Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It says I'm supposed to give my story.

I'm a 30-something single parent. I'm a gemini. I'm m2f transgendered. It started at age 12. There had never been any doubt in my mind that I was a female. Biology and society disagreed with me, but I have a female brain, and this was an obvious fact to me since before I was a teenager. I come from a fundamentalist Christian family, and this sort of thing is considered an abomination. I promised myself at age 13 that I would kill myself if I went through puberty as a boy, but I'm very glad I broke that promise. I was caught crossdressing as a child many times and I was beaten, screamed at, and threatened every time I was caught. I learned to hide it very well. As a young adult I felt lost, but I finally had opportunities to explore that part of myself. When I was 25, my daughter was born, andy life finally had a purpose. Just when I tried to transition, her mother left, and I thought that going through with it would make me an irresponsible parent. I raised my daughter, and gave up on all of my hopes and dreams.

My ex put my daughter and I through a living hell. I lost her for 3 years before I won custody in court. We just started our lives over again, and it's been very rough, but we are happy together. My ex doesn't come around anymore, but I make sure I'm there for my kid day after day. I'm still recovering from the 3 years of hell, and it's amazing that I'm still alive after what I went through. In April I saw a therapist for the first time ever, after being confronted at work by a friend and told I had ptsd. I found a therapist I liked that had ptsd and gender tags on her website. Seeing her changed my life.

Now, I feel like I've lost my faith, but I'm free from fear. All these things that worried me just seem stupid. I hate who I am, and I pretty much always have, but for the first time I feel hope that I can change that. So, starting Jan 1, 2018, I'm going to be a different person. That's my deadline, and I'm chalking everything up till then as preperation. I've told everyone that I care to tell my plans, except my daughter. I'm not afraid of telling her and I have no doubt she will be supportive, but I want to wait until closer to the end of the year to sit her down and talk about all of this. I don't yet know how far down the rabbit hole I'm going. Ideally, all the way, but even if I don't start HRT or save up enough for a boob job, I'm going to live, dress, and act however I want.

So this is where I'm at now. I used to think transition was not an option. Now I'm doing it, hell or high water and all that. There is so much to learn, and it's hard to be patient. I have to take care of my kid, and it's not easy with 2 parents let alone one. But, fear isn't going to hold me back any more. Neither is all the bad that's happened, or crippling loneliness. All that did was make me stronger, and I have all the strength I need. Now I just need some time to put some work in.

Hello Lucy
Nice to meet you.

I know you will be yourself soon enough


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Hi Lucy,

I'm Laurie, mtf. Welcome to Susan's Place and thank you for sharing your story with us. I love your resolve. And I love your dedication to your daughter. Living a life that doesn't feel right is not an easy thing to do. I know as I did it for 64 years though I didn't know just what was wrong with me until about last November. In December I began my transition into the woman I need to be. It's been very rough and it has been oh so rewarding. It is not an easy road we travel but it is one we must travel to be ourselves. I wish you well on your own journey.
  In he meantime Lucy come on in and make yourself a home here among friends. Please let me provide you with some information that may make your stay here with us more rewarding. Please take the time to check it out especially the red link as it covers a couple of questions we are always getting from new folk that didn't read it.

Hugs,
  Laurie

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Hello Lucy, welcome to Susan's!

I am MtF originally from a small town in the US (Arlington, Washington State) where quite a few of my neighbors' households had beliefs similar to the one you were raised in.  My parents are not religious but if they were, my heritage would be Buddhist-Mormon.  I have occasionally wondered if those two were blended into one temple how would it look and what would people talk about inside.  I chalk it up to additional things that make our world interesting, and the main thing is it sounds like both you and I figured out how to get closer to our true selves. 

I am glad you found a good therapist who helped you discover many of the answers to your issues.  There is so much here on Susan's, great people and I can count it as even greater now that you are a member.  We each bring a unique perspective to a topic we have in common.

I think you have already taken many of the most important steps in your jouney.  The foundation of transition is your mind, everything else is small or large details.  I wish you the best and I'm looking forward to seeing you around here.

Kendra

Hi Lucy
I'm new to forum as well but old with regards to the heartache and difficult time that our 'make up' can mean. I too am moving towards what I already know will make peace in my heart and mind. I have children and a wife, who seem to accept some, but not all of what I am doing, and I am loving them more than ever as I slowly move towards being as female as I can be.
We do need to be what we need to be, but be careful as you need to know the joys and the pitfalls of what being TG is. For me so far even the slight hints and feelings I have had, reassured me that I can only go on with this journey, but make sure you bring your loved ones along with you, or at least the ones that really love you, its tough for them too remember..
I truly wish you the best and happiness for the future, you will get help and reassurance whatever you decide from this forum as we judge no one, just help them where we can to get where they need to be.
I really wish you every chance, luck and wishes that you get to where you need to be with the least heartache -
Love
Katie Again XOX

Hi there! Yeah, I was a church kid too so I hear you. This is a journey made of so many small steps. Family issues will slow it down but does not stop it entirely. Be a good parent and everything else will line up after that. Do what you can and let the rest wait till another day.

R W

Hi Lucy  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M