Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well people I,ve been pondering for a while with this post, I realized some time ago that if I did no transition very some I would be in an early grave so I told the wife after having a breakdown that I needed to become a female.
Of course this went down really well..NOT well now the ex wife this has left me really low so next problem getting HRT 18-24 month waiting time no way was I going to wait that long, so an idea why not go down the private route, pass the medical great had the money great again then as my luck goes I have a problem that comes up & takes the saving so first no HRT treatment for a long time.
Secondly from behind I am passable I,m just over 5ft slim have waist length hair but then I turn around there's the problem in my eyes I will never pass with my facial features all this adds up to do/can I go through transition, my dysphoria is so bad I,m a prisoner in my own home I can't look at a woman with out going down depression street, I really don't I can carry on much longer I rather be dead, I would love to hear from anyone ho has Been in a similar situation, I will welcome any comments good or bad as to cut to the chase my survival depends on it because I don't want to carry on living like this any more. Sara x

Now you see I always look on the bright side of things, maybe as I am an old fart and have stopped worrying about what others think. I have no savings left after being kicked out so with you on that one and the 2 year wait BUT I will get there its a slow ride so take in the view. Now not seeing a face I cannot say that you don't pass, I know I don't as such but not letting that stop me. So back to you , I know you cant just turn how you feel of , have you spoke to your GP about how bad your feeling as they may be able to move you along a bit. Wish I was closer then we could have a group hug and vent ( I find it helps a lot but my cousins not been to see me for a while) . I must say you look very nice in your avatar and cant believe you are that bad , Dysphoria is a bitch , glad mine is mild.   

Sara you have so much going for you.  An 18-24 month wait seems infinite but... think of something you did 18-24 months ago, doesn't seem like such a long time.  Your avatar photo is great, and if that's without HRT - wow. 

I am sorry to hear things didn't work with your ex-wife, but the upside is you're free to pursue changes without having to negotiate.  Hair removal is expensive, but a friend of mine uses some battery-powered electrolysis contraption on their own face (I don't know details other than it is very slow but does work - I went the traditional route instead).  Maybe that's an option to permanently thin eyebrows.  Voice training is another - can be expensive, but there are excellent alternatives with low or zero cost and you don't need to wait.  The main thing is continue small and big steps in the right direction.  If you nail 1 or 2 major items before you can start HRT, imagine how good your HRT-birth day will feel.

Reaching each of your goals will improve your life and opportunities.  In the future you will think of this delay as far shorter than it looks now. 

Don't write off your face yet.  I understand that HRT is a way off in the future somewhere, but once you start it can do wonders.  I am only five months on HRT and my face has changed quite a bit.  Hang in there for however many months it takes and then see what it can do for you.

Why did they make people in the UK wait so long to start hrt?? That's crazy!

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 14, 2017, 03:53:21 PM
Why did they make people in the UK wait so long to start hrt?? That's crazy!

Probably Julia because the Uk is so behind with these issues, trans people are bottom of the list, perhaps its just my dysphoria talking but I feel I can never look femme, is HRT that good Kathy? I can't wait that long each its getting harder & harder I,ve been trying to lose some weight but because I,m so low I,m putting it on, I,ve spend my whole of my desperate to become a woman now I have started things keep falling apart, unjust want to be me that's all.Sara

the point is there is a point, you will be Sara , you are Sara that's the thing and it looks like when we both get to take the HRT it will change our faces, for f sake I need a wig, cant afford transplants. Another thing how's your makeup skills  that can make a HUGE difference

That's awful! Making someone wait that long is totally cruel!  I heard that transpeople were treated badly in the UK but I didn't know if I should believe it or not. I guess its true. Is there like anything else you can do? I know you guys have that social medicine there but could you like maybe see a Dr. Privately?   I'm so sorry you are having to go through that. It's BS!

Big hugs
Julia

The wait is due to the sudden demands on the system and lack of budget, the whole NHS is under pressure . Social care is a mess . Yes private can be done but only if you have the money ( Sara and myself do not) so its the long haul. Also they want you to do 2 years of RLE before treatment, mine starts in November ready or not.

Hey Sara,

  Thank you for starting this thread. It can and will help you get through these difficult times if you let it. The way I read it so you and Davina are about it the same boat with the wait and other thing there across the pond. You two can commiserate together and I am sure there are more of you over there dealing with similar issues. The point is you are not alone.
   Kathy, Kendra and Julia have all had to face their own set of problems just as we all have. Their are more out there that want to help too. I sure don't think I am passable but with a wig, some makeup, nightly repair cream and hrt my face is better than I believed it was and as Davina says what should it matter that someone doesn't thing your the best looking woman? Look at all the differences in the faces of cis women, few are beauty queens and most think they don't look like they wish they could. Pretty or not so pretty they are all women as are we that are trans women regardless of our looks. Who you are is in your mind girl. Put your head on straight. You are Sara.
  Keep this thread going and let others help you girl.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Laurie, yes you are passable. Your avatar picture looks very good and that's a good wig. It looks good on you. I can tell its a wig only because I cut hair but I doubt people in general can. We ARE all really too hard on ourselves!

