Susan's Place Transgender Resources

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FnUeK8wm.jpg&hash=84f1de64bf45fb8fdde50b5ca5a31e65ff4cf9bf)

After a couple of months of writing, editing, editing again, throwing away and rewriting trying a different approach, editing more, etc... I'm finally here.  Six letters to the only friends I really care to tell and two more to my sister and dad with copies of transgender 101 in them.  All set to get delivered the day before my birthday, happy birthday to me indeed.

Congrats and good luck. Let's hope the Post Office is on time.

Thanks.  Even if they are a day late, it's still on my birthday so it still works out.

Besides, my dad probably won't go get the mail until after my sister freaks out and calls him.  He's bad about that sort of thing. 

And here goes the truth  ;D

Well done!

Thanks Dan.  It really does feel good to finally get to this point.

Now it's time to sit back and watch the fireworks so to speak.

You're doing the right thing. You need to be in control of being you. 

Colleen, right on.  When you say it really does feel good, you are right.  And even if every reaction isn't perfect and a few might go sideways or worse, you know in your heart you prepared and did the best possible. 

I came out to my immediate family as a nonbinary, partial transmale with a casual, brief group email.

That way I could edit it, briefly tell my story, give definitions, provide links to further information, if needed, and because it was a group email, nobody would feel obligated to respond, there was no dramatic confrontation, and people could digest the information without pressure.

There was little reaction or surprise, and now they know.

Quote from: Kendra on July 17, 2017, 12:35:09 AM
Colleen, right on.  When you say it really does feel good, you are right.  And even if every reaction isn't perfect and a few might go sideways or worse, you know in your heart you prepared and did the best possible.

I DEFINITELY did more than enough second guessing when drafting all of this.  ;D

My sister I have no clue about, my dad is probably going to freak out in his passive-aggressive sort of way and go silent (or maybe get preachy, it's tough to tell), and honestly I am expecting half of my friends to jump ship.  But I'm a big girl, I haven't lived under my dad's roof for nearly 20 years, and as much as it will hurt, I can always make more friends.

Update time.

Honestly more good than bad.  My dad has gone silent toward me and is apparently coming a bit unhinged over this.  My sister seems to think I'm a drag queen with multiple personalities but at least she's communicating and trying to understand.  My brother apparently said "I don't understand but if you're happy, whatever."

My friends have been great.  I've gotten everything from "I always knew you were angry about something and now it makes sense" to "well that's good because I know how hard that can be."  Apparently an old acquaintance of mine and friend of his transitioned a couple years ago so he's familiar with it.  And his wife demands that I get a pedicure with her.

The world didn't collapse and the sun is shining on you between some of the clouds.

Good outcome!

I compare my coming out to yours, you win some you lose some. I'm sure you agree that the great feeling of no longer hiding strongly out weighs the negativity that some may create for you. Keep your allies close and the ones you're not sure about at a bit of a distance, in most cases they will come around.  kudos girl.
 

YES - more good than bad, and (the most important part) kudos Colleen for doing your best. 

Quote from: Dan on July 22, 2017, 04:47:13 PM
The world didn't collapse and the sun is shining on you between some of the clouds.

Good outcome!

Not so fast.  Some people think the upcoming eclipse will be the end of the world!

https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/750224/END-OF-THE-WORLD-august-Solar-eclipse-apocalypse-second-coming (https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/750224/END-OF-THE-WORLD-august-Solar-eclipse-apocalypse-second-coming)   :D

Maybe I can delay coming out to my wife and family till after this hmmm..  probably not a good idea in the long run and besides the last time I put off something I made a real mess of it

Thanks everyone.

Another update:
My sister is creeped out by the fact that I'm staying with my girlfriend.  The one thing that isn't changing is what bothers her the most.  She realizes the irony and laughs about it so I'm not worried about that.

