Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I made a thread about being talked down to and mansplaining before but it's happening to me more and more and it's starting to really piss me off. I can deal with most things with humor and try not to let them bother me. But having someone insult my intelligence is something that makes me hostel. When I get mad and call someone out over it, he acts all surprised and like I'm some raging bitch.

I went to the Kirby service center to get vacuum bags and a new belt. The old dude behind the counter was a piece of work. He told me that I couldn't return the bags if the package had been opened. I asked him why would I want to return them? He said that every model of vacuum used a different style bag and he knew it could be confusing but to make sure I got the right ones for my vacuum. I told him no, it really wasn't confusing because I had been to school and did know how to read. Then I asked him for a belt and he asked me if the vacuum was in my trunk. I told him no, that I didn't bring it with me. He said " oh...well as long as you have someone at home who can put it on for you". I told him I could put it on myself and that I had done it before. He said " well it might be kind of complicated for you". Then he started giving me a detailed explanation of how to put on the new belt. Ok, I got pissed. I told him I wasn't an imbecile and that I was changing a vacuum belt, not building a nuclear reactor! His mouth opened and he looked like I had slapped him. He said " I was only trying to help you darlin ". And I swear I think I heard him say something about " time of the month" under his breath as I was leaving. God I wanted to smack him!

And it's not limited to strangers either. My dad and brother do it too! One night I was getting ready to cut my brothers hair and he grabbed my clippers and started looking at the blades. He told me that I had to keep the blades oiled or they could freeze up and the clippers would be ruined. Then he started telling me how to clean and oil the blades. I only use clippers every day but I guess I'm too dumb to know how to care for them. Then as I started to cut his hair he told me to be sure to clip against the grain! OMG!  Really?? I've only done like hundreds of clipper cuts and he's going to mansplain hair cutting to ME??!! He has no idea how close he came to having a mohawk! And once when I was cooking he said " no, you're supposed to cook the garlic last so it doesn't burn". Wow. He needs a recipie to make toast and he's going to mansplain cooking to ME??

My dad isn't much better. I was getting ready to change the A/C filter and my dad took the new filter from me and said I didn't know how to change it so he had better do it. What's to know? You take the old one out and snap the new one in. A retarded clam could do it! I asked my dad just how stupid he thought I was. He said " I never said you were stupid pumpkin, you just shouldn't mess with things you know nothing about. That's how stuff gets broken". OMG! AHHHHHH!

Guys treat me like I'm too stupid to use silverware but when I get pissed off over it I'm being a bitch and irrational. Do I have my whole life to look forward to being treated like a moron?  If you're female guys automatically think you're stupid?  For me this is the worst thing about transition.

Hey Julia,

I could imagine a lot of women nodding their heads reading your post.  I don't know if it would help, but you could  give them a very calm long winded explanation of why their assumption of you is incorrect.   It's a bit of work but repeat it every time they make one of these comments.  Eventually they might get it.

As for your father and the furnace.  Ask him to watch you do it, if he has a problem with the way you're doing it tell him to explain it to you but let you do the job.  Stress on him that he should want an independent, handy daughter who is not afraid of challenges.

You really should ask your brother how many haircuts he thinks you've done in your life and then ask him if he thinks you may have had problems if you didn't know how to care for your tools.

As for the old guy at the vacuum store, I would just chalk that up to him being an idiot.  You might attempt to calmly explain the problem with the way he's talking to you, but I'm guessing he would take offense.

Paige :)

QuoteAs for the old guy at the vacuum store, I would just chalk that up to him being an idiot.  You might attempt to calmly explain the problem with the way he's talking to you, but I'm guessing he would take offense.

Maybe his wife is a lousy housekeeper and he just assumed most women had never seen a vacuum cleaner.   ;)

Quote from: AnneK on September 25, 2017, 12:03:17 PM
Maybe his wife is a lousy housekeeper and he just assumed most women had never seen a vacuum cleaner.   ;)

Lol, that's hilarious.

Don't get mad at them - ignore it (as in salesclerk trying to 'help') or let them do it (as in your brother can go ahead and cook his garlic himself, or your dad to change the filter).


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Oh, this is EVERYWHERE! 

