Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Apparently I made my Susans account today one year ago. For some reason I sometimes think I made it in August :S?

I digress, one year here and oh boy what a difference makes. (warning, the first bit may be triggering and quite honestly not pretty to read but the second bit it where it is at :D )


Around September 2nd 2016 I was a hurtin' unit. I knew who I was in my heart but my stubborn brain was so inclined to listen to what society and the negative people were saying. I would sometimes jump the entire gender spectrum in a single day, from being compulsed to being a mans man to being the woman I wanna be to sometimes something in the middle. Now, I realize there are people who do live throughout the spectrum, sometimes in a span of a single day and if they can do it they have my admiration. Me on the hand , that wasnt a safe place. It was actually awful. The power of whatever was in my mind pulling me from my happy place to be what I hated was too powerful. As you all know it was a difficult run. I cried and self harmed. Sometimes my self harm was kinda planned like cutting (which i regret doing) just to pull the pain away and other times it was like a response and happen at random. this incules biting, hair ripping, deep scratching and such. It just happened and I snapped (perhaps as DR said due to irritablity/meltdown as i am on ASD).  Also, the only time I could find any happiness was when I was drunk so that became an all too common coping mechenisim. I also began to uncontrolablly vomit and as a result came close to eating entire 3 bricks of butter to both regain weight and form of self harm. I also spent some time in the hospital for suicide ideations and tendencies.


Fast forward a year later:

Life gets better each day. I been doing counselling and unlocking many truths that had been long baried, I been feeling more like myself and more like a woman this year 2017 then any other time in my life, up and including when I admitted I was trans and came out first in 2014. As much as I say I feel more female and am cracking open my true feminine identity I gotta say, gender isnt on my mind as much. Nope, these days thinking about the career I am going to work towards is much more brain time worthy. I even been thinking of when I do move from Ontario to Manitoba who can I give back. I want to volunteer to the community and help in any of the fine centers they have, be it LGBT, autism, homelessness, blind, ect.. I want to make a difference to those who walked a similar path as myself in some form or to even help and gain the knowledge of someone struggling with an issue I know nothing about (drug, homlessness, ect). Its my time to help!

Now of course, looking and living as the woman I am helps and knowing that in about a year from now I will be getting GRS (fingers crossed) life is moving forward. I have been described as more active. My friends notice a more open and happier girl and even my mom loves seeing her daughter cleaning around the house, mowing the lawn, doing errons out of inititive instead of sulking behind a computer on the bed just giving up and doing things either at home or at work because I have to. Seriously, I am actually doing thing and at work going the extra mile. And being 23, it is well past time these changes happened. Also, for once I have a savings account :D!!


I guess... I guess to the new member here, and the ones struggling to find who and where they are on the gender spectrum all I gotta say is give it time. I went from a mess who couldnt hold a 4 hour job to a woman who is now activley seeking a career, maybe even a higher education. Life is proving to be my oyster! i still have my moments of woe, but it is not an iota what it used to be. I am grounded and reasoned now <3

Much love!

Happy one year anniversary :)  I love seeing people here moving forward in life such as you, it is great! 

Ashley, you remind me of my daughter, who has been turning her life around the past year. You've both made extraordinary changes, and have done very well  for yourselves.

You can be very proud of what you have achieved this past year.

We are much stronger than we think we are.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ashley,

  What a difference a year makes. I didn't know you a year ago because I wasn't here. But I have known you quite awhile now and I must say there has been a huge shift in the personality of the woman I saw back when I joined. I am glad to be able to say "You've come a long way, Baby!"  And that you have Ashley. Anyone can see that from what you posted here. Just keep the progress going and work for your dreams.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thank you everybody <3. I appreciate it so much!, I can hardly wait to see what the next year brings!

Ashley, you have grown in so many ways over the time you have been here on the forums. It's like watching caterpillar eventually turn into a beautiful butterfly and mature and grow over time. Congrats and I know you will grow even some more over the coming year ahead of you. The more you unlock and learn the more you will continue to grow and blossom. Hugs
Mariah

Times flies doesn't it...wow you have come a long way in a year...Congrats and I hope things keep getting better for you.

Thanks again everybody! I am unsure where I would be now if i didnt have the support I needed. Again, thanks to each and everyone of you <3

Awwwww,......It's so nice to have you here. You really spruce the joint up!    Happy Tranniversary honey!   ;)

Quote from: Jessica Lynne on September 03, 2017, 11:27:42 AM
Awwwww,......It's so nice to have you here. You really spruce the joint up!    Happy Tranniversary honey!   ;)

Thanks beautiful <3!! lol its the best Tranniversary ever ;D!