Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So it was really neat when Dr. Meltzer's office was able to schedule my GCS with Dr. Ley for November 9th and it was so really really neat when I was able to move it up to September 12th (yes, it is getting so close so quickly). My wife of 34 years is behind me completely with this and is only worrying about me having major surgery at 69 years old all of the dilating when we have no intention of ever wanting penetrative sex. All of the stories here at Susan's focus on the time consumption, pain, bother, scheduling difficulties et al. I am fully looking forward to getting rid of those dangly bits that remind me too much of my past life and I am looking forward to nailing my swimsuit look at the beach next year (even at 70 a girl can still dream can't she?). I realize that every step we have taken on this wonderful journey was one that we would never think we would ever take; two years ago I never in a million years believed that surgery was an option and now I can hardly wait for 11 more weeks to go by. I have all but made up my mind (98% certainty for those analytics in the group) to go for the cosmetic option; a smidgen lower cost, lower surgical risks, maybe quicker healing and recovery and definitely less maintenance. My only concern is that nameless nagging thought that at age 80 I will want to get laid the conventional way although there is no way we could ever conceive of wanting to get the deed done.

Your thoughts, mistake or smart move?
Anne

Hmmmmm...tempting , huh? But if you just choose to do it, there will never be the option of living in regret. I'll assume your retired and healthy. You will have the time to dilate and will never have to deal with the remorse of not doing it. Let's face it, if you're like me, you want to be "complete", "whole". This is obviously for you and you've waited so long. You have to ask yourself, are you willing to settle for not making the summit when it's so close and just a bit more work than settling? Just playing devils advocate so you can weigh your options.
Good luck and peace to you regardless of your choice, Anne.

For us older transitioners, where sex is not an issue, the cosmetic SRS is perfectly OK. But you never know what is waiting for you in the future. The only thing that is certain is that we will live with the consequences of our decision. If you do breakup with your wife and you somehow find a man that you like (as unlikely as that is) vaginal intercourse will be out of the question. We all make our own decisions.

Hi Anne,

  I too am thinking along those lines for much the same reasons though I am also considering an orichie as a 3rd option. I talked of this with several of the ladies I visited on my road trip.  I'm still very new to this transition and at my age I don't see a need to go all the way or even the cosmetic option. Neither seem logical to me. I do however want to be rid of at least 2 of the 3 dangly parts and my adams apple. That is how I am leaning at this time but I may feel otherwise when the time to make that decision comes. I realize logic then will be of little use.

  Hope you make the decision that you can live comfortably with Good luck with whichever you decide.

Hugs,
   Laurie

I originally saw Dr. McGinn with the intent of an Orchi and remaining married. My penis was an innie so that was my compromise to stay married. When my wife wanted a divorce I changed it to GCS. If I ever am in a loving relationship with a guy I wanted the opportunity to experience penetrative sex. If I meet a woman and we are in a loving relationship I would want to experience mutual penetrative sex.

The question is a hard one...I have my consult at the end of Next Month to discuss all this with my surgeon. I am weighing up cosmetic SRS. Interestingly I have yet to hear of anyone here having it done. I would love to hear of anyone's experience and would be happy to discuss privately via PM. I am basically celibate and have been for many years so sex is not an issue


The kinds of questions I have are,

How was the recovery,

Are you happy with results

Was it significantly cheaper

Anything you would do differently?

 Elizabeth, as I am still waiting for surgery I can not answer all of your questions but I do have a partial answer.

Dr. Meltzer says that the surgery time is only about 15 minutes less and thus the surgery costs do not change. But the recovery center time reduces from 9 days nights to 3 nights reducing the total cost by about $4,000 US.

I am also waiting for responses to the questions that you raised.

Anne

I was 53 when I saw Dr. McGinn for an orchi and had GCS at age 54. I would take age and health into consideration. I was in very good condition going into GCS and it took its toll.

Quote from: Anne Blake on July 03, 2017, 05:37:46 PM
Elizabeth, as I am still waiting for surgery I can not answer all of your questions but I do have a partial answer.

