Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Why am I so attracted to transgendered women? Or perhaps I should say why am I more attracted to transgender women over normal women?
This is something that's been running through my head for a while and really this is just an open thought post of whats going on in my head :)

Id like to explore each avenue in turn and explain to myself why I do or don't think it plays a part.

1. I am secretly in the closet as a gay male.
This one is simply no. I don't find the male body attractive at all and the idea of dating a male holds no interest to me whatsoever.
I like females.

2. It's just a sex based kink.
I'm not all that into sex in general. I mean I enjoy it with a partner I love and want to be with and whilst I am not vanilla in my sex likes, sex for the sake of sex, to me, is just assisted masturbation. Anal is a taboo sure, but I am so over that.

3. Because I am trans myself. Well I am indeed trans but I have decided to not go ahead with any transition as for me, the cons outweigh the pros.
Perhaps this does play some factor as a trans woman would know a lot of what I go through and we tend to seek those similar to us.

4. Because I dont see the difference between a trans woman and a cis woman.
Apart from the one difference, there, to me, is none.
Which is why I am a bit confused here as I actively prefer trans women.

5.Nope that's all I've got at the minute.
I'm absolutely fine with being attracted to cis girls and trans women. If anything it just opens up the potential dates.

It's just something I been thinking about and wanted to share :)

A very strange topic indeed.
Why someone would actively seek someone in our situation is crazy to me.
I think it's great for those who can set aside the differences we have because they real like us as people. But to be actively hunted because I have an appendage I shouldn't have is kinda odd, I get it all the time, people coming after me on Instagram. And so many become so vile and sexual so fast it really creeps me out. I'm so lucky I have a partner and do not have to think about relationships.
Anyway yeah I really don't get those that come after us simply because we are trans?,
And even though I am a trans woman,  I could not have a CD partner. Im not against people who do it, it just would not be something I would want if I was looking for someone?

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on October 24, 2017, 10:49:19 AM
A very strange topic indeed.
Why someone would actively seek someone in our situation is crazy to me.
I think it's great for those who can set aside the differences we have because they real like us as people. But to be actively hunted because I have an appendage I shouldn't have is kinda odd, I get it all the time, people coming after me on Instagram. And so many become so vile and sexual so fast it really creeps me out. I'm so lucky I have a partner and do not have to think about relationships.
Anyway yeah I really don't get those that come after us simply because we are trans?,
And even though I am a trans woman,  I could not have a CD partner. Im not against people who do it, it just would not be something I would want if I was looking for someone?

Part of the reason I originally left, and 'Kylo' (i think hes using a diff name on here now?) can probably back me on this, was a lot of unwanted attention from 'men seeking transgendered women.' A fetish is a fetish.

That aside prior to my own transitioning I had a brief romantic trist with another transgendered woman. (I myself identify as a lesbian.) I never actively sought her out because of who she was though. Just fancied her for her. It wasnt suppised to last.

Recently upon coming out to an old friend of mine as transgender he'd confessed to me that he is pansexual. (He is happily married with children and there wasn't any weirdness.)

Suppose if I was a guy and I was dating a girl, and she came out as being trans, I think I would still date her, it might have tooken me a while but I think  I would push passed it if I really liked her.
But I think I think like this because I know how it is to be like this, and I would want to make her feel like a goddess, make her feel every bit as special as she should. Now though my attractions are like stuck in no man's land after transitioning.

Perhaps you're drawn to their strength and self confidence?

Hugs, Devlyn

I certainly admire trans women and as a pansexual, i'd never preclude them but an exclusive attraction i do not have. Perhaps in addition to the strength/confidence that Devlyn Marie mentions, it is just that you have an affinity for people like you and can connect with their struggles in life etc.

Quote from: MissKairi on October 24, 2017, 10:04:26 AM
Why am I so attracted to transgendered women? Or perhaps I should say why am I more attracted to transgender women over normal women?

If you are a woman attracted to other women, I don't see anything strange in your being especially attracted to women who have a lot in common with you.

Quote from: Angela Drakken on October 24, 2017, 11:28:21 AM
A fetish is a fetish.