The delays and requirement to start RLE before HRT do make transition under the NHS tough in the UK. On the flip-side,  when we get there,  we get HRT,  (some)  hair removal,  and GRS funded by the state.
I'm now 7 weeks into my RLE,  still waiting on the letter from the clinic to start HRT,  but it has given me the chance to understand the very positive benefits of living authentically without wondering if it's just the effects of HRT. Confidence is everything,  hang on in there ladies, you're all gorgeous! X

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Quote from: meganjames2 on June 14, 2017, 05:29:10 PM
The delays and requirement to start RLE before HRT do make transition under the NHS tough in the UK. On the flip-side,  when we get there,  we get HRT,  (some)  hair removal,  and GRS funded by the state.
I'm now 7 weeks into my RLE,  still waiting on the letter from the clinic to start HRT,  but it has given me the chance to understand the very positive benefits of living authentically without wondering if it's just the effects of HRT. Confidence is everything,  hang on in there ladies, you're all gorgeous! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

I Know the wait is tough. Here in Australia where I am the wait is 18 months just to see the Psych and then you may have to do a couple of session spaced 3 months apart before getting the go ahead for HRT. So I understand you frustration. What is worse, is that we get nothing in the way of financial assistance. No help at all.

I don't feel particularly passable either but there is nothing I can do about it anymore. HRT will have to be enough...I don't bother asking about passing anymore, if I do or I don't changes nothing, even if on the rare occasion I do "pass" (and it does happen occasionally) then great but I do not expect it. I do however expect to be treated with respect, just like everyone else and on the whole I am...I dress and present myself appropriately for a 50ish woman so there is no ambiguity about who I am.

There are many things you can do before HRT...if you are able to have hair removal then I would get on to it ASAP, I have had 5 voice lessons and that is enough to give me the basics of a voice(still require plenty of practice and work on It) and it is possibly the one thing that has made the biggest difference in the way I am treated and how people react to me...they look at me, think they have it sussed and then I speak and they usually decide I am female.

The waiting sucks bigtime but if you use it to prep, it may in the end, speed your overall transition.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 14, 2017, 05:13:18 PM
Laurie, yes you are passable. Your avatar picture looks very good and that's a good wig. It looks good on you. I can tell its a wig only because I cut hair but I doubt people in general can. We ARE all really too hard on ourselves!

  Thanks Julia,
     Do you not see that huge adam's apple on my neck? It is a dead giveaway. I hate is and a few other less visible things.  We all have our issues. I hope to find somewhere to get help buying a decent wig. That one is a Paula's Wigs special. lol I have 4 and 2 were under twenty dollars. One of those I like but others tell me this one looks good on me.

Hugs,
    Laurie

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 14, 2017, 04:43:41 PM
That's awful! Making someone wait that long is totally cruel!  I heard that transpeople were treated badly in the UK but I didn't know if I should believe it or not. I guess its true. Is there like anything else you can do? I know you guys have that social medicine there but could you like maybe see a Dr. Privately?   I'm so sorry you are having to go through that. It's BS!

Big hugs
Julia

2 years for HRT? No. I have a letter from the NHS saying I have to wait two years - at least - to even see a gender therapist. And as more and more trans people are entering the system, 2 years really is lowballing the number. It could easily turn into 3. And I hear after that you have to wait some 8 months for a second appointment.

Which basically just means we have to do this ourselves. Without their non help.

I know I will never become a beauty Queen but it would be nice to walk down the street without having my head kicked in "am I being too hard on myself?" Sara

Quote from: coldHeart on June 15, 2017, 03:26:53 AM
I know I will never become a beauty Queen but it would be nice to walk down the street without having my head kicked in "am I being too hard on myself?" Sara

Sara,
   I am so glad you took this positive step of writing this thread. I see it as you reaching out and not turning inward. That is a victory. You are fighting against the circumstances you find yourself in now. I know that is hard, so hard. I hope you don't battle yourself as well. Giving up is no answer. Look at the people on here cheering for you. I have thoroughly enjoyed talking to you myself. You have a great sense of humor, I know from experience. People here like you, and I hope you will listen to the positive things offered. I think it might not be a bad idea to seek help for depression in order to get back on track. Is that possible? Is there any down side to asking?
   I was not sure if that was your picture. I didn't want to assume that. I know you said you had long hair. I also have a suspicion that you are like every other trans person in that you are your worst critic as far as judging your own look.
   I do believe we made a pact to do something together that might make the world a better place. You know that talk we had about making Laurie miserable, driving her crazy (er). Remember? Don't  leave me hanging Girl!
   With love,
Moni

