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One of my brothers friends came over to get some fishing stuff he was borrowing and he was telling me about his little brother who just started high school and how he hated it so far. Then he said he thought his brother would like it after he got more settled into it and that high school was a lot of fun once you got established.  Then he said sorry and that he imagined high school wasn't much fun for me. I told him no it certainly wasn't.  Then he said considering the stuff Tyler had to put up with when they were in high school he was sure it was 10 times worse for me. I asked him what Tyler had had to put up with. He said " well you know."  I told him no I didn't know and to explain. When Tyler was in high school most of the guys he went to school with knew about me. And they told anyone that didn't know. At the time it was assumed by everyone that I was gay. And a lot of those guys gave Tyler a lot of crap because of it. They would say being gay ran in families and constantly ask him if he was sure he wasn't gay too. They would ask him if he was going to start wearing makeup like his "->-bleeped-<- brother". Just all kinds of stuff like that. And a lot of those guys didn't want anything to do with him and totally excluded him from stuff all because of me!  I knew Tyler got into a lot of fights in high school but now I'm finding out a lot of those fights were because of me. Someone would mess with him or say really horrible things about me and he would end up hitting someone over it.

Tyler has never told me any of this. I always worry about my dad being embarrassed of me with his friends. I never thought about my poor brother. I can't even describe how horrible I feel right now thinking about Tyler having to go through all of that because of me! I can hardly stop crying. I pretty much destroyed his highschool life! How can he not totally despise me?? OMG, this is so awful! What can I even say to him??

 What can you tell Tyler?  That's easy. Tell him you love him and thank you.

Your story sounds very sad. Indeed, your brother suffered because of you. But look at it from the other side. Your brother showed himself to be a brave person, having entered into confrontation with his peers. Probably this tempered his temper. In school years, very many are subjected to bullying, this is a cruel time. Not you, so any other reason would cause gnedny surrounding. Look for the pros in this situation. Your brother showed that he is always ready to stand up for you.

Reading this post, all I can think is that people are horrible, and that you have a really amazing brother.  Did he have a rough time in high school? Sure.  But really, who doesn't?  Its not your fault. AT ALL. You are who you are, and your brother was strong enough to take what hand he was dealt because he loves and respects you for who you are.  That's what family should do, and what a good family does.
Again, its not your fault. Its the fault of stupid, ignorant, sexist, bigoted, etc etc etc pigs. Your brother was smart to realize that. But if he can stand up through it all for you in high school, which may be the hardest time in most people's life because its all about striving to fit in, and more peer pressure than pretty much any other time in life that I can think of, it goes to show the kind of man he will be the rest of his life for you.

So... Like Laurie said, tell him you love him, and thank him for supporting you through thick and thin, and its something you'll always cherish.

Yes, you can feel sad he went through that on your account, but never feel guilty for it, because you did nothing wrong, it was the idiots who should feel guilty.  And who knows maybe one day they will. (Watch, they will go get a job in the workforce, and even if their boss isn't trans, maybe that boss will be gay.  That'll show them, if they haven't learned their lesson yet.)

I have a hard time believing that the guy who stood up for you and didn't say a word would ever hold that against you, so don't hold it against yourself. You did nothing wrong, and the only people who should ever apologize are the jackasses who did the bullying. This is exactly how family is supposed to work. As Laurie said, all you need is to say you love him and thank you.

(This post brought me to tears instantly just for the record, and not much has done that of late.)

You obviously have a deep bond with your brother and you are truly blessed. Tell him so. There is nothing wrong with you. It's the ignorance of others that is the problem. We are all the same. Human beings.

It speaks to his character and is actually kind of heroic. You should be proud of your brother.

I'm beginning to see your life as some kind of movie plot or TV series.

You do what you have to for family. Your brother loves you. Not only loves you, but cares about you as well. If he is like me he would not think twice about doing the same thing all over again if he had to. Your brother is what we need more of in this world. He is a hero. You don't need to say anything to him. Just wrap your arms around him and hug him good. Thank him. And if he asks what is it for just tell him. Thank you for just being you.


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Yep. High school was the worst four years of my life. I'm not crazy about what your brother's friend told you about your brother's experience. What was his motivation for that? Get it straight from your brother, and don't beat yourself up or take ownership for how a bunch of ignorant mouth breathers acted toward your brother. You're special. Don't forget that.

