Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Jessica_Rose on October 13, 2017, 04:38:33 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Came out to a co-worker
Post by: Jessica_Rose on October 13, 2017, 04:38:33 PM
Post by: Jessica_Rose on October 13, 2017, 04:38:33 PM
I came out to a co-worker today. After coming out to my manager on Wednesday (who works in another state) I realized I needed someone local whom I could count on for support. I knew immediately who it needed to be.
I had brought in donuts this morning. My co-worker asked what they were for, and I said it was because I was happy. She asked for details, and I said that we needed to talk somewhere private. We found an empty conference room and I handed her a copy of the note I had sent my manager. I gave her a note because I knew I would not be able to get the whole story out before falling apart. As she was reading the note I started crying and she said I shouldn't be scared. I told her I was crying because I was so happy to finally tell her about my secret. Her reaction was amazing. She said she could not imagine what I had been going through and then she gave me a big hug. It turns out that she had worked with two transgender women previously, and worked beside one of them before, during, and after her transition. I feel extremely lucky to have found such a caring co-worker who has some understanding about what this is all about.
The flood of emotions I experienced was almost overwhelming. After all these years of having to hide my them, finally being able to let them out is simply incredible. I never though that coming out would be such an amazing, liberating experience. Initially I thought the day I decide to come out to everyone would be frightening, but now I am beginning to look forward to that day with a sense of excitement and joy.
I had brought in donuts this morning. My co-worker asked what they were for, and I said it was because I was happy. She asked for details, and I said that we needed to talk somewhere private. We found an empty conference room and I handed her a copy of the note I had sent my manager. I gave her a note because I knew I would not be able to get the whole story out before falling apart. As she was reading the note I started crying and she said I shouldn't be scared. I told her I was crying because I was so happy to finally tell her about my secret. Her reaction was amazing. She said she could not imagine what I had been going through and then she gave me a big hug. It turns out that she had worked with two transgender women previously, and worked beside one of them before, during, and after her transition. I feel extremely lucky to have found such a caring co-worker who has some understanding about what this is all about.
The flood of emotions I experienced was almost overwhelming. After all these years of having to hide my them, finally being able to let them out is simply incredible. I never though that coming out would be such an amazing, liberating experience. Initially I thought the day I decide to come out to everyone would be frightening, but now I am beginning to look forward to that day with a sense of excitement and joy.
Title: Re: Came out to a co-worker
Post by: Megan. on October 13, 2017, 04:46:17 PM
Post by: Megan. on October 13, 2017, 04:46:17 PM
What a wonderful and positive experience, thank you for sharing.
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Title: Re: Came out to a co-worker
Post by: Bari Jo on October 13, 2017, 07:59:26 PM
Post by: Bari Jo on October 13, 2017, 07:59:26 PM
That is very uplifting and beautiful. How did you know she was the right one to come out to? I'm trying to choose a local support person also. My best friend at work is gay. My experience with the lgbt community its very cliquish. Each sticks with their own kind at clubs and as friends. I think if I do come out to him, maybe no more friendship, so no support there. On the other hand, maybe he'll treat me as his little sister. I'd love that. How did you know she was the right one?
Title: Re: Came out to a co-worker
Post by: Jessica_Rose on October 13, 2017, 08:46:46 PM
Post by: Jessica_Rose on October 13, 2017, 08:46:46 PM
To be honest it was mostly just luck. I work in IT for IBM Mainframes and there are not many women in this field. I wanted a woman as my support person because from everything I have read women are usually more accepting of this issue, and personally I would feel more comfortable discussing transition issues with a woman. This person has worked across the aisle from me for about two years. She is very friendly, we chat quite a bit, and I discovered that we had several things in common. I have never heard her mention anything negative about the LGBT community or any other group. She also never mentioned any strong religious views. I don't have anything against religion, but not many religious groups are known to be LGBT friendly. She just seemed to be a caring, kind person who would be friends with anyone having a similar nature.
Maybe you could ask your friend if he has ever known anyone who was transgender? Tell him you have a friend (use my name if you want) who recently came out as transgender and you were not quite sure how to handle it.
I understand what you mean about the LGBT community being cliquish. I think some close-minded people may have come up with that name so they could lump everyone they don't like into a single group. Although everyone in that group fights similar discrimination issues, not all of those groups play well together.
Maybe you could ask your friend if he has ever known anyone who was transgender? Tell him you have a friend (use my name if you want) who recently came out as transgender and you were not quite sure how to handle it.
I understand what you mean about the LGBT community being cliquish. I think some close-minded people may have come up with that name so they could lump everyone they don't like into a single group. Although everyone in that group fights similar discrimination issues, not all of those groups play well together.
Title: Re: Came out to a co-worker
Post by: Megan. on October 14, 2017, 01:32:11 AM
Post by: Megan. on October 14, 2017, 01:32:11 AM
Quote from: Bari Jo on October 13, 2017, 07:59:26 PMAll the LGB people I've met at work since coming out have been very supportive and accepting.
That is very uplifting and beautiful. How did you know she was the right one to come out to? I'm trying to choose a local support person also. My best friend at work is gay. My experience with the lgbt community its very cliquish. Each sticks with their own kind at clubs and as friends. I think if I do come out to him, maybe no more friendship, so no support there. On the other hand, maybe he'll treat me as his little sister. I'd love that. How did you know she was the right one?
You could bring up a subject like the movie The Matrix, mention the Wackowski sisters (were brothers ofc!) and check your friends reaction, I used this one a couple of times. X
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