If either a cis person or trans person is especially attracted to trans women, with or without male bits, I don't think that it is necessarily fetishistic.  Being attracted to particular body parts, such as feet, is fetishistic.  Some people like cis men because they are cis men, some people like cis women because they are cis women.  I don't see why being attracted to people because they are trans should be regarded as a fetish, as long as one is attracted to the whole person.

And, as long as one is attracted to the whole person, so what, even if it is a fetish?  I know that you were not criticising, just expressing your own preference.  I am just expressing my own opinion on the subject.

Quote from: Angela Drakken on October 24, 2017, 11:28:21 AM
Part of the reason I originally left, and 'Kylo' (i think hes using a diff name on here now?) can probably back me on this, was a lot of unwanted attention from 'men seeking transgendered women.' A fetish is a fetish.

If that happens on the forum in PM, use the report to administrator button and send it to Cindy or Susan. PM is private so we don't know what happens there unless we are made aware of it. We watch out for it in the forum and if we see it there, it often gets handled before very many other people see it.

Chat also has that policy and the moderators shut down things like that pretty fast. If somebody takes you private, record the information and pass it to a moderator as soon as possible.

Susan's isn't a dating site and anybody who attempts to use it for that purpose will be stopped as soon as we are aware of it.  Romances have happened on the site but you should never need to deal with anything you are uncomfortable with.

The past few years I've felt especially drawn to transwomen, despite being a gay man (well a straight woman in a man's body), I always wondered why that was, until I realised it was because I felt like/wanted to be a woman myself

Quote from: Dena on October 24, 2017, 04:14:06 PM
If that happens on the forum in PM, use the report to administrator button and send it to Cindy or Susan. PM is private so we don't know what happens there unless we are made aware of it. We watch out for it in the forum and if we see it there, it often gets handled before very many other people see it.

Chat also has that policy and the moderators shut down things like that pretty fast. If somebody takes you private, record the information and pass it to a moderator as soon as possible.

Susan's isn't a dating site and anybody who attempts to use it for that purpose will be stopped as soon as we are aware of it.  Romances have happened on the site but you should never need to deal with anything you are uncomfortable with.

Oh no it wasnt exclusive to the Susans site, but thanks Dena. I had to change my cell number a few times irl also.. Water under the fridge, as they say. >.>

I'd get that fridge checked out Angela...

I am pansexual. I fall for the person, not the gender. I have seen many attractive trans women. I think the androgynous looks catches my attention.

But most often I fall for the person. No matter what gender they identify themselves. The men that catch my attention are soft men. Not always gay men, there are soft cis men too.

Same goes for women. I like the soft ones. Not just ultra femme women, the soft ones. A tomboy can be soft.

Stone Butches are most of the time excluded. But I think it's no problem because I'm male. Lol


Tony

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on October 24, 2017, 11:36:08 PM
I'd get that fridge checked out Angela...

Lol if only a leaking fridge were the worst my issues.
(Thats also a Trailer Park boys quote, if youre familiar with the show or its 'ricky isms.' Probs doesnt aire across the pond?)

Ha my brother's watched that. I never got into it

SAMSQUANCH, That's an odd thing to say, Julian...

Bubbles usually has the deeper more philosophical thoughts tough...

Quote from: Angela Drakken on October 25, 2017, 05:31:07 AM
Lol if only a leaking fridge were the worst my issues.
(Thats also a Trailer Park boys quote, if youre familiar with the show or its 'ricky isms.' Probs doesnt aire across the pond?)

Girls with heavy / angry eyebrows are my kryptonite.
Like Frankie Shaw,
(https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/anbZEYb_700b.jpg)

Cara Delevingne
(https://assets.vogue.com/photos/58916ccb7edfa70512d644f6/master/pass/best-eyelashes-cara-delevingne.jpg)

Feruza Balk
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjIyMDMyODc1MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTE4MDAxMw@@._V1_SX750_CR0,0,750,499_AL_.jpg)

I love girls that are more  "masculine in feature" or less "traditionally beautiful"
That's obviously why I'm also attracted to trans women as well.  (not that we all have heavy eyebrows, but statistically its more likely)

Could be your reason too??