From reading your posts it is obvious the strong bond between you and your brother and father. Sure you squabble back and forth a bit at times, but you have a deep love for each other. He is protective of you just as you are of him. The jerks are the problem, not you. I predict you will have a closeness in your family that will last a lifetime. I might suggest that you do something out of the ordinary nice for him and if he asks why, just say, "Cause you are my favorite brother." Julia, this is a sad story, but it is also inspiring when you look at him looking out for you. As a parent, one of the things I like best is when one of my sons looks out for my other son. In your case a son looking out for his sister.
Moni

Your brother is a great young man. Give him a hug a d tell him how much he means to you

You already mentioned in other threads that Tyler is always defending you. He has your back, and you are blessed for it. As for those that harassed you, just wait til they go into the work force, or the military. Chances are that they will quickly learn that hating people for things they have no control mover will not get them far. It's like hating someone because of the color of their skin.

Your brother willingly took this on and never even spoke or complained about it.  People like him are rare.  To display that kind of maturity at a high school age is remarkable.  I'd consider him a hero.

But unfortunately most people are not like him.  This is why a lot of family members don't want to be associated with having a transgender family member.  They get ridiculed and shunned by others because of it.  It happens to adults too, not just teenagers.  There is a heavy price to be paid when someone transitions, and although the person who transitions bears the brunt of that burden, their friends and family pay a price as well.

It sounds like you two haven't talked about it and it seems like a conversation worth having so at least both of you can clear the air.  Your brother seems like a stand-up guy and at the very least you can let him know how you feel.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 02, 2017, 01:52:45 PM
One of my brothers friends came over to get some fishing stuff he was borrowing and he was telling me about his little brother who just started high school and how he hated it so far. Then he said he thought his brother would like it after he got more settled into it and that high school was a lot of fun once you got established.  Then he said sorry and that he imagined high school wasn't much fun for me. I told him no it certainly wasn't.  Then he said considering the stuff Tyler had to put up with when they were in high school he was sure it was 10 times worse for me. I asked him what Tyler had had to put up with. He said " well you know."  I told him no I didn't know and to explain. When Tyler was in high school most of the guys he went to school with knew about me. And they told anyone that didn't know. At the time it was assumed by everyone that I was gay. And a lot of those guys gave Tyler a lot of crap because of it. They would say being gay ran in families and constantly ask him if he was sure he wasn't gay too. They would ask him if he was going to start wearing makeup like his "->-bleeped-<- brother". Just all kinds of stuff like that. And a lot of those guys didn't want anything to do with him and totally excluded him from stuff all because of me!  I knew Tyler got into a lot of fights in high school but now I'm finding out a lot of those fights were because of me. Someone would mess with him or say really horrible things about me and he would end up hitting someone over it.

Tyler has never told me any of this. I always worry about my dad being embarrassed of me with his friends. I never thought about my poor brother. I can't even describe how horrible I feel right now thinking about Tyler having to go through all of that because of me! I can hardly stop crying. I pretty much destroyed his highschool life! How can he not totally despise me?? OMG, this is so awful! What can I even say to him??

Your brother Tyler sounds pretty bad ass to me. He Could have avoided all conflict an agree with the haters but he didn't. So when you see him hug him and thank him. All I had was a few friends. Not a brother or sister that would defend me. So thank your brother. Your brother loves you. He may not have told you that but... He won't tell you and the reason you are crying is the same reason he won't tell you. You are feminine and he is masculine. He was protecting you as his sister and no need to tell him, just hug him and say thank you and let him wonder. His friend will tell him, maybe if asked.

Does he despise you? He chose to defend you and I doubt you had an effect on his high school life. I seriously doubt you destroyed his high school life. You do know there is life after high school? Tyler sounds bad ass especially as a brother or a friend. Everything he did was his choice. And it speaks volumes about him and his character. What is he doing now? You can see the whole pic just out of high school but in real life and later on he will be more than just a jock whose glory days are identified with high school.

Look, dry your tears of sadness and shed them for happiness. He never told you because he was protecting you while fighting for you. That is special. Tyler is a "sheepdog" and that is rare. He is rare you have a special brother that protected you and never asked for anything in return especially by him not telling you. We could all be so lucky to have family members like this.

Your brother is amazing!  It is not your fault.  It is the fault of those who don't know any better.  Sometimes, people will only learn through pain.  Just remember, it is not your fault.

First off this is nothing to be mad at, not should yiu feel sorry for your brother.  He probably feels very good about what he's done, and it's made you grow closer.  This is total win on both your parts.

