Susan's Place Transgender Resources

At work there is a group of us who are  friendly and joke around a lot. Sometimes we tease each other about being the 'token _____." Of course, I am one of the tokens, since  I am the only trans person. Most of the time, I just try to pass with new folks as best I can. It occurred to me recently, that because of my uniqueness at work, maybe new people might be intimidated by being around me since they don't know my story like the oldies do. I mean who knows how to talk to a trans person right? I was wondering if anyone else had times  where they got pleasure from this uniqueness. Kinda like, "That's right, I'm trans! Uh huh." Maybe its a little pride in having a story like no one else.
Moni

I am not out to enough people to experience this as a trans person yet but I have been a bit unique I am a real trans woman and proud of it I spent too much time being a fake man not to be proud

    bobbisue :)

Proud Token here.  :) 

Although they tell me I'm the poster child for the company's diversity program. I guess it sounds better!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 11, 2017, 07:18:10 AM
Proud Token here.  :) 

Although they tell me I'm the poster child for the company's diversity program. I guess it sounds better!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, that comment reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield joke about him being the poster child for birth control. Agh, I tell ya, I get no respect.

You reminded me with your picture to thank you for your service and to all the veterans out there.

There is talk of having a cultural diversity group were I work and I signed up to be included. I am kind of torn though. On one hand it might be a chance to advocate and teach folks more about being trans. I like the idea of increasing understanding. On the other hand, for any new people, it would kind of be against my approach of me just meeting them as a person and not 'the trans person.' Gosh, why does every problem have to have two sides. It makes it so hard. :P Why Rodney, why?
Moni

They deny it,  but I'm sure the fact I'm the only open, out and active trans* person (of literally thousands of employees) at my company is why I'm now on the LGBT leadership team.
To be fair there are a couple of other trans* I'm aware of, but they prefer a lower profile.
Even when I was closeted, I always preferred being the odd-one-out, it kind of defined me,  hence my dislike of any label.

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The people I work with know I'm trans but it's not something I discuss with people. But in the beauty industry being trans is no big shocker for anyone. I find it weird how some people take being PC so seriously. I've had people call me " vertically challenged". Really? Lol, I know I'm short, it's ok to say short. Once one of my clients had returned from a Florida vacation and she had a beautiful tan and was telling me how fun the beach was. Then she just stopped and said " oh, I'm sorry. I guess you don't get to visit beaches being pigmentally challenged". Wait, what?? Pigmentally challenged??????  Really? That made me laugh so hard. I told her it was ok to say albino and that it wasn't a nasty or insulting word. She said she didn't know and she didn't want to offend me. I don't believe people should use derogatory or racial terms but I also think people take it too far. I guess instead of calling my brother a big dummy I should say "common sense challenged" I keep expecting someone to bust out with " gender challenged".

Moni!!!! Yes, girl!!!! I take pride in my uniqueness everytime I go out to say Wal-mart or any other store. I figure I am educating people that don't know any better or only heard of trans from the tv. So I love my uniqueness as well at work and outside work. Everyone at my job seem to be accepting even the new ones coming in. They just don't know my story like you said like the old blood. Which I am okay with because if I transfer or go someplace else they won't know it either. It be like when you break a bone you explain it to everyone what happened. So we will be explaining our stories to new people continually and I am okay with that because I want others to understand and learn about differences. I can't assume people know about trans issues or anything about us. So celebrate our uniqueness!!!!!!!!!

Quote from: Julia1996 on November 11, 2017, 08:06:56 AM
The people I work with know I'm trans but it's not something I discuss with people. But in the beauty industry being trans is no big shocker for anyone. I find it weird how some people take being PC so seriously. I've had people call me " vertically challenged". Really? Lol, I know I'm short, it's ok to say short. Once one of my clients had returned from a Florida vacation and she had a beautiful tan and was telling me how fun the beach was. Then she just stopped and said " oh, I'm sorry. I guess you don't get to visit beaches being pigmentally challenged". Wait, what?? Pigmentally challenged??????  Really? That made me laugh so hard. I told her it was ok to say albino and that it wasn't a nasty or insulting word. She said she didn't know and she didn't want to offend me. I don't believe people should use derogatory or racial terms but I also think people take it too far. I guess instead of calling my brother a big dummy I should say "common sense challenged" I keep expecting someone to bust out with " gender challenged".

