Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I had an interesting moment yesterday.  First off, I had my electrolysis consult yesterday and the practitioner is amazing!  I felt comfortable from moment one, and she made sure to let me know she has worked with women pre/during/and post transition, a note that assured me she has experience with hair removal for people like me :)

Anyway, I didn't wear any makeup after, and had faint stubble after shaving the day before.  My hair was a little wild and I was dressed ambiguously, but went to the mall to go dress shopping anyway.  I had zero qualms about trying things on and asking questions at different stores, and got zero negative response (at least that I was aware of).  But I wasn't sure about bathroom use.  Usually, I use the women's room if I'm dressed femme-ish and am wearing makeup, and the men's if I'm in "guy" mode.  Luckily, there were Family Bathrooms at the mall, so I didn't even have to worry about the public issue.

But then at a Target later, I instinctively used the men's bathroom "just in case."  As I was exiting, a guy was coming in and suddenly got confused, saying "oh! I thought this was.." and I just smiled and walked past.  I realized that he saw me and thought he'd gone into the wrong bathroom.

At what point did you start solely using the bathroom of your proper gender?  I know the answers will vary, so I welcome any version.  My chest isn't terribly developed, but my nipples are pointier and there is definitely a jiggle to them already.  But I've been so used to "feeling like I look like" a woman when in makeup and everything, and am so not used to being thought of as one when in what I deem to be male mode.

Wow that must have been an extremely validating experience!

I was in Provincetown last weekend for the entire day so several bathroom visits were called for.  I used the public ladies room twice with no issues at all. Later I came back and a ferry had just landed. There were fifteen or twenty women lined up outside. I  went in the men's. The attendant looked like he was going to say something, but I just said hi and went right past him. On the way out I said "Lady at the urinal, it doesn't get any better than that!" He gave me a huge smile and said "No, it doesn't!"

By the way, the men's was much cleaner than the ladies room.

Hugs, Devlyn

For me there's a clear distinction when I'm in a guy mode or a fem mode... if in a skirt - go where a skirt is pictured. Although once I went to men's bathroom wearing a skirt (just to see for myself if there'd be any trouble, not to skip a long line; and my stubble on the face was really bad - I was on a road trip...)

In more recent times. I was out for breakfast with the family on Sunday and i wanted to use the bathroom but was hesitant. By no means was I going to use the mans bathroom but i was hoping the ladies bathroom would be empty due to my insecurites. Well, as i was wasting time by looking at the bulliten boards in the hallway for people looking to sell tracters and stuff I had two females look puzzled and asked ''Is the bathroom full'' and ''Are you in line waiting''... to which i said no. That was an indication that i was seen as a woman :D!!! and it felt great and real. But still, not a single male asked that same question so it was clear I would have had more people look at me odd if i somehow decided to use a mans bathroom then the females... I walked in did did my thing and walked out. It was releieivng to have that insecurity melt. But generally yes, i always use the females now. Havent used a male bathroom in months.

Quote from: elkie-t on June 27, 2017, 11:43:08 AM
For me there's a clear distinction when I'm in a guy mode or a fem mode... if in a skirt - go where a skirt is pictured. Although once I went to men's bathroom wearing a skirt (just to see for myself if there'd be any trouble, not to skip a long line; and my stubble on the face was really bad - I was on a road trip...)

I'm non-binary,  it's not a clearcut case of male or female for me. Besides, it's P-town, those biases don't exist there.  :)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20160711_185917_zpsocjqhcgs.jpg&hash=25593733b35701da43ec1bbb931b8ff98440d70e)

Hugs, Devlyn

I was at the sink washing my hands when a guy walked in, saw me, turned around and walked back out to look at the sign on the door. After the 2nd time that happened I never went back to the men's room.

...wow... I'd be over the moon if something like that were to ever happen to me! Just... wow!

I'm in a bit of a bind atm, where the stubble from leaving hairs for my electrologist to zap appear too long to make the lady's room much of an option. However, I'm out at work, and all my IDs show the new name and gender marker, so going into a men's room would be awkward socially, as well as personally. In short, I only use the women's room now, but there are certain circumstances where I'm outside, and still have to just hold it.

The breaking moment was when I was at a movie with my girlfriend. She went to the restroom before the movie started, but there was a line so I tried to hold it. Couldn't. Couldn't focus on the movie, couldn't think. HAD to go.

So I left the movie in the middle, which I never do. I walked outside, and turned to the lady's room. My girlfriend wasn't with me... I saw some girls go in, and saw it full of people inside. I turned to go back in to the movie, and realized I was going to have an accident if I didn't go. So I prepared for embarrassment and started toward the men's room. I got a few steps toward it, saw the sign, saw the men going in, and just... couldn't make myself do it.