My dad still hasn't contacted me but his wife did on the sly.  (she's a great person and I love her to death)  Apparently he's taking time to "word it correctly" but she's accepting and hopes that I find happiness.  She assures me that they both love me and that they will both be there for me.  We'll see what the old man cooks up when he gets around to finishing it.

That's wonderful to hear.

Colleen you picked good parents.  And I can relate.   ;)

Your sister's reaction reminds me of younger siblings pushing buttons and teasing each other when parents aren't looking.  Don't make me pull this car over.

But seriously, I think you have set a great example of how to do this the right way.  Might not apply to everyone but you landed the best results possible for your situation.  Sounds like your dad is having to think things over, but I bet with time he will appreciate you as your true self. 

For those among us who encounter a difficult outcome, challenges are what they are.  Make decisions for the long term.

We'll see about my dad, as for his wife?  It took him four tries but he finally got a good one.  ;D
(Why yes he does preach about the sanctity of marriage,  ::) lol) 

My real mom?  Word is she's saying that she's supportive to my sister but at the same time playing the "woe is me with my son the ->-bleeped-<-gy crossdresser" pity card among her church friends.  That woman seriously gets off on pity, it's nothing new and caused many problems in my childhood.  Child abuse kind of problems involving doctor shopping and getting me diagnosed with as much as possible so she could tell her friends.  A real piece of work and I want nothing to do with her.

I have no illusions about how extremely fortunate I am with how smoothly this is going.  Especially compared to many of my peers and how badly they got treated.  Apparently word is getting around back home and an old friend that I haven't seen in years sent me supportive texts today.  I guess I wasn't as good at hiding it as I thought.  Lots of "well that explains a lot" sort of feelings.

I also can't take all the credit, my girlfriend, my therapist, and the other girls in my support group were a huge help. 

This all sounds great.  Go easy on your dad if/when you see him next.  I recommend not wearing a dress and heels.  Go conservative.  It worked for me everytime.

Congratulations.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Congrats!  You are a LOT braver than I am.  A couple of my siblings know, but neither of my parents know.  I'd like to tell them in person, but considering that we're in different states and my Mom's a luddite for the most part, it'll probably end up being via phone.

I agree with toning things down when you meet your Dad.  Maybe a nice pair of slacks and a conservative blouse and a simple necklace, along with flats. 

Ugh, I just showed off my former female self.  Oh well, if its helpful, its worth it. [emoji6]

Good luck!

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Yeah I'm not planning on anything seriously crazy.  I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt than halter top and mini skirt person anyway.  Flats are most likely but I did just get these really cute boots with a short heel...  It's a long ways off in any case.

I still haven't heard back from dad directly.  My sister started freaking out on me yesterday and after some coaxing it turns out that she, my brother, and my father had decided that by "socially transitioning by the end of the year, possibly a bit sooner" I meant full on SRS and everything.  The $30 I spent on those copies of Transgender 101 apparently was a waste of money.  She did calm down when I explained the real timeline and what social transition actually meant.

Another gem from my sister: "Our concern was you doing something irreversible, and this not being the actual problem.  Some shrinks are very pro gay, and there is fear that yours jumped on the bandwagon." 

That definitely sounds like something my dad would say.  For somebody as highly educated as he is, he sure lets pastors and news anchors do his thinking for him an awful lot.  And boy does he ever hate "the gays." 

My reply: "She is totally pro gay and pro trans if that's what you are.  She is straight and not trans.  She's there to help people, not go on some sort of conversion crusade."

So it may still get ugly on my family front.  I think we're going to drop the bomb on my girlfriend's family this weekend.  They'll take it better for sure.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on July 29, 2017, 06:54:36 AM
...

So it may still get ugly on my family front.  I think we're going to drop the bomb on my girlfriend's family this weekend.  They'll take it better for sure.

Ugh. It's a wild ride this coming out thing. I'm beginning to encounter resistance and I've hardly started. Good luck with the girlfriend's family. I reckon the response is really unpredictable. I mean, how often does a person have to wrap their heads around the transgender thing? We are the extreme minority in the world of diversity.

