Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

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Yeah I suppose times I see people look at me, male or female, and I wonder what do you see, or what do you think you see.
I would need alot of nerve to ask though lol

I want to hire someone to follow me around and survey the people that see me or that I interact with 😁

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Quote from: meganjames2 on June 19, 2017, 02:23:55 PM
I want to hire someone to follow me around and survey the people that see me or that I interact with 😁

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That would be a good way of not looking like a dud alright,  might do it hahaha
No but in all seriousness I would love to know.

In one book I read a Trans woman had a friend follow along behind her at a discreet distance video the interaction she had then what happened when people didn't think she could see or hear them...I don't know if I would be brave enough to do it...It think it would be so easy to misinterpret what some peoples reactions were...interesting idea though.

I wonder that a lot. People have always stared at me. But now I don't know if they are calling me out as trans or just staring cause Im albino. I would love to know but I would never have the nerve to like ask someone.

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 19, 2017, 12:55:33 PM
So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT, 

Hi Megan,

I know you're comfortable with the RLE without HRT, but I have to say this reminds me so much of 1980s style treatment.  To me it sounds barbaric.

Take care,
Paige :)

Quote from: Paige on June 19, 2017, 09:50:20 PM
Hi Megan,

I know you're comfortable with the RLE without HRT, but I have to say this reminds me so much of 1980s style treatment.  To me it sounds barbaric.

Take care,
Paige :)

I think she is from england and that is the way they do it there ya it sucks

Ye,  I'm not sure 'comfortable'  is the word haha 😂

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Quote from: Member061817 on June 20, 2017, 06:47:14 AM
maybe some look at you simply because you are so beautiful that they forget for a moment that it is impolite to stare even then.  I wish I knew the right thing to say to convey support without inadvertently just making matters worse, but I hope you get my intent.  At least know that I read your posts and relate to how you feel ... really.  I can't know what your experience is like, but I sure do understand what it is like to have more than being trans to cope with too.

Thank you. I'm trying to just ignore people staring and a lot of the time it doesn't bother me too much. But then I have days I feel especially ugly and then it does. If I wear a lot of eye makeup and my tinted contact lenses I look more normal, just very pale. But I don't do all that if I'm just going to like Walmart or the grocery store. No one likes being stared at but for trans  people its a lot more unnerving. I guess I could start doing what my brother does. If he notices someone really staring at me he will pull out his phone and say " give me your number and I can text you a picture of her. Then you won't have to stare so hard"  That usually really embarrasses the person,

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 19, 2017, 12:55:33 PM
So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

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OMG, I can relate to this! When I first went full time that's about all I thought about when I went out. Yes I always wanted to ask people what they were thinking. One time I was in line for a cashier, I was standing back a ways and the next cashier said mam I can help you over here. When I got up to her she said sorry sir. I told her no need to apologize. I then asked her what gave me away? She just kept apologizing, I could not get her to tell me what gave me away.

I think it was around 6 months full time that I just didn't care what people thought anymore. It does get better and easier, just give it some time.

Well I'm very glad it's not just me that's curious! Some interesting experiences and ideas.

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Quote from: meganjames2 on June 19, 2017, 12:55:33 PM
So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

You could say something like:
"I love that top!  It looks so great on you!  By the way, I know this may seem weird, and I feel sooo awkward for saying this, but I just have to ask, 'did you know that I'm transgender?'  Oh really?  What made you think that way?  Oh, I think I understand.  You see, I'm still fairly early in my gender transition, and I'm learning as much as I can and figuring things out as I go.  Your opinion has been so helpful to me.  Thank you!"

When you are honest with people, and genuinely ask for their help from a point of vulnerability, they will very frequently be glad to assist you.

Megan,
   Most of the people at my work knew my previous self. The new people, well, I'm never sure how much they know and I am sometimes tempted to ask. The thing is, they never misgender me like even some of my biggest allies sometimes accidentally do. So if I satisfy my curiosity, I run the risk of blowing a good thing. I finally decided that at some point I will not desire to ask that question any more. Maybe too, it is good to keep at least the possibility that one passes in one's head.
Moni

Echo - I agree,  and in another situation I might,  but I'm still very aware than in a location like a women's dressing area,  others there might feel more vulnerable than elsewhere.
Moni, I'm in the same situation,  most of my colleagues innocently dead-name or mis-gender me on occasion.
I'm one of the most curious people I know,  and I'll be fine,  it just drives me bonkers! Haha

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