Susan's Place Transgender Resources

LOL sorry for the alarming subject, I couldn't resist (to make up for it, I included pictures in this post :)). I was outed by myself  ;D  For those of you I'm not connected with on Facebook, Thursday of last week was a monumental day for me.  For a few months now I've asked my wife on occasion if it would be easier for her if I just came out publicly.  My plan had always been to do so at some point before I go full-time by posting it on Facebook.

Well a couple weeks ago, she asked me if I'd be willing to do it.  I pretty much jumped at the chance.  For me this was an opportunity to finally get it out there so my friends and family wouldn't have to keep my secret anymore and so that I would finally be able to talk openly about it.  So I prepared a big long post, wrote it up in MS Word and re-read it over and over again making tweaks to be more brief and to clarify topics.  The post explained my situation, my decision, and asked my Facebook friends to contact me if they wanted to be added from my new profile or simply unfriend me if they couldn't handle this news.

I sent copies of it out to my sister, my wife and my mother to get their feedback and made more edits.  I made pro-active contact with a few people including my employer, who could be affected as people got the information.  I also purged my friends list down to only people that were actively a part of my life and who I therefore felt should be included.  I went from 455 friends down to 142. Then the big day came!!

Thursday morning, I copy and pasted the text of that post into my Male profile on Facebook. I sat there for a few minutes just starting at the "Post" button.   I hovered over it with my mouse, forced myself to take a few deep breaths and then I clicked.  That was it.  My story was now available for all my friends, family and neighbors to see.  I walked away from the computer to shake off the nerves.  Within seconds, my phone was blowing up!  I was quickly flooded with supportive responses from my friends indicating their desire to be a part of my life moving forward.  It was overwhelming as I struggled to keep up and send out friend requests to each one. 

The odd thing was that it wasn't until the middle of the day that the enormity of what I had done really settled in. This was truly the end of an era.  The end of a time when I had to hide the truth about who I am out of fear and shame.  The end of having to pretend to be something I'm not.  Sure I'm not full-time yet and have not transitioned yet at work but even there I'm out and have people I can discuss it with.  So truly this coming out on Facebook was a major event.

As it stands right now, 116 of those 142 friends have added me on my new profile.  That's about 80%.  Some of those who came over, were a surprise to me.  Unfortunately, I was also surprised by some of those who have not.  I thought I had prepared myself for the loss but I'll admit it's more painful than I thought seeing the reality of those who could not stay by my side any longer.  I'm hopeful some of them just haven't been on Facebook to see the post, but I also know for sure that some have walked away.

So now it's time for me to make another huge step.  I know we have a thread on the MTF forum for this but I really wanted to share this to the wider audience here.  I've been dying to share with you all my pre-transition photos, but held back.  In fact, no where in the public domain have photos of me in male presentation been shown/stored/posted along side photos of the real me.  Well that changes right now.  Below are a few pics of me from the last couple years, and some recent ones that I've taken.  This is me, this is my past and my future.  Finally I can proudly bring the two together as one, my life.

The "Old" Faux Me:

(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4364/35931139833_96572690d2_b.jpg)
(https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7119/7518448810_26cec2600f_b.jpg)
(https://farm1.staticflickr.com/85/233428567_d116873488.jpg)

And the REAL ME:
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4384/36740659575_7cef8cfccb_b.jpg)
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4439/36570883352_44729de24b_b.jpg)
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4310/35230923744_feb5239294_z.jpg)

Super congrats on both the coming out and your transition progress inside and out!!
Just awesome!

Quote from: AlyssaJ on August 22, 2017, 01:54:31 PM
LOL sorry for the alarming subject, I couldn't resist (to make up for it, I included pictures in this post :)). I was outed by myself  ;D  For those of you I'm not connected with on Facebook, Thursday of last week was a monumental day for me.  For a few months now I've asked my wife on occasion if it would be easier for her if I just came out publicly.  My plan had always been to do so at some point before I go full-time by posting it on Facebook.