That's a fact.  My GF's family is totally accepting of several lesbian and gay couples that are friends of the family and visit often.  And her mom has said repeatedly "I don't care who my kids are with so long as they're safe and happy."

Now her dad?  He is an alcoholic version of mine, so I don't expect him to take it well.  But he was a father in absentia for most of my GF's life so even if he goes off the deep end it's not a huge deal.

3 week update:

Still nothing from my dad at all.

My mom went private on her facespace page, so I can't see what she's posting any more.  Likely the same "woe is me help me pray away my son's ghey" crap.

Sister is still doing OK, and is asking ME about hair care tips, lol.

Brother is still going through a divorce and doesn't really have time to care.  We were never close anyway.

As for friends?  I intentionally came out to one friend I could count on to gossip and gossip he has.  As a result I've heard from several old friends that I have not seen in years all expressing support.  I guess I know who my real family is now.

Colleen, here's a big hug... wishing you the best.  And you are doing your best - you have courage and the world is yours.

Thanks Kendra.  I'm honestly shocked at how well this has gone overall.  Having family support (or even acknowledgement) would be great but I expected to be disowned straight out.  The fact that I have received precisely zero negative responses from friends is what I'm most happy and thankful for. 

Over a month now and still nothing from the old man. 

However, I did come out to my girlfriend's best friend and her husband.  Her reply was "The hair makes sense now. but you do realize that you're obligated to buy me something for my baby shower right?  Also you're coming as Colleen so you better work on your wardrobe."  Those two are being great about it. 

I also gave my girlfriend carte blanche to come out to other friends of hers that I don't interact with in person regularly and they've all been extremely supportive.

We still haven't dropped the bomb on her family.  Schedule conflicts have ruined the two nights we planned so far.  So now we're trying to make it happen next Saturday.

And at the urging of my coworker who went through this a couple years ago, I'm probably going to be starting the ball rolling with HR next week.

I just sent the email telling HR that I'm going full time in January.    :o

Yes!  So much great news.  Best wishes for Saturday.

As for your parents, their lack of direct support is unfortunate but at least they are not being directly negative and could have been much worse.  It's possible they may change over time.

I'm not without hope for my dad, but my mother apparently told my sister she was happy for me and immediately started into a "oh my son has the gay, help me pray it away lest his soul be lost to the fiery pit" pity party.  My dad is incredibly passive-aggressive, so this is kind of his way of being hostile at least if past behavior is to be trusted.  I think I'll just send him a "being silent isn't helping anything." sort of message.

Otherwise things are going well, this Saturday should be the big day for the girlfriend's family.

And I'm about 10 minutes from my first phone conference with HR.  EDIT: and the HR meeting got changed to Wednesday.

Good luck!

The one thing I couldn't predict, is that the people closest to me ie. family would be the ones who shun and disowned me, but all my friends accepted me. My parents had both passed away prior to my coming out, but I doubt they would have been surprised. What irks the most is I've not seen my brother or sister in 10 years. But on the plus side, I have a new relationship with a half-sister and half-brother who refer to me as sis.

It seems life is progressing for you.  Just stick with it and live your life.  I decided to leave my non-responsive brother alone and let him come to me when he's ready.  It was hard to stop trying but my anxiety is much better since I let it go.

Things are definitely moving along!  ;D

Honestly I expected family to have the hardest time with it.  My friends really surprised me with how accepting all of them have been.

And now, it's an hour before my little chat with HR.  I wish I could say I wasn't nervous.

I'm planning on telling my two sisters this weekend.  I'm getting anxious and nervous about the whole thing.  Kinda have to do it if I want to go with them for a pedicure.

Another checked box on my list, and another situation where I got all worked up over nothing.

