Susan's Place Transgender Resources

As I continue to process exactly what it means to be transgender and more specifically transsexual I wonder how much of me, and how I have lived my life, the dysphoria has affected.

I am wondering if anyone else may have kept socializing to a minimum, prefer not dealing with groups of people, make very few friends, basically just said no to a lot of things other folks say yes to, or so it seems. The older I got the harder it has become to put on a happy face for social functions. Mid thirties and older has been a bugger.

This has changed my family dynamics with my kids and wife and not for the better. Anyone else share these problems or am the only one?

Quote from: 2.B.Dana on June 30, 2017, 12:05:29 PM

I am wondering if anyone else may have kept socializing to a minimum, prefer not dealing with groups of people, make very few friends, basically just said no to a lot of things other folks say yes to, or so it seems. The older I got the harder it has become to put on a happy face for social functions. Mid thirties and older has been a bugger.

This has changed my family dynamics with my kids and wife and not for the better. Anyone else share these problems or am the only one?

Yes to all the above - you are certainly not the only one.  I think dysphoria - which I experienced as an existential feeling of something about me being wrong - can undermine every social interaction.  The lifting of dysphoria through HRT and transition has allowed me to be open to life, friendship, and to treat those who love me a whole lot better.

Absolutely. I had very few friends for most of my life, and pushed away a lot of people that may have become friends. I also gave up dating 19 years ago because I couldn't figure out just why I was so uncomfortable with it. It got worse & worse as the years rolled by, and even pushed away people who had been friends for years.
I had this horrible voice in my head telling me I didn't belong - that I just didn't fit into this world in any way. Now that I've accepted who & what I am, I'm feeling much more open, and am going to be attempting to contact some of those lost friends, and hopefully make some new ones!

Dana, I was just having this discussion with a friend the other day.  The more I continue working with my therapist, the more I'm realizing just how much of my life was controlled by the dysphoria. I did so many things to try to look and act masculine.  I behaved badly in some cases and destroyed friendships all because I was trying to be more of a man. I had a lot of anger that I took out on certain people (my oldest child has commented about this to me).  Really, everything I've done since I was 5 years old I feel has been shaped in some way by my dysphoria.

It was definitely the case for me, I feel as if I have stood still while all around me moved on with life, self-isolated and disconnected.

I got along with everyone, loved myself,  and felt accepted..until puberty, when I was ambushed by my changing body. I couldn't talk to anyone about it because my siblings were perfectly OK with their assigned genders.
Everyone else moved on with their lives but I was left fighting to keep up, trying to behave like a "girl," pretending to like boys romantically, when all I wanted was a pal.

Thanks to all of you for sharing this, it helps very much. Each day I become more secure in my plan for the future as it becomes clearer that I have to deal with this head on and not ignore it.

When I got home from work my wife was crying about a relative who was receiving birthday wishes on Facebook from literally around the world and my wife in tears said no one would even know she had died as she doesn't have friends and hasn't in a long time. I tried very hard not to react and she later came to me and said it wasn't anything to do with me and I told her about this post. It had something to do with me as I have made it a hard home to live in as the years went by.

Quote from: 2.B.Dana on June 30, 2017, 12:05:29 PM
As I continue to process exactly what it means to be transgender and more specifically transsexual I wonder how much of me, and how I have lived my life, the dysphoria has affected.

I am wondering if anyone else may have kept socializing to a minimum, prefer not dealing with groups of people, make very few friends, basically just said no to a lot of things other folks say yes to, or so it seems. The older I got the harder it has become to put on a happy face for social functions. Mid thirties and older has been a bugger.

This has changed my family dynamics with my kids and wife and not for the better. Anyone else share these problems or am the only one?

You're definitely not alone. I've been an extreme introvert most of my life, especially since puberty, hated groups of people, have had just a few friends, and said "no" to a lot of things just because I was scared or didn't feel comfortable. In the last few years, I have wanted more social contact, to be involved in more, but I still always felt like I was on the outside when I tried.