Bari Jo

Julia,

Just tell him you love him and that you appreciate all he did for you. And let me tell you something: I graduated from high school 13 years ago and while the first few years after that I vividly remembered it, now I can hardly remember anything. I hated it too (even had nightmares about it), and just forgot most of it. What I'm saying is, in a few years when both of you are doing way more interesting and awesome things, you will likely forget high school. High school is not the real world, it's just a moment in time.

Like the others said it is not your fault that this happened. People out there in this world are cruel.
It makes me angry that there are people who are not accepting of others that are different.
Your brother is a strong person and tell him that too.

I didn't talk to Tyler about this. Since he had never told me about it I figured he didn't want me to know. But I did make him his favorite dinner and a red velvet cake which is his favorite cake. He asked why and I told him  just because I loved him and I gave him a kiss and hug. That actually made him suspicious but after he realized I didn't want anything from him and hadn't broken something of his he enjoyed it.

I did talk to my dad about it though. He was curious about why I had made Tyler's favorite foods. I asked couldn't I just do something nice for Tyler. He said I could but I never did so he wanted to know what was up. Smart ass! I do lots of nice things for my brother! So I told him about finding out about Tyler's high school troubles. He knew all about it. He had had to go to Tyler's school a few times for his fighting. I asked him why he hadn't ever told me about it and he said because Tyler didn't want me to know because he knew I would feel bad about it. I told him I did feel bad about it and that I also felt bad about him cutting ties with my uncle. He told me I didn't need to feel bad. He said he had realized a while back that I had no choice but to be what I am and that I was just born that way. He said Tyler knew that too. He said I hadn't asked Tyler to do what he did, that he chose to do it. Just like he chose to cut contact with my uncle. So I didn't need to feel bad about any of it.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 03, 2017, 08:43:22 AM
That actually made him suspicious but after he realized I didn't want anything from him and hadn't broken something of his he enjoyed it.

I was leaking tears all over my desk at work but now I'm laughing.

You're really lucky. Your father sounds like an archetypal good man and your brother is following in his footsteps.

Yes that is truly hard and i would have cried a lot about that when i found out. Society is getting better but large swaths of it still suck and HS can be one of those places.

Still, you should not let the actions of other small people dictate anything and you didn't and he didn't, that is integrity that is love, that is family. Everyone has burdens of some sort for sure. You contributed to his for a time but also you probably made him stronger and more zealous about his values.

Also, you and he paved the way a little further, for a world in which such mean prejudice will fade away.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 03, 2017, 08:43:22 AM
I didn't talk to Tyler about this. Since he had never told me about it I figured he didn't want me to know. But I did make him his favorite dinner and a red velvet cake which is his favorite cake. He asked why and I told him  just because I loved him and I gave him a kiss and hug. That actually made him suspicious but after he realized I didn't want anything from him and hadn't broken something of his he enjoyed it.

I did talk to my dad about it though. He was curious about why I had made Tyler's favorite foods. I asked couldn't I just do something nice for Tyler. He said I could but I never did so he wanted to know what was up. Smart ass! I do lots of nice things for my brother! So I told him about finding out about Tyler's high school troubles. He knew all about it. He had had to go to Tyler's school a few times for his fighting. I asked him why he hadn't ever told me about it and he said because Tyler didn't want me to know because he knew I would feel bad about it. I told him I did feel bad about it and that I also felt bad about him cutting ties with my uncle. He told me I didn't need to feel bad. He said he had realized a while back that I had no choice but to be what I am and that I was just born that way. He said Tyler knew that too. He said I hadn't asked Tyler to do what he did, that he chose to do it. Just like he chose to cut contact with my uncle. So I didn't need to feel bad about any of it.

They made the choice to support and love you. So don't feel bad about it, just be thankful for the family that loves you.

Jesus I hate welling up. So thank you Julia. I was going out tonight and now I have to redo my freakin' makeup. :P

But seriously it does sound like you have two really good men in your life. So just appreciate them.

Quote from: RobynD on October 03, 2017, 12:18:02 PM
Yes that is truly hard and i would have cried a lot about that when i found out. Society is getting better but large swaths of it still suck and HS can be one of those places.

Still, you should not let the actions of other small people dictate anything and you didn't and he didn't, that is integrity that is love, that is family. Everyone has burdens of some sort for sure. You contributed to his for a time but also you probably made him stronger and more zealous about his values.

Also, you and he paved the way a little further, for a world in which such mean prejudice will fade away.

Love this reply.


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