Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my therapist has been telling me for the past 3 or 4 appointments that I need to start doing things to develop my femenine side even if I'm not planning to be out yet. Today I finally did it and bought makeup, asked the lady in the store to give me a quick lesson on how to do makeup, bought a wig and I came home and put everything on and took pictures. I was...underwhelmed, disappointed, you name it. I played it cool cuz my mom was there but deep down I started seeing so many flaws especially on my face that I don't notice daily when dressing like a guy. I basically thought "omg I'm so rough, I'm gonna need a bunch of surgery" :(

Then I tried calming myself by saying the hormones will help (I've only been one week on estrogen) but I'm definitely disappointed. It was a big shock. Maybe I'll get used it? Maybe I'm too hard on myself? Will I indeed look more feminine in 6 months? People keep telling me I got soft features for a guy but that's the key, FOR A GUY. I looked freaking rough as a girl today. Like I'm going to bed now but can't really sleep thinking about it.

Is this normal? What happened to you when you first dressed up?


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Very normal .

No matter what i do, I see a man in a wig and makeup.

Nothing we can do about it so we have to do one of two things.
1. Be rich and have a shed ton of surgery.

2. Learn to accept ir

Dysphoria could be a large factor. I never could look in a mirror, or at a photo of myself. But if I saw old photos of me and didn't immediately recognize myself, I'd think I was beautiful.

I was gender fluid, switching gender modes several times a day, and when in male mode I was so detached from my female body that I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a glass window in passing and for a startled second think I was seeing a "hot chick."

Yet, if I was expecting to see myself, I thought I looked HIDEOUS and felt ashamed.

I would say in the past that all I'd normally see is "guy in womens clothing". Which normally would stop me from dressing for period of time. Now that I've accepted being trans mentally, I'm starting to see more positives and not just seeing the negatives. I'm pre-HRT currently but will get it when I'm able to. Makeup is complete foreign language to me right now. I know that I want to let HRT do its thing before I get too involved with it. And I don't see myself as one of those girls that gets super interested in fashion. Definitely more "tomboy" like but I want to look nice when I want to(or need to).

Vicki

The first time I put on a wig (six months before I started hormones) I looked like a guy who should be working in a physics lab at Cal Tech.  I'm 54 and after a year on hormones I am the girl in my profile photo.

You can achieve amazing results with the right makeup alone and one lesson is not enough.  Learning your right makeup takes months of study and effort.

Take your time learning makeup and trust the hormones.  You will get to where you want to be.

Yea that is very normal, I mean I was a pretty strong guy and quiet rough too, you can see a couple pix on the before and after thread.
I have finally been a year on hormones and been playing with my clothes and makeup since, this feeling you have here I still feel, at times you just don't even wanna bother going out the door, but it takes abit of confidence building and learning to take pride in yourself regardless.
Hair and makeup girls are using this all the time to better their look. I have seen a few that look way rougher than some trans girls I know when they have no makeup on. Girls trans are cis just always use make up, totally normal.
You will just need time to learn what looks good for you.

You're thinking it's your facial structure and not a lack of knowledge in make up and possibly wig selection that caused the underwhelming result. But I think you're being very unrealistic. You had just one quick lesson from a store clerk. That's nothing. If you're going to calm  yourself remember that this is the first time you've ever done this and that it's only going to get better from here. It's fine that you're not a make up prodigy that wows on the first try. 

It's hard to comment on your face and makeup skills without a photo...

You might be right, and your face might look totally unpassable. Even if it's the case, HRT and FFS will take care of it.

Or, as it is usually the case, your skills with makeup might be not that good. The wig might not fit your face frame right. And ourselves are known to be the hardest critics of themselves, since we had a lifelong training in recognizing our male face.

Take it easy, you don't have to be perfect or discouraged from your first attempt. If money permit, ask a makeup artist to help you. Or if you have a girl-friend, maybe she could work with you.


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Personally I think I look pretty rough sans makeup, but I've lived kind of a rough life in some ways... I try not to worry on it anymore

A couple of gals wanted to do my makeup and braid my hair, but they both became rather faded after awhile so I just went home

But yeah, don't let your first experience turn you away and I did awaken with some cool braids in my hair so I'm not complaining none

A good search of the site would probably turn up the phrase "We're our own worst critics" a thousand times.  :)

You count the things you have, not the things you don't have. It sounds like you have an understanding Mom. That's something big right there.

