Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I recently came to the conclusion that my gender identity is female, and while I like some stereotypically feminine things I also still like a lot of more stereotypically masculine things. Considering who I want to be, I am imagining myself as female but as somewhat of a tomboy. I understand that this doesn't make me any less trans or any less female, but I worry about other people still seeing me as male underneath because of this. For example, I don't have much interest in makeup and I can see myself still wearing more masculine attire at least some of the time (I am looking more to add feminine attire to my wardrobe rather than replacing my old clothing entirely.) I want to note that I don't want to present as a feminine guy, but as a girl with a balance between femininity and masculinity.

I guess I'm also still feeling a little bit like I'm faking, even though I am finding myself happier identifying as a girl. I suppose it just takes time to adjust ones mindset and to break out of the stereotypes that have been dug into my brain for so long.

FWIW, I feel nearly identical.  I don't know how much my feelings will change as I start to see a woman in the mirror, but right now I am just after "not male" rather than anything else. I'm trying to listen to my heart and do what makes me smile when I see myself.

When I began my transition I wanted to get rid of anything that related to being a man and become a tipical feminine woman. After a few months being a girly girl, I realized that I really needed to stop being a man, and that I still enjoys a few male or manly aspects. I still use my male shirts and vests for example. A few months ago I even got from the tailor a jacket with a male cut. I guess I'm more al dandy-esque woman than a girly and cute one, which might be similar to how you feel. Maybe we should start a club :P

You could say I'm somewhere between androgyne and female. I love my female identity, but I don't mind people treating me as a man. Being honest, I sometimes dress to confuse, and I enjoy when people can't tell whether I'm a guy or a girl.

Whatever floats your boat hun. I know of MtF tomboys they are real girls like ci-female tomboys.  You will find that gender is a spectrum, I dont know if I would consider myself a tom-boy but there are times I dont mind doing things not considered super feminine. The more comfortable I get with my real female idenity and not be so aggitated of some type of ''maleness' the more I see myself cracking open some cold ones with the boys, the boys I knew but havent seen in a bit.

Heck, I know a trans-woman who came out in 2015 and she hated living as a male. I recall last year in the summer, being the last time I saw her face to face she put on this pretty finger ring. She hadnt worn it since she came out and she admitted she was worried as she was afriad it would connect to masculinity. Fastforward to today and she does drag shoes, yes shows where she dress up as a male for entertaiment. You couldnt pay me enough move to do that but I guess she is more conifident in her skin to know she is a female! like I said, I could never invision myself going that far.. the only male things I could wear are probably shorts as they are generally nicer xD

 I honestly think this is super awesome. When I started I had this vision of the perfect woman that I wanted to be and now I realize that I need to go with the flow and stop pressuring myself to be this Barbie doll. I can be whoever I want to be. And if you feel like a tomboy that's awesome and really interesting!


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We all have these "Ideal" images of who we want to be. Unfortunately, that is them and not us. I like fixing things like cars, houses, electronics. Sure bet I won't be doing a brake job in a skirt. Usually it's in coveralls, especially if replacing wheel bearings, as long as I am half way there, are also on the list. I also love girlie-girl.

I am the sum totality of me, my life experiences, my likes, my dislikes. The same me in a skirt & heels, or ratty jeans. I also have an image of the sort of looks I would love to have. To be all those big girlie-girl things I haven't a clue are.

Next lifetime maybe

Hair, feminine clothes and makeup don't define what we woman are.  They are all just optional accessories that can help express your outward individuality, not your internal identity.  There are just as many rough thinking feminine woman as there are gentle souls with short hair who wear jeans everyday.

There's also no rules about what activities we can and can't enjoy.  Embrace your identity and be yourself.....nobody is quite like you so there are no rule/limits on how that should be lived.

You can be Feminine or Masculine it doesn't matter.

I still thro on my cargo pants and boys tops when I work on my race cars..

1: im not going to waste the money buying all new clothes just to get them covered in mud and grease

2: cis girls can put on boys clothes and and no one cares, yes if we do it.. it makes it slightly harder to pass but being a Tomtransgirl is still perfectly ok.


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I was just thinking about a very similar idea, not so much with overtly masculine things but more just dealing with my complete and utter nerd-dom. The only clothing I have that I actually love right now is a handful of comic book and video game t-shirts such as the one I'm wearing this moment (https://images.fun.com/products/36450/1-1/pop-tees-captain-america-fight-for-freedom-mens-t-shirt.jpg already on the cutesy side I guess). And no matter what, I'm not giving them up. I want all of the skirts, dresses (nothing fancy, I'm not a fancy person), blouses, and so forth... but I'm still me, and there are plenty of cis-women out there who wear the anime-shirts-with-pants kind of things too. And while I want to learn makeup, wear lipstick, and so and so on... I definitely don't want to wear it 24/7. (And I find lacy stuff to be itchy, so that's definitely not my thing.)

