Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just wondering how the you other MTF women have intercourse with men? Do you dilate first or can you just go straight for it? Wondering because I seem to be extraordinarily tight at the start of dilation and I don't feel like i'd be able to have spontaneous or 'smooth' intercourse without dilating or something prior to the event, as it were.

Any thoughts/opinions and/or experience would be greatly appreciated.

I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question I often wonder about now that im every close to try vaginal sex with my boyfriend (as soon as I feel more comfortable with n°4 dilator)! I suppose and hope that as time and healing passes by you'll become more spontaneuos about sex but I want to hear real experience

I'm pre-surgery, but I imagine this is a very individual thing.
Getting yourself mentally relaxed and the muscles relaxed is key. That might involve a decent amount of foreplay/toys,  or yes you could dilate beforehand if that makes things better. Sorry if this isn't much use!

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Quote from: ClaudiaPitCar on October 12, 2017, 12:33:42 PM
I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question

It seems pretty easy for topics to get a bit lost in many of the sub forums.

I haven't had sex yet. I would think if I where with somebody impatient, I might plan a dilation first however if they are willing to take a minute or two with the initial insertion, there would be plenty of room.

Quote from: ClaudiaPitCar on October 12, 2017, 12:33:42 PM
I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question I often wonder about now that im every close to try vaginal sex with my boyfriend (as soon as I feel more comfortable with n°4 dilator)! I suppose and hope that as time and healing passes by you'll become more spontaneuos about sex but I want to hear real experience

Yeah, I thought i'd get plenty of responses as intercourse i'd imagine is on a lot of post-ops or soon-to-be post-ops minds.

Quote from: meganjames2 on October 12, 2017, 01:10:10 PM
I'm pre-surgery, but I imagine this is a very individual thing.
Getting yourself mentally relaxed and the muscles relaxed is key. That might involve a decent amount of foreplay/toys,  or yes you could dilate beforehand if that makes things better. Sorry if this isn't much use!

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Any reply is better than no reply. Thanks. :)

Quote from: Dena on October 12, 2017, 05:11:28 PM
I haven't had sex yet. I would think if I where with somebody impatient, I might plan a dilation first however if they are willing to take a minute or two with the initial insertion, there would be plenty of room.

Sounds like I need to get a bigger dilator then, because if a dude came at me (pardon the pun) with a dick, slowly or not I doubt he'd be able to enter whatsoever.

Quote from: Aibhilín on October 12, 2017, 05:52:02 PM

Sounds like I need to get a bigger dilator then

I think we all remember that quote from Jaws.

Why don't you tell him to do with his dick what you would do with the dilator? Sex might take longer but it will be more fun :P

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 12, 2017, 10:49:37 PM
Why don't you tell him to do with his dick what you would do with the dilator? Sex might take longer but it will be more fun :P

Ask him to shrink in girth by an inch or so, and gain a tapered tip? xD

I have to start small. :)

Quote from: Aibhilín on October 13, 2017, 12:23:41 AM
Ask him to shrink in girth by an inch or so, and gain a tapered tip? xD

I have to start small. :)

Ah ok lol! Maybe he can be the one inserting the dildo[emoji57]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have not had sex yet so I cannot help with the question. It is a great question though and I am interested in the answer.

I have limited experience but the few times I've tried post op I did require dilation leading up to intercourse, even then it was tight and painful for me. I realize now I need to relax more, so maybe with the right partner it will be better. My partner was very patient, but I think I needed an emotional connection that wasn't there. I still have much to learn about what works for me going forward.

I've posted a similar question but aimed at longer term -- can we ever get past the need for a tapered dilator as necessary foreplay?

I've had silicone-IV sex a few time now, the first time was at 5 months post op and while it's definitely getting better (I can now accommodate what I think of as a nice medium size toy) still I absolutely need to warm up with a tapered dilator. I'm making that part of foreplay for now but I'd really rather get to a place where it's optional.

I / we may get to a male-attached penis in the next couple of months and I absolutely expect to get with a male of some sort at a sex party in January.

My experience on the pushing side of PIV and PIA intercourse and with toys suggests to me that an intuitive lover can really use the combination of softness and stiffness of a penis to make penetration go easier than it usually does with silicone. At the very least it's very sensitive anatomy and the user can feel their way past tightness or resistance better than is possible with a toy (I've used strapons for thrusting a lot when I was still male equipped when dysphoria dictated). Also an erection can be made somewhat stiffer or less rigid at will by flexing so again, a caring lover can nearly always do a better job with a penis.

