Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So a while ago I posted a letter I wrote to come out to my father in these sub forums, and I recently had another thread in the main transgender talk forums about this topic. Well, tonight the time came and, miracle of miracles, I didn't chicken out.

And it went amazing. Better than I ever could have possibly dreamed!

I started out stuttering nothing for a few minutes, terrified and looking for a way out. But then something just snapped, I said to hell with it and give him the letter. As he read the first little bit I was shaking like I'm not sure I have ever shook before. The fear was just so real. He made no visible reaction, so I couldn't gauge anything. Then he just stopped and said it was all okay, and he loved me no matter what. At that point I started to just read off the letter a bit, jumping topics some... and just talked. He was so positive about everything, reiterated repeatedly he was proud of me and my progress with my health in general and that I had the courage to do what I needed to do to be happy, and was just genuinely wonderful and supportive. He told me a story from his career about a transgender woman he treated 20 years ago, and how much he learned from her and her journey that was just amazing. (Very long story made very short: She spent many years transitioning only to develop terminal cancer a few years later. Yet she absolutely did not regret the time she spent transitioning, and those years she lived were the happiest she'd ever had.)

A lot of its a blur, and I don't think my brain was processing things properly due to my anxiety going overdrive, but after a while I calmed down.  I'm not really sure what else to say, except I'm pretty sure I am in a legitimate state of shock, everything is this strange not unpleasant numbness. I should probably go to sleep.

Brilliant...what a wonderful response. I am so glad you had the courage to go through with it. Congratulations you now have a huge supporter in your corner...that is just fantastic ;D

Fabulous news :)

(Hugs)

Rowan

Sooo happy for you.  Lovely to read such a positive thing,  it's certainly help set me in a good mood for the day. X

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  Hi
  I remember those posts of trepidation and fear of doing what you have just accomplished. And make no bones about it, it was an accomplishment. You did great and had the kind of acceptance you could only dream about. Now it's done and you bask in the unbelievable afterglow. Enjoy it for soon you will have to continue with  your plans and there will be mork work and more ups an downs to contend with. But for now celebrate!

Hugs,
   Laurie

Ellie, I can feel your happiness all the way over here.  I can imagine the fear, just walking through the support group door was paralyzingly for me, this I'm sure was worse, then you just turned it around.  To hell with it!  I love it.  Your father obviously loves you too.  Enjoy that well deserved sleep and wake up feeling lighter, and that you have leveled up your real life self with such an experience!

Bari Jo

Quote from: Roll on October 20, 2017, 01:06:06 AMhe just stopped and said it was all okay, and he loved me no matter what.

Like father like daughter??!! My father said exact same thing, suspect 'stock' paternal loving response? My "letter to dad" was long distance on-line via a private blog like here. Just getting him registered (let alone him reading/posting back) was major challenge in itself!!

Just stumbled upon this thread from other thankful (oops) I mean sorry) missed all "lead up to" drama!!! LOL Only dif here my father always expressed a dislike for "psychiatry" or any kind of "mental therapy" in general. And yet ours has something in common?? The one psych report that was mandated for me seemed *spot on*. How they do that from one 3 hour interview / written questioning?

LOL Can't imagine the "behind the curtain" experience, 24/7 living with one!!

Ellie, that is awesome. Coming out to a parent and having them fully accept you on the spot had to be a beautiful, liberating experience. Congratulations!

Congratulations sweetie. I 'm glad it went so well.

Way to go, Ellie!  I am proud of you!

You have an awesome dad. Good job on your end as well.

I'm so so happy for you Ellie!!!!!!! You've taken one of the hardest steps in this process, and come through it happier & stronger. There'll be other difficult steps along the way, but for now enjoy your moment!  :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance: :eusa_dance:

nice to hear that

Thank you all!!! I seriously would not have been able to find the strength to do this without the support of everyone I've met on these forums, and I just genuinely love you all for the caring and wonderful people you are!