As soon as I started dressing and presenting as male, the change was kind of astounding. I was scared to so much as show up for a hair appointment on my own before, but my determination to make things happen has given me a lot of strength. Suddenly I didn't just want social contact because I felt alone; I actually wanted to go out and be seen as myself, as who I am, because I was beginning to feel comfortable with it for the first time. Even those scant few times presenting as female where I felt "pretty" I still didn't feel comfortable with myself, felt embarrassed by the attention. I felt more distant from myself the "nicer" I looked as female, the "nicer" others told me I looked. I appreciated the compliments, but it didn't feel real or right. I felt like I was hiding behind an appearance that wasn't my own, like I was getting away with something, fooling people into thinking I was something I wasn't. And for years I'd been scared that someone could see that I was "hiding a boy inside," and it took a long time for me to realize that the boy had the right to be seen, that he belonged there.

Now I'm going to be driving myself five hours away and back, on my own, for an informed consent HRT appointment. I've never driven myself farther than 30 minutes away before, and it was to get someone else somewhere they needed to go, not for myself. It's still terrifying, but I feel like I can do it.

Being able to be yourself, look like yourself, feel like yourself, does so much good. I didn't realize how much my depression and lack of confidence was related to gender dysphoria until recently, but it's obviously all very much connected.

Quote from: ViktorIt was definitely the case for me, I feel as if I have stood still while all around me moved on with life, self-isolated and disconnected.

This sounds so familiar to me. I recently have felt like I was only able to "grow up" to a certain point, and everyone else has been moving and changing around me while I'm just stuck.

I'm still quite fresh to recognizing that I am transgender ( came to this enlightenment just a few month ago), and reading the posts on these forums and this thread, all I can say is - and I'm still astonished by it all - that you are not alone with how dysphoria has affected you. I'm reflecting on my life thus far, as a result of this post, and am now realizing how much my dysphoria has controlled my every human interaction.

What was especially painful in recent years, when I attended female only functions, because I am one of the few females in my profession, I was always invited. Standing there in jeans and shirt, among dozens of females wearing their best dresses, make up, heels and looking confident about themselves, I felt like running away. I wasn't part of them, yet physically I was. I was always so distressed that I stood away from them all texting 'get me out of here' to my partner, and she encouraging me to stay and to get over my fear. I stayed, but networking wasn't going to happen. The women around me gave me weird looks. I felt like a monster from out of space. I didn't belong in this crowd. I was OK in a mixed crowd, but something like this, was just too distressing for me.

I have similar feelings in social settings like visiting friends' parties. I'm obviously the odd one out among all the apparently comfortable with themselves people attending and having fun. I sweat and try to figure what when it would be too soon to leave without seeming impolite.

It's OK for a young person to look like a tomboy, but don't try that in your 40s. It is not socially acceptable after a certain age, when you are supposed to have settled into a normal life and present yourself as your peers do: clear cut male or female.

Dysphoria is like a huge octopus that tightened its grip around me more and more over the years. And it's like a disease that infects my every move in life.

I need to free myself from it. For me that starts in serious with my first T shot in about 4 hours from now.

  Hi folks,
    I can't say if it was dysphoria or not but you I had/have very few friends. I spoke of this to a few of those I visited on my road trip. I also abhor large groups of people and will avoid events I would like to see just because of the crowds they attract. Even in small group I never was able to fit in as I had very little in common with others. I was always the outsider and migrated from one small group to another until I felt like I was nonresistant to them and move on. Growing up I found friends were problems as they increased the chance of detection and got in the way with my crossdressing. 
   In one on one situations I likely bore the one I'm with with my inane and incessant chatter about nothing important. I think I crave friendship but lack the social skills to develop them. I think the very few real good friends I have were none of my doing. They just happened in spite of myself.

Hugs,
    Laurie

Oh my, I am having this very problem. Deep down I want to go out with work friends, I want to be able to be in a relationship, I want to be...happy and functioning. But right now I just feel like I can't. I know, some of it is me letting it beat me and I should push harder to enjoy myself, but I every aspect of my life, especially my social life, just feels so off and uncomfortable. I'm hoping once I begin my transition and present as a woman this will change for the better.

It doesn't help that whenever I've been out we always get on the topic of getting laid etc and I just can't join in...at all at the moment.

oh crikey, I was basically a hermit before...imagine if it got worse