Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok, well I had the thought to start a new Facebook account as my true self , all good, photo on , name change etc and with thoughts of adding the few friends that I'm out to. When I opened it up I realised that pictures of people I may know came up ( as in everyone who is a friend on other account),contact phone lists ( not email as I've opened a new account). My  panic issue is, if I can see them can they see me? As someone they may know and have I risked completely outing myself before I'm ready?. I've temporarily deactivated the account in the hope of being able to fix this potential issue and I believe I've managed to max my privacy settings.

Yes,  I believe the  "you may know" feature works both ways. If you run two accounts (as I did) you need to make sure there is no connection between them,  that even includes using different devices to access them,  and not using the same mobile no.  etc... Also be advised that while many do this, it is expressly forbidden by FB.

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Ouch, thanks Megan I probably should prepare myself😒

Yes, just had the same trouble... My wife was suggested to become friends with Sarah.... since Sarah has 3 mutual friends with her...good that my Sarah account does not have any real pictures on it...

I hope it's OK. X

I did mistakenly post a picture of a me sporting a lovely new shade of nail polish on my old male profile once. I deleteted it almost instantly,  but not before one (thankfully discreet)  person saw it! [emoji23]

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Hi Sarah,  close one!, I'm not sure that's gonna wash here as also we have the same surname

Oh Megan😂! .I'm so happy being me now so I'm sure I'll survive. My wife will be upset as I wasn't supposed to come out ( something which may seperate us) but we shall see.

FB keeps suggesting my male persona as People You May Know, which I find hilarious from a psychological perspective.   :D

Our Friends would have to trawl through all of our posts to figure out which person they know has a TG persona - you could throw them off by never revealing anything specific about yourself - this all reminds me of going stealth...now I realize that some of my FB Friends are really vague about things and don't post much, while the ones who are out post all the time.

Thanks for bringing this up.  I'm probably good by just never posting any photos, which I haven't done anyway.  A lot of TG people do anyway, I wonder if they realize the breach in confidentiality involved here.

Quote from: Megan. on November 05, 2017, 04:10:59 PM
Yes,  I believe the  "you may know" feature works both ways. If you run two accounts (as I did) you need to make sure there is no connection between them,  that even includes using different devices to access them,  and not using the same mobile no.  etc... Also be advised that while many do this, it is expressly forbidden by FB.

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I block certain people on from my cis account on my trans account, that way I shouldn't come up for you may know.


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Thanks Gertrude and Lucy, I'm sure whatever happens will work out for the best.

Nice to meet you Sarah [emoji3]
I am lucky that my wife is very supportive, so it was not a big deal. I am holding back changing my Facebook account until she is ready. I don't plan on switching to a new account... to many memories in the old one. There are a few more folks I need to talk to, especially her parents... I know one day she will be OK with me changing my old male account. I have already changed LinkedIn, so it is no secret anymore.

I hope everything goes well for you!

Hugs... Sarah

Quote from: broage on November 05, 2017, 04:22:02 PM
Hi Sarah,  close one!, I'm not sure that's gonna wash here as also we have the same surname

I did the same thing to it was a big opps any contacts email addresses phone numbers or business associations will sync with your new facebook account

I made the same mistake making a second Facebook profile. Very nearly outed myself by having friends in common between the two. Technically Facebook rules say that you are supposed to use your legal name, but many people violate that by making up names, using nicknames, and couples using both of their names. When I came out publicly on Facebook I asked friends to send a friend request to my new account. One of them was my brother-in-law who is a programmer for Facebook. He knew full well that wasn't my legal name (at least for another 10 months). Generally speaking they won't do anything about a "false" name unless there's a complaint. I've heard that trans people would have their account suspended until they submitted a photo ID proving their identity. Just wanted to share my experience.

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FB knows that you are using the same computer to access both accounts.  It will therefore assume that you know each other.  You have to access the two accounts from different machines or at least from different browsers. 

And you have to make sure that the two accounts have *no* friends in common.  If there is a single common friend, all that person's friends, many of whom know your old identity, will be told that they "may know" your new identity.  Running two separate identities requires some planning and care.

Eck! Thanks all x

I wanted to start a 2nd profile a while back to be friends with the girls who I told about me, but I figured it would be a bad idea. I wasn't gunna use a pic of me for a profile pic, but I def was afraid of showing up in the "people you may know" thing. Instead of a new profile I just made a secret group that could only be seen by the people I chose to be in it, and that was nice. I could talk about things there and post pictures too. I disabled my facebook yesterday though. I'm having a hard time right now and I need to get off social media, it's too depressing.

