Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: NightElfAu on October 17, 2017, 06:34:58 AM Return to Full Version
Title: FFS
Post by: NightElfAu on October 17, 2017, 06:34:58 AM
Post by: NightElfAu on October 17, 2017, 06:34:58 AM
I have a close friend in Denmark who wants to have FFS. At some time in the next year I should have a large sum of money coming to me, and want to pay for the surgery she wants.
Initially she wants a trach shave, as she is self conscious about her voice (she didn't begin transitioning until nearly 29 yrs old). She is already on HRT and is (or is about to) start on Progesterone.
So my biggest fears (because I have only alluded that I want to do something for her) are :
1. Pressure from her friends and family, as to why I am doing it for her (because I care about her)
2. Pressure from my friends and family for the same reasons as above.
3. The surgeon botches the trach shave, and she will blame me for it.
4. She will think I have some ulterior motive for doing it for her (I don't : I care about her and want to do something for her that will make her happy).
5. It will alter our relationship as friends, and she feels she 'owes' me something for doing this for her. I hate the thought of this happening, but perhaps it will be inevitable with such a large amount of money.
So those are my worries. I also honestly don't know where to start looking for a good EU based surgeon. Are there forums where TS and TG women 'rate' surgeons, and share their success (and hopefully not horror) stories?.
Beyond the tracheal shave, she wants some FFS. We both completed a surgery survey/wishlist online so I could get some scope on what she wanted. My survey came out to around $25,000. Her survey came out to around $10,000.
But she wouldn't share her survey with me so i'm still in the dark as to what surgical procedures she wants (pretty frustrating for me : like trying to find out what birthday present someone wants, but they are never specific!).
Anyway, if anyone can help me out, and give me good advice, links to surgeons, opinions it would be hugely appreciated.
EDIT.
Thanks for the replies. Forums give me the sh*ts trying to figure out how to use, so I'm putting this as an edit.
Thinking overnight about the friends and family thing, and reached the conclusion it will eventually be between me and her. We're consenting adults, capable of making our own decisions without the [well meaning but often unwanted] input of F&F.
I'll be offering this to her to change her life some, and take her further on her journey: and its completely up to her if she accepts or declines. And ultimately i'm not going to be under the surgeons knife and lying in a bed with puffed up face, healing. My job is dead easy : all I have to do is write a cheque ;oP
Initially she wants a trach shave, as she is self conscious about her voice (she didn't begin transitioning until nearly 29 yrs old). She is already on HRT and is (or is about to) start on Progesterone.
So my biggest fears (because I have only alluded that I want to do something for her) are :
1. Pressure from her friends and family, as to why I am doing it for her (because I care about her)
2. Pressure from my friends and family for the same reasons as above.
3. The surgeon botches the trach shave, and she will blame me for it.
4. She will think I have some ulterior motive for doing it for her (I don't : I care about her and want to do something for her that will make her happy).
5. It will alter our relationship as friends, and she feels she 'owes' me something for doing this for her. I hate the thought of this happening, but perhaps it will be inevitable with such a large amount of money.
So those are my worries. I also honestly don't know where to start looking for a good EU based surgeon. Are there forums where TS and TG women 'rate' surgeons, and share their success (and hopefully not horror) stories?.
Beyond the tracheal shave, she wants some FFS. We both completed a surgery survey/wishlist online so I could get some scope on what she wanted. My survey came out to around $25,000. Her survey came out to around $10,000.
But she wouldn't share her survey with me so i'm still in the dark as to what surgical procedures she wants (pretty frustrating for me : like trying to find out what birthday present someone wants, but they are never specific!).
Anyway, if anyone can help me out, and give me good advice, links to surgeons, opinions it would be hugely appreciated.
EDIT.
Thanks for the replies. Forums give me the sh*ts trying to figure out how to use, so I'm putting this as an edit.
Thinking overnight about the friends and family thing, and reached the conclusion it will eventually be between me and her. We're consenting adults, capable of making our own decisions without the [well meaning but often unwanted] input of F&F.
I'll be offering this to her to change her life some, and take her further on her journey: and its completely up to her if she accepts or declines. And ultimately i'm not going to be under the surgeons knife and lying in a bed with puffed up face, healing. My job is dead easy : all I have to do is write a cheque ;oP
Title: Re: FFS
Post by: Dena on October 17, 2017, 04:52:11 PM
Post by: Dena on October 17, 2017, 04:52:11 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. I have heard about both surgeons and people have good things to say about both. In addition, Face team has contact with Yeson, a voice surgeon who had trained them how to do a tracheal shave without causing damage to the voice. It's not very difficult but it is a trade off. My tracheal shave was done by a reconstructive plastic surgeon and after he examined me, he said there would still be a lump after surgery because there was a limit as to what could be removed without damaging my voice. The lump is small and it's far better than what was there before. I have seen a few cases where the patient demanded an excessive amount of material be removed and it resulted in damage. Insist on asking question about every procedure and make sure everybody agrees with what will be done. That will ensure there will not be any disappointment.
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Title: Re: FFS
Post by: Charlie Nicki on October 17, 2017, 07:26:37 PM
Post by: Charlie Nicki on October 17, 2017, 07:26:37 PM
Wouldn't we all want a friend like you? LOL. I certainly wouldn't complain. I think you already have all the answers I was going to give you. you wrote it on your edit. I completely agree.