Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm on the slooow NHS clock,  almost 6 months into my required 12 month RLE.  I'm very happy with my new acquired gender,  and would certainly never want to go back,  HRT has been very positive for me.
Next April (2018) I have an appointment with the GRS surgeon to discuss options,  but I'm really unsure if or what surgery to have.
My transition was a 'need'  up to this point,  but now it's more about 'want', so I have a hard time justifying it to myself.
I've always felt indifferent towards my original equipment,  but don't feel as uncomfortable with it as others here seem to,  though I have no desire to use it. If I were told I couldn't have any surgery,  I could cope with that and just get on with my life. I can't find any single argument to have surgery (with it's risks and recovery) beyond 'I just I want it',  and then the question is which surgery (orchi,  cosmetic or full monty). I think all choices are valid and I totally respect them.
Can I ask what path others chose or would choose, and why?

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What about your body bothers you the most and for the longest amount of time?

As a former fatty, I still carry around a LOT of loose flabby skin, which sure does not help with my OMG I so so F'n FAT body image issues. It's been that way for me nearly 40 years now. You'd think I'd realize Hey! You're 6ft tall weigh 145 lbs. What Fat?. But I not only can pinch and inch I can pinch about 3, without really trying.

In the GD body image arena, I never really minded having the dangly bits all that much. Just would rather not have them. Breasts on the other hand.... Well those you can show off to the world. What I do have I love to. More would be better  ;D. Now, if they can suck all that extra fat out of the wrong places and.....  Still need an abdominoplasty though.

Those two top my "Wish" list if/when I win the big Super-Mega $$$$$ lottery. Then maybe GCS if my new found genital dysphoria doesn't abate

Megan,

   This may do you no good as your needs are different than mine, but here goes.

I did FFS mainly as a tool to transition. It helped with the social part of getting through the world seeing the new me. I 'needed' it at the time but it wasn't exciting.

I did GCS second  only because I needed to pass a year (RLE) before I could get it, so FFS first. My genital dysphoria was bad and if I had my way, it would have been done my first day of transition. I saw it as essential to matching body and mind.

Boob job, I see as icing on the cake. It's a fun, pleasurable thing, definitely a want. Lately I have worn a bra stuffer around the house and it gives me a sense of completeness. The last piece of the puzzle.

I think we do change over time. I would not be surprised to see what is now not a need become a need a ways down the line. Don't be surprised at anything our old friend dysphoria has in mind for us.

Moni

As regards money and the simplicity of an orchid, I would hit it up first.
I hate the awkwardness of all that junk.
I have decent legs and wearing jeans is cool. But dangers are always waiting when you are two stone over weight.

Do whatever bothers you the most first! Life is about being comfortable in ourselves

Joanne, I'm was lucky enough to get my tummy tuck last year,  I'll never be a swimsuit model,  but I'm happier than I was.

Moni, I doubt I'll ever have the money for ffs,  and personally passing for me is a 'nice to have'  as in my daily life I'm treated well,  living in a good area of a Liberal country. Your need for GRS is not one I have or ever had though. I wouldn't miss what I've got,  but equally can live with it too if needed.

Rachel, I'm very lucky that the NHS will fund any of my choices (regardless or cost),  though in some ways this makes it harder. If I had to find the money,  it probably just be the orchi for me though.

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Quote from: meganjames2 on October 07, 2017, 10:23:36 AM
Joanne, I'm was lucky enough to get my tummy tuck last year,  I'll never be a swimsuit model,  but I'm happier than I was.

Moni, I doubt I'll ever have the money for ffs,  and personally passing for me is a 'nice to have'  as in my daily life I'm treated well,  living in a good area of a Liberal country. Your need for GRS is not one I have or ever had though. I wouldn't miss what I've got,  but equally can live with it too if needed.

Rachel, I'm very lucky that the NHS will fund any of my choices (regardless or cost),  though in some ways this makes it harder. If I had to find the money,  it probably just be the orchi for me though.