I teach technical classes, including a series on physics and amateur radio, where I explain the physical principles behind various bits of "magical" lore and thinking as well as correct some pretty glaring misconceptions that seem to be passed along as part of the lore.

Many times, on concluding a presentation some kindly gentleman will approach me nominally with a question, and proceeds to explain to me something I just covered in the lecture, often less than accurately. [emoji849]  I'm pretty sure I actually already understand the material. Hello, physics degree?  Calculus much?

It was amusing the first time. Now, not so much. This happens so often that there is even a secret nod between nearby women when a mansplaining is going on. [emoji38]


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Hun... Do you ever think you will see this guy again? No. Then don't worry about it. Tell him yes you are on your period and you are going to need his bathroom to change your Kotex. That ought to do it.

So Julia. What model is your Kirby? Mine's a "G5" The old one's didn't have 'disposable bags" . . . heck, the really old ones didn't even have an electric motor!!

Did ya know there's a vacuum belt and then there's the polisher belt??

. . . LOL Just kidding!! My grandparents we're Kirby distributers in IOWA and used to spend my summers helping out customers in their shop (like you?). Did ya know Kirby is a man's vacuum??? Got a drill, paint gun, polisher, a waxer, shampooer and sander . . .

How could you possibly have known??

It's not just you. Phillip can be such a tool, when I try to get stuff done while he is home, he insists I stand next to him while he is working on his truck, just to make sure I accomplish nothing! Then, he waits til after dark to ask me if I took care of what I was supposed to do. This could be anything from washing dishes and doing laundry, to picking up fallen sticks from the yard.
It's just silly. He knows I am smarter than he is, but treats me as though I am a moron. Honestly, I doubt any woman can claim they have not been treated like they are stupid by a man.

Quote from: Kiera on September 25, 2017, 05:27:09 PM
So Julia. What model is your Kirby? Mine's a "G5" The old one's didn't have 'disposable bags" . . . heck, the really old ones didn't even have an electric motor!!

Did ya know there's a vacuum belt and then there's the polisher belt??

. . . LOL Just kidding!! My grandparents we're Kirby distributers in IOWA and used to spend my summers helping out customers in their shop (like you?). Did ya know Kirby is a man's vacuum??? Got a drill, paint gun, polisher, a waxer, shampooer and sander . . .

How could you possibly have known??

We have the Avalir.  I can believe it's a mans vacuum as heavy as that beast is. It has all kinds of attachments too that seem pointless. Why would anyone go to the trouble of  changing parts to wash the floor when you can just use a swiffer wetjet? I know the older ones don't have paper bags. My grandparents have had one since they got married and you have to empty the bag onto newspapers. Ewww, nasty!

Quote from: Lady Sarah on September 25, 2017, 05:47:15 PM
It's not just you. Phillip can be such a tool, when I try to get stuff done while he is home, he insists I stand next to him while he is working on his truck, just to make sure I accomplish nothing! Then, he waits til after dark to ask me if I took care of what I was supposed to do. This could be anything from washing dishes and doing laundry, to picking up fallen sticks from the yard.
It's just silly. He knows I am smarter than he is, but treats me as though I am a moron. Honestly, I doubt any woman can claim they have not been treated like they are stupid by a man.

That's so annoying!  My dad and brother have done that to me while they are working on the old wreck of a car my dad is restoring. They start explaining in detail what they are doing like I know what they are even talking about. If the stupid car would run I would stick my face in the exhaust tube just to end the boredom!

Order bags and belts on-line for half the price. I always have spare belts. Even the beater brushes if they are replaceable

Julia,
   I like the approach of not getting mad, but agreeing with them and going along in such a ridiculous way as to make them feel like idiots for how they treat you. Turn the tables on them, it's kind of fun and your point is made.
Moni

I'm probably not the best person to give advice, as my family always treated me like an idiot, even though they wouldn't let me wear girls' clothes.  Even when he was in a dementia care home, my father would say nice things to me, and then turn to other people and tell them what an idiot I was (he was a lovely man, though, and I miss him).  When things broke down and she couldn't fix them, my mother always asked my brother for help, not me.  The horrible thing was that he could usually fix them, too.