Dr. Meltzer says that the surgery time is only about 15 minutes less and thus the surgery costs do not change. But the recovery center time reduces from 9 days nights to 3 nights reducing the total cost by about $4,000 US.

I am also waiting for responses to the questions that you raised.

Anne

Thanks Anne  ;)

Well. I'm 65 and scheduled for GCS on Aug 8th. I'm in OK health.  Everything is near perfect actually but I know I'm just not as strong as I'd like and I certainly don't heal as fast.  I have no intention of ever being with a guy, but I'm a very well accepted part of the Lesbian community here, and hope to be in a new relationship at some point so I'm all in for GCS... Sadie is evidently in very good shape and a bit younger but I believe she feels it was a lot harder than she'd hoped. . .I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best . . .

I am glad to see this thread. 

I, too, am considering the same options, for the same reasons.  Given my current circumstances, I am not likely to need an actual vagina for its intended purpose, and the recovery/dilation with conventional GRS scares me.  On the other hand, there's the old "what if".  What if my wife leaves me AND I suddenly develop an attraction to men?  I don't think either event is likely, but, what if?

So I could be buying a bunch of regret if I go with the cosmetic option.  But "the works" is a bunch of extra pain for a long-shot maybe.

Tough choice.

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 04, 2017, 03:17:54 PM
I am glad to see this thread. 

I, too, am considering the same options, for the same reasons.  Given my current circumstances, I am not likely to need an actual vagina for its intended purpose, and the recovery/dilation with conventional GRS scares me.  On the other hand, there's the old "what if".  What if my wife leaves me AND I suddenly develop an attraction to men?  I don't think either event is likely, but, what if?

So I could be buying a bunch of regret if I go with the cosmetic option.  But "the works" is a bunch of extra pain for a long-shot maybe.

Tough choice.

I'm mulling over the same choices.  My understanding is that the cosmetic or shallow depth surgery is almost as complex, but the recovery is shorter, and of course I get to skip many months of frequent dilation.

Is that worth the risk of feeling incomplete, or rejection by someone who wants penetrative sex? 

I really don't know yet.  If I turn out to have other medical issues that hint at a shorter lifespan at this point, less chance of my ever having a partner, let alone one that has specific sexual proclivities, then I'd definitely go with cosmetic.  If I met someone pre-op who seemed like they would be a new life partner, and they were interested this way, I might be inclined to go for a full vaginoplasty. 

I've still got considerable time before I have to decide, fortunately.

I just can't see me using it...I won't be unfaithful to my wife. To have some kind of sexual relationship with a man? I think that ship has sailed also...So why would I commit to hour and hours of dilation, having it gone would be a huge step in dispelling much of my dysphoria and improve my overall body image. I really would like to be able to look at myself in a mirror one day without feeling the need to cry.

My experience.

I had limited depth vaginoplasty one year ago last May. About half the price.  One night in hospital, week with catheter (that part is the same) another week no lifting.  Much less time under anesthesia, much simpler procedure, much less surgical risk of infection, complications, etc. Much faster recovery. No dilating. Still takes 6-9 months for all the swelling to go down and stitches to dissolve, etc.

This (IMHO) is the big difference.  The surgeon is trying to make a vagina in a place never intended for it.  The way they identify gender of skeletons is the size of the pelvis. It's like trying to put a walk in refrigerator in your kitchen without moving any walls. Something has to give. It works in most cases, but has some risks.

So, it is a decision that requires careful consideration and big commitment. It made sense to me because of my age and ability to get it done soon (my initial consult with DR was St Patrick's Day 2016, surgery month later). For me the good news was Medicare eventually paid all the fees except the Surgeon. I had a fear that if I waited two more years they might refuse me for age or medical condition (at this age anything can happen).