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Are the UK surgeons good? If they are mediocre I would out for Thailand and just go Orchie for peace of mind.
I will be living in the UK from December on. So I'm a little curious about what they offer

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on October 07, 2017, 10:26:57 AM
Are the UK surgeons good? If they are mediocre I would out for Thailand and just go Orchie for peace of mind.
I will be living in the UK from December on. So I'm a little curious about what they offer

I don't think they are the best,  but competent. I will probably get a few consultations, a bit like plumbing quotes!
I travelled abroad for my hair transplants,  but I'd feel very nervous about having GRS abroad,  but that's just me.
Where in the UK? Happy meet up for a Xmas coffee [emoji4]

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Quote from: meganjames2 on October 07, 2017, 10:31:06 AM
I don't think they are the best,  but competent. I will probably get a few consultations, a bit like plumbing quotes!
I travelled abroad for my hair transplants,  but I'd feel very nervous about having GRS abroad,  but that's just me.
Where in the UK? Happy meet up for a Xmas coffee [emoji4]

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Yes I too would feel nervous going abroad for it, but when I see the results it really does make me want to go.
Unfortunately UK also means NI so that is where I will be. We are considering maybe moving to the mainland though later. X3

Ah,  NI is more than just up the road lol. I went to Ireland (Dublin and Cork)  a few years ago,  beautiful.

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Two questions to ask.
1. Will you ever want penetrative sex with you receiving.
2. Will you ever want penetrative sex with you providing.

Yes to one requires the full surgery.
Yes to two would suggest an Orci.
Otherwise cosmetic might be a good option.

In my case, my sexuality wasn't well defined. I knew I didn't want the hardware and wouldn't use it it penetrative sex so I wanted it gone. As I wasn't sure about sex with a man, a vagina was was a requirement just incase I should want it. The truth is I still haven't had sex but I am glad I have a vagina as an option.

Dena,  good questions!

1. Really not sure,  but maybe. This was always my major sexual fantasy, but I've only ever had one sexual relationship (with my ex-wife),  so I have no baseline.
2. No - that's much easier to answer! I didn't have a problem with this before I started transition,  but the thought of it now is not nice.

I guess that unless I want to take blockers for the rest of my life,  an orchi is the minimum.

My uncertainty about your first question is part of my problem. I don't even really know if I'm sexual attracted to men,  women,  both or neither at this stage. Sex was never important for me,  but was that because of my body and the GD? So confusing!

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Hi Megan,

I am currently recovering from a cosmetic or shallow GCS, 3.5 weeks post op. At this time, this is all the surgery that I am anticipating (ok, electrolysis and hair transplants are procedures that I have already had, electrolysis continues). The drivers for my choice of cosmetic GCS and no ffs or ba are:

1) I am 69 years old and happily married to a very supportive wife.
2) Neither of us have any desire for penetrative sex.
3) I like my 36b/c breasts.
4) No one looks closely at old ladies, there is a lot of forgiveness in facial characteristics as one ages.

Had I been younger and single I probably would have pursued a full vaginoplasty and possibly ffs but I am neither younger nor single.

I can say that recovery and healing from GCS is not a walk in the park and I am very happy not to be adding dilation to the recovery process.

Obviously this is a choice that only you can make. I trust that you will be pleased with your choices.

Tia Anne

My orchi consult featured a conversation about vaginoplasty and penetrative sex.

Me: I don't like being penetrated, I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't like being penetrated if the hole was two inches further forward.

Doc: LOL!

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 07, 2017, 06:51:08 PM
Hi Megan,

I am currently recovering from a cosmetic or shallow GCS, 3.5 weeks post op. At this time, this is all the surgery that I am anticipating (ok, electrolysis and hair transplants are procedures that I have already had, electrolysis continues). The drivers for my choice of cosmetic GCS and no ffs or ba are:

1) I am 69 years old and happily married to a very supportive wife.
2) Neither of us have any desire for penetrative sex.
3) I like my 36b/c breasts.
4) No one looks closely at old ladies, there is a lot of forgiveness in facial characteristics as one ages.

Had I been younger and single I probably would have pursued a full vaginoplasty and possibly ffs but I am neither younger nor single.