My sister has been a bit of an inspiration to my mindset on this in that there is no reason to overcompensate, as I watch her go through almost every day with no make-up and fairly arbitrary comfortable clothing, and still be the most feminine person in any room at any time.

So yeah, your interests are your interests, your hobbies are your hobbies. I see no need to betray mine moving forward, and neither should you. (As long as they are genuine of course and not previously adopted to obscure gender issues.)

Thanks everyone, it was nice to come home to a lot of good replies!

Breaking past the stereotypes is hard, but the motto of following what I want and not trying to overcompensate is one I can believe in. It's tough because I want people to accept me as female, so naturally trends towards highly feminine things. I do like some of those things, but I shouldn't be doing them just to try to affect others, I should be doing them for my own personal happiness.

I strive to be exactly this, BTW.  If I can pass as a tomboy in my future, I will be a very happy girl indeed.  My hobbies although not manly like sports, still are considered a bit masculine.  I like woodworking, metal working, and CAD.  A girly girl just wouldn't seem right for me.  However a feminine tomboy in overalls where you could
Still clearly see a girl, yummy!

Quote from: FlightlessFootwear on September 02, 2017, 06:43:13 PM
Thanks everyone, it was nice to come home to a lot of good replies!

Breaking past the stereotypes is hard, but the motto of following what I want and not trying to overcompensate is one I can believe in. It's tough because I want people to accept me as female, so naturally trends towards highly feminine things. I do like some of those things, but I shouldn't be doing them just to try to affect others, I should be doing them for my own personal happiness.

I like to look at this how is living up other peoples expectations of a woman any different then living up other peoples expectations for you as a guy?

I think I'm a tomboy. I often prefer male company to female, I go for pints with my male friends, I can't be arsed with make-up and only use it as a total necessity right now, because I'm pre-HRT and I need to do what I can do feminise myself.

I love Pokemon, Dr Who, Zelda - primarily boy things. I get kind of obsessed with things that can be classified by colour - countries, lines on the London underground, etc. This borderline-autistic feature I've always thought of as quite a male thing. Oh, and I'm a mathematician too. :D

When I first realised I was a girl (very recently), I hated all the above things, because they presented themselves as evidence that I was not truly MTF, and they're "not things girls do". But it hasn't taken long to realise that they're part of my female identity: when I hang around with my boy friends, I'm not "one of the lads", instead I have affection for them in an "aren't boys sweet" kind of way. When I play Zelda, I'm not being Link, I'm watching him. etc.

For a concrete example of an MTF with tomboy-ish traits, look up "minorqback" on youtube. A lot of MTF youtubers are excessively feminine (which is fine! One of these is another of my faves), but she's way more down to earth and I adore her.

L x

Quote from: JoanneB on September 03, 2017, 07:25:42 AM
I like to look at this how is living up other peoples expectations of a woman any different then living up other peoples expectations for you as a guy?

I suppose I've been trying to just maintain the bare minimum of expectations for being a guy. I don't go out of the way to reinforce that image in the first place, so I guess what makes me nervous is having to put in a lot of effort to reinforce the opposite just to be accepted as who I am. Some things I don't mind doing just because I like them, but I'm worried I'll feel like I'm acting just as much or more as a girl as I do now just to make sure people know I'm female.

I am very similar to you, and my therapist has encouraged me to learn more about nonbinary gender. I can't tell you much, since I am just beginning to learn about it myself, but it might be something to learn more about.

Quote from: Leila94 on September 03, 2017, 08:56:13 AM
I love Pokemon, Dr Who, Zelda - primarily boy things. I get kind of obsessed with things that can be classified by colour - countries, lines on the London underground, etc. This borderline-autistic feature I've always thought of as quite a male thing. Oh, and I'm a mathematician too. :D

When I first realised I was a girl (very recently), I hated all the above things, because they presented themselves as evidence that I was not truly MTF, and they're "not things girls do". But it hasn't taken long to realise that they're part of my female identity: when I hang around with my boy friends, I'm not "one of the lads", instead I have affection for them in an "aren't boys sweet" kind of way. When I play Zelda, I'm not being Link, I'm watching him. etc.