My HR point of contact is awesome.  We set up a general schedule outline, made a plan on who to tell when, what sort of announcement to make to the company (I'll do that thank you very much), how to handle customers (see the previous point), which paperwork they are actually going to need, and we are going to have biweekly phone meetings to keep each other in the loop as far as progress goes.

I'm totally relieved.  This is awesome.

Quote from: RobynTx on August 23, 2017, 12:09:11 PM
I'm planning on telling my two sisters this weekend.  I'm getting anxious and nervous about the whole thing.  Kinda have to do it if I want to go with them for a pedicure.

I'm finding it easier and easier with practice.  It was still nerve wracking at the start.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on August 23, 2017, 12:40:18 PM
Another checked box on my list, and another situation where I got all worked up over nothing.

My HR point of contact is awesome.  We set up a general schedule outline, made a plan on who to tell when, what sort of announcement to make to the company (I'll do that thank you very much), how to handle customers (see the previous point), which paperwork they are actually going to need, and we are going to have biweekly phone meetings to keep each other in the loop as far as progress goes.

Sounds like you have a great HR department.  Congrats.

They have seriously learned a lot from my coworker's coming out a couple years ago.

Came out to the future mother in law last night.  It went as well as expected.  She was a bit surprised but said "Well I don't really understand why but if you're happy, go for it!"

So now there's the two future brothers in law, and that's it other than my girlfriend making a small announcement to her coworkers.

Looking back at how big of a mess I was not eight months ago, I can't really believe I've come this far. 

 Cool!  Feels good doesn't it?

It is absolutely amazing.  I have to thank you and everyone else posting their stories because they gave me the courage to come around and take care of this.

Out to the brothers and their kids.  All of the kids (8 to 15 years old) seem to be doing pretty well with it.  The youngest was a little weird at first but she had a sit down with my girlfriend and after a bit I came in and answered questions.  She perked back up after that.  Last night she demanded that I let her paint my toenails, so they're a very messy shade of blue at the moment.  ;D

Everyone is doing a great job working on pronouns and name.  They slip now and then as expected, but the fact that they're genuinely trying almost makes me cry. 

EDIT: We also had some fun coming out to friends who are also a lesbian couple, so we went to dinner but "forgot" to tell them anything about me being trans.  They were a little confused when the host told them "there's two ladies over there waiting for two more" but they caught on once they saw my girlfriend.  They were pretty amazed by the whole thing and are totally cool with it.  We had a great time.

Awesome!

Messy blue painted toenails - take a picture, you will want to look at that photo in the future.  Such a sweet story. 

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on July 22, 2017, 04:19:49 PM


Honestly more good than bad.

That's coming out in general.  It's terrifying on the front end, but I have yet to meet the person who regrets having done it.

Quote from: Kendra on September 04, 2017, 11:27:07 PM
Awesome!

Messy blue painted toenails - take a picture, you will want to look at that photo in the future.  Such a sweet story.

Oh definitely, if nothing else we can use it to embarrass her when she starts dating.   :laugh:

"Remember when you just had to paint aunt Colleen's toes for her?"

Her eyes are going to roll back so hard we'll be able to hear them.

More developments at work:

My boss's boss (national manager) and his boss (manager for the Americas) have known for a couple of weeks now.  They are both supportive, I expected the national manager be since I'm one of his favorite employees.

Anyway as for telling my boss.  I wanted to tell him in person with the national manager there, but managing to get two remote employees and the national manager together in one place at the same time is nigh on impossible in my line of work.  So HR is going to drop the bomb on my boss today as my IDs are going to start changing soon.  I'm likely to get an interesting phone call tonight, but I don't think he'll react too badly.

Onward and upward.

Congratulations Colleen.  I hope it goes smoothly.  Big corporations tend to, IME.

Well word from HR is that the boss is on board and totally supportive but wants to chat on the phone and have a face to face next week.  Of course that email got sent to me ten minutes after my flight took off, so no phone call today (we have a policy of no calls after 5PM unless you're literally dying on a job site or you're the first to notice the apocalypse starting).  I'll call him in the morning and see what he has planned for next week.

