Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: ds1987 on June 29, 2017, 06:12:24 AM Return to Full Version
Title: This morning's vision
Post by: ds1987 on June 29, 2017, 06:12:24 AM
Post by: ds1987 on June 29, 2017, 06:12:24 AM
This is a little lengthy, but I wrote it as soon as the vision ended...and after I could see again through my tears
"I am Aria. I AM ARIA!
It's a few minute before 6am, and I've been awake for an hour. I have been hit with anxiety, freaking out about money and my future, feeling the same worthlessness that tries to poke itself in. I started to seriously second guess my transition.
After trying to make myself better, and asking my intuition if I am indeed a woman (which was actually an instant yes), I laid hands on myself and asked for peace. And then I asked to see my future. I was instantly transported to a waking dream, that lasted all of 20 seconds. The kind where you can make out faint images and hear sounds but KNOW that it isn't your imagination trying to create them.
First, I was in a kitchen getting breakfast ready in a typical hurried family house, kids at the table eating breakfast and adding noise, a person (unclear gender) coming in and kissing me goodbye on their way to work.
Next, I was in my bedroom getting ready, wearing business attire and finishing my lipstick.
Finally, I was walking through a corridor at a business, my heels clacking and people saying good morning. I arrived in a conference room and asked "so what do you have for us today?" And I was Aria. I couldn't see it too well, and a part of me almost wonders if I didn't force it...but the sounds were so real. Like I had tuned in to a different frequency, with a tv show entering my own thoughts.
I cry as I write this. I am filled with joy. Because I know that that is my life. Not in an alternate universe, or a theoretical future. But my life. It is coming.
So now, I work. Not only in transitioning, which is in and of itself a magnificent and overwhelming endeavor. But I work to become this woman. Professional. In charge. Successful. Debt free. A wife, a mother.
Today is another step closer. An aha moment. Here I come."
"I am Aria. I AM ARIA!
It's a few minute before 6am, and I've been awake for an hour. I have been hit with anxiety, freaking out about money and my future, feeling the same worthlessness that tries to poke itself in. I started to seriously second guess my transition.
After trying to make myself better, and asking my intuition if I am indeed a woman (which was actually an instant yes), I laid hands on myself and asked for peace. And then I asked to see my future. I was instantly transported to a waking dream, that lasted all of 20 seconds. The kind where you can make out faint images and hear sounds but KNOW that it isn't your imagination trying to create them.
First, I was in a kitchen getting breakfast ready in a typical hurried family house, kids at the table eating breakfast and adding noise, a person (unclear gender) coming in and kissing me goodbye on their way to work.
Next, I was in my bedroom getting ready, wearing business attire and finishing my lipstick.
Finally, I was walking through a corridor at a business, my heels clacking and people saying good morning. I arrived in a conference room and asked "so what do you have for us today?" And I was Aria. I couldn't see it too well, and a part of me almost wonders if I didn't force it...but the sounds were so real. Like I had tuned in to a different frequency, with a tv show entering my own thoughts.
I cry as I write this. I am filled with joy. Because I know that that is my life. Not in an alternate universe, or a theoretical future. But my life. It is coming.
So now, I work. Not only in transitioning, which is in and of itself a magnificent and overwhelming endeavor. But I work to become this woman. Professional. In charge. Successful. Debt free. A wife, a mother.
Today is another step closer. An aha moment. Here I come."