I can say that recovery and healing from GCS is not a walk in the park and I am very happy not to be adding dilation to the recovery process.

Obviously this is a choice that only you can make. I trust that you will be pleased with your choices.

Tia Anne

Well, slap me and call me blonde, I didn't know you had the cosmetic procedure. I gave that option some thought along the way.

Hugs, Devlyn

"Because I want" is a perfect reason for having surgery done. I can't see myself having any soon. I definitely don't want FFS. I love my face and it's male/female balance. I'm comfortable with my small breasts, though I'd like them to be rounder. Hormones can still do something about that. Orchi and GRS are the only ones I consider. Orchi for hormones, GRS  for aesthetical reason. It's not a need this, but something that would be nice to have once if I have the money. I'll go to Thailand for that.

GRS is free in Argentina and I'm not having it. That can tell you how important the surgery is for me.

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on October 08, 2017, 08:32:44 AM
"Because I want" is a perfect reason for having surgery done. I can't see myself having any soon. I definitely don't want FFS. I love my face and it's male/female balance. I'm comfortable with my small breasts, though I'd like them to be rounder. Hormones can still do something about that. Orchi and GRS are the only ones I consider. Orchi for hormones, GRS  for aesthetical reason. It's not a need this, but something that would be nice to have once if I have the money. I'll go to Thailand for that.

GRS is free in Argentina and I'm not having it. That can tell you how important the surgery is for me.

Thank you.  I've always struggled with 'want',  I think it's from years of denying myself what I really wanted,  it now feels very unnatural. I was only able to transition when it became a need.
I need to give myself a stern talking to!

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Its a need  for me , but like you if it dosnt happen then OK. Breasts a deffo ,bring on the HRT. Unless I win a lotto then FFS or hair transplants wont happen . But  its about what makes you fulfilled , just passing or full on.

Quote from: meganjames2 on October 07, 2017, 06:45:41 AM
I've always felt indifferent towards my original equipment,  but don't feel as uncomfortable with it as others here seem to,  though I have no desire to use it

I had a similar conversation with my therapist about this just the other day.  I also haven't had a massive issue with my bits but I would like to ultimately live a fairly normal life.  For me that would include a relationship.  I can't help thinking if the bits are still there, it limits the number of potential matches adding an extra (but not insurmountable) layer of complexity to life

I've also found that GD seems to evolve and manifest in different ways as I progress through transition.  Things that didn't seem to cause me any problems have become a real issue.  So whilst some surgeries seem of little value to me now, I can't say that will be the case in 6 months or 6 years time

For me FFS is probably the most important one. After that, then probably something with my genitals, either orchi or gender reassignment (though it's way too early for me to know).

Hi Megan, I'm right there with you.  The bits are there, but I'm indifferent.  They were never a part of GD for me.  Any penetrative needs can be achieved anally too, at least for me.  I'm doing the hairline repair, which you did something similar.  I may reserve some cash for FFS in the future, but that's far off.  I want to see how passable I can be without it.

Bari Jo

I think if money weren't a factor I'd get an orchi to start and then see how things go,  but the NHS will only fund one op (is my understanding?).

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This thread is really starting to upset me,  and is driving me really low (I found myself revisting some old suicide plans earlier). Nobody's fault,  I appreciate all the answers,  I just don't think I'm ready to process this yet. I won't be posting any more here,  but if others want to,  please do. X

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At this point I would suggest talking to the surgeon if your not clear about your options then delay the decision as long as possible until you are sure what you want. You did much the same thing with your test run on HRT. There is nothing that says you must have your surgery at the one year mark. Mine was a bit over 2.5 years into RLE because the money wasn't available. The additional time helped to make it clearer in my mind just what the surgery would do for me. It replace the drive toward surgery with a logical thought out reason. While I couldn't put it into words, I understood that I had social dysphoria and RLE showed me that I was comfortable in the feminine role and I wouldn't regret having surgery. For you, RLE might help define what you want out of surgery and that would determine the surgery that's best for you.