So that's basically it until I fire off an email to the other guys in my region and another email for the people I interact with regularly elsewhere in the company.

I mean really HOLY CRAP!  THAT'S IT?  ;D
Why did I convince myself that this would be so hard?

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on September 26, 2017, 08:55:01 PM

Why did I convince myself that this would be so hard?

Because it will be.  Nevertheless, congratulations on a very auspicious start.

Wahoo!!!!    :icon_walk:

Had the chat with the boss this morning while on the road in Wisconsin.  It was pretty short due to all hell breaking loose at another customer's site, but it went well.

"I have to say, I was totally surprised by that one.  Don't worry I'll keep my mouth shut until you're ready."

So we have a meeting next week, probably at a barbecue restaurant in KC because that's his biggest vice, and we'll hammer out the details on scheduling.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on August 26, 2017, 08:41:27 PM
It is absolutely amazing.  I have to thank you and everyone else posting their stories because they gave me the courage to come around and take care of this.

And now you are helping the chain. I am still building the courage to tell my wife's family.

Well hopefully I can be a bad influence for somebody!  :D

Looking back it was a lot easier to do than I feared it would be.  Once you break the ice, it just sort of spills out.  It's just that first little step, statement, or even word that is so damn scary.  That's part of why I went with letters at first since I didn't have to make that step aside from tossing things in the mailbox.  (not going to lie, that part was scary too)

No longer having to lie by omission, or be careful about what name to use around whom is incredibly liberating.  But it's not all going perfectly.  It has been ten weeks since I told my dad and I have still not heard a thing from him.  It really helps to focus on the positive here, because there will be plenty of that to balance out the bad.

Awesome Colleen.  I remember what a great relief it was when my boss said she planned to go to each department during monthly meetings, personally tell them about my transition and that they supported me.  Most everyone had figured it out by then anyway, but I was being destroyed by the rumor mill.  After the CEO met with them, the chatter behind my back stopped and people would speak to me directly again--mostly congratulations.

Get ready for the nosy questions and decide how you will answer them. 

Family support feels great, but family detractors or non-accepters can rip you up for years to come.  I'm not very close to my parents, but I still visit them regularly.  One minute my mom can ask me how my transition is going and what my goals are, and 5 minutes later she is deadnaming me and calling me him.  Death of a thousand cuts.

The good news for me is that I'm a remote employee so I get to draft a quick "Hey, this is what's going on so you don't get confused when my email name changes later" memo to the people I interact with regularly.  The rest of them can just deal with a bit of confusion.  It will be a bit awkward with the customers I visit regularly but they'll deal with it. 

I'll definitely tell them I'm open to questions and they can feel free to ask.  My immediate supervisor has had plenty so far, but he's doing OK.

I took the same open approach.  In fact, when I came out to my boss, I brought an FAQ with me, which she used to some extent in her department meetings.  Nothing kills nosy behavior like radical disclosure.  No one feels like they have any juicy gossip anymore.

Not for everyone, but it works.

I gave my old man 12 weeks, he's still hiding from this.

So what's a girl to do in the face of this childishness?  Tell her dad's gossip queen sister of course.  I had to come out to my extended family anyway, so why the hell not now?

It went over great!  My two closest female cousins were the ones I contacted first and they were surprised but really excited as well.  The one male cousin that I heard back from is supportive and happy for me in his genuine smartassed sort of way.  The gossip queen aunt was really surprised and a little confused "but you were in the army!" and seems to be on track now that I got to explain things a bit to her and answered a lot of her questions.  My uncle (husband of the gossip queen) is totally supportive as well.

Knowing my aunt, half the universe was told yesterday but that's OK.  The only one hiding anything is my dad and that little shell of denial is about to burn down around him.

Now there's only two coworker letters left to send.  One for the guys in my region, the other is more general and for those in the rest of the USA and Europe that I work with fairly regularly.