Quote from: kayla1618 on October 29, 2017, 08:23:15 AM
Girls with heavy / angry eyebrows are my kryptonite.

I love girls that are more  "masculine in feature" or less "traditionally beautiful"
That's obviously why I'm also attracted to trans women as well.  (not that we all have heavy eyebrows, but statistically its more likely)

Could be your reason too??

There isn't much about those three women that makes me personally think "trans" but it is true that some women, regarded as particularly beautiful, have typically trans qualities such as being  tall or even having augmented breasts.  Brooke Shields' unplucked eyebrows did nothing to mar her beauty, either.

Quote from: MaryT on October 29, 2017, 08:41:44 AM
There isn't much about those three women that makes me personally think "trans" but it is true that some women, regarded as particularly beautiful, have typically trans qualities such as being  tall or even having augmented breasts.  Brooke Shields' unplucked eyebrows did nothing to mar her beauty, either.

Totally...

Yeah, I don't necessarily think those women I posted look trans either. 
I was just pointing out that I seem to like angry eyebrows, or heavy brow ridges. 
Which, whenever I find myself attracted to a trans women, they ultimately also have that feature.

So I was trying to hypothesize for the OP that maybe there is a particularly universal "feature", that trans women are more likely to have, than cis-women, that the OP finds attractive??   :eusa_think:

When I'm attracted to a trans women, its either the eyebrows, or the fact that I wished I looked like them  ;D

Quick reply from me as in a rush but there's nothing strange about this topic. It's surprisingly normal. The ladyboy bars in Thailand are rammed full of men fantasising about t-girls or however you want to term the kathoey.

I think we should stop beating ourselves up sometimes and assuming something about this is a 'disorder'. It isn't. It's part of a rich tapestry. For some trans people they not only love women but in that love want to be one. Tied up in that can be an erotic or fantasy element. It's still a valid part of the trans continuum.

Be kind to yourself and continue to explore your identity.

I like to use the word, 'admiration.' Admiration of female form covers a wide range of our responses, all of them valid.

xxx

Mod Edit- Edited to comply with site policy

 :police:
Lets please remember that ->-bleeped-<- is a banned topic on the site. Thank You.
Mariah

Quote from: Mariah on October 29, 2017, 11:42:45 AM
:police:
Lets please remember that ->-bleeped-<- is a banned topic on the site. Thank You.
Mariah

What's ->-bleeped-<-?

Quote from: kayla1618 on October 29, 2017, 01:59:39 PM

Quote from: Mariah on October 29, 2017, 11:42:45 AM
:police:
Lets please remember that ->-bleeped-<- is a banned topic on the site. Thank You.
Mariah

What's ->-bleeped-<-?

For information purposes only. The topic is not up for discussion on the Forums.

https://www.susans.org/wiki/ ->-bleeped-<-

Hugs, Devlyn

Any discussion of Blanchard's  ->-bleeped-<-sm is banned? Wow.

Anyhow, that aside, I'm sure that sexual arousal can play a part in some transsexualism. But, normally, only a part and, as ever with such complex issues, only a small amount. Reductionism is rarely a good trait as it oversimplifies.

xx

FWIW, given the statistical popularity of "transgender" porn, I think there are a lot of guys out there who want to play with the business end of someone else's male equipment, but want a pretty girl attached to the other end of it.

Non binary human sexuality is perfectly normal, and a natural method of population control.  It sure beats war, barbarism and starvation.

Quote from: MissKairi on October 24, 2017, 10:04:26 AM
Why am I so attracted to transgendered women? Or perhaps I should say why am I more attracted to transgender women over normal women?
This is something that's been running through my head for a while and really this is just an open thought post of whats going on in my head :)

Id like to explore each avenue in turn and explain to myself why I do or don't think it plays a part.

1. I am secretly in the closet as a gay male.
This one is simply no. I don't find the male body attractive at all and the idea of dating a male holds no interest to me whatsoever.
I like females.

2. It's just a sex based kink.
I'm not all that into sex in general. I mean I enjoy it with a partner I love and want to be with and whilst I am not vanilla in my sex likes, sex for the sake of sex, to me, is just assisted masturbation. Anal is a taboo sure, but I am so over that.

