Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 11:07:57 AM Return to Full Version
Title: First Real Coming Out
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 11:07:57 AM
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 11:07:57 AM
Okay I did it. This is my first to people outside of Susan's, doctors or electroligists. This is to a girl at the old company I worked for. She's a a recent vocal ally of the trans community. When I worked there (only a few years ago) it was so testosterone driven that it was miserable, at least for me. I chose this person, mainly because of the pain I have had associated with working there and not accepting who I was. I was sexually harassed more than once there. I didn't know how to deal with it, or myself at the time, so become an angry shut in. The person that harassed me was eventually fired for harassment after I moved on to something better. Still that experience caused me years of pain, questioning, and doubt. I get choked up thinking about it still. So coming out to this person, who knew me, the company, and the employees at the time is therapy for me too. Whew more weight lifted.
Title: Re: First coming out
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 02:19:31 PM
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 02:19:31 PM
As a side note, it couldn't have gone better. She was full of support and asked if she could share my comments with the company's new advisory council, which I agreed to. If the company was accepting at the time I was there, I'd imagine I would still be there.
Title: Re: First Real Coming Out
Post by: KathyLauren on September 09, 2017, 05:05:33 PM
Post by: KathyLauren on September 09, 2017, 05:05:33 PM
Congratulatons on coming out. It is always a big step, and the first one is the hardest. I am glad you felt relief. It must have been a bit upsetting to bring up those memories, so I am glad it went well.
Title: Re: First Real Coming Out
Post by: Megan. on September 09, 2017, 05:14:11 PM
Post by: Megan. on September 09, 2017, 05:14:11 PM
Well done, that's great, I'm glad it was positive, and that your feedback might also make a difference for others. X
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Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Title: Re: First Real Coming Out
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 05:42:31 PM
Post by: Bari Jo on September 09, 2017, 05:42:31 PM
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 09, 2017, 05:05:33 PM
Congratulatons on coming out. It is always a big step, and the first one is the hardest. I am glad you felt relief. It must have been a bit upsetting to bring up those memories, so I am glad it went well.
It was upsetting and I cried a bit, but I needed to get this one out of the way. I used to think about it all the time.
The girl I came out to knew I was different, just didn't know how much. The boy that harassed me didn't know I was trans, thought I was gay I'm sure. Still bullies always seem to know what and how to pick on people. This was pain I've carried with me a long time. Not as much now, I hope.
Title: Re: First Real Coming Out
Post by: Kendra on September 11, 2017, 01:01:48 PM
Post by: Kendra on September 11, 2017, 01:01:48 PM
Bari Jo, great to you for doing this! Some things do take practice or a little bit of experience, and my own coming out started with massive difficulty and has now actually become quite fun.
I was harassed 15 years ago by my manager at work and I didn't report it. That same individual also criticized me in the hallway for my decision to stop drinking - I am pretty sure others overheard him tell me - his words were "never trust someone who doesn't drink." He was pushed out of the company a couple years after that, I don't have the details but I should have immediately reported what happened at the time - even if not for myself, to help reduce the chance of that happening to anyone else. I think we can all say: if we just knew back then what we understand now...
You are doing the right thing.
Kendra
I was harassed 15 years ago by my manager at work and I didn't report it. That same individual also criticized me in the hallway for my decision to stop drinking - I am pretty sure others overheard him tell me - his words were "never trust someone who doesn't drink." He was pushed out of the company a couple years after that, I don't have the details but I should have immediately reported what happened at the time - even if not for myself, to help reduce the chance of that happening to anyone else. I think we can all say: if we just knew back then what we understand now...
You are doing the right thing.
Kendra