Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I'm 4 months full-time,  and really starting to appreciate life without T in my system, at this point I'm feeling very happy with my decision to transition,  despite the personal costs it has come at.
At this stage I'm effectively single, and feel at best indifferent to my OEM equipment downstairs.
NHS timeliness are sloooow,  so I'm not under any pressure. I can think of several reasons to consider GCS,  but none of them seem compelling enough to me on their own to justify the risks and recovery time from this surgery.
I'd love to hear from those who've either had or have decided to do so,  what factors  influenced your decision to have GCS?

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Not having to see it,
Not having to accommodate it with clothes,
being able to wear different styles of clothes,
not having to worry weather or not it is visible.
not having to take a t blocker.

i know, these dont seam like much, but when i think about putting up with these for the rest of my life, i loose a lot of the comfort i gained from transition.

its like most of my inner piece stems from the surgery being in my future.

HoneyStrums, I agree with you, and what good is that "junk" doing you anyway.  I'll be glad when I only have a camel toe showing through my panties!
Smiles, Jessica 🙋🏼

Risk? Never, ever entered my mind prior to filling out the paperwork. My surgeon - Dr. Brassard - like most of the top reputable surgeons out there have performed 100s, if not 1000s of these surgeries.
I had met Dr. Brassard four years before my GCS for trachea shave. I was super impressed with their staff, that four years later, it was a slam dunk to go with him. Course that decision was made a lot easier as my surgery was 100% covered by the Province of Ontario.
My need for the surgery just came down to the ickyness of touching it, seeing it, being reminded of it.
Recovery time was nothing...really. To say life is better than before would be the understatement of my life.

I'm having it because for me it's something I need to feel whole and to be happy.  I couldn't even imagine how depressed and unhappy I would be if I had to be stuck with "it" the rest of my life. Sex is another reason. I have a boyfriend but our sex is limited to stuff that doesn't involve my boy parts. I just imagine how much better our sexlife would be if I had what I was supposed to have  between my legs.
Julia

Megan,
   Love the new avatar picture. Congrats on full time and your other successes. I just had GCS  about 7 weeks ago, and I am glad it is done. I think the desire to have it is highly personal. For me it was a burning desire to have things right down there. That is something that does you no good, knowing how I felt. You must weight it out. As far as recovery and risk goes, in my opinion, this is such a small thing when it comes to tipping the scales. Risk is slight to non existent for really serious life threatening stuff. Some folks do have  issues and that is a possibility. I don't think, on the whole, that recovery is anything more than a blip on the screen. I would focus more on do you want it. I look down there and don't know to what extent it will function sexually, but that is a risk I was willing to take. The thought of the experience being different was a big draw for me. Socially, I no longer feel like I am hiding something or trying to deceive anyone(not that I should have but I had those emotions in my head.) To me, it is a part of the process of moving to who I really am. It is much more than a physical thing. For you.................?
Moni

I can only offer a theoretical opinion, but why not? I can't see much downside. Its what I'd prefer, and the risks are low with a good surgeon. I'd probably reconsider I couldn't choose the surgeon.

My thread about this is here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218067.0.html

TL; DR at every decision point I  asked myself whether I thought things would be better or worse and the choice for GCS was pretty clear. I beat it up from every emotional and rational direction. On every single point I felt better about my chances for happiness post GCS than without.

As far as risks, I knew with a surgery this complicated there would be some problems along the way of healing. You could call that complications but as far as I can see nearly all post-op women experience some granulation or necrosis so I think of these things as necessary limitations on healing something fairly invasive. I have some granulation as well as had separation of about an inch of suture lines.

In hindsight I'm completely glad I've had GCS. Would have survived without but so glad I came to decision and followed thru.

I really hated my genitals and they were a source of discomfort. I did not realize how much I was affected by them until they were gone. I dissociated with my genitals . About 5 months after GCS I found how wonderful my new genitals are and it keeps getting better. 

Many great responses,  thank you all. HoneyStrums,  I have a very similar list. Each item on its own doesn't really feel enough to warrant surgery,  but together? Maybe...
I've got months to figure this out,  lots to contemplate!

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Hey Megan

Thanks for asking that question...it seems I have been going full steam ahead towards GCS and I am only a few weeks from seeing the surgeon. The surgery won't be for at least another 12 months or more before I am able to have it,  so like you I have plenty of time to consider.

I find myself totally nonplussed, like it just is....I am not nervous or even concerned. I feel do feel a little compelled but for me it just feels like just another step towards feeling complete...I can find no really solid logical reason to do it.

The best reason I have is " Surgery feels right for me and I am not doing it for anyone else but me." of course there are a number of very practical reasons as have already been discussed.