Well a couple weeks ago, she asked me if I'd be willing to do it.  I pretty much jumped at the chance.  For me this was an opportunity to finally get it out there so my friends and family wouldn't have to keep my secret anymore and so that I would finally be able to talk openly about it.  So I prepared a big long post, wrote it up in MS Word and re-read it over and over again making tweaks to be more brief and to clarify topics.  The post explained my situation, my decision, and asked my Facebook friends to contact me if they wanted to be added from my new profile or simply unfriend me if they couldn't handle this news.

I sent copies of it out to my sister, my wife and my mother to get their feedback and made more edits.  I made pro-active contact with a few people including my employer, who could be affected as people got the information.  I also purged my friends list down to only people that were actively a part of my life and who I therefore felt should be included.  I went from 455 friends down to 142. Then the big day came!!

Thursday morning, I copy and pasted the text of that post into my Male profile on Facebook. I sat there for a few minutes just starting at the "Post" button.   I hovered over it with my mouse, forced myself to take a few deep breaths and then I clicked.  That was it.  My story was now available for all my friends, family and neighbors to see.  I walked away from the computer to shake off the nerves.  Within seconds, my phone was blowing up!  I was quickly flooded with supportive responses from my friends indicating their desire to be a part of my life moving forward.  It was overwhelming as I struggled to keep up and send out friend requests to each one. 

The odd thing was that it wasn't until the middle of the day that the enormity of what I had done really settled in. This was truly the end of an era.  The end of a time when I had to hide the truth about who I am out of fear and shame.  The end of having to pretend to be something I'm not.  Sure I'm not full-time yet and have not transitioned yet at work but even there I'm out and have people I can discuss it with.  So truly this coming out on Facebook was a major event.

As it stands right now, 116 of those 142 friends have added me on my new profile.  That's about 80%.  Some of those who came over, were a surprise to me.  Unfortunately, I was also surprised by some of those who have not.  I thought I had prepared myself for the loss but I'll admit it's more painful than I thought seeing the reality of those who could not stay by my side any longer.  I'm hopeful some of them just haven't been on Facebook to see the post, but I also know for sure that some have walked away.

So now it's time for me to make another huge step.  I know we have a thread on the MTF forum for this but I really wanted to share this to the wider audience here.  I've been dying to share with you all my pre-transition photos, but held back.  In fact, no where in the public domain have photos of me in male presentation been shown/stored/posted along side photos of the real me.  Well that changes right now.  Below are a few pics of me from the last couple years, and some recent ones that I've taken.  This is me, this is my past and my future.  Finally I can proudly bring the two together as one, my life.

The "Old" Faux Me:

(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4364/35931139833_96572690d2_b.jpg)
(https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7119/7518448810_26cec2600f_b.jpg)
(https://farm1.staticflickr.com/85/233428567_d116873488.jpg)

And the REAL ME:
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4384/36740659575_7cef8cfccb_b.jpg)
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4439/36570883352_44729de24b_b.jpg)
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4310/35230923744_feb5239294_z.jpg)

I have to say one thing. Hopefully i dont get in trouble.
But I think you are beautiful!!!

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

Congrats!! That's a huge step! Also, you look amazing! It's like looking at 2 completely different people.

Congratulations, Alyssa!  Isn't it wonderful when the veil of secrecy is lifted and you get to be yourself?  Freedom!

I definitely prefer the new you pictures!

Yay!  Happy for you that it has gone well,  nice to be out isn't it [emoji5].

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Hey Alyssa. Good job! It must be amazing to start a new era. I just changed my gender on facebook without telling anyone, but everyone's just gonna think that's a joke - your way is better! Those friends who haven't added you on your new profile, it's probably that they haven't seen your post - I go on facebook all the time but I'm always missing people's posts. I can't imagine that anyone would want to lose contact with you because you're trans. Also, congrats on having the courage to show the old photos - your transformation is incredible and you look great. :D

Wow Alyssa, that's an amazing transformation.  I wouldn't have known the before pictures were you. You look very good and much happier now. No offense but the old you looked mean as hell! Lol
Julia

What a great post Alyssa - it's awesome to read such a happy story! 