Nervous wreck to nearly done in just over 12 weeks, who would have thought?  Not I.

I think the younger generation here may have different experiences.  This is an excellent shift.

For those of us, say 35+ however, you can't wait for your parents or grandparents to hop on board.  I have no living grandparents, but my parents have been very slow movers, and may never accept me fully.  I found that my aunts and cousins, particularly the female ones, were essential in terms of early support.  Co-workers (I work with a 100% female staff) even more so.

I am in the 35 and up crowd

Hi Colleen,

  I just wanted to congratulate you on what appears to be a very successful coming out with the exception of your dad. With me it was my daughter that I had a complete fail with no hope of it being resolved. I sincerely hope your dad and the rest come around for you over time. Focus on your victories. Well done Colleen. Many happy days going forward.

Thanks Laurie.  Hopefully your daughter comes to her senses as well.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 13, 2017, 11:59:10 AM
I am in the 35 and up crowd

I know, and I totally respect the way you set limits on your dad's processing before going public.  You negotiated from strength, one adult to another, and you went ahead with disclosure right when you said you would.

We finally managed to cross paths so the boss and I had our sitdown meeting last night.  He had not seen me in person in about 18 months, so he was more than a little surprised at my appearance.  But he's totally on board.

Since we have a regional meeting with all of the other employees in the midwest next week in Chicago, I'll be letting them all know at the end of it.  I've got a memo ready to go, I'll just duck out of the conference room while my boss hands those out and has a little Q&A session with "the guys" and no pressure.  After that it's a no reprisal Q&A session with me if they want to know something, they can ask. 

Since I have to give a presentation during the meeting they're all going to know something is up with how I look, so this will probably lead to a bunch of "aaah, that's why" reactions.

I have one coworker who I know isn't a fan of trans people, and another that I'm not sure about.  We'll see how it goes in a little over a week.  My boss has my back so I'm not worried.

You're gonna do great.  Most of the women will switch pronouns pretty quickly.  The men take much, much longer.  And, if you can find a way to stop being the recipient of the ubiquitous firm handshake, please let me know. :P

Good luck with the presentation.  I was going to suggest you disclose first, but I don't think there is going to be a way to get around some degree of distraction.

I'm not worried about the presentation, it's a technical one on something I specialize in.  (low field TD-NMR spectrometers and applications for them)

Doing the disclosure at the end was my idea, I don't want to look like an attention whore any more than I have to.  This meeting isn't about me, and I mention in the memo that I'm doing it now because it's the first time we've all been in one place in four years.

As for the employees in my region?  It's a sausage party, so it might be a bit before they get into the habit. 

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on September 28, 2017, 09:36:43 PM
Well hopefully I can be a bad influence for somebody!  :D

Looking back it was a lot easier to do than I feared it would be.

Colleen, I've been so wrapped up in my issues I completely missed your thread here.  Congrats on your great response.  I'm sure I'll have some family members that take it wrong like you have, but overall this has been great.  It givese a bit of hope that it's not all despair out there,

Hugs to you.

Bari Jo

In the grand scheme of things coming out as trans is a bit weird for most people, and you're bound to get some weird results.

But yes there absolutely is hope.

Hi Colleen,

  I just wanted to say good luck with the coming out at work today. I hope all goes well for you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks Laurie, but that's happening Thursday/Friday next week.  I'm currently editing the memo to the other guys and playing powerpoint jockey for my technical presentation. 

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 18, 2017, 12:34:00 PM
Thanks Laurie, but that's happening Thursday/Friday next week.  I'm currently editing the memo to the other guys and playing powerpoint jockey for my technical presentation.

  Sorry Colleen, I'm getting a lot of things wrong lately.  But  I still want to wish you the best possible outcome when it does happen.  :embarrassed:

No worries, I do genuinely appreciate it.

The big day has arrived.  After my presentation yesterday and having two male fails at our group dinner last night, I think one of the guys is starting to suspect. 

