Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I can't get myself to go I to a store and shop! Tryed many a times!

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Thank goodness we can go online. Take your measurements and then shop til you drop. Don't like what you order? Send it back. If you want to try an experiment and you have an Ulta store in the neighborhood visit them for makeup tips. I found them to be non judgemental and very helpful. What I try to remember is that I will probably never see this person again so why worry what they think. And if you do see them again it will be because you received good service the first time.  Good luck hope you find something you like.

It's easy, just think you're a shopping assistant for someone else. Then grab whatever you want, drop it in the cart (cover with some male clothes if you want) and go to the male fitting room. Some stores might have a fitting room attendant, you may want to start with those stores that don't have them - such as Kohls or JCPenney

Some stores so used to CDs, they won't care (and would love to help you to buy a 'special present for your wife which is about the same size as you' - yeah, whatever)... Like Victoria Secret

Goodwill or Salvation Army are good places to quickly get a full wardrobe on the cheap. They have unisex fitting cabins. Just think about how unlikely any of your friends to be buying there, chose whatever you want and go to the cabins. Trust me, cash registers there had seen it all.

As far as shopping for shoes, either order them online from Payless (to be delivered to a store - free delivery, easy return), or just do a quick check when there are little or no customers for a fit. No one cares why you do it, and it ain't nobody's business (you plan to attend a Halloween party, or lost a bet or plan to go to a carnival or whatever).



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Above all, sales clerks are suspicious that you might steal something. So if you look really shaky, they would be watching you closer than if they knew you're a CD. And don't shoplift :) once a guy was arrested in our local mall for shoplifting a $5 lipstick. Much more embarrassing to be on a public record, than a minute of mild exposure to a store clerk.


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I have actually been up front when shopping and I find the sales clerks are extremely helpful and don't mind me trying on my purchases and are quick to make suggestions. I was terrified the first time but it gets easier everytime. Now I don't even think twice about asking (especially since I'm a plus size girl).

Quote from: Kelly1ca on August 10, 2017, 03:44:57 PM
I have actually been up front when shopping and I find the sales clerks are extremely helpful and don't mind me trying on my purchases and are quick to make suggestions. I was terrified the first time but it gets easier everytime. Now I don't even think twice about asking (especially since I'm a plus size girl).

I agree.  I also found the clerks are better able to help when you're honest with them.

If you can't buy in person, try shoping online and then collecting from the store.

You get the thrill that somebody has packed your bras, stockings, makeup etc., probably knowing that it's for a crossdresser, but they are remote from the delivery, and the package you collect is annonymous.

If you choose direct home delivery, it can be embarrasing. I once had to collect a parcel from a neighbour, and it had stamped on it "dual electric breast pumps". Postmen can feel packages and can identify bra underwires (I know).



 

Hi Bree

  I can understand your difficulty. I had the same problem and to some extent I still do a little today. My first store adventure was at the urging (some would call it cajoling) of a few ladies here on Susan's. They dared me. I chose a Walmart and it was almost closing time so I went in, took a picture in the beauti department as proof. walked through the ladies clothing area and left. Well that wasn't good enough for them (I can hear them laughing as they read this) No not good enough by far. I had to go in and shop for a woman's item, pick something out to buy and go to a live cashier and check out. Well I'll tell you it took me almost 15 minutes to just get out of my pickup at Target and go inside. I looked for a wallet and then found a cuticle tool and got in line behind some guy. More people got in line behind me. I paid for my items and couldn't get out of there fast enough. I had done it!
  I can tell you, Bree , public excursions will get easier  each time you do it. You don't need to start them in stores, just go get out in public where you can be seen. Before you know it you too will be going into stores and buying things yourself.
   You can do it Bree. I did. My first store adventures en femme was just last January or February and today I have been full time for over a month and a half.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sweetie,
Half the fun is getting help from the sales staff when it is very obvious that you are male and shopping for yourself.
Go for it! You can do it!

Just go to a store a little away from your home, then... no matter what, there's 0.000001% of a chance anyone know you. My favorite shopping places are Kohls for bras, Target for panties and Goodwill for skirts and tops and JCPenney for outerwear (they carry long sizes). I shopped many times either one in male mode.

And it's a must to go to a fitting room (if it's gendered and you are dressed as a guy, go to guys dressing room with your female purchases covered by some male item).


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Quote from: elkie-t on August 14, 2017, 12:31:57 PM
Just go to a store a little away from your home, then... no matter what, there's 0.000001% of a chance anyone know you.

You aren't kidding on that one. When Mariah first moved near me, we made a run to Home Depot located about 25 miles away from where I live and work. We were heading for the checkout stand and who should I bump into but one of the truck drivers from work.  I am not really worried about being outed at work but talking about people turning up when you least expect them. Also in the past, I had two former bosses turn up at a new and different place of work. One was seeking a job and the other was the husband of our receptionist. Both knew me before my transition but that was the first time they seen me after the transition and I wasn't out at the new job.

