Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Months of excuses and procrastination have gone by and my transition had almost ground to a halt.  My 70+ year old parents are so important in my life and I was petrified over losing them by coming out.  They have a strong religious background, are of a very different generation and I just couldn't imagine how they would react

The drive over to see them was a complete blur.  In my head I was psyching myself up, playing over and over again how I would start the conversation.  In my pocket, a hand written letter I had spent days agonising over.  I kept telling myself, just be very matter of fact, give them the letter and be done with it.  Walking along the garden path though, my situation suddenly became very real and my confidence took a serious nose dive.  As my mum opened the door I was ready to give up, have a very quick chat about nothing and run away fast

However, sitting there I knew what had to be done, I just couldn't get the words out.  All I wanted was the right opener to start my coming out speech but how do you turn talk of weather or some celebrity dance program on TV into "by the way I'm..."  The opener never came.  My thoughts turned again to giving up and coming back another day.  Then, consumed by my thoughts, I stopped talking and the awkward silence that eventually followed caused a slight look of concern.  This was it, all or nothing, I talked about the dark times I had faced this year following my skiing injuries and then from that talked about how this was compounded by longer term issues I have had to deal with throughout my life.  Finally I managed to get the words out "I am transgender".  Once those words left my lips the conversation flowed

I didn't get asked to leave the house, there were no tears of sadness, no fights, no throwaway comments, no insults just acceptance.  My dad who I really thought would have an issue with it just kept asking questions, wanting to learn rather than judge

I cannot explain how relieved I am.  The drive back home was also a blur but for other reasons.  I now feel I can start coming out when it suits me and start to make moves towards social transitioning.  Today is an awesome day and I can only pray that everyone else takes it as well as my parents

Yays! Big hug to you and the folks! Be ready for some wobbling, but you're off to a great start.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Amazing new!! Congratulations! :)

I just shed rear of joy for you.  Congrats.  Keep us updated as the weeks go by too.  That's the thing that worries me.  Will my parents have second thoughts?  Anyway bet happy for you.

Bari Jo

Thanks ladies!

Quote from: Bari Jo on November 09, 2017, 08:08:04 PM
I just shed rear of joy for you.  Congrats.  Keep us updated as the weeks go by too.  That's the thing that worries me.  Will my parents have second thoughts?  Anyway bet happy for you.

I am a little worried about the same thing.  It all seemed to be so much smoother in the end than I expected.  I'm prepared for things to change a bit over the coming months once they understand the reality of the situation but that's for another time.  The hardest part is out of the way - hopefully coming out to others will get easier every time

Jeepers, sorry about the auto-correct errors.  I just so what I wrote in your post.  I'm glad the intent got through though.

I am going to see my mom for thanksgiving, and am really thinking of coming out to her then, so I will follow you shortly.

Bari Jo

Auto correct's great isn't it!

From what you've said in previous posts about your childhood, I'm sure your mum will be fine.  That said - no matter how confident you are, it doesn't make the fear any less real

Yes, I think it will be okay, at least with mom.  I just need to remind her of my struggle and history while young.  I moved out after high school, and she hasn't seen the struggle since I'm not there all the time.  I think telling her it never went away will be enough for her.  We will see.  I can give her way more detail, but hoping she doesn't need to hear it.  Recounting things on Susan's is like therapy and isn't painful like revealing those same things to a loved one, where judgement weighs heavy.

Bari Jo

Quote from: Charlotte F on November 09, 2017, 06:27:53 PM

"sitting there I knew what had to be done, I just couldn't get the words out. "

  Congratulations Charlotte on getting the deed done and having a good result. Good Job!

I quoted those words because I know exactly how you felt. I did the same with my daughter. Like you I eventually found the strength to get those first words out. But unlike you I wish I never said those words. Still they had to be said.

I am glad your results were far different than mine. Rejoice in that.
Sadly, I think the love for a child is stronger than the love of a child for a parent.

Quote from: Laurie on November 10, 2017, 08:40:11 PM

Sadly, I think the love for a child is stronger than the love of a child for a parent.

This breaks my heart Laurie.  I didn't know that about you.  Hugs still.

Bari Jo

Charlotte,

I lived every moment with you as I read your story, and ended up in tears - first as I relived the terror leading up to when I came out to my mom and sister, then of relief and joy, since mine worked out as well as yours. (The short version of my story is here  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226090.msg2012908.html#msg2012908 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226090.msg2012908.html#msg2012908))

I'll bet you feel so light with that weight off you now. Warm congratulations!

Steph

Quote from: Laurie on November 10, 2017, 08:40:11 PM
Sadly, I think the love for a child is stronger than the love of a child for a parent.

I'm so sorry to hear that Laurie I can't imagine how tough that must be.  I really hope she comes to realise what she's missing and things turn around for you

Charlotte x

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 11, 2017, 12:29:39 AM
I lived every moment with you as I read your story, and ended up in tears - first as I relived the terror leading up to when I came out to my mom and sister, then of relief and joy, since mine worked out as well as yours

Thanks Steph.  I just read your story - I can't believe how similar many of our experiences are.  However, no matter how much I read, every experience still feels like I'm the first person in the world to go through it!

I had got to a point where I no longer wanted to be around my parents.  It seems like as soon as I fully accepted who I am, it suddenly felt like I was lying to my parents by staying closeted and that was eating me up inside.  Now I have been open and honest, you're right, it feels like a massive weight has been lifted.  I'm actually looking forward to the holidays next month rather than dreading them

Charlotte