Quote from: Bari Jo on October 20, 2017, 02:54:25 AM
Ellie, I can feel your happiness all the way over here.  I can imagine the fear, just walking through the support group door was paralyzingly for me, this I'm sure was worse, then you just turned it around.  To hell with it!  I love it.  Your father obviously loves you too.  Enjoy that well deserved sleep and wake up feeling lighter, and that you have leveled up your real life self with such an experience!

Bari Jo

Lighter is the perfect word. Even though I had far less sleep than I'd like, I woke up feeling refreshed and at peace. What was most interesting to me is that I've been doing bad about exercising the past two weeks or so (as in I didn't at all ;D), but within seconds of opening my eyes I thought "time to get on the treadmill". I'm still worried about dealing with a few future family members, but for now everything just feels right. Not to mention this was the "go ahead" I was making myself wait for on hormones, so now I get to take a step that isn't scary, just exciting. ;D As soon as something gets sorted out financially over the next few days I'm scheduling my HRT initial appointment, which supposedly will be a pretty quick turn around with the route I'm taking there. (Regional telemed based organization opened up recently specifically for transgender HRT needs, due to the whole GA/AL/TN/etc region have terrible resources in 99% of the states.)

Well done Roll.  I'm glad it worked out so well with your father. :)

Paige :)

Ellie, absolutely awesome.  I had similar fears before coming out, different circumstances but I also finally went for it thinking about what others here have done.  I am sooooo glad to read your post!

Hi Ellie, guess you are on a 'roll' now.  :)  I love how things turned out for you. Having good support made all the difference for me. Cheers to you and may you have a beautiful, authentic life ahead of you.
Moni

As I process it more, I have this feeling that my first thought was to describe as "rightness". It's strange, because I'm not even sure I would say it is happiness or euphoria. That I can show myself to anyone and not be driven out of town with pitchforks just has me... I guess contentedness is what I'm going for here. I've been happy plenty of times in my life, but happy can be transitory. This doesn't feel transitory. I'm feeling that happiness and sadness are just shifts around that baseline contentedness versus depression, and that with this sense my peaks will be greater and my valleys will be shallower. I don't know that I've ever felt this way.

Or maybe I am just euphoric for the moment and reading too much into it, who knows! ;D

Ellie,

That is amazingly awesome!  I am so happy for you.  I am sure this lightens the mental load considerably.  It will be incredibly helpful for you to have some support close to you.  Now there are considerably fewer roadblocks on the way to being a happier you!  It is unfortunate that the area you live in is very light on trans resources.  There aren't too many near where I live, but they are within driving distance.  I know the transportation factor is lacking in your case.  There will always be some hurdles, but persevere and they seem to become less of mountains and more of molehills as you move forward.

Amber

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Oh, thank goodness!  :eusa_dance: :icon_dance:  :icon_woowoo:

I am so happy for you! I was so worried! Here you are with a new wind of freedom in your wings and you're ready to take your next step!

If your ever out this way or I'm out that way celebration dinner is on me!  :icon_chick:

Quote from: Roll on October 20, 2017, 09:13:18 AM
As I process it more, I have this feeling that my first thought was to describe as "rightness". It's strange, because I'm not even sure I would say it is happiness or euphoria. That I can show myself to anyone and not be driven out of town with pitchforks just has me... I guess contentedness is what I'm going for here. I've been happy plenty of times in my life, but happy can be transitory. This doesn't feel transitory. I'm feeling that happiness and sadness are just shifts around that baseline contentedness versus depression, and that with this sense my peaks will be greater and my valleys will be shallower. I don't know that I've ever felt this way.

Or maybe I am just euphoric for the moment and reading too much into it, who knows! ;D

I know exactly what you mean. After coming out to friends & family, and having nothing but positive & supportive responses, I was riding an incredible high for the next month or more. Now whenever I start feeling down, I just remember that there are people who love & care for me that I can turn to. I haven't felt this good about anything in my entire life - that after all my stumbling about I'm finally on the right path.

The transition process can be incredibly overwhelming, especially early on. There's so much to do, so much to learn. Sometimes it feels like there's a mountain pressing down on us, but each step you take lightens that load considerably, like moving another boulder aside. Just imagine that day (maybe sooner than you might think!) when you leave that mountain behind & you'll be out there living your life as your true self!

