Susan's Place Transgender Resources

There is this guy (I know what you are thinking lol), and he was really into me about 6 months ago, taking me to lunch/movie theaters/we saw Suicide Squad together twice. I bought him a Harley Quinn figure *to get the hint*. He gave me two books. Religious guy, but he told me he doesn't know why no woman likes him in that way (he's a prize my eyes). He gave me his number.

We separated due to work, states far apart.

I sent him a text, this is 6 months since then, and he called me immediately when he receive that text. At that time, I didn't tell him my feelings because I don't want to be known like that. But now, it doesn't matter... cause I'll never see him again if I wanted too.

He wants me to go to the country he is at, to be with him. He also offer to have me live with him too (in a few years from now). We work for the same company, so theoretically it wouldn't be THAT hard to make it happen.

I want to tell him I like him a lot, but I don't if he'll be okay with it *50/50 gut feeling*.... in way I know this couldn't ruin me at least, it would cut to the point.

Honesty is the best policy, especially if you are going to another country to live with him. If you tell him later and it doesn't work out, it could have bad effects on your careers and personal lives. Maybe one of you can visit the other beforehand and deliver the news then. It would be better done in person , imo, if he's that serious.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes, let him know. He'll either disappear for good or stay for life


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I would tell him as if you are starting  a  new life with him ya I think he deserves  to know

Definitely yes. Be honest, he deserves it, you deserve it.

It depends.  You can do it now and get it out of the way. Or live with thinking the question to yourself 'Should I tell him I'm transgender?' in your internal dialog every time you're with him.  It won't go away.

Also, if you do tell him then there will be at least one person in your company where you work who knows the truth.

Quote from: Jane Emily on June 28, 2017, 11:57:10 AM
It depends.  You can do it now and get it out of the way. Or live with thinking the question to yourself 'Should I tell him I'm transgender?' in your internal dialog every time you're with him.

I think he'd find out sooner or later. Then feel lied to. If Wild Flower is pre op, then it's unavoidable!

And finding out that way has lead to violence. [emoji53]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: RavenMoon on June 28, 2017, 12:41:12 PM
I think he'd find out sooner or later. Then feel lied to. If Wild Flower is pre op, then it's unavoidable!

And finding out that way has lead to violence. [emoji53]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Good point, sadly that does happen

Quote from: Wild Flower on June 28, 2017, 08:10:47 AM
He wants me to go to the country he is at, to be with him.

Aren't you still presenting as male? Doesn't he just think you are gay?
Would he still be interested in you as a female?

Also...
Can you legally live and work in that country?
Can you continue your transition there?
What are you going to do if it doesn't work out with him?

Quote from: KarynMcD on June 28, 2017, 02:52:57 PM
What are you going to do if it doesn't work out with him?

Yep... I'd never do that for someone I hardly knew.  Bad idea.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: KarynMcD on June 28, 2017, 02:52:57 PM
Aren't you still presenting as male? Doesn't he just think you are gay?
Would he still be interested in you as a female?

Also...
Can you legally live and work in that country?
Can you continue your transition there?
What are you going to do if it doesn't work out with him?

He has to think I'm gay... but I honestly don't know what goes on in his head. But he is attractive to women (and me? supposedly). The only reason why I think he's into me is because he wants me to live with him, why else??? He doesn't claim he is gay... but it sure looks like it. (cause I present myself as a guy until leave my job here)

I can work in that country, I can get my company to transfer me over there. I can continue everything like normal. If it doesn't work out, I'll just enjoy the country while I am there and my job.

I will tell him if he suggest me again to live with him.  I have good insurance where they would even pay for gender reassignment surgery.

Quote from: RavenMoon on June 28, 2017, 04:28:23 PM
Yep... I'd never do that for someone I hardly knew.  Bad idea.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My desperation for marriage is very strong.... but only if he will love me then I will go.

I would even transition because I will feel comfortable then.