The whole plan was nearly blown yesterday by a well meaning head scientist who called me Colleen.  Apparently HR forgot to mention the schedule or he missed it.  In any case the poor guy was mortified when he saw the look on my face and I shook my head and mouthed "not yet."  Thankfully the rest of the group was having other conversation and this guy has a pretty thick accent.  He did apologize and he is a genuinely nice person, later he let me know he was supportive and admired my courage.

In about five hours it's all out in the open anyway.  Here comes the jitters.

You will be fine Colleen and there will be such a feeling of relief for you after. ((HUG)) You will be okay . Deep breaths, deep breaths.

I just noticed the time and you are probably out now.  How did it go?

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Afraid not, still stuck in the meeting being subjected to managerial babble about software I'll never use at the moment.

Well Laurie you were right, it went just fine. I'm now in Midway airport dressed properly with a ticket that says Colleen and can't wait to go donate the rest of my guy clothes when I get home

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 27, 2017, 06:48:48 PM
Well Laurie you were right, it went just fine. I'm now in Midway airport dressed properly with a ticket that says Colleen and can't wait to go donate the rest of my guy clothes when I get home

Wow, big step!  That is so awesome.  When I lost weight I donated my fat boy clothes, that felt great too!

Colleen I am glad everything did go well I did want you feeling like you wanted to smack me for giving you a false feeling of confidence. Now I can relax as I am sure you did. Did you do any celebrating yet? Or does that come when you get home?

  Glad all is well Colleen.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks to both of you  I had to get through Chicago rush hour traffic to Midway and return the car, change into something more befitting my new ID and get through security. Funny thing is I get fewer weird looks now than in boy mode and I'm nearly makeup free. Just a dab of concealer on my upper lip due to post laser inflammation shadow.  I've been full time at home and when I wasn't on customer sites for over a month now, so it's not a giant step.

So no celebrating yet, I'll have some wine with the girlfriend at home tonight. I had a great chat about the state of women in science with a lady next to me on the plane. 

The all employee email from HR about me went out an hour ago!

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 30, 2017, 07:12:07 AM
The all employee email from HR about me went out an hour ago!

Pins and needles!  Fill us in with the reactions!

Bari Jo

I have a coworker who transitioned a couple years ago, apparently it took her 30 minutes to get to her desk with everyone asking her questions about me.

I sent out an email Friday to the people I work with most often giving them a personalized heads up, and the reactions were either good or absent.  (but mostly good)  Now to get with IT and HR in a couple of hours to sort out switching computer systems over.

  Interesting that your co worker was the one inundated with questions. I'm glad things are going well so far for you Coleen.

Hugs,
  Laurie

She actually works in our USA base office, where I am based out of my house near Kansas City so she's way easier to get to.  I haven't actually been there since March of 2016 now that I look at it.

I let a long time customer know about this today and got a "Well now there's an email you don't get every day!" response.  He's a jokester and is supportive but is having fun with the situation as usual.

Ahhhh Thanks Colleen, now it makes a bit more sense.

On one hand I'm effectively an orphan now.


On the other, I finally have that excuse to go be a crime fighting superhero. Take the good with the soul crushing I guess..  :'(

Merry g-d Christmas

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on December 22, 2017, 01:49:57 PM
On one hand I'm effectively an orphan now.


On the other, I finally have that excuse to go be a crime fighting superhero. Take the good with the soul crushing I guess..  :'(

Merry g-d Christmas

aww, that sound depressing. :( Come to Florida, my door is open all Christmas.

Thanks Faith, but I'll be at home. I average about 1.5 flights per week for work so another TSA feeling up is the last thing I want. My girlfriend's family is very accepting, I'm just venting about my immediate family and their bigoted reinterpretation of the bible.

