Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was on my way to the store just a few minutes back when a man called me sir in front of a bunch of people.
Nobody seemed to care but i started sweating so bad.
This is the second time this has happened to me.  The first time it was at a clinic when this little boy thought of asking his mother if i was a guy or a girl.
It was really mortifying cause everyone in the waiting room burst out laughing. But back then i hadn't started HRT.

I am gonna complete three years this month and its quite frustrating.

Its been a year i haven't been to my doc cause i feel he doesn't have my best interest at heart.
He has been rushing me into having the surgery since i completed 6 months of hrt way back.
I remember telling him i need my time and i wanna first and foremost see how good the hormones work. For me and im sure for everyone of us its important to pass as women. Its not just about having a vagina.
Sadly after all these years in all honesty i don't feel much has changed.
I haven't yet experienced the smooth skin which i know for a lot of you was one of the the first things you noticed.
My butt is still flat.
The only CHANGE is that i have Breasts that went from a 34A to a 36B in all these years and im sure thats cause my doc had kept me on this high dosage from the beginning.
Anyway,
I hope you guys are having a better day than i am.

I'm sorry that happened to you. The guy was being a dick.  All of us get outed at one time or another.  It just happens. And yes it ruins your whole day. And children can be brutal. I had a child ask me if I was a boy or a girl before I transitioned. And I had this one little boy ask my why my eyes looked like that and I've had children ask their mother "why is that girl so white".  The best thing with children is to avoid the little monsters. I hope your day gets better.
Julia

Hormones don't do the whole job. Most of us need FFS. I do. So until I get it I don't even try to present as female.


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Quote from: Lara on August 03, 2017, 03:08:21 AM
It was really mortifying cause everyone in the waiting room burst out laughing.

That was very insensitive of them for laughing... I would be hurt too.

As for interacting with children I see it going both ways.  For those of us who are pre-hrt, or are just beginning, a child saying "Are they boy or girl" means you're making progress!  Of course, once you're past that 50/75% mark you'd want those interactions to go away as much as possible.

The next time someone misgenders you, try saying "Thank you for being courteous, but I am a woman."
Hopefully they would correct themselves, or apologize, if it truly was an accident.  Being kind about it in this way does two things: One, it gives that person a way to make it right without feeling too awkward (if you were to be rude about it), and two, if that person genuinely corrects their mistake that can help you to move on from the issue (as if getting closure) and not dwell on it as much.

Plus, forgiveness/understanding is supposed to be the womanly thing to do!

~Love, Ashley

When I was young, fresh out of the service, and confident of my masculinity, I decided to grow my hair out from a crew cut. Almost immediately people started misgendering me. I didn't even know the term then, LOL. I would get furious and remind them in no uncertain terms that I was male. Eventually I came to realize that it wasn't their fault, I was sending mixed signals, and they had a split second to make a decision on who was standing before them.

I have to say with over a half century under my belt that confronting people and "giving them a taste of their own medicine" is not the best approach in this, especially if they don't know you or your preferred pronouns. Let it go or make a gentle correction like "It's Miss" but do not misgender another person intentionally.

Family member or friend who knows your preferred pronouns doing it? That's a completely different story. Throw a drink in their face.  >:-)

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 03, 2017, 01:59:22 PM
...I have to say with over a half century under my belt that confronting people and "giving them a taste of their own medicine" is not the best approach in this, especially if they don't know you or your preferred pronouns. Let it go or make a gentle correction like "It's Miss" but do not misgender another person intentionally....

Quality advice.

Quote from: KageNiko on August 03, 2017, 01:44:38 PM
That was very insensitive of them for laughing... I would be hurt too.

As for interacting with children I see it going both ways.  For those of us who are pre-hrt, or are just beginning, a child saying "Are they boy or girl" means you're making progress!  Of course, once you're past that 50/75% mark you'd want those interactions to go away as much as possible.