Quote from: Wild Flower on June 28, 2017, 07:52:32 PM
My desperation for marriage is very strong.... but only if he will love me then I will go.

I would even transition because I will feel comfortable then.

Not a good idea. I was married for 10 years to someone I knew very well. And it still didn't work out.

You can't force someone you hardly know to love you. You can't force stuff like this. Don't be desperate. Wait for the right person.

I've been single since my divorce in 2011. And I'm just fine.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Tell him. He already knows about part of you. Telling him may increase relations between you and him, unless he is strictly gay. If he is strictly gay, then you deserve someone willing to be with you as a woman. Of course, trying to stay in male made to be with a guy will only increase your dysphoria, and make you miserable.

It can be tough , but honesty is the best path, b ecause jf your not honest it will just come back to haunt you.

I decided I will tell him everything in one text message. I'll sent it in about 5-10 minutes. If he declines, I will move on. If he's fine, then we might have something.

I can't keep thinking about him, I need him to go away or come back.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on June 28, 2017, 09:24:29 PM
Tell him. He already knows about part of you. Telling him may increase relations between you and him, unless he is strictly gay. If he is strictly gay, then you deserve someone willing to be with you as a woman. Of course, trying to stay in male made to be with a guy will only increase your dysphoria, and make you miserable.

He confuses me. He's straight = into women lol.

Quote from: Wild Flower on June 28, 2017, 09:56:02 PM
I decided I will tell him everything in one text message. I'll sent it in about 5-10 minutes. If he declines, I will move on. If he's fine, then we might have something.

I can't keep thinking about him, I need him to go away or come back.

So how did it go?

He did not respond yet. I'll give it a week of time, and then I'll forget about the whole thing lol.

OKAY HE FINALLY MESSAGE ME: He said "o". Then he ask me about 4th July. Then he apologize for not messaging because of work and everything. Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

BUT HE BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HARDCORE!!!! I don't know if he's okay with his sexual orientation, but he beat around the bush.....

I'm so distress about this. He didn't say he love me too, just word. Like wth. Eghhh.  Like this is the first time I told a person (in real life; not from internet) my true feelings about them.

It's a yes or no, no maybe.

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UbH_lRVoQG8/hqdefault.jpg)

I don't understand. You are fretting over a guy you barely know who asked you to move in with him 6 months ago. What? Am I missing something? You told him you loved him and he replied "word"? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I don't mean this to be rude, but you do sound desperate at the moment. This situation would have raised reds flags from the start. He is moving too quickly. That could be even dangerous for you.

The right person will come along. But until you keep deluding yourself, you'll miss actual opportunities to meet someone you really like.

Him being that non committal after asking you to move to another COUNTRY with him gives me some pretty big red flags. Jmo.

Quote from: Wild Flower on July 02, 2017, 11:51:41 AMHe said "o". <snip> Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

No, it doesn't.

Quotebut he beat around the bush.....

That what guys do.

He's trying to be polite, get off the topic and get back to being just friends.

Quote from: Wild Flower on July 02, 2017, 11:51:41 AM
OKAY HE FINALLY MESSAGE ME: He said "o". Then he ask me about 4th July. Then he apologize for not messaging because of work and everything. Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

BUT HE BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HARDCORE!!!! I don't know if he's okay with his sexual orientation, but he beat around the bush.....

Judging from what you have told us here i would advise you to back away a bit and if he wants you then he will let you know.

