Community Conversation => Youth talk => Topic started by: GraysonIsVeryConfused on August 26, 2017, 02:21:50 PM Return to Full Version
Title: My coming out went not very good
Post by: GraysonIsVeryConfused on August 26, 2017, 02:21:50 PM
Post by: GraysonIsVeryConfused on August 26, 2017, 02:21:50 PM
So. I recently tried to come out to my parents. It went....I don't know. Both parents told me they "couldn't see it" and I was far too girly as a child. They were basically telling me I wasn't trans enough to say I'm trans.
I was heart breaking honestly. To just have my identity brushed off. I know it could have been worse but I was crying all night after it happened.
I just don't know what to do now since...I was weak and gave in. I told them they were right and that I was just over thinking it. So now they think I'm a girl. Well. They have all along. But Now I feel stuck. I can't get a binder or start T without them knowing. I hate lying to them but telling the truth hurts now because of there reaction. Now I'm scared to tell them that I still feel that way. they also said that "your brother is emotional damaged as it is" As if to say I should repress my feelings because apparently it will emotionally damage my brother.
I'm feeling really lost in my dysphoria and depression and I... I just...don't know what to do.
I was heart breaking honestly. To just have my identity brushed off. I know it could have been worse but I was crying all night after it happened.
I just don't know what to do now since...I was weak and gave in. I told them they were right and that I was just over thinking it. So now they think I'm a girl. Well. They have all along. But Now I feel stuck. I can't get a binder or start T without them knowing. I hate lying to them but telling the truth hurts now because of there reaction. Now I'm scared to tell them that I still feel that way. they also said that "your brother is emotional damaged as it is" As if to say I should repress my feelings because apparently it will emotionally damage my brother.
I'm feeling really lost in my dysphoria and depression and I... I just...don't know what to do.
Title: Re: My coming out went not very good
Post by: Laurie on August 26, 2017, 02:45:52 PM
Post by: Laurie on August 26, 2017, 02:45:52 PM
Grayson,
I'm so very sorry for you and your parents reactions to your news. Parents can be so hard on children at times. I'm sure you're hurting now but it isn't then end. Take heart in that you know who you are and you will always be that person though it isn't easy. You parents not accepting what you tell them probably should not have been have been unexpected and you will have more chances to convince them otherwise.
In the meantime be yourself. Be happy in who you know you are. if you have others you can talk to about your feelings , do so. If you have a therapist tell them. You are already here and telling us so continue to share your feelings and listen to the feedback. Like I said you will have more opportunities to talk with your parents to get then to understand and if they don't perhaps you can cet them to get you some therapy is you don't have it already.
(Hug) Grayson It will get better eventually.
Laurie
I'm so very sorry for you and your parents reactions to your news. Parents can be so hard on children at times. I'm sure you're hurting now but it isn't then end. Take heart in that you know who you are and you will always be that person though it isn't easy. You parents not accepting what you tell them probably should not have been have been unexpected and you will have more chances to convince them otherwise.
In the meantime be yourself. Be happy in who you know you are. if you have others you can talk to about your feelings , do so. If you have a therapist tell them. You are already here and telling us so continue to share your feelings and listen to the feedback. Like I said you will have more opportunities to talk with your parents to get then to understand and if they don't perhaps you can cet them to get you some therapy is you don't have it already.
(Hug) Grayson It will get better eventually.
Laurie
Title: Re: My coming out went not very good
Post by: Tammy Jade on August 26, 2017, 04:00:33 PM
Post by: Tammy Jade on August 26, 2017, 04:00:33 PM
When I first told my mum I got similar results:
There has never been any signs
Are you really sure you actually feel this way
This is going to destroy your father
Don't you think you should wait and see if these feelings go away
And this was after already having pierced my ears, started getting my brows and lashes done and starting to wear nail polish.
My parents went full denial.. (at least initially) my parents were worried that this was a fad.. and initially treated it as such, after a few months when they could see that I was actually fully committed they began to take it more seriously.