Maybe I should talk to them, I'm currently enslaving, er, I mean recruiting  Devyl's Dyscyples. It's the only religion worth having!  >:-)

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm so sorry to hear this Colleen. I haven't told my family but I feel like this could be the last Christmas I have with them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hopefully your family is more like my girlfriend's and my extended family.  Nobody deserves to have people like my father.


But in any case I'm burning this bridge.  I sent this letter out to my dad today.  (Before you people get the wrong impression: I honestly have no problem with religion except when it is used as an excuse to be a bigot, though I am pretty hard on it in this letter.)

Quote
Too personal, probably shouldn't have been posted

Well, that oughta do it...

:'(

Quote from: VickiBlue on December 22, 2017, 09:36:25 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this Colleen. I haven't told my family but I feel like this could be the last Christmas I have with them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm feeling this way too
I may have to find a family elsewhere that will accept me for who i am

And wow Colleen I loved the happy ending in your letter. You went through a lot to get to where you are now and deserve every moment of being who you truly are meant to be!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

 Colleen,

  I wish I could do something like this too. But I love my daughter and always will even though she no longer loves me. I am glad you found a way to deal with your father.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: dist123 on December 22, 2017, 10:16:59 PM

And wow Colleen I loved the happy ending in your letter.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic but I thought it was pretty bitter and a bit over the top as far as accusatory tone went.

Anyway I suppose I kind of expected this to end this way, but I am disappointed at my father's cowardice.


Laurie, I hope you never have to be the one to reject a family member.  It sucks, almost as bad as being rejected.  Sadly this seems to be our lot in life as trans folk.

No? I can't wait to be able to be comfortable with myself enough in public. You're not where you want to be in your life regarding your dad. I'm sorry for that and I hope that he finds it in his heart to be accepting. You deserve that!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Ooooh, that part.  Sorry I misunderstood.

Yes being the genuine me is completely awesome, family interactions aside.  You'll get there, it just takes time and practice helps a lot.

51 weeks later...

Still haven't heard back from my father, no big surprise in retrospect.

Extended family is 50/50 on acceptance.

My brother is a bigot.

My sister is now non-accepting based upon her "root word analysis" of the bible.  Whatever that means.  (hint: confirmation bias)

As for me?  I'm doing great.  SRS is next week, FFS is happening in December.  Work is going well, other than my boss freaking out wondering how he's going to fill the massive hole I'm leaving for 6-8 weeks while I'm recovering from SRS.  I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of remote work during recovery.


Looking back I still think that sending letters was the way to go, but I should have just saved the money on books that those people wouldn't read anyway.

If you have a laptop, working from home shouldn't be a big issue as long as you don't have to work a solid block of time. Sitting for long periods of time would be uncomfortable but you can lay back with the laptop and do work. In addition, dilation will provide numerous interruptions but if you can put work on hold, it shouldn't be a problem. About 2 days after surgery boredom can set in so work or entertainment are a good solution.

That's pretty much what I'm thinking.  I have a feeling I'm going to get really bored without it.  I have my work laptop so I can do remote work without issue.  I told the boss to not expect me to do remote work for the first week, but not long after that I should be OK.

The problem is I work on a lot of things where I'm the only person in the region with knowledge on it, and am one of two in the USA who knows what they're doing with them so I'm in demand.  Some of the mechanical/automation problems are difficult to figure out without being on site but remote is better than nothing.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on July 08, 2018, 12:25:04 PM
51 weeks later...

As for me?  I'm doing great.  SRS is next week, FFS is happening in December. 

Awesome news!  Exciting times ahead.  Healing can be a bit boring but sounds like you will be engaged in some work effort to stay busy.  I'm happy for you!
Judi

Work, video games, movies, some little projects, and a massive backlog of books should keep me occupied pretty well I think. I'm still a bit nervous as this is the first real surgery I've ever had.

You'll be fine.  The nervousness will melt away as you get closer and when you arrive at the hospital it will all be a blur as there is lot's of activity to get you ready.  You wake in recovery wondering where the day went!  A new you!!!