Elizabeth, I'm not concerned or worried about it,  just that I want to be doing it for the 'right reasons'. For several historical reasons  I've never trusted my instincts,  that's one reason my journey has been very slow to this point.
The idea of it 'feels right'  to me too,  but my stupid head wants a rational reason, and I'm not sure one really exists.
The NHS treatment process is really only made for those on a full medical transition,  so unless you throw your hand up and say no,  it feels like you can end up there almost without thinking!
As you say,  we've both got plenty of time to ponder the inexorables of this one [emoji4]

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I had it done because of the gendering it implies (from myself and just about everyone else in the world).  It was a source of dysphoria.  That's reason enough.  I mean, that's the same reason to transition in the first place, right?  And in my opinion, the risk and recovery of transition itself is far greater than those of the surgery. 

Considering how long it takes to get through the system, why not put it on your schedule now?  Should you find your dysphoria about it increasing, you'll be reassured that correcting it is on the near horizon, nearer than waiting until it's already intolerable and then having to wait even longer.  On the other hand, if you realize that the surgery isn't really for you by the time your date approaches, you can always cancel.

Sophia,  I'm already having an initial consultation with a surgeon to discuss options in a few months time,  so the beauratic wheels are turning in that respect.  You're right,  that when I reach a decision,  I doubt I'll want to wait any longer than I have to to move forward with things.

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Megan,
This is not my idea, but it might be informative. Flip a coin. Heads no GCS ever, tails, definitely getting surgery. So, when it comes up tails (or heads) do you find you are rooting for the opposite to happen.? My idea was a Ouija board. I thought the coin was the better of the two.  :)
Moni

Good idea Moni,  I like it!

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Luckily I am not dysphoric(in a hate/want to cut them off) but I need them gone, they have always felt wrong /uncomfortable  so look forward to surgery TBH cant wait, another reason to live!!!

Quote from: HappyMoni on August 19, 2017, 10:10:26 AM
Megan,
This is not my idea, but it might be informative. Flip a coin. Heads no GCS ever, tails, definitely getting surgery. So, when it comes up tails (or heads) do you find you are rooting for the opposite to happen.? My idea was a Ouija board. I thought the coin was the better of the two.  :)
Moni

So I shouldn't use a two headed coin for this?

Quote from: meganjames2 on August 19, 2017, 09:23:53 AM
Elizabeth, I'm not concerned or worried about it,  just that I want to be doing it for the 'right reasons'. For several historical reasons  I've never trusted my instincts,  that's one reason my journey has been very slow to this point.
The idea of it 'feels right'  to me too,  but my stupid head wants a rational reason, and I'm not sure one really exists.
The NHS treatment process is really only made for those on a full medical transition,  so unless you throw your hand up and say no,  it feels like you can end up there almost without thinking!
As you say,  we've both got plenty of time to ponder the inexorables of this one [emoji4]

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Maybe I am too concerned with coming up with the right answer for why I want surgery. I keep using the excuse that it won't matter because I can't fund it anyway. However when asked the question if money wasn't as issue would you have surgery , my answer is "Yes, in a heartbeat"

I had intended to go to Thai land and have it done much cheaper however due to medical complications that is not such a smart idea. The whole surgery is being driven by me at my pace and I don't feel pushed to do anything. I think there is also a part of me that won't accept that it is possible  for me to actually feel complete surgery or not. Sometimes it doesn't feel like reality just some concept.

Quote from: ElizabethK on August 19, 2017, 06:14:54 PM

I had intended to go to Thai land and have it done much cheaper however due to medical complications that is not such a smart idea. The whole surgery is being driven by me at my pace and I don't feel pushed to do anything. I think there is also a part of me that won't accept that it is possible  for me to actually feel complete surgery or not. Sometimes it doesn't feel like reality just some concept.

This is quite fresh in my mind. It did not make me feel complete in itself. It was a big piece in the process that definitely made me feel more aligned. It is not a magic cure for all insecurities, believe me, I still have plenty. It helped with confidence and self image  on a very personal level. As far as being out in public, well it isn't like anyone can see  it, so that hasn't been affected. I try to picture how doing it could hurt someone. I guess if they pushed for doing it when they really aren't wanting it, like if they are fooling themselves.
Moni

It's not such an easy question.  My first impulse would be to say that GCS will somehow complete me, but with any other transwoman, I consider her complete surgery or not.  I am learning to give the same grace to myself.  I live as a woman.  Therefore, I am one.

I think it is more that it completes a process.  Not in the sense that transition will be over--we change then we die.  Instead, there will no longer be a step to take for which I am obligated to someone else.  In other words, I won't so much become a woman as become my own woman.

It certainly helps that my spouse is supportive.  I am excited about the changes, but terribly frightened too.  Knowing that I will go to sleep and wake up with her gives me the courage to proceed.

I don't like my genitals.  They taunt me whenever I need to relieve or clean my body, and they feel awkwardly dissonant with it.  Worse, the shrinkage from HRT has been dramatic.  My testicles hurt more and more often, and my penis now nearly gets lots in the hair.  It's like they want to fall off, but they just need a little help.

Finally, I'm curious.  I know it sounds stupid, but being curious is deeply essential to who I am.  I am constantly gathering and absorbing new information and looking for new ways to make sense of it.  I want to feel what it is like to be female not only in and but in body.