You are channeling my thoughts exactly.


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Quote from: Julia1996 on November 11, 2017, 08:06:56 AM
The people I work with know I'm trans but it's not something I discuss with people. But in the beauty industry being trans is no big shocker for anyone. I find it weird how some people take being PC so seriously. I've had people call me " vertically challenged". Really? Lol, I know I'm short, it's ok to say short. Once one of my clients had returned from a Florida vacation and she had a beautiful tan and was telling me how fun the beach was. Then she just stopped and said " oh, I'm sorry. I guess you don't get to visit beaches being pigmentally challenged". Wait, what?? Pigmentally challenged??????  Really? That made me laugh so hard. I told her it was ok to say albino and that it wasn't a nasty or insulting word. She said she didn't know and she didn't want to offend me. I don't believe people should use derogatory or racial terms but I also think people take it too far. I guess instead of calling my brother a big dummy I should say "common sense challenged" I keep expecting someone to bust out with " gender challenged".

Though I do prefer the term "sanity challenged" over "bat-$%&* crazy". Now where did my waffle run off to...

Quote from: Julia1996 on November 11, 2017, 08:06:56 AM
The people I work with know I'm trans but it's not something I discuss with people. But in the beauty industry being trans is no big shocker for anyone. I find it weird how some people take being PC so seriously. I've had people call me " vertically challenged". Really? Lol, I know I'm short, it's ok to say short. Once one of my clients had returned from a Florida vacation and she had a beautiful tan and was telling me how fun the beach was. Then she just stopped and said " oh, I'm sorry. I guess you don't get to visit beaches being pigmentally challenged". Wait, what?? Pigmentally challenged??????  Really? That made me laugh so hard. I told her it was ok to say albino and that it wasn't a nasty or insulting word. She said she didn't know and she didn't want to offend me. I don't believe people should use derogatory or racial terms but I also think people take it too far. I guess instead of calling my brother a big dummy I should say "common sense challenged" I keep expecting someone to bust out with " gender challenged".

I get it that being politically  correct can go too far. At least I think it is coming from a place of wanting to be respectful. You know, what older folks used to call being polite back in the day. When it has gone too far, there has been a backlash. There are those you get absolutely furious at having to change anything. They seem to revel in how they are hurt by being respectful to others who are in a minority, you know PC. Blaming PC is kind of like a get out of jail free card for some folks to be as rude as they want. (Not you Julia, I mean in general.)
   My apologies to the OP for this tangent. She is really scary and gets weird about tangents. Guess she is tempermentally challenged.
Moni
   So to get in line with the thread, Julia, you could be considered the token albino. Do you have times where  you are proud to be different because of it? Or do you just want people to ignore it and just see you as Julia? I guess you don't try to pass as a non-albino person but the thought is similar to my transgender original post.

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 11, 2017, 08:59:45 AM
   I get it that being politically  correct can go too far. At least I think it is coming from a place of wanting to be respectful. You know, what older folks used to call being polite back in the day. When it has gone too far, there has been a backlash. There are those you get absolutely furious at having to change anything. They seem to revel in how they are hurt by being respectful to others who are in a minority, you know PC. Blaming PC is kind of like a get out of jail free card for some folks to be as rude as they want. (Not you Julia, I mean in general.)
   My apologies to the OP for this tangent. She is really scary and gets weird about tangents. Guess she is tempermentally challenged.
Moni
   So to get in line with the thread, Julia, you could be considered the token albino. Do you have times where  you are proud to be different because of it? Or do you just want people to ignore it and just see you as Julia? I guess you don't try to pass as a non-albino person but the thought is similar to my transgender original post.