3. Because I am trans myself. Well I am indeed trans but I have decided to not go ahead with any transition as for me, the cons outweigh the pros.
Perhaps this does play some factor as a trans woman would know a lot of what I go through and we tend to seek those similar to us.

4. Because I dont see the difference between a trans woman and a cis woman.
Apart from the one difference, there, to me, is none.
Which is why I am a bit confused here as I actively prefer trans women.

5.Nope that's all I've got at the minute.
I'm absolutely fine with being attracted to cis girls and trans women. If anything it just opens up the potential dates.

It's just something I been thinking about and wanted to share :)

Maybe you are just attracted to someone that embraces femininity. I don't think you are a gay male. And no it isn't just about sex either.

Look, it is like this, attraction to another person is a mystery. We don't really know why we are attracted to someone or why we find this or that attractive, we are just attracted to them. I mean I am bisexual and more transbian than lesbian even though I am more attracted to men but love the femininity that a woman has. I don't know why, I just am. To me trans women are more feminine and embrace it more than cis women.

Quote from: Mandy M on October 30, 2017, 04:48:05 AM
Any discussion of Blanchard's  ->-bleeped-<-sm is banned? Wow.

If you were a moderator, you  might take a little different view on it. We have members joining using it as a self diagnostic tool. We have some who have diagnosed other as that and last but not least, discussion of the topic is a sure  way to have a thread melt down. There are topics that can't be discussed in an adult manor and this is one of them.

We attempt to place as few restrictions on the discussions as possible however we have a limited firefighting ability so rather than having the site get clutter and member injured by harmful topics,  we place some topics off limit.

I can understand that Dena. People coming on here are often in a vulnerable state and not robust enough to take knocks, however well dressed they are. I'm sure the last thing site owners want is the responsibility of causing added grief and stress (or worse).

It's slightly unfortunate though in that, whilst I find Blanchard's description woefully simplistic and insulting, there's also a small part of something important behind it which I mentioned in a different way.

I wonder if in general it might be possible on this site to have one sub-forum thread for people to enter at their own risk? A sort-of small area for discussion that carries with it a health warning but where difficult topics might be discussed? It's just a thought. I wouldn't extend that to dosing by the way because that's a different ball park and the danger with that would be everyone flocking to it. Perhaps the sub forum thread could be by subscription only? Maybe it wouldn't work - it's just a thought. It's only that there are some aspects of ->-bleeped-<- which are difficult topics but which may also be extremely helpful for people to discuss, providing they know they need to be robust enough to do so and not for general consumption.

I'll shut up there :D

xx

I was thinking about weighing in on my own (previous?) attraction to transgender women when this thread was made, but never got around to it until now, so here we go!

So yeah, for my part for years in my own denial, I had a few lines of thought that I am immensely grateful I never had the opportunity to act upon as it would have been based on a lie, and just ended in heartbreak all around as I came to grips with myself. For most of my life I was always drawn to trans women, and in my complete denial I convinced myself that draw was a sexual preference(as opposed to wanting to be one), based around the idea of being attracted to the courage and life experiences of trans women (which that part at least wasn't a lie, as I still find it inspiring and everyone here is what drives me forward!).

In my more conscious moments (it still amazes me how well I deceived myself I actually had this thought and then went back to the other two seconds later) I would think "I can never find the courage to become a woman myself/I would never be passable/etc., so I might as well be a decent guy and try to make a trans woman happy." Unfortunately, this all came with its own internal war about being a fetishist/->-bleeped-<-, as I found that idea absolutely abhorrent and it drove me into despair that trans women would likely reject me as such. Yes, I managed to get depressed about something that was a lie to begin with. So that's fun.

And I added the potential previous caveat in my first line because now... I actually don't think I am sexually attracted to trans women now, at least any more than I am cis women. It's weird, in that I am a fairly binary person in my own view, but at the same time my attraction has sort of become an anyone and everyone and anything in between, and 10 years ago I probably would have told myself it was almost exclusively trans women. (Honestly, if anything I've been entertaining the thought of trans men more than anything lately. As you get the understanding and experience of being trans, plus they're men.  ;D)

I suspect we get far too hung up over this.