You have to remember coming out is only the first step in a conversation that will not be resolved overnight. The more you and your parents talk about it the more they will realise how serious and how much it means to you. (That was my experience at least)
Good luck, talking to ur parents can be very hard when it comes to gender and sexuality because my experience one always seems to lead to questions about the other.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
There has never been any signs
Are you really sure you actually feel this way
This is going to destroy your father
Don't you think you should wait and see if these feelings go away
And this was after already having pierced my ears, started getting my brows and lashes done and starting to wear nail polish.
My parents went full denial.. (at least initially) my parents were worried that this was a fad.. and initially treated it as such, after a few months when they could see that I was actually fully committed they began to take it more seriously.
You have to remember coming out is only the first step in a conversation that will not be resolved overnight. The more you and your parents talk about it the more they will realise how serious and how much it means to you. (That was my experience at least)
Good luck, talking to ur parents can be very hard when it comes to gender and sexuality because my experience one always seems to lead to questions about the other.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: My coming out went not very good
Post by: OU812 on August 26, 2017, 08:35:52 PM
Post by: OU812 on August 26, 2017, 08:35:52 PM
Yours reacted exactly the same as mine did over 10 years ago, even down to some of their "rationalizations" (if you can call it that). Please don't hold this against yourself at all. And I really mean at all - not even your 'giving in' as you called it.
Your parents are having a massive, massive case of the Dunning Kruger effect. The answer is right in front of them and they just can't handle it, because it makes them feel like they have no power or understanding over you, their "creation" and charge.
Give them time. I found absolutely no amount of talking helpful with mine. Reading my father's journals, it was appalling what blasphemous misconceptions he had of me. Both of mine eventually came around, in their own way, to the extent that they feel able. That might be easier today where there's 10,000x more online coverage and resources of gender topics than back then.
They need time to process this; but moreso, I found in my case it was extremely helpful for them to see how happy and successful I was after transition, especially compared to what a train-wreck I was beforehand.
Your parents are having a massive, massive case of the Dunning Kruger effect. The answer is right in front of them and they just can't handle it, because it makes them feel like they have no power or understanding over you, their "creation" and charge.
Give them time. I found absolutely no amount of talking helpful with mine. Reading my father's journals, it was appalling what blasphemous misconceptions he had of me. Both of mine eventually came around, in their own way, to the extent that they feel able. That might be easier today where there's 10,000x more online coverage and resources of gender topics than back then.
They need time to process this; but moreso, I found in my case it was extremely helpful for them to see how happy and successful I was after transition, especially compared to what a train-wreck I was beforehand.
Title: Re: My coming out went not very good
Post by: rmaddy on August 26, 2017, 10:09:17 PM
Post by: rmaddy on August 26, 2017, 10:09:17 PM
Nothing better than family. And nothing worse...
Title: Re: My coming out went not very good
Post by: Elis on August 27, 2017, 02:19:01 AM
Post by: Elis on August 27, 2017, 02:19:01 AM
My parents were the same. So I just took matters into my own hands. I organised seeing a gender therapist and receiving my T prescription by myself. Maybe you could look up gender therapists on your own and ask your parents to set up an appointment for you? This would then show them that you are serious and it's not a phase.
I also recommend writing an email explaining how you felt in the past about your assigned gender;, how you feel now about it and plans for the future. And then include some helpful links as to what being trans is.
Apart from that just carry on being yourself. You know yourself better than anyone. Get a male hair cut if you think it'll help or buy some male clothes.
Hope it gets better for you soon.
I also recommend writing an email explaining how you felt in the past about your assigned gender;, how you feel now about it and plans for the future. And then include some helpful links as to what being trans is.
Apart from that just carry on being yourself. You know yourself better than anyone. Get a male hair cut if you think it'll help or buy some male clothes.
Hope it gets better for you soon.