being trans, I think.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 13, 2017, 08:10:49 PM

Who are Donna Douglas and Elle may clampett? Models or actresses?

http://elviswomen.greggers.net/images/dd008.gif


I keep forgetting the young'ns, Elle Mae Clampett. from the Beverly Hillbillies is the character played by Donna Douglas. The rest of the family were Jeb, Granny and Jethro.

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shooting for some food,
And up through the ground come a bubbling crude
(Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea)

Well the first thing you know old Jed's a millionaire
Kin folk said Jed move away from there
Said California is the place you oughta be
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
(Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars)

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
(Beverly Hillbillies, that's what they call 'em now,
Nice folks Y'all come back now, ya hear?)



Read more: Flatt And Scruggs - Ballad Of Jed Clampett Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Quote from: DawnOday on June 15, 2017, 03:30:19 PM
http://elviswomen.greggers.net/images/dd008.gif


I keep forgetting the young'ns, Elle Mae Clampett. from the Beverly Hillbillies is the character played by Donna Douglas. The rest of the family were Jeb, Granny and Jethro.

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shooting for some food,
And up through the ground come a bubbling crude
(Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea)

Well the first thing you know old Jed's a millionaire
Kin folk said Jed move away from there
Said California is the place you oughta be
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
(Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars)

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
(Beverly Hillbillies, that's what they call 'em now,
Nice folks Y'all come back now, ya hear?)



Read more: Flatt And Scruggs - Ballad Of Jed Clampett Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Wow, that woman is beautiful. I knew there was a Beverly hillbillies movie a while back but I didnt know there was one from the 50s.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 15, 2017, 03:36:20 PM
Wow, that woman is beautiful. I knew there was a Beverly hillbillies movie a while back but I didnt know there was one from the 50s.

Umm 60's Lets not go all the way back to the beginning of television when Uncle Miltie was the only crossdresser we knew. Here is a current picture of my sister.

Your sister is very pretty too. Should I ask who miltie is?  You make me feel ignorant with these people I never heard of. Lol

Hey, I'm Dawn's age, and *I* don't know who Uncle Miltie was! I doubt he was as pretty as any of you.

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Quote from: DawnOday on June 15, 2017, 03:30:19 PM
http://elviswomen.greggers.net/images/dd008.gif


I keep forgetting the young'ns, Elle Mae Clampett. from the Beverly Hillbillies is the character played by Donna Douglas. The rest of the family were Jeb, Granny and Jethro.

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shooting for some food,
And up through the ground come a bubbling crude
(Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea)

Well the first thing you know old Jed's a millionaire
Kin folk said Jed move away from there
Said California is the place you oughta be
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
(Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars)

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
(Beverly Hillbillies, that's what they call 'em now,
Nice folks Y'all come back now, ya hear?)



Read more: Flatt And Scruggs - Ballad Of Jed Clampett Lyrics | MetroLyrics

You forgot the mandatory Youtube clip!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YD22a4APsCg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YD22a4APsCg)

Quote from: RandyL on June 15, 2017, 04:41:45 PM
Hey, I'm Dawn's age, and *I* don't know who Uncle Miltie was!

Milton Berle.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_Berle

Milton Burle circa 1958  https://www.google.com/search?q=milton+berle+in+drag&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS718US718&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjw4ZeMhsPUAhUE5GMKHb3rDOAQ_AUICigB&biw=1522&bih=731&dpr=0.9#imgrc=_

This was Transgender in 1960. I was 9 and already asking my mother to dress me in my sisters costumes, There was also Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in 1959 with the movie "Some Like it Hot".  Tony is Jamie Curtis's father. You know her as the lady on the Activia commercials. Then Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in the early 80's in Bosom Buddies. We've always been comedy foils. I myself don't see the comedy in it.

Quote from: DawnOday on June 16, 2017, 02:11:38 PM
Milton Burle circa 1958  https://www.google.com/search?q=milton+berle+in+drag&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS718US718&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjw4ZeMhsPUAhUE5GMKHb3rDOAQ_AUICigB&biw=1522&bih=731&dpr=0.9#imgrc=_

This was Transgender in 1960. I was 9 and already asking my mother to dress me in my sisters costumes, There was also Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in 1959 with the movie "Some Like it Hot".  Tony is Jamie Curtis's father. You know her as the lady on the Activia commercials. Then Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in the early 80's in Bosom Buddies. We've always been comedy foils. I myself don't see the comedy in it.

Wow. That's totally like sad. That Milton berle guy was hideous.  Most of those pictures were hideous.  That's not comical it totally tragic. I didn't know Tom Hanks did a movie in drag. He's like a major star.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 16, 2017, 02:35:09 PM
Wow. That's totally like sad. That Milton berle guy was hideous.  Most of those pictures were hideous.  That's not comical it totally tragic. I didn't know Tom Hanks did a movie in drag. He's like a major star.

Tom Hanks did a TV series. Billy Crystal played a possible transsexual in the TV series Soap. Everybody has to start somewhere and some of the stars have played in rather different roles.

I shaved my hair yesterday... I think I am over worrying whether people think I am attractive or not. I am not a supermodel, but I am attractive in a quiet sort of way. I see little imperfections in my face. It's not handsome, but it's not ugly. ((like Bella Swan... taking it to Twilight)) I actually like my face. It looks kind of vampirish looking.

The hair shaving was because I was really upset, and I tend to do that to cause excitement in my life. Not long so it's only going to take a month to look the same again...

I'm not going to lie and say looks don't matter, but being comfortable in your own skin is more important than looks. I'm very comfortable with my body. I have a distinguished beauty, so I don't blend in with the crowd. I'm actually consider more attractive having shaved hair lol.

I don't go around telling people it was inspired by Britney Spears though lol.

I rely on my therapist alot

I know that feel, OP
It's a terrible feel.

Quote from: KarynMcD on June 16, 2017, 09:42:04 AM
Milton Berle.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_Berle

I am sooo sorry... You're my age.

Quote from: DawnOday on June 18, 2017, 03:45:58 PM
I am sooo sorry... You're my age.

No, not yet, About 15 years younger. I just know about most of the classic comedians.