Wild Flower
You are getting some very cogent advice from several people who have been down the road you are considering going down.  While we all get over our skies when it comes to relationships, you are at a beginning and as others have suggested there are too many red flags to make the leap.
So little sis, how about you back off(as painful as it may be).  Wait on his communication and just keep it friendly like it was before.  If he is interested in a different relationship he will be much more explicit than "word".  All his responses, in my interpretations, is he is not as interested or is very confused.  Neither situation is good for you. 
AND IF he actually makes a clearer interest, then you start a long serious, in-depth heart-to-heart chat about your TG-ness.  And make him do the talking.  You know his gender.  He does not know yours and if their is any confusion it will come back to hurt you much worse than anything at this point.  And we don't want our cute little sister hurt.  While we may be Momma bears, there not much we can do to equalize in your real life.
So sweetie, why don't you work on you, build your real world tg friends, go to school.  In other words, be the best girl you can be and let him catch up with you.  And if he does not catch up, you have dodged that pain and become a better girl for it.

Thank you JulieOnHerWay,

These are the best responses I needed to hear right now. I never bare my soul to someone, but I like it. It gets to the point. I'll do THAT more often.

And all you are right. He told me late last night, "I'm attracted to girls, sorry but a lot of people think I'm gay because of how I act".... he wanted me to live with him as a friend the whole time.... I told him I love him, and I'm transgender.

He just really like me as a friend all this time. I feel like Scarlet O'Hara after she realizes that Ashley never loved her when her best friend was dying. Well, back to the drawing board... He really should not had ask me to live with him.... that's a romantic move not a platonic move. I think he is just stupid.

Get this, he still wants to talk to me tomorrow. I really don't want too. I'm kind of like, 'I'm sorry, I'll go on now'.

(https://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/535/326ee520-5671-0132-0b5c-0eae5eefacd9.gif?w=740&h=363&fit=max&auto=format)

Quote from: Aurorasky on July 02, 2017, 02:12:18 PM
I don't understand. You are fretting over a guy you barely know who asked you to move in with him 6 months ago. What? Am I missing something? You told him you loved him and he replied "word"? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I don't mean this to be rude, but you do sound desperate at the moment. This situation would have raised reds flags from the start. He is moving too quickly. That could be even dangerous for you.

The right person will come along. But until you keep deluding yourself, you'll miss actual opportunities to meet someone you really like.

He told me I was beautiful about two times. He took me to dinner and the movies multiple times. He also wanted to talk to me every day when I knew him. He always touch me, even my nose.

So that's why I thought he felt the same way.

But I was wrong.

You're clearly both too young to have learned how to communicate clearly and you, hon are a bit on the needy side. Let me put on my optimistic hat and give you some ideas.

Someone who cares for you and I'm guessing read you as feminine enough to be attracted could be a good relationship for you, whether that means a close friendship or romance.

So rather than just turning your back on it, I suggest you educate him that you're female, let yourself simply have a friend and be honest and open. You never know, that might just become the romantic relationship that you wanted, or it may not even b.ecomw a strong friendship but if you just walk away then it surely becomes nothing.

Meaningful relationship begins with really communicating the truth about yourself, and caring for the other person in the relationship for who they really are, not who you want them to be.

You sound crazy wild flower. You get hung up on guys who say words they would say to a friend. Word is basically a blowing off saying, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't understand why why ask "should I tell him I'm a transgender?" Your living as a guy so what difference it makes? If your living as male and looking male whether you say your trans he's not going to see you as a woman. Get over it and stop Overthinking harmless friendly gestures.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on July 03, 2017, 07:56:59 PM
You sound crazy wild flower. You get hung up on guys who say words they would say to a friend. Word is basically a blowing off saying, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't understand why why ask "should I tell him I'm a transgender?" Your living as a guy so what difference it makes? If your living as male and looking male whether you say your trans he's not going to see you as a woman. Get over it and stop Overthinking harmless friendly gestures.

I'm confused, I thought Wild Flower was already presenting as female.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Wild Flower on July 03, 2017, 04:53:16 AM
Thank you JulieOnHerWay,

These are the best responses I needed to hear right now. I never bare my soul to someone, but I like it. It gets to the point. I'll do THAT more often.

And all you are right. He told me late last night, "I'm attracted to girls, sorry but a lot of people think I'm gay because of how I act".... he wanted me to live with him as a friend the whole time.... I told him I love him, and I'm transgender.

