Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone, it's been a few months since I last posted and I wanted to give an update on how things have been going.

I started seeing a therapist about one month ago on a weekly basis. It has been nice to have someone to talk to openly about my feelings on a regular basis, and who I know I can talk about anything with. While they can't tell me whether or not I am trans, as that is something I have to decide for myself, I've definitely found it helpful, though it took a while to get past some of the basic info that I had already researched on my own.

I have reached a point where I know for certain that I am transgender. I've been feeling less and less in tune with being male and with men around me in my life, and I have been connecting better with many women and exploring feminine aspects of my life. I have purchased a few pieces of cheap clothing, including a few skirts, a dress, panties, a bra, and a tank top, which I routinely wear around the house and occasionally go out in at night when it is hard for others to recognize me. I am loving wearing these, and more and more I am finding myself wanting to wear them around others, not just in private. Presenting as male and wearing male clothing at work is becoming a little depressing.

This Halloween I made a big stride in wearing a female costume out and about. I dressed as the character Marceline from Adventure Time, wearing a stuffed bra, a women's tank top, jeans, panties, long silky gloves, a long wig, boots, and a hat. I wore the whole outfit both to a party and to work for a costume contest, as well as out and about on my way to and from work. It felt AMAZING to be in femme all day, especially having faux breasts. I was mistaken as a girl several times at work and a lot of the women I know said that I looked incredible in it, and that I looked like the female version of myself. I had so much more confidence than usual and found that any embarrassment was quickly swept aside. I even caught a few guys looking at me.

In contrast, today I felt awkward and unhappy at work by comparison. I got so used to having breasts and appearing female in just one day that going back was positively jarring and led me to be cranky and depressed all day. I had never really felt as sexy and confident as I did until yesterday, and now I realize that I don't want to go back.

I'm working on coming out to my parents soon, which I think will be ok as they loved the costume and were very supportive of it. I am starting to feel bad not telling them, as we have a very close relationship and share everything else. I'm realizing that I have gotten used to the pain and unhappiness that presenting as male brings me to the point that until now I just had accepted it as normal. Only after dressing in femme in public for a whole day do I see how I should be feeling and how awesome I can be when I'm at my best. I really do not want to live the rest of my life as an unhappy guy just to keep others from feeling uncomfortable, so I am planning to try going on hormones sometime within the next year. There are still a few things I want to do before I commit 100% just so I know where I feel about them, such as having sex as a male.

While I have good days and bad days, I am definitely starting to see myself as the woman I want to be instead of the man I thought I had to be. It's not easy and some days I want to cry from how messed up I feel inside, something I hope that HRT will help me be able to do again, but I know I am making progress.

Hey Flightless, glad to see you posting again! I was wondering where you went! :D

And it sounds like those are more than just little steps to me, I'm happy for you that you have been making progress! I know what you mean about the clothes, it is killing me to switch out of my female attire lately. (Actually, to be honest that isn't entirely true since it has gotten a bit colder and my male pants are warmer. But that's just survival. ;D)

(Also, great costume choice. I really should go catch up on Adventure Time, haven't watched anything post Islands.)

I guess they were a little bigger than I thought they were, but it's hard to judge when I don't yet know exactly where I'm going or where the end is. I took a bit of time off from posting just to experiment and think about my own stuff, and honestly because Destiny 2 distracted the crap out of me for a month. Had to find the best looking armor, of course. Thanks on the costume, I was quite proud of how it came out!

Congrats on your first time out! Even if it was a Halloween costume, that's still a major step. I totally understand what you're feeling having to go back to boring horrible men's clothes. After my first few times out it was hitting me really hard, and I'd occasionally just break down & cry because of it. I still have to dress male at work, so I've had to get used to it (for now... I'm thinking of going full time eve before I move out of this horrid little town). Just tell yourself that lots of women wear men's clothes, and that's what you're doing!

Quote from: Roll on November 01, 2017, 10:41:12 PM
(Actually, to be honest that isn't entirely true since it has gotten a bit colder and my male pants are warmer. But that's just survival. ;D)

Try some fleece leggings. They're super comfy & really warm!