My step-sister's birthday is next week. Her big present request? A Switch with Breath of the Wild. (My dad and step-mother always go overboard on presents even with adult children. :x) She also went to San Diego Comic-con last year complete in cosplay. That's one of the great things about the world today, you can love things like Dr. Who (which actually has a crazy huge fan girl base anyway), Pokemon, and Zelda and still be every bit the woman as the "classic"(more stereotypical) feminine girl who does nothing but talk about makeup and shopping. (I originally said glitter and ponies, but I realized that isn't a woman, that is a small child.)

Quote
For a concrete example of an MTF with tomboy-ish traits, look up "minorqback" on youtube. A lot of MTF youtubers are excessively feminine (which is fine! One of these is another of my faves), but she's way more down to earth and I adore her.

L x

There is definitely a lack of non-ultra feminine transwomen on youtube. There's one girl though whose name I forget (something like a girl for all seasons is her channel) that talks about her love of cars and racing, and how she wasn't giving that up just because she transitioned. That helped my perspective a lot.

Quote from: Roll on September 03, 2017, 11:47:45 AMThere is definitely a lack of non-ultra feminine transwomen on youtube. There's one girl though whose name I forget (something like a girl for all seasons is her channel) that talks about her love of cars and racing, and how she wasn't giving that up just because she transitioned. That helped my perspective a lot.

Bizarrely, I just watched that video. She's great, super intelligent, I found her voice video helpful too.

As for women loving those nerd things, sure! But I should clarify that I'm a fan of the old Dr Whos, whose female fan base is decidedly smaller than that of Matt Smith.... XD

Tomboys really do rock and the term goes way back in my long lifetime.  Now we have tomboi, demiboi, demigrrl and just plain butch too.  All good!

Frankly i consider the binary narrative for gender to be an obviously flawed representation of humanity.  A quick look around a walmart parking lot should clearly indicate how diverse we really are. ;D   Ken and Barbie dolls are not real people.

Quote from: Leila94 on September 03, 2017, 12:14:58 PM
Bizarrely, I just watched that video. She's great, super intelligent, I found her voice video helpful too.

Leila, can you post a link to that video?  I would like to watch it!

https://www.youtube.com/user/Charlie247Girl

That is her channel. Not sure if there is a single video that discusses the issue completely, but she talks about it pretty consistently.

Quote from: FlightlessFootwear on September 02, 2017, 12:17:24 AM
I recently came to the conclusion that my gender identity is female, and while I like some stereotypically feminine things I also still like a lot of more stereotypically masculine things. Considering who I want to be, I am imagining myself as female but as somewhat of a tomboy. I understand that this doesn't make me any less trans or any less female, but I worry about other people still seeing me as male underneath because of this. For example, I don't have much interest in makeup and I can see myself still wearing more masculine attire at least some of the time (I am looking more to add feminine attire to my wardrobe rather than replacing my old clothing entirely.) I want to note that I don't want to present as a feminine guy, but as a girl with a balance between femininity and masculinity.

I guess I'm also still feeling a little bit like I'm faking, even though I am finding myself happier identifying as a girl. I suppose it just takes time to adjust ones mindset and to break out of the stereotypes that have been dug into my brain for so long.

My friend is like you and people question her being trans for that but she from country where they consider the person trans when she always put make up and nail polish and sexy dresses with long hair

It's dumb

My nature is feminine extra feminine if I have the chance but sometime I love unisex style
But only because I'm force to it I believe when I have my freedom I will always dress feminine styles and wear make up

Quote from: Bari Jo on September 03, 2017, 12:37:40 PM
Leila, can you post a link to that video?  I would like to watch it!

Sure - actually I'm a bit worried about posting links to videos, that can have bad consequences right...? The video's called "Am I trans enough to transition...?" =) But her other videos are wonderful too.

L x

Oh, maybe pm to me?  I want to see it at least:)

It should just come up if you type "am I trans enough to transition" into youtube =D

MtF tomboy-girl here. Sometimes I like to go out more feminine than others, but my groove is on the non-binary side. I love being identified as female, but I'm not preoccupied by it any more. If someone looks at me and thinks I'm just some girlish looking guy wearing girly stuff I don't give a shi_. Heck, I was bullied about that any way growing up without even trying. I just let me be me whatever my gender mood is on a given day. Good vibes all around!

Lol, totally missed that, will do!

This is me too. I don't mind the male I've become but I have always viewed myself as female. I love sports. Played them and coach them now. And I'm not going to give that up. I might ease up on them to learn some things that I might have been too "male" to learn though. I have already had these thoughts myself and I just came to the conclusion that being me is enough. Shoot, I've never really been the true me yet so why not give it a try? I know I won't be super girly but I don't really want to be. That's the great thing about growing up in the country is that all the great women that I was exposed to was really well rounded. And that's something that I admire and try to be.


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