He just really like me as a friend all this time. I feel like Scarlet O'Hara after she realizes that Ashley never loved her when her best friend was dying. Well, back to the drawing board... He really should not had ask me to live with him.... that's a romantic move not a platonic move. I think he is just stupid.

Get this, he still wants to talk to me tomorrow. I really don't want too. I'm kind of like, 'I'm sorry, I'll go on now'.

(https://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/535/326ee520-5671-0132-0b5c-0eae5eefacd9.gif?w=740&h=363&fit=max&auto=format)

Sweetheart
He need to grow up and you do too.  And it will only be a positive growth for both of you if you 2 do it separately.  There is a dissertation worth of disassembling, analysis and options from your open-heartedness.  But it would all boil down to: "Run Forrest, Run".
And to let you down a little easier.  Maybe one day after some living apart you two can find a place to be more like you want than he says he wants now.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 03, 2017, 10:31:55 PM
I'm confused, I thought Wild Flower was already presenting as female.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I haven't done it yet.... I'm doing it after I leave my job, because I want to be surrounded by complete new people.

Angélique LaCava,

Prozac is making me really numb right now... like it's at a "I don't give a F" at the highest level. I'm doing the things I would be way to scared to do, but it's like... NOW is the only time that matters. I would never done that otherwise... cause usually I would be just thinking/what ifs/and such.

You are completely right. I thought somehow someway he would understand, but I put him position he never was in.... I never met a heterosexual guy who did all that "call me beautiful, live with him, and he touch me too much"... (I don't consider that as friendly stuff, but flirting).

Oh, and I was 35% crazy this weekend. I sent a text to my friend that I use the Virgin Mary as a source of power (like wicca; ....he's Catholic though so whatever; he probably thought I was crazy). That's about it though.

I am ignoring him now, and then I delete him off my contacts after a month or two. (that way it's all irrelevant then).

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on July 03, 2017, 11:53:45 PM
Sweetheart
He need to grow up and you do too.  And it will only be a positive growth for both of you if you 2 do it separately.  There is a dissertation worth of disassembling, analysis and options from your open-heartedness.  But it would all boil down to: "Run Forrest, Run".
And to let you down a little easier.  Maybe one day after some living apart you two can find a place to be more like you want than he says he wants now.

I am not going to ever seek him out again. He told me how he felt now, so I got to forget about him. If I try anymore, I am desperate.... no, not going there. Plenty fish in the sea.

I wonder if he invited you to live with him in another country as a friend, and you told him you are transgender, is the offer to live with him still on the table? Would you want to have his friendly support through transition in another country? I'd cost of living or level of acceptance of transgender person is better there? Would you want to be able to date other people, yet still have a chance to maybe have something with this guy?

I believe, if the offer is still there, there might be a chance later on to get him interested in new you, and you have to date other guys, not pursue him, for it to materialize...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: elkie-t on July 05, 2017, 04:24:32 AM
I wonder if he invited you to live with him in another country as a friend, and you told him you are transgender, is the offer to live with him still on the table? Would you want to have his friendly support through transition in another country? I'd cost of living or level of acceptance of transgender person is better there? Would you want to be able to date other people, yet still have a chance to maybe have something with this guy?

I believe, if the offer is still there, there might be a chance later on to get him interested in new you, and you have to date other guys, not pursue him, for it to materialize...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hmm... I think it is there, but I don't want to talk to him anymore... to me none of that are friendly gestures. I wasn't best friends to be honest, we were just friends (my best friend is whole another topic). She even told me that he was weird (he was flirting a lot; touching my nose, hugging me, coming to me everyday... like NO. No straight guy that.). No it doesn't make difference if I live with him as far as transitioning.

I'm not angry, just embarrass right now.

I also take the blame, I needed to be upfront when he was relevant.

Lesson learn.

I have this community for support, and Second Life.