Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I am from Sydney, Australia and have been on and off this forum several times under different usernames included this one. I am having a terrible time trying to make sense of what is happening to me.

I am 44 born male and for the past 2 years I have been struggling with pretty bad gender dysphoria. The dysphoria has actually always kind of been there in the background, but I never knew what it was. 2 years ago I started therapy and now know that weird feeling I had was gender dysphoria. I have gone through the denial, depression, self loathing phases. I have frequently thought about and tried killing myself a few times (I didn't try very hard otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this now).

On 7th June this year I started a low dose of HRT. I have increased the dose twice since starting and have remained on the increased dosage. I am sad to say that the hormones have had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. I'm not expecting any physical changes so soon,  it I was hoping for some psychological changes. I see my endocrinologist again on Monday. Hopefully he can figure out what is going on.

I don't want to transition. It would be too hard for my wife to cope with a transition, and I don't want to turn my life upside down. I just want to be a normal guy. I was really hoping the HRT would settle my mind so I can get on with living.

I'm not real sure why I signed up to the forum again. I always seem to have a breakdown and delete everything. Maybe this time will be different.

Jayne

Welcome back to Susan's Place. I have been thinking about you and was hoping I would see you come back. I hope when you see your endo you ask about a blocker. If you are going to get any relief, the testosterone levels need to be reduced. I understand why you don't which to transition and I ask the other member reading this post not to question this member's motives. As always, if there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

Thanks for the welcome (again....) Dena.
I had blood tests done before I started the hormones, and I just had some more blood tests done a few days ago. I don't have those results yet, but the doctor should have them before I see him. That should show if any of my levels have changed. When he first put me on E he said that it is the estrogen that will give me relief, the blockers just stop the production of T. He has been treating trans patients for over 20 years and has treated thousands of trans people. He seems to be very well respected in this field. Maybe he just started me on the lowest possible dosage and is working his way up from there. I didn't really know what questions to ask him when I first saw him, I will have more questions for him this time. I'll definitely ask about the blocker.

Welcome back, Jayne.

I guess there must be reason why you keep coming back. It must provide some kind of outlet for you which is why we are all here :)

I won't provide any guidance on your issues, since I'm going the other way, but I can relate to the dysphoria. It is good that you are taking constructive steps to alleviating it.

PS: I'm in Australia too. Qld to be more precise.

Hi honey, you're home!

(Hugs)

And with your old user name too..

Rowan

Hi Rowan,

Jessie didn't really feel like me. I like Jayne better.

Hello Jayne glad you came back.  It is always better to talk about things.  If you need a friend i will do all I can.

Hi Jamie, thanks for the welcome

Hi Jayne  :icon_wave:

Welcome back to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here again, join on in the fun

Here are the usual links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Please be sure to review:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
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Hugs

V M

Hi VM. Thanks for the welcome back.