Quote from: coldHeart on June 15, 2017, 03:26:53 AM
I know I will never become a beauty Queen but it would be nice to walk down the street without having my head kicked in "am I being too hard on myself?" Sara

Hi Sara,

  That's is a very valid concern. In getting ready for this road trip that very thought ran (and has since) through my mind as I intend to be en femme for days at a times while traveling. It is not without fear that I contemplate gas, food, and bathroom stops. I have gotten gas before at self serve stations and only once had to pay an attendant while dress up. Buying food and using a restroom is a whole other thing. On my earlier crossdressing travel I didn't buy food and found out of the way convenient bushes to do my business. I doubt that will fly this trip. *sigh*
  So yes I hope nothing untoward happens while I'm out and about.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

  Careful Monica or whoever you are. I'm coming for you soon....

Sara,  I'm not sure where you are in the UK,  and I'm sure it'll happen,  but I've not yet had any negative experiences. I live in Herts/Beds,  and the reality is most people simply don't care 😊. I'm 5'11" in flats and 20lbs too heavy. Everyone is courteous and polite. It took me time to build up my confidence,  but you can do it! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Yes as been painting my nails for 6 weeks or so and no bad comments, even had a compliment from a man, ok a few double takes as it throws folks a 60+ bald bloke with ear studs and painted nails and I don't go for pale shades either, have gone out with rings on as well as stretch ladies jeans and top and no comments or odd looks . Personally I think you need to go out in Sara  mode , stealth or other wise and see what occurs (bit of Gavin and Stacy , well you is in Wales ) Are you in a town/city or country ,nice or "rough" area with your comment of "being beaten up" . I know I will offend some one , religious view or just yob and have come to realize unless you are Trans no one will understand, they may say so but they never really get it, how can anyone .its like someone with 2 legs saying to some one with an artificial leg "I know what its like" as no way they will.   

I'm not sure you're anything like me but I suspect so.  I got to the point where I just couldn't keep up the false pretense of being a man in society anymore.   At this point I basically adopted Davina's attitude:

Quote from: davina61 on June 14, 2017, 03:23:41 PM
maybe as I am an old fart and have stopped worrying about what others think.

I lived RLE for 6 months before I even started HRT.   Looking back and examining it all in the light of my current situation I realize now that my dysphoria is more social than physical (although HRT made me realize that there is also a physical aspect to it).  I need to live socially as a woman and present female to everybody and his brother.  The pain of living a double life is more than I can bear.  So I just let the chips fall where they may.

I've still got over a years wait for the gender clinic but have been living full time mostly for a few months, baring a few little hiccups.
I live on a typical council estate, but so far nobody's said a word. I mean one of my neighbours now calls me "ducky", but other than that the only issues I've had have been between my ears and dysphoria. Luckily I haven't started to "quack" yet  ;D

I have one rule and that is to be gentle with myself and do things at my own pace. If I need a break from gender issues then I shall try to have that break, or at least dial things back a bit until i'm ready to take on the world again. I know this isn't going to go away, but I also don't want to be the one beating myself up if things don't go to plan or I struggle over some issues.
We're only human, not transition machines. So a little victory here, an acknowledgement there and who knows where I'll be in 14 or so months when my appointment eventually comes through. Hopefully I'll at least done a bit of the ground work and feel a little more comfy and confident in my own skin.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 15, 2017, 01:19:03 PM
Sara,  I'm not sure where you are in the UK,  and I'm sure it'll happen,  but I've not yet had any negative experiences. I live in Herts/Beds,  and the reality is most people simply don't care 😊. I'm 5'11" in flats and 20lbs too heavy. Everyone is courteous and polite. It took me time to build up my confidence,  but you can do it! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

I,m in a very small village population 12 " that's including the hand full of sheep, I,ve only been here six months & I,ve raised a few eyebrows over my hair but really no ones bothered but have had problems in my last home so am I just being overly cautious! The only time I,ve gone out side as Sara is at night but when I,m not really too depressed I make the effort to slap on some make up & present my self as the real me ( spend ages trying to look nice then realize I need to go outside so it all comes off again) SIGH I thing I need a kick up the backside to get out in day light but its easier said that done.