I can't believe your transformation, I would never have guessed those two people in the photos might have once been the same person

I love this post. Congrats!

I shed a tear on this one. I have been reading so many of your posts watching things play out, the struggles you have gone through, the ups and downs.

Girl you made it and I am so happy for you to finally break through and be your true self.

It gets even better I assure you, once you start to live full time for a while your will see how empowering it can be.

Big Hugs

Niki Marie

Congrats Alyssa, I just finished a post on your other thread, Good Job Girl! Feels good doesn't it?

Hugs,
   Laurie

Way to go! You're an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.

Congrats! Happy to hear you have support.  ;D :D

Quote from: FragileBotanist on August 22, 2017, 11:11:56 PM
Congrats! Happy to hear you have support.  ;D :D

Dear FragileBotanist

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Congratulations... Super happy for you! I think most everyone has some tinge of those friends who don't stay around after coming out... it seems to happen in various ways and to various degrees... and you never know... maybe they haven't checked in yet, or if so, maybe they need time, all that jazz. Sounds like you're doing just fine with it... congrats again!!

You are looking Gorgeous. With the looks and confidence you must be causing heads to turn all over the place.

Congratulations Alyssa!  You've come so far.  You are an inspiration!

Yes. Facebook is a nice place to come out. I was a little bit surprised that so many people are so much open minded, accepting and flexible. Many people, including kids, are wise.

And remember that close friends and significant others look at you more frequently than you watch yourself in the mirror, which means they are adapted to your new image far more than yourself.

barbie~~

Congrats Alyssa! I'm so happy for you. It's nice to know life isn't always about dark times and secrets.

Well from everything I read from your post you seem to have gone the proper route & in some ways a similar one that I also took on Facebook. Although the difference for me is I created an entirely new profile a couple years before my transition and I decided to transition to that newer profile then continue to use my own. Though in many ways I didn't have a choice partly because of how well known I was in my chosen profession & a certain Baltimore TERF who targeted me directly. ( Most people already know who I'm reffering to)


My advice is keep doing what your doing & go at Your own pace that you feel comfortable with. I'm nearing 30 months into my HRT & just hit the 2 year mark since I went full time and I'm still slowly staggering friends in from those that knew me before I transitioned. I've found that nearly everyone has been very supportive though there were a quite a few that were not. 

You're in the process of doing one of the biggest steps in your early transition & so hang in there as it can get pretty emotional at times.  Sending hugs and good thoughts/prayers your way for continued success Alyssa! 


Kensi

Congrats on the big step and thanks for sharing the photos.  You look great!  Hope to follow in the future and make all of those big steps that you have.

I am considering taking this step myself, and I found your post super helpful--you took some really great steps that I am adding to my plan. +1 reputation from me!

OK, I spoke to at least one person via PM that felt it would be helpful if I shared the post that I made for coming out on Facebook.  So in case this is helpful or interesting to anyone else, I'm posting it here.  This is the message I posted on my male Facebook profile last Thursday:

QuoteThis is a very difficult post for me to write and it's going to be long, please read it through to the end. I would like to announce something life changing that may come as a shock you. For most of my life, I've been silently struggling with significant discomfort, anxiety and depression regarding my gender identity. I have even, at times, considered suicide as a result of the denial and repression. With the help of a therapist, I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am transgender and I have begun the process of transitioning to living as a woman. Come November, I will begin living full-time as Alyssa Jean Miller.

So far, my parents, children, siblings, and a number of very close friends with whom I've shared my transition, have been very supportive. I also have the support of a large faith community as well as my employer. I will face many challenges on this journey and the support of the wonderful people in my life has been and will be invaluable.