To everyone I didn't catch in my first thank you, I will say it again, THANK YOU!! The love and support of this community is just amazing!

I can also now say that I think this was weighing on me far more than I even realized over the past few weeks. I was finding myself running up against deadlines in school work when normally I am the person who has everything done weeks in advance (yeah, I'm that girl :D), had no willpower to exercise, and wasn't even able to really get involved in any games or TV shows. Even going to see Bladerunner I felt distracted the entire time, and I typically lose myself when watching something in theaters. I just couldn't focus. Yet today I woke up, exercised, then sat down and have been tearing through assignments and am actually itching to get through it and watch a movie I've been intending to for a while. Yet aside from that immediate lead up panic, if someone had asked me if I felt bad or depressed the past two weeks or so I would have honestly said no. Practice from years of self deception at play I guess.

Start taking care of pesky facial hair - no need to wait for HRT to begin

And congratulations...

Quote from: elkie-t on October 20, 2017, 03:07:24 PM
Start taking care of pesky facial hair - no need to wait for HRT to begin

And congratulations...

If I could I would, but I'm really trapped by lack of car and money at the moment.  :-\ I'm hoping to be mobile and solvent by Thanksgiving and then I'm planning on getting one of the groupon deals for a laser place about an hour away. Only place in the area with real laser is stupid expensive and has bad ratings (cash grab for tourists/summerers/rich residents who don't care, of which I am none ;D).

Ellie,

   Did you get the chance to ask him why he had never approached you? I'm curious to see if my hypothesis was correct on that one. At any rate congrats on the reveal, both for having the courage to go through with it, and the results. I wish my revealS to my own father had gone that smoothly.

HUGS!

Quote from: JennyBear on October 22, 2017, 11:29:52 PM
Ellie,

   Did you get the chance to ask him why he had never approached you? I'm curious to see if my hypothesis was correct on that one. At any rate congrats on the reveal, both for having the courage to go through with it, and the results. I wish my revealS to my own father had gone that smoothly.

HUGS!

He said he honestly had no idea, but he does have a tendency to play a bit clueless sometimes. :P At this point, I'm not going to second guess anything though.

Honestly, I never really expected it to go bad per se(ie: getting kicked out of the house, disowned, etc), I just expected it to be more... I dunno, awkward for sure, maybe a bit more resistance? But of course fear for the unexpected result is always there.

Congrats Roll, did you ask him if he ever picked up on anything?

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 23, 2017, 01:27:52 AM
Congrats Roll, did you ask him if he ever picked up on anything?

He said he never really gave it much thought pretty much.

Quote from: JennyBear on October 22, 2017, 11:29:52 PM
Ellie,

   Did you get the chance to ask him why he had never approached you? I'm curious to see if my hypothesis was correct on that one. At any rate congrats on the reveal, both for having the courage to go through with it, and the results. I wish my revealS to my own father had gone that smoothly.

HUGS!

A shoe makers shoes. :)


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Quote from: Gertrude on October 23, 2017, 08:26:49 AM
A shoe makers shoes. :)

    Um, could you explain that comment please? I don't quite get it. Unless shoemakers normally have terrible shoes?

HUGS!

Yeah, I didn't really understand the metaphor either to be honest. ;D

Quote from: Roll on October 23, 2017, 12:01:05 PM
Yeah, I didn't really understand the metaphor either to be honest. ;D

Hi Roll,

I think it may have to do with the old saying "The Cobbler's children have no shoes".  In other words the child of a therapist who specializes in transgender children may overlook their own child.  I know my sister, a social worker, often lamented to me how by the time she got home, after dealing with many peoples problems all day, she was too tired to deal with her own kids issues.

Paige :)

Quote from: JennyBear on October 23, 2017, 10:24:59 AM
    Um, could you explain that comment please? I don't quite get it. Unless shoemakers normally have terrible shoes?

HUGS!

It just means that often, people that do something for a living, don't always do it for themselves. So a shoemaker fixed shoes all day, but ignores his or her own shoes. It's understandable. Sometimes we just burnout from what we do.


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