I had been freaking out about this myself a few weeks ago. I had just moved to a new town and for the first time I was on my own living in my own apartment. I kept visiting the local thrift store and wanting so badly to go browse the women's section of the store. Every time I went I would either make an excuse to buy something from the mens or from the non-clothing section. Three times I went, walked by the women's section, then pretended to look at men's shoes while stealing glances at the summer dresses. I was mortified that someone would see me and call me out, and I felt like a pervert who was doing something immoral.

Finally, I set aside two hours on a weekend and forced myself to go into the store and go right into the heart of the women's section. The first five minutes I was absolutely horrified, but I just focussed on the clothes and tried to hide my red face. The story was super crowded that day and I was sure I would be called out any minute by another shopper or by the intercom.

90 minutes later I hadn't been given so much as a passing glance by anyone. I looked through hundreds of dresses, skirts, jackets, and even a little bit of lingerie. I even picked out a skirt I liked, tried it on in the dressing rooms, and purchased it. The male cashier didn't bat an eye. I recently went into a Ross and purchased my first pair of panties as well, which was even more difficult but once again I was pleased to find that no one else cared but me.

It's tough the first time, but remember that what you are doing is not unusual, immoral, or illegal. You are the only one keeping yourself from it, and you shouldn't keep yourself from your own happiness.

Good job, FlightlessFootwear :) It's really a non-issue once you do it. And, since you are on your own in a new town, you are free to establish yourself any way you like. If you want to live as openly crossdressing person, just do it. The friends you will have then (and you will have friends) would be accepting your quirks and style. It's better not to hide who you are and build your life on a solid ground of openness, than hide your dark secrets from people who think you are their friend.

Quote from: elkie-t on August 15, 2017, 09:31:07 PM
Good job, FlightlessFootwear :) It's really a non-issue once you do it. And, since you are on your own in a new town, you are free to establish yourself any way you like. If you want to live as openly crossdressing person, just do it. The friends you will have then (and you will have friends) would be accepting your quirks and style. It's better not to hide who you are and build your life on a solid ground of openness, than hide your dark secrets from people who think you are their friend.

Thanks! It is a huge confidence boost to finally own clothing that I like to wear. I had crossdressed for years in secret when my parents weren't home and always felt ashamed for using someone else's clothing without asking. Taking matters into my own hands and openly buying my own has been a major breakthrough.

I'm still a little nervous about being fully open, but I'm getting there. I have a few friends from high school who live in the same town, and I am nervous because I am not sure that they will react positively and that it might push us apart... but in some ways I guess we've been drifting as it is. In the long run the real friends will shine through, and I'm not going to burn any bridges unless they start burning from the other end first.

Yeah, it might be more difficult to be out if you have friends from the old town...

But I am sure you can find yourself a venue where you can be out in public comfortably. If you do a good job crossdressing, chances are they won't even recognize you even if they see you from a distance.

You can sit in your room and be scared to even come to a window or put any makeup on (because someone might see you from the street or be knocking at your door), or you can dress nicely, put a war paint on your face and just go somewhere where chances of seeing your old friends are slim to none and enjoy your freedom. Even if someone sees you, well there's no need to be ashamed of it. Say you are practicing for a theater play, or some gig or just plain straight that it was fun and you liked it :)

Are there any Targets or Walmarts in your area with self-checkout? This is how I started, well after buying online. Target and Walmart at a cashier can still feel slightly more comfortable as you can have just one women's clothing item along with a bunch of groceries and cleaning supplies, etc, and cover that item in your cart with a big pack of paper towels.

Target or Walmart fitting rooms can be a bit intimidating though. Both stores would have an attendant who would want to see your items you want to try on.

Btw, Rudy Giuliani crossdressed. His pictures even leaked to the public. That did not prevent him from being a successful republican politician.


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Quote from: elkie-t on August 16, 2017, 06:04:27 AM
Target or Walmart fitting rooms can be a bit intimidating though. Both stores would have an attendant who would want to see your items you want to try on.

I've not yet used a fitting room. The other nice thing about Target and Walmart is they are relatively cheap, so if you buy something that doesn't fit, you can just take it as a lesson in sizing. I like to convince myself I eventually will fit the handful clothes I bought that are too small. I rarely tried anything on when I was shopping for guys clothes. I can generally tell if something is going to fit just by looking at it.

It's fun, and them attendants don't bite. Do you really care what they think about you? More likely than not, they think about how to pay next batch of end of months bills, not about you.


Oh, btw, if the dress did not fit, you can return it to customer service ;) it's much easier than buying it at the register - 'high, I have a return, here's the check, thank you'.

As a married man, I bought clothing for my wife (really). Everyone was very helpful. When I returned a Medium item to exchange for a Large, the customer service woman thought I was very astute for guessing too small rather than offending my wife by guessing too large.

All to explain that a man shopping for women's clothes is seen as quite normal.

Now that I buy for myself, I braved the Walmart changing room attendant without problems. She just asked about my women's jeans, "Did you want the men's?" and had no problem when I answered no, these are fine. As others have said, they don't care.

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I have found that I get the best, most friendly service when I'm open and honest with the store associates.
It's funny, I'm not "out" with my family or at work but all the people at the stores that I shop at know. Being myself with them is a fun, freeing experience.