If you use the same phone or tablet and the Facebook app has permissions to your contacts, then all of those contacts with recognized phone numbers or email accounts will be suggestions in your list for sure.

I made the same mistake, A work mate saw the profile via the people you may know. I deactivated until ready to fully come out

If you have a Facebook account at all, you will eventually be outed. It doesn't matter how many privacy settings you activate, there are too many ways to "slip up." Trust me, it will happen sooner or later. It happened to me with a former friend in one of the most obscure ways you could think of. I finally said, f**k it and posted an open letter and photos titled "becoming Tommie." I'm sure it freaked some people out, but I received a lot of positive replies. My advice is to keep your transgender life off of Facebook until you are ready to come out to the world.

Very good point. I guess if someone would pay close attention to my old male Facebook feed he would be able to figure it out. To many likes for transgender artists, discussions about bathroom bills and a few other things.

I did update my profile pic a few weeks ago and it was showing long hair (no makeup or other things) but it stored a few interesting discussions....

Quote from: Tommie_9 on November 06, 2017, 12:52:39 PM
My advice is to keep your transgender life off of Facebook until you are ready to come out to the world.

Ok , well I had to briefly activate the account again so I could deactivate it permanently 😬. Hey Maddie, I hope you're feeling ok x.
Great advice from all!
I'm off to a sort of cyclist bbq party lunch thing today where nearly everyone is a fb friend or phone contact, so that'll be interesting but I don't know how often people look through the lists and I imagine once deactivated there won't be a residual photo.
Siobhan x

Quote from: broage on November 06, 2017, 01:15:49 PM
I'm off to a sort of cyclist bbq party lunch thing today where nearly everyone is a fb friend or phone contact, so that'll be interesting but I don't know how often people look through the lists and I imagine once deactivated there won't be a residual photo.

Hmmmm. Good luck, Broage! I hope the most interesting thing at the BBQ isn't you! :icon_yikes:

Me too Tommie, nice to meet you.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 05, 2017, 07:22:49 PM
FB knows that you are using the same computer to access both accounts.  It will therefore assume that you know each other.  You have to access the two accounts from different machines or at least from different browsers. 

And you have to make sure that the two accounts have *no* friends in common.  If there is a single common friend, all that person's friends, many of whom know your old identity, will be told that they "may know" your new identity.  Running two separate identities requires some planning and care.

I think this is where I slipped up - I originally joined a couple of TG closed groups using my male persona, then quit them and created Lucy Ross to join them all over again.  Would it all be hunky dory if I hadn't done that?  Doesn't sound like it.

Is FB worried people will use this sort of thing for organized crime or something?  I can't figure it out.  I'm going to link to this thread for the members of those groups, I wonder if they know about this.

Quote from: Lucy Ross on November 06, 2017, 05:43:36 PM
Is FB worried people will use this sort of thing for organized crime or something?

Well, the possibility of fraud is one reason they won't allow you to have more than one account (if they catch you).  Though I think they are more concerned about sock-puppet accounts created for trolling than organized crime.

But FB's promiscuity of telling everyone about everyone else's account is just their business model.  They want to create networks of people who know each other.  You have to do some planning and understand how it makes connections in order to create two accounts that are totally separate.

I've been out only to a few friends and a couple of family members. I've not been real active on Facebook since I joined about 10yrs ago and not real sharp on how it works. I have put a couple of trans posts to 'test the waters' and, nothing, no reaction. Then a few days ago I took the leap, I put my avatar pic on as my profile pic! Previous posts considered, I didn't expect a fast reaction. Boy was I wrong! Messages started popping up instantly, I was shocked! Within 5 mins. my Dad was shown the pic and my phone was ringing! It's been good for me as no one has unfriended me. So beware, someone may have seen your quick post and hasn't said anything yet. A few of my family and friends haven't said anything but I know that they know, so...

OK, does this help? https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.wikihow.com/Not-Show-Up-in-Suggested-Friends-on-Facebook%3famp=1

It promises to significantly reduce this problem, at least.

Hey Lucy Ross, thank you, yes it may well😀.
The party I was slightly nervous about was fantastic and just being with my friends ( I've been hiding too much this year) was great. No one said anything and I ended up coming out to two of them.