I've never been proud of being different. But I have no choice but to deal with it because I can't do anything about it. I would love for people to just ignore the fact I'm albino but no way is that going to happen. People always stare. But it's usually more of a curious type of staring rather than the sad pity stare I've seen people give someone who's disabled or something. I suppose I could try passing as a non albino person. I could dye my hair and use flesh colored make up but I would have to wear it on my arms and legs too. Being albino doesn't bother me enough to go that far though. I wear eyebrow pencil and mascara which covers the white lashes and brows. I also wear colored contacts to make my eyes look somewhat normal but even with the colored lenses the color isn't totally normal but sometimes some colors look pretty. My newest ones are chocolate brown. With the red tones in my eyes it makes them look really pretty. Eye makeup and colored lenses are the only things I do. I'm not trying to pass for a non albino but rather I'm trying to look a little less weird.

I'm not ashamed of being albino or trans but I'm also not proud of being either. I'm not saying anything negative to those who are proud to be trans but for me I just can't be proud of something that has caused me so much pain and ruined my life. But no matter what makes you different, being trans, albino, really tall, whatever, if you own it people will have more respect for you. I think that especially applies to being trans. If you act ashamed in public people will agree with you and depending on the person they might make nasty comments trying to shame you more. It doesn't matter if you're passable or not if you own it people will be less likely to try to "shame" you. Everyone at work knows I'm trans. As long as they are respectful I really don't care if I am the token transgirl.

I am proud to be transgender.  Being the only trans person in a room is not something to be proud of; it's just a matter of statistics.  But I am sure that I am the token trans person for a lot of people I encounter on a casual basis. 

I find that a lot of people are especially nice to me.  When my wife and I go into a store or restaurant, we are often greeted by "Hello, ladies," big smiles, friendly chit-chat  I'm not complaining.  But I suspect that they are making a point of being nice to the token trans person.  I'm sure a lot of them go home at the end of the day and congratulate themselves on how accepting they are.  "Guess what, honey?  I was nice to a trans person today." 

I don't begreudge them that at all.  They should congratulate themselves, and they should feel good, because people should be nice to each other.

You don't know. They may go home and say "I seated a transgender woman today at work, God, I admire their strength."  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Moni,

I did not respond to this thread at first because I have never felt like a "Token Trans" in any situation. There are places that have known me well since before my transition and accept me well now. They don't bring up that I have changed, we just interact as people do. At times I bring up the issue when it is contributing but for the most part I just live as me. I do choose to live openly as myself and take advantage of any teaching moments that become available: my primary care physician and my dentist have very little experience in the transgender world so I play teacher there as much as possible. My wife and I have also just begun speaking on transgender panels if and when we are invited. Just last Thursday we spoke to a sexuality class of ~170 students at a local university, a fun teaching opportunity that probably taught us as much as it did the class. Does that make me/us "Token"? If it does I have no problems with it.

Anne

Many times I'm happy to be the token.  Even it's because I think differently, it makes me memorable.  Usually this in on a good way.  If it's negative, that does bother me.  So if they view trans people negatively and I'm the token trans, then yes, I'd be unhappy being the token.  I'd still be me though.

Bari Jo

I am FAR from the 'token' at my work. I know there are several in my plant and its sister plant closer to the city.
(One of the girls even goes to my electrologist.)

I AM the first in my local to openly transition, and I'm told now there's another who's beginning now that I'm kinda.. leading the way I guess?

To be honest though, I'm not really socialized at work as though I'm trans (by most..) Weird considering I've known most of the people I work with directly for years. But when interacting with strangers I'm genuinely taken for any other girl. (Which I much prefer.)