My doctor was Keelee MacPhee in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I chose her because she is Board Certified Plastic Surgeon (means passed lots of tests on technique and infection control), trained with Dr Bower, routinely does GCS and other surgery, and is affiliated with Duke University (major teaching hospital: means must teach, publish and is subject to peer review). Hit the Jackpot! She is extremely personable, has fabulous "bedside" manner, and treated me like I was family! The last person I saw before the OR, the first person I saw when I came out, the first person I saw the next morning and in phone contact the day after the hospital. She's really great.

Anyway it is a difficult decision. I think age, physical condition, domestic situation, future plans, etc are all important factors.

Hi Anne,
Good choice in docs.  Dr. Ley did my GCS in March and is doing the labiaplasty in ten days.  (Yes, I'm getting excited).

I will be 65 in December and I think that there is more fear mongering about vaginaplasty and dilation than is justified.  At least as attested by my experience.  The first month is painful and if you don't expect that after such invasive surgery then you haven't been paying attention.  Also the first month has four dilation sessions every day, which is a bit all consuming but completely doable even for those of us who have some miles on our bodies.  It truely gets easier  over time and if done well can feel pretty interesting beginning about month three.  (yes I have orgasmed during dilation)

I've been bisexual, well basically forever, and there is nothing I regret about having a vagina. On the other hand I can think of many reasons why I would regret not having one.  Primarily - I am a woman and regardless of whether or not it makes sense, being physically complete is important to me.  I have fantasized being a fully functional woman for as long as I can remember and if they could have built me a functional uterus, I would have opted in for that as well.

The early physical challenges of a complete vaginaplasty and labiaplasty are trivial compared to the psychic pain that I would endure by truncating the process.  It is not particularly relevant if you intend heterosexual intercourse at some point in the future.  It is relevent to consider if you are willing to spend 20 minutes a session twice a day for four or five months, then once a day for the rest of a year, and a few times a week thereafter connecting yourself to your new physical structure.

The answer for me is a resounding yes!  Whatever you decide is appropriate for you is the correct decision, but do not allow fear to drive you to a less than complete experience, and you will very much like Dr. Ley.

Peace,

Julie

Quote from: ElizabethK on July 04, 2017, 08:16:41 PM
I just can't see me using it...I won't be unfaithful to my wife. To have some kind of sexual relationship with a man? I think that ship has sailed also...So why would I commit to hour and hours of dilation, having it gone would be a huge step in dispelling much of my dysphoria and improve my overall body image. I really would like to be able to look at myself in a mirror one day without feeling the need to cry.

Liz,
Dilation (particularly after the first couple of months) is not a large burden, and my experience in a lesbian relationship is penetrative toys and playful love is heaven.  Just saying honey.  It would be a shame, I think, to close that intimacy off forever.  I promise you that the days of tears end.

Peace,
Julie

Quote from: Bea-f on July 13, 2017, 04:14:00 PM
This (IMHO) is the big difference.  The surgeon is trying to make a vagina in a place never intended for it.  The way they identify gender of skeletons is the size of the pelvis. It's like trying to put a walk in refrigerator in your kitchen without moving any walls. Something has to give. It works in most cases, but has some risks.

Hmmmmmmm . . . you make some really good points. . . but the reason for wide hips is for "carrying a child" to term. There's plenty of room to add a Vagina and whatever you might want to put in it. . .

Quote from: JB_Girl on July 13, 2017, 05:47:50 PM
Liz,
Dilation (particularly after the first couple of months) is not a large burden, and my experience in a lesbian relationship is penetrative toys and playful love is heaven.  Just saying honey.  It would be a shame, I think, to close that intimacy off forever.  I promise you that the days of tears end.

Peace,
Julie

Thankyou Julie

You make a great point and one I need to consider very carefully. I am leaning towards full GCS for the exact reasons you have cited. I had not been able to articulate that for myself, thankyou for your insightful and caring comment.

