Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everyone I'm a FTM and I'm fairly new here, when I was young I didn't have a problem with my gender or cared it was when I got to my teenage years from 16 onwarwards I found out I was trans, I was just wondering how people who knew even earlier that they where FTM dealt with there situation at the time. What did you do? did you try to stop some female features from developing like breast development hips widening etc or did you let it happen. Thanks

Hello Jacob.

I was a boy until my chest started growing. I put up a fight when mom tried to put girls cloths on me as a kid and a toddler. 

I did not know what was going on and got depressed at age 12. I was deeply depressed and started drinking alcohol at age 15. I fled myself. I was close to ending my precious life a couple of times.

I kept dressing in guys cloths. Tried to hide my chest.

At age 20 I got a job in uniform. I felt so much better. In uniform I look like the other guys, and some girls too. My depression lifted a bit. Continued drinking when I was off work.

I met my husband. I tried so much to be a woman. Had two kids. Still trying to be a woman. Felt like a fake woman all the time.

At age 30 I found out that there is a thing called transgender. I started working day and night. Never stop. Fled myself. Stopped drinking alcohol. Then I crashed completely in identity crisis and depression. I was hospitalized for 6 months.

Now 10 years later....I have no depression. I have no identity crisis. I know who I am and what way I'll go. I'm in the progress of coming out to everyone. I am ready to be me.

This is how I handled it. Not a straight line to transition. My path was filled of anxiety and depression. I regret I did not realize earlier, but I could not because I did not know. I try to not think that way. Everything has its time.

About hips, I've never had a hip problem. Not before or after giving birth. My biggest problem is my chest. A binder takes care of that.

Sorry. This was a long story.

Tony

I knew something was off from the age of 3 or 4.  It's hard to pin down the exact reason why.  I remember getting in an argument with a stranger lady over whether I was going to grow up to be a cowboy or a cowgirl.  I was adamant that I was going to be a cowboy.  Luckily, my mother was very understanding and said something to the lady that made her leave me alone.  I never wanted to pretend to be the girls and women I saw on TV or in the movies, I wanted to be the boys and men.  (Well, with the exception of Wonder Woman.  She was cool.)  I had a sort of fuzzy realization watching "Johnny Socko and His Flying Robot" that Johnny only got to have his adventures because he was a boy.  I was sure a girl would never have been allowed to do the things he did.  (This was in the mid-70's, and there were virtually no adventure heroines.) 

I was pretty dysphoric by the time I was in school, but I didn't do much about it other than feel sad, until puberty hit.  That was probably the worst time of my life.  I used to wrap my torso in duct tape, trying to squash the curves off my body.  I wore huge, shapeless clothes to hide my figure.  When I saw all the boys at school sighing after feminine, well-put-together girls, I knew I could never be like that and felt a lot of despair.  I drank quite a bit, and developed an eating disorder. 

Since I refused to confront my gender dysphoria head on, or didn't know how to ("gender dysphoria" wasn't even concept in the public consciousness for most of my life), I couldn't figure out a workable solution.  I used a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms instead, substituting one for another over the years.  I wish I had a deep toolbox of useful strategies to give you, but I really don't.  Starting to transition is the only thing that's ever worked for me.     

Welcome to Susan's Place. We are transgender from birth however the age we figure it out at can vary from 3 to 70. If it's discovered before puberty and if the parents are agreeable, there are drugs called puberty blockers that can be given to delay puberty until the child reaches the age of consent. This wasn't possible for me as at the time, no treatment would have been done until I reached 18. Puberty blockers are relatively new and have saved children from much of the pain that the rest of us had to endure.

I think in hind sight, most if not all of us would like to have rewound the clock and lived life differently but for now, all we can do is help the next generation avoid what we faced.

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Yeah I would not wear revealing or feminine clothes, bind using anything I could get my hands on, and completely dissociate from my body as much as is possible while also being alive and having to fulfill bodily functions I guess. I would ignore any compliments or comments relating to my female-ness. I would avoid the idea of being anyone's "girlfriend". etc.

Later I abused certain hormones to get rid of periods. Not advisable.

I realised something was "wrong" when I hit 12 and my moobs started growing.  Before then, I had mostly male friends and did what the boys did, including baseball instead of softball.  My family even sued a local baseball league for not letting my sister and myself join the league because of our gender.  Back in those days, it was a big deal.  Unfortunately, by the time we won the case, we were both too old to be able to play in that league, but we paved the way for girls to be able to play.  To this day, I hate softball.

I was always the "tomboy" in the family, living in jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes.  Not much change there.  I've had countless arguments before family functions such as weddings about my refusal to wear dresses/skirts.  Sometimes I won, sometimes I aquiesed. 

I didn't wear bras for literally most of my life.  I'd wear t-shirts and a loose sweater or hoodie to hide my chest.  Because I am a Paramedic and due to all the lifting I did, my pec muscles were pretty strong, so even though I have a large, "perky" chest (for now), I didn't worry too much about drooping.  Even now that I'm in my 50s, I only have a minimum of droopage.  Doing pushups is keeping my pec muscles relatively firm, and since I've started my top surgery research, my moobs are on their way out.

I've always had large hips, but me getting a bit of "middle age fat" helps to hide them.  Due to my years of "carrying people for a living" [emoji23], I also have wide shoulders.  That, combined with my hips give me a more masculine shape, even with the wide hips, so if I ever lose my spare tire, I'll still be somewhat "man-shaped."

Ryuichi

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