Here's to finding our way to being fully functional🍻, everyone has said it takes a full year for the surgery to really settle in to place.

Wouldn't it be lovely to just feel open for once? Lol. Even dilating is a pain in the ass, if you'll pardon the pun. The vagina really doesn't feel remotely accommodating to even my smallest dilator at first. No way in hell could I take a human penis spontaneously, and that is quite a depressing thought.

At about 2 to 3 months post-op, I started dilating with the intent of simulating intercourse, rather than as "dilation."  I was ready for spontaneous sex after a couple weeks, with a couple of caveats.

First, the actual technique.  Make sure you're well lubricated in advance.  Insert the dilator with some vigor, as far as it'll go the first time, which might only be an inch or two, then pull it out just as fast.  And just repeat, with each insertion getting a little bit deeper, until you bottom out.  Once you've bottomed out, keep "dilating" with the vigorous in/out motion for a couple of minutes, going all the way in and out.  Repeat with larger dilators until you're done.  If you can play with your clit while you're doing this, making it an erogenous activity, all the better!  After doing this for a couple weeks, everything got so much more relaxed down there -- the "hold it in place" technique of dilation really doesn't prepare you for intercourse.

Once I was relaxed, the only other thing I needed prior to sex was lubrication.  In my purse I'd keep a small bottle of special lube (a flavorless water-based lube with sea salt added to make it taste right) and a plastic insertion tube (like from a Monistat package), then go to the bathroom before sexy fun times.  The first few times it'd probably help to keep a small dilator with me, too, just for a quick opening before sexy fun times (again in the privacy of a bathroom), but once I was having sex regularly the only thing I've needed was lube. 

Quote from: Sophia Sage on October 26, 2017, 07:53:22 AM
  In my purse I'd keep a small bottle of special lube (a flavorless water-based lube with sea salt added to make it taste right)

That is an interesting idea, adding sea salt. I always feel awkward talking about this stuff, but the issue of taste has been on my mind. I've read several places though that scents and tastes (since down there does tend to sweat) produced by the effect of HRT do the job on this, was the salt just to give it that added, uhhh, not sure the word, "kick" or was it the entirety of the effect? Hopefully that question makes sense, I know it is phrased weird since this topic makes me nervous and anxiety clouds my brain. ;D

Quote from: Sophia Sage on October 26, 2017, 07:53:22 AM
At about 2 to 3 months post-op, I started dilating with the intent of simulating intercourse, rather than as "dilation."  I was ready for spontaneous sex after a couple weeks, with a couple of caveats.

First, the actual technique.  Make sure you're well lubricated in advance.  Insert the dilator with some vigor, as far as it'll go the first time, which might only be an inch or two, then pull it out just as fast.  And just repeat, with each insertion getting a little bit deeper, until you bottom out.  Once you've bottomed out, keep "dilating" with the vigorous in/out motion for a couple of minutes, going all the way in and out.  Repeat with larger dilators until you're done.  If you can play with your clit while you're doing this, making it an erogenous activity, all the better!  After doing this for a couple weeks, everything got so much more relaxed down there -- the "hold it in place" technique of dilation really doesn't prepare you for intercourse.

Once I was relaxed, the only other thing I needed prior to sex was lubrication.  In my purse I'd keep a small bottle of special lube (a flavorless water-based lube with sea salt added to make it taste right) and a plastic insertion tube (like from a Monistat package), then go to the bathroom before sexy fun times.  The first few times it'd probably help to keep a small dilator with me, too, just for a quick opening before sexy fun times (again in the privacy of a bathroom), but once I was having sex regularly the only thing I've needed was lube.

That's very interesting. I do find that upon initial insertion of the smallest dilator it does only go in about 2 inches until I'm hit with a wall, and pain. Takes me a while to work it all the way in, which doesn't make sense to me, I always assumed a lubricated object small enough to fit in would just push passed everything, even if it was a bit uncomfortable. It was really nice to hear that you don't have to pry yourself open before sex though, it gave me a degree of hope, so thank you for that. As for the technique you mentioned, I'll have to give it a try.