That said, there ARE things I find myself doing now at work, that I never in a million years thought I would.
(Like wearing a 'pronouns' sticker on my hard hat to remind the more forgetful..)

Quote from: Angela Drakken on November 11, 2017, 02:51:59 PM
I am FAR from the 'token' at my work. I know there are several in my plant and its sister plant closer to the city.
(One of the girls even goes to my electrologist.)

I AM the first in my local to openly transition, and I'm told now there's another who's beginning now that I'm kinda.. leading the way I guess?

To be honest though, I'm not really socialized at work as though I'm trans (by most..) Weird considering I've known most of the people I work with directly for years. But when interacting with strangers I'm genuinely taken for any other girl. (Which I much prefer.)

That said, there ARE things I find myself doing now at work, that I never in a million years thought I would.
(Like wearing a 'pronouns' sticker on my hard hat to remind the more forgetful..)

My pronouns sticker says Me, My, Mine, and Gimme!  :laugh:

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 11, 2017, 03:33:32 PM
My pronouns sticker says Me, My, Mine, and Gimme!  :laugh:

:laugh:

classic.

Lol

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There are about 15 out trans at work; we have about 15,000 employees. I am the first to transition at work. We have a large amount of LGBT and are a teaching hospital and research enterprise.  I am in senior management and am definitely a token.

I thought I was the token at my workplace, but to my surprise, I found out that not only was my boss MTF trans, but one of the employees in my department came out recently, too.

I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 11, 2017, 07:30:55 PM
I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

*Smack*    :icon_razz:

Being the new girl with my friends has lost its luster. I'm just another chick at the table now. It's what I told myself I always wanted. Had to have it. Be accepted as one of the girls without any pretense. I've told them all that this was my goal. So they're either very graciousor very comfortable with me. I bandied it about in my head for a time but have decided to let it be. A time and a place for everything and all that.  The new people I meet can address it with me or leave it alone. It's all good. But I'm done announcing my unicorn status. That served its purpose and now its time to let it be. At some point, as a friend recently pointed out, it starts to look like I'm an attention whore and that's the antithesis of what I'm shooting for.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 11, 2017, 08:30:12 PM
*Smack*    :icon_razz:

Yeah, I deserved that. Thank you ma'am. May I have another?

Jessica Lynn, excellent observation. It's the kind of thing I hope for eventually, too. I have to admit, though, that the positive feedback I've received so far makes it attractive to look for someone else to tell, just to get another "hit" of acceptance. That's a dangerous game to play, though, partly because of the "attention whore" aspect, and partly because of the increasing probability of a bad outcome. So I'm trying to rein myself in and limit any new discussion to only what's required unless someone explicitly asks for detail.

Steph

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 11, 2017, 07:30:55 PM
I thought I was the token at my workplace, but to my surprise, I found out that not only was my boss MTF trans, but one of the employees in my department came out recently, too.

I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

LOL!

I don't think that I've been a token anything but I think that I would mind if I was one (although there is the possibly offensive old joke that black jewish lesbians will never be out of a job - mods please delete if necessary).

Re the offensive joke, I am a hypocrite.  I would take a good job even if I knew that it was because I was a token.  Heck, until my family fell on hard times, we lived in South Africa for a long time, mostly in the bad old days.  When I learned that my father left South Africa classified as "coloured" (South African for mixed race) but returned classified as "white", I was delighted that I might be able to use my "coloured" status to get a good job via "affirmative action".  How hypocritical is that?  (BTW South Africa's "coloured" population has increased significantly while the white population decreased significantly, and I read somewhere that it is largely because "whites" are often now calling themselves "coloured".  Not so great minds also think alike.)