Quote from: Shy on June 15, 2017, 05:32:32 PM


I have one rule and that is to be gentle with myself and do things at my own pace. If I need a break from gender issues then I shall try to have that break, or at least dial things back a bit until i'm ready to take on the world again. I know this isn't going to go away, but I also don't want to be the one beating myself up if things don't go to plan or I struggle over some issues.
We're only human, not transition machines. So a little victory here, an acknowledgement there and who knows where I'll be in 14 or so months when my appointment eventually comes through. Hopefully I'll at least done a bit of the ground work and feel a little more comfy and confident in my own skin.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

This is extremely good advice.
Moni

Quote from: coldHeart on June 15, 2017, 06:01:22 PM
I,m in a very small village population 12 " that's including the hand full of sheep, I,ve only been here six months & I,ve raised a few eyebrows over my hair but really no ones bothered but have had problems in my last home so am I just being overly cautious! The only time I,ve gone out side as Sara is at night but when I,m not really too depressed I make the effort to slap on some make up & present my self as the real me ( spend ages trying to look nice then realize I need to go outside so it all comes off again) SIGH I thing I need a kick up the backside to get out in day light but its easier said that done.

  Hi Sara,

  I was only a short time ago that I went out in daylight. I know just what you mean as most of my outside crossdressing was done at night in the safety of my car. It has only been since I came to Susan's that I went out at night and into a store dressed up. Ask anyone how long that has been or do you remember? Then if you will remember I went to a therapy session and then a bit of partial femaleness around my apartments and to the facial torture. Next thing I know I'm spending a weekend and walking in a Pride parade!  Now I'm getting ready to at least drive to Colorado springs dressed.
   Baby steps Sara. That how you do it , baby steps.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Thing is I know it takes time to go through transitioning some people's take years but I am too so tied & deeply unhappy I don't know if I can wait that long but nether do I have the courage to do anything about it, I know this will upset people but it would be easier if I was dead, I have no friend no family I know I have a few friends on here but if something happened you would never remember my name after a few months, it makes matters worse that I live next to a school so I have to go through the heartache of seeing all the pretty mums ever day. Sara 😥😥

Sweetie, I am not judging you here. I haven't walked in your shoes. I can't say I would feel any different than you if I did. The thing is, as a person who is not in the place that you are, I see a few things. If you read your last post, look at the energy you are putting into negative thoughts. It seems like a lot. Now I am not saying it is easy to change that, but I hope you will start aiming for more positive thoughts. Even if it takes some help to get there, that is okay. It was awesome that you started this thread. I am convinced that when you are as low as you seem, that you have to force yourself to go through the motions of taking positive steps. Even if you don't feel it right away, you will find yourself in a better place. You then build from there. I am reaching across you ocean giving you a giant hug right now. You have to convince yourself at some point that good things are possible and you gotta reach for them.
All my LOVE,
Moni

positive thoughts give positive results, look for the little things like Oh GOD I look killer in this dress(cant see my face when I stand in front of dressing table mirror) so I am a glass 1/2 full girl (preferably red wine) but when things look down I always fine stuff works out fine.

I,m really sorry if I,ve upset or annoyed any one with my post, your all probably fed up of my ranting on. Sara

Sara, nobody is upset or annoyed - we deeply care about you.  And I can easily see many, many positive things about you.

Second Kendra's message,  rant away! 😀.

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When my wife took me back to the UK for a working holiday we ended up in a village very similar to what you describe you live in. I can imagine how difficult that can be at times for you. Being fed up and unhappy would seems perfectly sensible response if where you live is anything like where I spent a very cold, boring and isolated winter...so yeah I think I would be having the odd rant or two as well .  :D

Quote from: coldHeart on June 16, 2017, 06:38:03 PM
I,m really sorry if I,ve upset or annoyed any one with my post, your all probably fed up of my ranting on. Sara

Oh Sara, please don't take what I said that way. I just want you to feel better. If I spoke too forcefully, I'm sorry. We all care about you.
Moni

Yes we are all trying to help in our own ways, watching Pitch Battle at the moment and looking at all the girl singers body shapes, heights, faces its the whole spectrum , big noses heavy eye brows strong chins its all there.

Quote from: HappyMoni on June 17, 2017, 01:11:00 PM
Oh Sara, please don't take what I said that way. I just want you to feel better. If I spoke too forcefully, I'm sorry. We all care about you.
Moni

Moni of course you haven't upset me its just me feeling bad for ranting on how bad things are for me when its bad for every one at times. Sara

Quote from: coldHeart on June 17, 2017, 04:38:43 PM
Moni of course you haven't upset me its just me feeling bad for ranting on how bad things are for me when its bad for every one at times. Sara

It's not that bad for everybody. When you first are coming to terms with yourself,  it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. After you make up your mind to tell the world what to do with it's self and become yourself, you become free for the first time in a long time. It's a difficult task to break free of what is holding you back but after you do, you always wonder why you didn't do it sooner.