I realize for many of you, I may be the first transgender person you've ever known. You've likely seen transsexuality sensationalized or treated as a punch line in popular culture. You've certainly witnessed attempts by some to dehumanize and label people like me as perverts or sub-human. However, you may not have had much exposure to the medical and scientific knowledge of gender identity let alone to the realities of life as a transgender person. For this reason I hope you can keep an open mind and understand that my decision to transition was neither easy nor hasty. I welcome any respectful questions you have regarding my transition.

I've recently trimmed down my friends list on Facebook. Those I've kept are people that I consider an important part of my life and I wanted you to hear about this directly from me. In the near future, I will be deactivating this Facebook account. I have created a new profile and if you would like to remain connected with me through Facebook, please either reply to this post or send me a personal message.

I truly hope that all of you will continue to be a part of my life going forward, but I understand that for some this could be too much or in conflict with your personal beliefs. If that is the case, I simply ask that you be respectful and just unfriend me. I've accepted that eventuality and wish you all the best if that is your choice.

Thank you all for your consideration, your friendship and your support. I'm confident with my amazing friends and family standing behind me, I can successfully navigate this difficult path and be successful.

With deepest love, Alyssa

Congrats Alyssa.
I have to do my coming out on Facebook in December.
I can't wait, though I know I will spend some time looking at that "post" button lol

What a fantastic coming out message and a wonderful transition. I'm so happy for you. This is why so many people call us brave :) We certainly have our moments of that don't we.

Also some of the friends may take time to process it and still add you and be in your life. That happened in my case.

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on August 25, 2017, 02:16:50 PM
Congrats Alyssa.
I have to do my coming out on Facebook in December.
I can't wait, though I know I will spend some time looking at that "post" button lol

If you're anything like me, there will be a slight moment of panic after you do it and then you'll say to yourself, well it's out there now :)  You got this Christina, you've got an amazingly supportive partner, you've shown time and again in your posts the level of strength you have.  It takes some courage to click that little blue rectangle, but I'm sure when the time comes you'll be ready.

Robyn, thanks for that, I'm hoping that's the case with a few of them.  Some I couldn't care less about but there were a couple I hoped would stand by me that so far have not.  Only time will tell.

Wow, your post is really wonderful--thanks for sharing this as a resource for the community!

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on August 25, 2017, 02:16:50 PM
Congrats Alyssa.
I have to do my coming out on Facebook in December.
I can't wait, though I know I will spend some time looking at that "post" button lol

God I hesitated over the send button for at least 2 minutes when I sent my coming out email to my mom and siblings.  No panic right afterward but actually a sense of relief. 

Not sure about when or if a public coming out on Facebook.  First,  I don't think I have a decent picture to post with it.  Second reason is much of my wife's family does not know and my wife would rather they don't find out that way.  I changed my name to just my initials and the personal stuff about gender etc but for now that's set to only I can see.

Congrats Alyssa. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Quote from: AlyssaJ on August 25, 2017, 02:09:14 PM
OK, I spoke to at least one person via PM that felt it would be helpful if I shared the post that I made for coming out on Facebook.  So in case this is helpful or interesting to anyone else, I'm posting it here.  This is the message I posted on my male Facebook profile last Thursday:

That was perfect.  I wish I had done something like that.  The only difference was I didn't hesitate.  I was Sooooooo ready to stop living a double life.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Quote from: AlyssaJ on August 25, 2017, 02:09:14 PM
OK, I spoke to at least one person via PM that felt it would be helpful if I shared the post that I made for coming out on Facebook.  So in case this is helpful or interesting to anyone else, I'm posting it here.  This is the message I posted on my male Facebook profile last Thursday:

I loved it...you said what needed and said it with authority and poise.

Alyssa,  Congratulations!  That is a huge hurdle and you handled it with poise and finesse. And thank you for sharing your Facebook coming out post, I know it will help a lot of people.

I just hope that if and when my dy comes, that I can handle it with at least a fraction of the class and thought that you did.