Quote from: Roll on October 26, 2017, 10:01:12 AMThat is an interesting idea, adding sea salt. I always feel awkward talking about this stuff, but the issue of taste has been on my mind. I've read several places though that scents and tastes (since down there does tend to sweat) produced by the effect of HRT do the job on this, was the salt just to give it that added, uhhh, not sure the word, "kick" or was it the entirety of the effect? Hopefully that question makes sense, I know it is phrased weird since this topic makes me nervous and anxiety clouds my brain. ;D

The salt is strictly for flavor. 

Quote from: Sophia Sage on October 26, 2017, 07:53:22 AM
but once I was having sex regularly the only thing I've needed was lube.

That's correct, but does take time with the right partner, and somebody that's gentle and has patience. I'm now married over 7 years to my husband and seldom use a dilator, but always use lube to moisten up and make things easier when receiving him, we've also introducted lube in foreplay, without going into too much detail, hubby smears his hand and fingers with lube, then inserts and stimulates me and moistens me up at the same time, when I'm totally moist and relaxed I'm ready to received him, it's tighter than a cis vagina, a wow factor with some men, it's about 2 people tuned into each other, but lube is a girl's best friend, I wouldn't be without it.

I dilate once a week and my hubs and I have sex 1-2x a week. Doesn't seem to matter when we have sex in relation to dilation, it's never too tight persay.

It does feel a little 'sore' if done the same day as dilation and if I skip a week it's definitely tight.

Well a month later I have some more feedback. Being diligent about dilation and doing fairly frequent sex play I'm now finding my I have a lot more space in my vagina. Where a month ago I couldn't easily insert a single finger all the way without dilating first, now I can easily do one, and follow right away with a second, no dilation prior.

It's definitely about tightness in the vaginal lining (skin). I know my pelvic floor muscles can accommodate (all the same there as for anal penetration). I've also plenty of experience with how I and my lovers have accommodated girth in anal play and the stretching that happens to the skin as well as the process of accustoming the muscles to both girth and vigorous play.

It's really nice to find I'm slowly but surely becoming more like a natal female down there :-).

I am pretty nervous about commenting on this subject as some people here are so easily offended. Nevertheless it is important information, especially for those who are planning to have srs.
After carefully and thoroughly washing your hands place one finger, or two or three,  inside your mouth and feel the inside of your cheek. That is what the inside of my vagina feels like. Now, push out. That is how "stretchy" it is.
What you are feeling inside your mouth is mucousal tissue. This is now available via the peritoneal graft.
Just something l think anyone considering srs might consider.

Quote from: Complete on November 16, 2017, 09:02:47 PM
I am pretty nervous about commenting on this subject as some people here are so easily offended. Nevertheless it is important information, especially for those who are planning to have srs.
After carefully and thoroughly washing your hands place one finger, or two or three,  inside your mouth and feel the inside of your cheek. That is what the inside of my vagina feels like. Now, push out. That is how "stretchy" it is.
What you are feeling inside your mouth is mucousal tissue. This is now available via the peritoneal graft.
Just something l think anyone considering srs might consider.

Excluding the slipperiness/wetness from saliva? I ask because I know people say that lubrication is required, but based on what my mouth feels like, it seems like none would be. And just to be clear, this mimics the peritoneal method's feel? (Since I know it's relativey new and was under the impression you had your surgery years ago?)

Quote from: Roll on November 16, 2017, 09:22:13 PM
Excluding the slipperiness/wetness from saliva? I ask because I know people say that lubrication is required, but based on what my mouth feels like, it seems like none would be. And just to be clear, this mimics the peritoneal method's feel? (Since I know it's relativey new and was under the impression you had your surgery years ago?)

No. It feels exactly the same. I  had colonovaginoplasty in '84. I have never dilated or used lube since. I was able to enjoy spontaneous sex at will. No worries. Mine is mucousal tissue it secretes. The odor is not bad. Musky sweet. I have no experience with the peritoneal graft,  but l understand it is essentially the same type tissue so l imagine it would act the sam, probably without the odor, but who knows. In either case, l consider it far superior to a penile inversion which has the disadvantages mentioned above. It depends on why you want a vagina and how/if you plan to use/enjoy it.

I didnt do the colon-vaginoplasty and I do use lube regularly for both dilation and for sex. If I get turned on enough I do produce my own lubricant but I would say it's not enough for continual sex.