My mother had the knack of making my father feel like an idiot, too, so he sat back and left the traditional man's jobs, like painting and decorating, changing plugs and fuses, and minor plumbing maintenance, to her.  You could probably train Tristan too, if you start early.

As for your father and brother, you could try explaining what they are doing wrong whenever you see them working on something.  Even if they don't get the message, you might have the satisfaction of annoying them the way they annoy you.

Quote from: MaryT on September 25, 2017, 09:05:44 PM
I'm probably not the best person to give advice, as my family always treated me like an idiot, even though they wouldn't let me wear girls' clothes.  Even when he was in a dementia care home, my father would say nice things to me, and then turn to other people and tell them what an idiot I was (he was a lovely man, though, and I miss him).  When things broke down and she couldn't fix them, my mother always asked my brother for help, not me.  The horrible thing was that he could usually fix them, too.

My mother had the knack of making my father feel like an idiot, too, so he sat back and left the traditional man's jobs, like painting and decorating, changing plugs and fuses, and minor plumbing maintenance, to her.  You could probably train Tristan too, if you start early.

As for your father and brother, you could try explaining what they are doing wrong whenever you see them working on something.  Even if they don't get the message, you might have the satisfaction of annoying them the way they annoy you.

That's good! Try training your brother and dad to pick up after themselves. They are guys. They probably leave a mess everywhere they go.

Quote from: JoanneB on September 25, 2017, 06:36:47 PM
Order bags and belts on-line for half the price. I always have spare belts. Even the beater brushes if they are replaceable

That's what I really like about Kirby vacuums: the fact that you can fix them if they break.

Sure they're heavy pigs, but they are definitely built to last.

Quote from: MaryT on September 25, 2017, 09:05:44 PM
I'm probably not the best person to give advice, as my family always treated me like an idiot, even though they wouldn't let me wear girls' clothes.  Even when he was in a dementia care home, my father would say nice things to me, and then turn to other people and tell them what an idiot I was (he was a lovely man, though, and I miss him).  When things broke down and she couldn't fix them, my mother always asked my brother for help, not me.  The horrible thing was that he could usually fix them, too.

My mother had the knack of making my father feel like an idiot, too, so he sat back and left the traditional man's jobs, like painting and decorating, changing plugs and fuses, and minor plumbing maintenance, to her.  You could probably train Tristan too, if you start early.

As for your father and brother, you could try explaining what they are doing wrong whenever you see them working on something.  Even if they don't get the message, you might have the satisfaction of annoying them the way they annoy you.

That was a great idea. I used it on my brother yesterday morning and it totally got on his nerves. Lol. He was shaving and I told him No, he was doing it wrong. He asked what I was talking about. I told him he was using the wrong kind of  shave cream. Then when he picked up his razor I told him No, it was the wrong razor and he needed five blades not just three. Then when he. Started shaving I said No, you should shave downwards not upwards. Finally he slammed down his razor and told me to get the ## out of the bathroom and leave him alone.  Then he said " what the hell would you know about shaving anyway? You don't shave and you never have"! I told him that never stopped him from trying to tell me how to do things. Gee, that was fun! I can't wait to try it on my dad. Lol

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on September 28, 2017, 11:11:21 AM
That's what I really like about Kirby vacuums: the fact that you can fix them if they break.

Sure they're heavy pigs, but they are definitely built to last.

Yeah, my grandparents still have the one they bought when they were first married. It still works well. I told my grandma she should get one of the new ones with the power drive so she wouldn't have to push it. But she likes her antique one. Sigh.

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 28, 2017, 11:28:10 AM
That was a great idea. I used it on my brother yesterday morning and it totally got on his nerves. Lol. He was shaving and I told him No, he was doing it wrong. He asked what I was talking about. I told him he was using the wrong kind of  shave cream. Then when he picked up his razor I told him No, it was the wrong razor and he needed five blades not just three. Then when he. Started shaving I said No, you should shave downwards not upwards. Finally he slammed down his razor and told me to get the ## out of the bathroom and leave him alone.  Then he said " what the hell would you know about shaving anyway? You don't shave and you never have"! I told him that never stopped him from trying to tell me how to do things. Gee, that was fun! I can't wait to try it on my dad. Lol

Brilliant,  good work. X

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