Admiration, which is probably what most trans girls have, has an obvious cross over into fantasy. That sexual arousal might play a part in that is nothing to be ashamed or worried about. We're not automatons: our bodies, minds, souls, psyches, histories, hopes all come with us on this journey into womanhood.

xx

Hey, MissKairi. Here are my thoughts on that. ;)
I myself always felt very attracted to trans-girls since I was a small boy and first discovered gender variances.

About the reasons, in my particular case, after diving deeply on myself, I came to a conclusion very similar to your third possibility:

Quote from: MissKairi on October 24, 2017, 10:04:26 AM
3. Because I am trans myself. Well I am indeed trans but I have decided to not go ahead with any transition as for me, the cons outweigh the pros.
Perhaps this does play some factor as a trans woman would know a lot of what I go through and we tend to seek those similar to us.

Oddly, after discovering myself as a trans-girl and starting HRT, my attraction to trans-girls have lowered significantly. This might have something to do with the drop on my sex drive.

But my main conclusion is that:

The roots of my huge attraction to trans-girls was that I wanted to be just like them. I admired their beauty and their courage to be theirselves. And just by watching a beautiful trans-girl ignited a degree of happiness and satisfaction that at that time I could only experience through other people.

I guess starting to transition myself allowed me to dissociate these feelings from other people and find this degree of happiness inside of me and because of me.

As a I am sexually oriented to girls, I am still attracted to trans-girls, but this time as much as I am attracted to cis-girls. In fact, I prefer to drop these prefixes and state I am attracted TO GIRLS (DOT).  :icon_cute:

Look. This is the thing about physical attraction and that is that you can't control it. We are attracted to what turns us on and whatever that is. is personal to each and everyone of us. And what attracts us may change over time.

My best friend from child hood is gay he just told me a couple of moths ago that he may be bi because he is attracted to women but women that are more masculine than feminine. And no he is my brother and I am his sister and we both look at it that way. So neither one of us would cross that boundary but what attracts you changes over time.

Personally I am trans and I find trans women extremely more attractive over cis women. It may be because we would both be trans and could be totally open and or vulnerable to one another but more than likely the femininity and the total expression of it. I really don't even think about it or want to know why, I just know who I am attracted to and I can totally be a Transbian.

What attracts two different people to one another is a mystery and locked deep in the subconscious so just go with it and find someone that will make you happy. If that happens to be a woman, man, trans man, trans woman or non binary then just go with it. It may not last forever but that is the pitfalls of dating. But I have been with my current boyfriend now for almost ten years but we are a little older. So age and maturity plays a factor too. Then to someone you may just be a sex abject and even other trans are not immune to seeing you like this either. In all honesty there are so many levels of attraction to one another and the very first one is physical and then it gets deeper.

So just find someone you are attracted to physically and on deeper levels. But even cis women face this all the time too. Some people just want the sex, others want the connections on deeper levels and you have to weed them out. OMG I have done so much crap in my life and have been totally open about everything. I have had my heart broken and have broken a couple myself. :embarrassed: That is what sux about the dating part. :-\  Sometimes one or the other just can't connect don deeper levels. But when you do find that someone special then it is totally worth it. :) I hope some of this makes sense.

I'm for the most part closeted trans female with a few colleagues and friends in the know. Part of the attraction of Trans Females for me is I want to be one and the main part is I'm bi sexual and to me a trans female is the best of both worlds to me. But I have to like the person or feel attracted to their personality regardless of the person being bi, straight male or female. On the most part I'm quite shy when it comes to the dating game but if I thought that i was being classed as a fetishist I would scarper back under my wee rock totally mortified.

I'm an older woman, 64 this month.

I am a femme lesbian. I like my feminine appearance, and I am attracted to other women.

I got to this point in my life by being a transgender person.

Some of the women I find attractive are cisgender lesbians. Some are transgender lesbians. Some are straight. They're just women who have traits I find attractive. I've also noticed that I am attracted to a few non-binary and genderqueer folks, to be honest.