I turned around, took a deep breath, and went into the women's room. The fates for a rare change smiled on me, and the first stall was open. I went in, sat, shaking, and did my business. Then I got up, washed my hands, head down, and left. When I got back to my seat my heart was pounding, kind of like a panic attack but more exultant.

And overall, that was it. There are still moments where I won't go, or will wait, or feel various levels of anxiety for various reasons. But that was the last time I seriously thought of sharing a bathroom with men. It kind of broke the worst of the fear.

I've been exclusively using the ladies room since i came out as a trans woman, regardless of dress, makeup etc. It made me nervous, very nervous at first but i knew it was my right and felt equipped to deal with whatever consequences would come my way.

I've never had anything other than a few puzzled looks or one or two scowls. Indeed, i have had way more pleasant interactions with ladies at the sink that those.

Quote from: RobynD on June 27, 2017, 01:24:27 PM
I've been exclusively using the ladies room since i came out as a trans woman, regardless of dress, makeup etc. It made me nervous, very nervous at first but i knew it was my right and felt equipped to deal with whatever consequences would come my way.

I've never had anything other than a few puzzled looks or one or two scowls. Indeed, i have had way more pleasant interactions with ladies at the sink that those.

This pretty much sums up my experience as well.  Especially the nervousness early on. 

Miss ds1987, if anyone was to confuse you for a dude - they would be both blind and confused.  Girl, you have only just begun and one day soon I would love to see you on the runway.  Rock on!

JB

Quote from: SaintAlia on June 27, 2017, 01:14:01 PM

The breaking moment was when I was at a movie with my girlfriend. She went to the restroom before the movie started, but there was a line so I tried to hold it. Couldn't. Couldn't focus on the movie, couldn't think. HAD to go.

I had been going out consistent in girl mode for only a few months when this happened to me. Normally I would wait till I got home because I was still very anxious about passing (particularly my face) but here I was at the movies  couldn't hold it any longer and wasn't going to use the men's in a clearly fem outfit so I forced myself to go into the women's and basically haven't looked back.

I still get nervous if I have to use them and I don't have makeup on but I'm working on that.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My first time using the ladies' room was at a truck stop on the way home from a support group meeting.  I wasn't going to make it all the way home without stopping, and there was no way I could go into the men's room dressed en femme.

While I was part-time, I actually had to stop and do a presentation check before using a public washroom.  Hmm, let's see: guy clothes today, so men's room.  Once I started on HRT, I'd wear a compression sports bra in male mode and a padded bra in female mode to improve the optics.

Now that I am full-time, it is ladies' rooms only.  Pre-electrolysis stubble or not, I am not going into a men's room at all.  I don't have to apologize to anyone for my appearance.  I am not the first unfortunate upper-middle-age woman to need electrolysis on my face, so folks will just have to deal with it.  I have had no issues.

Quote from: KathyLauren on June 27, 2017, 03:42:41 PM
My first time using the ladies' room was at a truck stop on the way home from a support group meeting.  I wasn't going to make it all the way home without stopping, and there was no way I could go into the men's room dressed en femme.

I've stopped on the side of the road and used a cup if there are no bathrooms in sight...I'd probably have done that here  :D

Quote from: KathyLauren on June 27, 2017, 03:42:41 PM
While I was part-time, I actually had to stop and do a presentation check before using a public washroom.  Hmm, let's see: guy clothes today, so men's room.  Once I started on HRT, I'd wear a compression sports bra in male mode and a padded bra in female mode to improve the optics.

I was pretty multigender yesterday, wearing women's clothes, and a little cleavage (I have leftover pecs that really help create the effect of cleavage, despite the tiny bits I have so far).

Quote from: KathyLauren on June 27, 2017, 03:42:41 PM
Now that I am full-time, it is ladies' rooms only.  Pre-electrolysis stubble or not, I am not going into a men's room at all.  I don't have to apologize to anyone for my appearance.  I am not the first unfortunate upper-middle-age woman to need electrolysis on my face, so folks will just have to deal with it.  I have had no issues.

I LOVE THIS so much.  I had never thought of it as apologizing, but you are absolutely right.  Between your post, and what RobynD said, I'm deciding to turn away from the men's from this point forward...with *little* future hesitation lol

I started using the ladies room when I went full time. I've never had a problem. I did use to get looks sometimes when I would use the boys bathroom before I was full time.