Hugs
Liz

I am now 69 years old, had my srs, ffs and ba at 67 in PAI in Bangkok Thailand. I wrote about my wonderful surgery which went so well and without pain. I live in Bangkok, am very healthy and fit and compete in 5k runs and always win my age group. My current time is  26 minutes which sometimes win the female open division. I had no real issue with dilation and now maintain a good 6in depth. I have orgasms clitorally and vaginal. I have sex with my 23 year old toyboy regularly and love it. Thats my pic on profile, I regularly change my pic, I look and feel like I am in my forties.

I love my life and have peace and happiness. I am proud to be the 3rd gender.

Warlockmaker, I got to ask. I always wondered, are those photo's professionally done or touched up?

I hv a professional make up artist whom I sponsor for the big TG pagents. She  is just incredible at make up. Have been wanting to post alot of pics but dont want to add taptalk and thus uploading pics are difficult for this forum. Always select the best pic so you dont get to see those I feel are not flattering.

Thanks for starting this thread Anne, I am so excited for you and am ready if you need any long distance hand holding. If need be I'll get Laurie to come pick me up and we'll drive over to your place. lol You are awesome and I hope you consider posting, for everyone, how it goes.
Love,
Moni

Complete is whatever we decide it is.

Quote from: Bea-f on July 13, 2017, 04:14:00 PM
My experience.

I had limited depth vaginoplasty one year ago last May. About half the price.  One night in hospital, week with catheter (that part is the same) another week no lifting.  Much less time under anesthesia, much simpler procedure, much less surgical risk of infection, complications, etc. Much faster recovery. No dilating. Still takes 6-9 months for all the swelling to go down and stitches to dissolve, etc.

This (IMHO) is the big difference.  The surgeon is trying to make a vagina in a place never intended for it.  The way they identify gender of skeletons is the size of the pelvis. It's like trying to put a walk in refrigerator in your kitchen without moving any walls. Something has to give. It works in most cases, but has some risks.

So, it is a decision that requires careful consideration and big commitment. It made sense to me because of my age and ability to get it done soon (my initial consult with DR was St Patrick's Day 2016, surgery month later). For me the good news was Medicare eventually paid all the fees except the Surgeon. I had a fear that if I waited two more years they might refuse me for age or medical condition (at this age anything can happen).

My doctor was Keelee MacPhee in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I chose her because she is Board Certified Plastic Surgeon (means passed lots of tests on technique and infection control), trained with Dr Bower, routinely does GCS and other surgery, and is affiliated with Duke University (major teaching hospital: means must teach, publish and is subject to peer review). Hit the Jackpot! She is extremely personable, has fabulous "bedside" manner, and treated me like I was family! The last person I saw before the OR, the first person I saw when I came out, the first person I saw the next morning and in phone contact the day after the hospital. She's really great.

Anyway it is a difficult decision. I think age, physical condition, domestic situation, future plans, etc are all important factors.

Thankyou so much for posting this it was great to read your account. It really does make more sense from a practical point of view, for me. There is still that part of me that wonders if what it really is all about is completeness and whatever that means for me.  You sound like you are really happy with the way everything went including the final outcome. That is so great

Quote from: rmaddy on July 13, 2017, 11:21:39 PM
Complete is whatever we decide it is.

^^^^^^
IMHO this

I'm 51 and just had GCS with McGinn. I went into it mostly with a goal of eliminating spiro and the inconvenience of the dangly bits. But afterwards I've discovered that there is something very powerful about knowing that everything down there looks and works like other women my age. Knowing that my depth can handle an above average male even if it never will feels good. Being able to talk vaginas with my cis girlfriends and to be a part of the group with the same issues (eg dryness) also is very confirming. It is MY vagina and it is real has turned out to matter a lot. So I would be cautious about dismissing the value of a functional vagina too quickly. Dilation is a hassle, but you get through it.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

A few thoughts.