Now, of all these folks, I have to consider which populations might be interested in ME. Not many, as it turns out.  The big YouGOV (https://d25d2506sfb94s.cloudfront.net/cumulus_uploads/document/537rxhcloa/US%20Results%20(Transgender%20Issues)%20025%2002.10.2017.pdf) survey shows about 0% of ciswomen lesbians over 55 are open to romance with a trans woman, so I know the odds put me in the Friend Zone permanently there. Straight women are out obviously.

That leaves trans women, and the rare older genderqueer or non binary.

And there it is. For my age bracket "single trans woman seeking lesbian partner" is a code for trans seeking trans.

So, that's what I have to go with.

(And all the trans women in my age group that I know are either paired up, or not compatible in orientation. My social life is all group events and "table for one ". )


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  I too am attracted strictly to women, and as a transwoman, I have found it strange in the past few months, since being on HRT, my pool of attractive women has gotten way way bigger!  I used to be so extremely picky.  I could find maybe one in a thousand girls attractive.  I would scroll through singles sites for hours and never find someone I thought was attractive enough to date.   And my wife can attest to that.  She has always asked me "Well do you think that girl over there is attractive?"  (We have a very open and free relationship ha ha) and I would honestly say "Nope."  Very rarely would I see a girl that I find really attractive.  However, like I said, since being on HRT for a while, something has changed within me.  Before maybe 1 percent of girls I saw were attractive.  Now it's more like 50 percent of girls I can see as genuinely attractive and could see myself being in a relationship with.  It is so weird!  It's like all of a sudden a whole new world is opened for me.   So anyway.......as far as attractiveness to transwomen.........Yes.  I too along with my general decrease in pickiness, have found myself real recently, truly finding various different transwomen actually attractive to the point of recognizing that I could even see myself in a relationship with one.  Not that I'm looking since I am happily married, but it is just a very interesting observation for me.

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 07, 2017, 09:06:10 AM

(And all the trans women in my age group that I know are either paired up, or not compatible in orientation. My social life is all group events and "table for one ". )

What about younger trans or cis women? I know for a fact many like older women, and even the younger cis girls would be open to a trans woman more likely.

Also, I noticed on the yougov chart that even though a lot of people said they weren't really open to being friends with a transgender person, only a small amount said they wouldn't support their best friend if they came out as transgender. That is an interesting dissonance.

Quote from: Roll on November 07, 2017, 10:32:26 AM
What about younger trans or cis women? I know for a fact many like older women, and even the younger cis girls would be open to a trans woman more likely.

Younger folks are generally much more open than the 55 and over bracket, and tend not to subscribe to the older exclusionary belief systems.   It's a GOOD THING!  ;)

The old nonsense is pretty well locked into the belief systems of many older members of the lesbian community. The older lesbian and gay community was raised on Janet Raymond and Jim Fourett, steeped in the misinformation and bad research of Dr. John Money.  There is strong resistance to any information that contradicts these belief systems, and ultimately, it is just the passage of time and the dying off of these old fossils that will bring improvement.

Quote from: Roll on November 07, 2017, 10:32:26 AMAlso, I noticed on the yougov chart that even though a lot of people said they weren't really open to being friends with a transgender person, only a small amount said they wouldn't support their best friend if they came out as transgender. That is an interesting dissonance.

Yes.  Often when a friend comes out, we hear "But you're different!", as part of why they feel OK about spouting nonsense about the larger trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer community.  That personal connection somehow allows an exception to their belief system.  One of my goals in my activism is to generate those exceptions and leverage them to tear down the flawed belief systems.



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Quote from: Michelle_P on November 07, 2017, 10:45:17 AM

Yes.  Often when a friend comes out, we hear "But you're different!", as part of why they feel OK about spouting nonsense about the larger trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer community.  That personal connection somehow allows an exception to their belief system.  One of my goals in my activism is to generate those exceptions and leverage them to tear down the flawed belief systems.

What really struck me as odd is that they have that exception even in a purely hypothetical scenario. I sort of understand the dissonance in an actual case, where someone makes spur of the moment allowances for a person in their life without being willing to alter their general beliefs, but to consciously think it through in that hypothetical and come to that conclusion is just... I don't even know the word. :D