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for the feedback. The wig I selected I asked for opinions from a bunch of people including my mom, I wanted a blonde one but she hated it and said brunette looked better on me. I actually tried a few more wigs that looked horrible and this one was OK I think, so I got it.

The makeup probably wasn't great since it was the first time but I was kinda satisfied with it. As JMJW said, I was mostly blaming my facial structure.

Here are some pics (that I'll probably delete later) so you can have a better idea, these are the better ones, ignore the outfit since I just had to borrow something from my mom:

Edit: Photos deleted. Thank you everyone for your comments.

Oh, for God's sake, girl! You're doing great.  :) 

Getting us all worried for nothing.   :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, You don't look bad atall
And with your mom helping you, you are lucky!

OMG!!! Gorgeous Charlie N  :icon_chick:

Most ciswomen would LOVE to look that good..

Charlie you look great, That colour really suits you, the dress really suits you and so does the hair colour. Really nice

You're mental if you think you look bad.
You look like a hot woman. Job done. Keep going

I think you need a different wig. I'd say you need some bangs to cover your forehead but not going lower than that. The color suits you though. If you cannot find another one - maybe you can get a hairstylist to cut this one to have the bangs, I know a place in Chicago that would do it. I think it's also too long for your age - you probably would look much better with a shoulder-length. I like second and third photons more - the way you wear your hair to a side, rather than splitting it at the center.

And you can get your brows shaped professionally, it's not that expensive.

Otherwise, you look good and your makeup is really nice. Your chin will soften with HRT, your skin will soften as well, your nose and brow ridge can be corrected with FFS if you want it. And you won't need to cover beard shadow after you remove facial hair permanently.

But again, all of that is visible to someone who knows your past, and takes time to study little details on a picture. To a casual observer - you look female, and even if they clock you as a trans female, it's not the end of the world.


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The problem here is your mental self image. It hasn't caught up with your new look. We can't go our lives believing we look like a guy and then in just a few hours accept such a radical change. The mind just isn't that flexible.

Wow thanks for the positive feedback everyone. I'll take it cuz I need it right now!

Elkie-T, thanks for your observations. I would disagree about the length of the wig though, just because I did try shorter ones and they all made my jawline look stronger and bigger, so I chose a long one. I do feel like it needs more volume. Maybe I could try to get bangs for it like you said but it's synthetic and I'm afraid It could be screwed. Definitely agree about putting my hair to one side instead of splitting it.


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Love the high cheekbones and beautiful smile.  You have very feminine features to work with.  I think the hair works for you!  With practice, I suspect that you will develop quite 'the look.'  Wish I'd realized who I was as early in life.  I think you will be a beautiful woman!  Nancy

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 16, 2017, 12:01:36 AM
Is this normal? What happened to you when you first dressed up?

Yes. It is normal.

As I am not on HRT,  without makeup, I see a man in the mirror. Nevertheless I mostly meet and interact with my friends, colleagues and students without makeup. They know who I am, and I have nothing to hide.

You will easily learn some basic skills of makeup. Eye makeup is the most critical.

Based on the photos you uploaded, I guess you will easily pass even without HRT.

barbie~~

Wow Charlie - I think you look fantastic

I'm sure with a bit of practice you'll perfect your look but you are already very lucky having such pretty natural features to start with

I really like the wig on you - the length looks great

 Mods, I don't know who to talk to about this, I deleted the pics but I still see one of the pics as a preview to the thread in Tapatalk, would greatly appreciate if you could remove it.


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Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 18, 2017, 10:15:27 PM
Mods, I don't know who to talk to about this, I deleted the pics but I still see one of the pics as a preview to the thread in Tapatalk, would greatly appreciate if you could remove it.


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The pictures are gone. Often the software retains copies of the images to avoid reloading the images latter. Eventually the images are deleted from the device to free space.

Quote from: Dena on July 19, 2017, 12:14:02 AM
The pictures are gone. Often the software retains copies of the images to avoid reloading the images latter. Eventually the images are deleted from the device to free space.

Oh, I guess I'll have to wait then. Thanks.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 19, 2017, 11:06:02 AM
Oh, I guess I'll have to wait then. Thanks.

On computers you can speed the process by clearing your browsing history. As this removes everything, browsing may be a little slower while your device accumulated commonly used images. With safari, it's located under History>Clear History.