It seems like a disservice to portray dilation as a problem. Infection is a problem. Dilation is just the necessary process of maintaining the result of vaginoplasty or GCS. No, It's not a lot of fun, but the routine lessens as time passes as does most physical therapy stemming from surgery. You can even choose not to do it or simply stick with maintaining minimal girth and depth by using a much smaller dilator. Beyond dilation, the real issues that should be discussed are directly related to the degree of invasiveness which is magnified significantly between the cosmetic and full version. The older we are, the more recovery time it takes and this is incredibly complex surgery that involves cutting through a nerve-saturated area of the body, rerouting your urinary system and removing a significant amount of other tissue. Age is an important consideration for any surgery when deciding how much you want to put yourself through. The benefits should outweigh the risk along with potential complications and level of ongoing inconvenience or worse, incontinence.

I'm not advocating for either decision but to those of you in this age group, I think you have all the life experience you need to know which surgery is adequate. The only people you have to answer to is you. Potential Regret is a good argument, however. You can't really change your mind after-the-fact on this one. If you think you'll regret not having the complete GCS surgery and you're healthy enough, weigh the options, it's no one else's business which you choose.

Quote from: HappyMoni on July 13, 2017, 11:00:40 PM
Thanks for starting this thread Anne, I am so excited for you and am ready if you need any long distance hand holding. If need be I'll get Laurie to come pick me up and we'll drive over to your place. lol You are awesome and I hope you consider posting, for everyone, how it goes.
Love,
Moni

  I believe I could be persuaded to play taxi for That Woman if need be.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Hi Annie,

If you go to Dr. McGinn I could visit you in the hospital.

Ultimately the decision is yours. You may want to make a list of pro's and con's and see how it goes.

I say to myself I never will have a partner again but that is just me deflecting a painful issue of facing being alone. If I had a male or female partner I would want to share certain sexual experiences. I am beginning to think a female partner would be perhaps better than a male partner in some ways.

If my wife wanted to remain married I would be happy. If we could share sexually I would be very very happy. I think I am starting to grow in my thoughts of sexual partners and perhaps I am becoming more fluid. All I know is that what I once thought I now am much more open. Perhaps I am a suppressed bisexual.

Quote from: EmmaLoo on July 16, 2017, 02:16:42 PM
A few thoughts.

It seems like a disservice to portray dilation as a problem. Infection is a problem. Dilation is just the necessary process of maintaining the result of vaginoplasty or GCS. No, It's not a lot of fun, but the routine lessens as time passes as does most physical therapy stemming from surgery. You can even choose not to do it or simply stick with maintaining minimal girth and depth by using a much smaller dilator. ...............

Thanks I really liked your post and you make some great points. I am now after a lot more consideration swinging once again to the full GCS and its probably the same reason that drove me to transition, for me, my desire to lop it off as a teenager is no less now than it was then. But I agree with you  it requires much thought and consideration

Like Liz, I am moving from the cosmetic version to seriously considering the full depth vaginoplasty procedure again.  I worry that I might not consider myself complete without the full depth procedure, another of my personal issues.  In addition, dilations are basically a regular self-administered medical procedure, not unlike much of the medical intervention we may experience in life.

I was doing intermittent urethral self-catheterization for years, sanitizing equipment, cleaning myself, and inserting and removing a foreign object into a rather sensitive place to a depth of 15 inches, four to six times a day.  (And insurance authorized one (1) catheter a month.  No spiffy disposables for me. On Day 30, that sucker was ROUGH.) If I could do that, I can do dilations.

Michelle_P, Will you have to self catheterized after srs, that would be a big plus for you.

Quote from: mm on July 19, 2017, 11:50:50 AM
Michelle_P, Will you have to self catheterized after srs, that would be a big plus for you.

No, intermittent self-cath won't hold the new urethral opening and meatus in place and open.  There's no catheter in place most of the time with intermittent self-cath, and running a catheter in and out will irritate the new tissue structures.  There will be a Foley catheter in place for several days while the initial healing takes place.

I can self-cath if needed after the Foley catheter is removed, but I certainly hope I won't need to.  My urethra will be several inches shorter and not wedged into all that expandable tissue, so if anything, urination should be easier.  I haven't had to self-cath since surgery last year to remove the bladder outlet blockage, where a flap of tissue had grown across the urethral passage.