The next time someone misgenders you, try saying "Thank you for being courteous, but I am a woman."
Hopefully they would correct themselves, or apologize, if it truly was an accident.  Being kind about it in this way does two things: One, it gives that person a way to make it right without feeling too awkward (if you were to be rude about it), and two, if that person genuinely corrects their mistake that can help you to move on from the issue (as if getting closure) and not dwell on it as much.

Plus, forgiveness/understanding is supposed to be the womanly thing to do!

~Love, Ashley

Why should forgiveness and understanding in the face of a hurtful insult be 'womanly'? It shouldnt be, it isn't. That's a poison that has taken a toll on women.

As for young children, well, they are kids. There isn't a lot to be done. They say all kinds of things about and in front of everyone.

Kids are a pain because they are paying attention to what most adults don't and they will voice their confusion. It's best not to worry about them and move on with your life.

As for adults, I reviewed your posting history and I didn't see anything about you working with your image. Proper hair and makeup is important in the earlier stages of the transition because it may take years for HRT to do what it's able to. FFS seems to be desired often when it's not really needed. Less invasive solutions will often do the job however it can take time to get your image right. You might consider posting a picture of yourself and have the others make suggestions on how you can improve your image as we have people here who are pretty experienced with makeup and hair.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. getting clocked really hurts.

Back in the age of dinosaurs, otherwise known as the late 70's early 80's when I had my 2 utter fail transition experiments I found that teen girls were the worse, and guys just the scariest, because they are guys. Back then I was far far different person on the inside then I am today.

At 6ft tall, balding since 14, and big everything I knew HRT was not going to help the exterior much. I also knew throughout the years with my on/off low-dose HRT it helps quiet the noise. When I came to the point in my life I need to take the Trans-Beast on for real, I went to my Go-To cure all HRT.

Hormones alone could never rectify how the world see's me. The only thing that I (hopefully) have is control over how I react to the world. I also needed to fix myself from the inside. I needed to loose a lifetime of Shame & Guilt. Believe me, that was hard work, still is.  In time magic happened. I was no longer obsessed with the "Some Guy in a Dress" feelings that enveloped me 30 years earlier. Instead I reveled in the sheer joy of being out in the real world as the real me. If I get too long of a look, I think they are thinking the same I did taking that last look in the full-length mirror, "Not Bad for an old dinosaur". I also always to make the absolute best female presentation possible for the circumstances. I tend to like girlie-girl so it's easy most times. But then, there are times jeans or shorts with a nice top is better.

Quote from: alex82 on August 03, 2017, 03:09:36 PM
Why should forgiveness and understanding in the face of a hurtful insult be 'womanly'? It shouldnt be, it isn't. That's a poison that has taken a toll on women.

I mostly thought of the difference between mothers and fathers when I wrote that post.  And at the very least I've always had experiences where the woman was more understanding/forgiving than the man.  For instance, when I came out as trans to my parents a couple of weeks ago my mother immediately accepted me.  My father accepted me as well, but he had a few things to say that were on the fringes of being disappointed in me.

You are right that it "shouldn't be", we should all be treated equal, and be expected to act equally as well.  Maybe it's just my experience.

Quote from: KageNiko on August 03, 2017, 01:44:38 PM
As for interacting with children I see it going both ways.  For those of us who are pre-hrt, or are just beginning, a child saying "Are they boy or girl" means you're making progress!  Of course, once you're past that 50/75% mark you'd want those interactions to go away as much as possible.

It's funny, but the only people who see me as female are kids! Lol.

I was sitting in a playground with my daughter (she's 12) and a little girl (looked about 5) was saying to her dad "I want purple hair like that lady!"  Her dad kept saying "I think that's a man" and the girl kept telling him he was wrong. Lol. Finally he said "you know, it doesn't matter, and yes you can have purple hair." 

If I had been presenting myself as a woman I would have been insulted. But at this point I'm just an androgynous looking person, so I took that as a positive thing!



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If like me you can feel better than try maintaining as a man, that's a good thing. I'm 61 and want so bad to transition today, right NOW! That's not going to happen so being the best I can of both worlds work to stay sane!


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