Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I'm brand new here and this is my first post. I joined the forum expressly to ask other trans guys about this. I'm REALLY hoping you guys have had experiences and advice that will help me out here. So, I've only recently (about 6 months ago) have been able to accept that I'm full on trans ftm, and not just a cross dressing lesbian, or gender fluid, or whatever other terms I've cycled through over the years. After finally accepting it, I've also come to the conclusion that I'm going to have to start taking some steps toward transitioning or I'm not going to have a happy life.

The dysphoria is starting to affect my work, and I've had to call out sick on a few rare occasions because of it. So here's the deal: I'm looking for a therapist to help me start out (Anyone in the Atlanta GA area who has a recommendation, please let me know.) But I've also decided I really need T. Like big time. Working out until I'm nearly dead isn't cutting it anymore. Building muscle is next to impossible for me. I've gained some weight, but not much. I'm still only 100lbs soaking wet.

Anyway, back to the point of this thread. I have a job that I love. I've been at it for three years. I have great coworker relations and I'm damned good at what I do. I've gotten several raises and lots of praise from management. I believe I'm quite indispensable to them. BUT I already know management isn't completely LGBT friendly. They accept that I have a wife, and are civil about that, but when I try to talk LGBT issues at work it's frowned upon.

Also, I will disclose that I work at an animal hospital with a staff of about 30 people. We all work VERY close together and we all know one another very well and depend on one another. It's a customer service job where I see clients all day every day. So when I get on T...everyone will see the changes every single day. This is NOT a corporate or office setting, so the topic above on how to come out at work really doesn't apply to me. We're not big enough for an HR manager and have NO policies about transgender individuals. 

So... ...how do I keep my job when I start transitioning? Right now my best idea is to go to management, sit down with them, explain what's going on and take a leave of absence (maybe three months?) Then come back with my new name, pronouns and T developing body. This is assuming they don't fire me when I tell them I'm transitioning. I just don't know how open they'd be to letting me transition at work in front of all their clients. The clients know me, some ask for me by name. So to suddenly present with a new name and pronouns seems...daunting.

I'd REALLY like some life experiences from guys who've done this, or advice from guys who've tried to keep their jobs while transitioning. Anything would be helpful. I just want to hear what's happened to other guys like me before I dive head first into this, which I'll be doing as soon as I find a therapist I like. I know this was long. Thanks for reading.

Welcome to Susan's Place. There is no way you can be sure you will keep your job (trust me on this, I have been there) but you can reduce the likelihood of losing it. Start with your immediate supervisor and explain what is happening and then be ready to work your way up the power structure. Three months isn't enough time to come back as a completely different person as this could take up to a year or more. Besides that, things like your social security number will remain the same so you can't be totally stealth to management.

You will then need to work out a transition plan with management and then explain to the others that need to know. When you explain it, keep the information minimal but leave the door open for additional questions. It's easy to overload people with information as you have studied this for a long time so you are better off just giving them the basics. Legally you have little protection and even if you  did, there are other ways to get somebody out the door without stating the real reason.

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Firstly, welcome!

You and I are similar in that we have both discovered being transgender only a few months ago. I've started T three weeks ago tomorrow.

Secondly, never assume you are indispensible. No matter how good you or your management appear to think you are, there's is always something that can trigger you being disposable and replaceable.

Thirdly, Dena has made important points.

Fourthly, while I am in corporate environment I'm not under lock and key in a cage where I just generate bits and bytes through my keyboard :D  I've worked in my job quite a long time and there are many dozens of people who know me as female right across all branches of the corporation. Sure there is HR who can be engaged to do some diversity training and do the explaining about what diversity means and enforce corporate diversity policies and support for people whatever diversity spectrum they sit on. In practice, I am still clearly holding the responsibility for coming out to all my colleagues that I interact with daily or less frequently.

I'm not yet out, because, as Dena said, it can take quite some time before changes become noticeable. It is a transition, not a sudden quantum jump from female to male.

I've decided to go by feel before I talk to HR first and then my managers ( email will be better because it gives me time what I need to say and explain briefly; I'm not great at talking face to face).  When will I do that? Well, I will take cues from changes actually likely to be perceived.

My voice will be the first to change, but even that will take some time to stabilize and in that time it can be interpreted as just having a cold and being hoarse for whatever reason. This will not trigger anything for the next few months. If however, my voice drops to a very low level where it cannot be interpreted as having a perpetual head cold, this will trigger contacting my managers and HR.

No other physical changes would be noticed by anyone other than my voice ( unless I suddenly start going bald in a bad way).  Facial hair growth is not likely to make a big appearance for quite some time, but should I be so lucky, then I'll just shave away the evidence until I'm ready for it.

I've always dressed in a way that was more male or androgynous, which means that nothing will change in that regard and nobody will notice. They sure as hell would notice if I suddenly appeared in a dress or skirt! :o  Perish the thought!

It is definitely not a clear cut case of going away for a few months and return as male, because there is just no way of knowing how long it will take before you can pass as a male. Most likely it will take about a year before you pass ( less if you are lucky).

Sorry for the muddy waters  ;D

I'm MtF but the rules still apply me thinks :)

I'm continuing to work whilst taking hormones and I truly believe if it doesn't affect your work then your boss should have no problem with it

I suggest not to take leave of absence for 3 months if you want to continue to be indispensable. Once you're out for more than a week or two, they will have to find someone else to do your job.

Also, no matter how much you love your job, sending resumes around never hurts.


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Thank you for the replies thus far. I didn't consider how taking a leave of absence would force them to hire a replacement. Someone who wouldn't burden them with something like a transition. I also never considered taking T first before coming out at work. Not sure why...I just had it in my head that I had to come out and THEN start T. Great advice from everyone so far! I hope more people reply with more life experiences. I know everyone goes through different things and it'd be great to hear from lots of different view points.

Yeah, it'll be months, at least, before you start to have issues not passing as female. Longer if your voice doesn't break and you're able to continue to reach a female range. Use that time to prepare and scope out the job market if you're concerned.

My company is also really small, but unlike yours, it's also pretty liberal. I asked the CEO to forward out a mass email announcing my legal name change, and there have only been 2-3 coworkers who've shunned me or given me any grief over it. Everyone else started using the correct name and pronouns, including on company documents like schedules and stuff, without making a big deal over it or asking invasive questions. If they've had anything negative to say, they've at least had the courtesy to keep it behind my back. So I'm not really in a place to give advice on how to navigate a transphobic work environment.

I transitioned in place and have been very open about my transition at work. I had reason to believe that my boss would be accepting (based on geography, industry, and having LGB friends that I knew of), and he was very supportive and accommodating. I've also had no issues with clients.

In the work place, I've found people will take very little issue with your transition as long as you are doing good work. If you are a bad employee or not someone who is fun to work with, I think that is where issues really crop up.

Ultimately if you want to keep the same job, you have to rip the bandaid off. Long term T use isn't something you can hide or wave off. I would just be up front with them to begin with. Let them know that all that's changing is your name and pronouns, and that you aren't expecting any special treatment beyond that. Just respect and civility like they've treated you with thus far.

If there are any coworkers you are closer with or that you think would be accepting, I would consider telling them first privately and asking if they would be a reference for you if your employer decides to let you go.

I am in a sort of similar situation. I haven't totally formulated a plan yet. My supervisor knows. I tested out the waters a little by asking privately if he would be open to hiring a Transguy friend of mine. I've always been pretty masculine with my appearance. And I told him I was trans one day when asking about advice on a coworker constantly making gendered comments to me. I also had to go to him recently about some bathroom issues, and he has been super cool.

The University I work for does have a bit abut gender expression being protected, but like others have said, there are ways of firing people. I have met some other trans employees, but as far as I know no one has transitioned on the job.

and just as an aside... If you find you do have to changes jobs. I work in Marietta, GA. We are understaffed.