Quote from: Jessica Lynne on November 11, 2017, 11:08:02 PM
Being the new girl with my friends has lost its luster. I'm just another chick at the table now. It's what I told myself I always wanted. Had to have it. Be accepted as one of the girls without any pretense. I've told them all that this was my goal. So they're either very graciousor very comfortable with me. I bandied it about in my head for a time but have decided to let it be. A time and a place for everything and all that.  The new people I meet can address it with me or leave it alone. It's all good. But I'm done announcing my unicorn status. That served its purpose and now its time to let it be. At some point, as a friend recently pointed out, it starts to look like I'm an attention whore and that's the antithesis of what I'm shooting for.

Like Steph said there was a time when I got a high telling people of my 'adventure in gender.' That time is gone, and I don't bring it up except when some of my old friends ask about something. I am comfortable with this. Whether new people know I am trans or not, I  have no idea. I am treated with respect and I like the fact that the newbies only know Moni. Now I may have this opportunity to educate people and it isn't easy to give up the 'just being me' thing that I have come to be happy with, but I might be able to make a difference by re-outing myself in this forum at work. I always regretted when I came out to my entire job that I didn't ask people not to out me to new people. It is a juicey piece of gossip after all. It may all be that the limits of my ability to pass  outs me, but I am working to be less clockable in the future. Part of what I could 'teach' is to not out anybody, it is unkind and can be dangerous. So, I am still undecided as to what to do.
Moni

Well.....of course the actualized opinion of others thoughts and comments about us should always be "your opinion of me is none of my business", but that is of course, easier said than done. It's an attitude I've tried to adopt without adopting an attitude.

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 12, 2017, 08:14:24 AM
Like Steph said there was a time when I got a high telling people of my 'adventure in gender.' That time is gone, and I don't bring it up except when some of my old friends ask about something. I am comfortable with this. Whether new people know I am trans or not, I  have no idea. I am treated with respect and I like the fact that the newbies only know Moni. Now I may have this opportunity to educate people and it isn't easy to give up the 'just being me' thing that I have come to be happy with, but I might be able to make a difference by re-outing myself in this forum at work. I always regretted when I came out to my entire job that I didn't ask people not to out me to new people. It is a juicey piece of gossip after all. It may all be that the limits of my ability to pass  outs me, but I am working to be less clockable in the future. Part of what I could 'teach' is to not out anybody, it is unkind and can be dangerous. So, I am still undecided as to what to do.
Moni

That hints at what I asked a few weeks ago: Transgender for the time transition takes, or living in the transgender zone?

Hugs, Devlyn

Its my first day at work tomorrow as Davina, must ask for a new name badge!!!!! Not that I wear it as it gets ripped off when working. Also need to change details on pay and holiday site, wonder if anyone in HR will notice????

Nice Davina, I will be following you in a couple months I'm sure.  It's hard to hide with all I've been doing.  You've got to tell us if you feel you are the token.

Now OT and somewhat on topic.  Every time I see this topic title I read it as, "Happy to be taken?"  and the answer is yes, always!  Then I remember it's token, dammit!

Bari Jo

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 12, 2017, 01:26:27 PM
That hints at what I asked a few weeks ago: Transgender for the time transition takes, or living in the transgender zone?

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, are you claiming copy write infringement?

When I am still around people who knew me before, I live in the transgender zone. They knew me as another person. If I am around strangers, I don't want to be in that zone, so it is not necessarily an either or proposition. 

Good luck Davina!

Bari Jo, you're encourageable, Girl!

Ha!  I've been the "token ......." a few times, but most actually provided me an opportunity and gave me power that I used to do some good, probably to the surprise of those who anointed me.  When I came out at the VA (small town) it was delightfully funny to observe everyone tripping over themselves with PC, some out of requirement, some with genuine caring.  It wasn't until one of the nurses took me aside, I'm sure he had been delegated, and explained that I was their first and only trans person and they didn't know how to act around me.  Did I want to be called by a different name?, What pronouns should they use, etc.?  When I assured them Toni(y) works either way and I wasn't going to fuss about pronouns and just wanted to please be helped when I needed it like anyone else, they breathed a collective sigh of relief and smiled and all was good.  They were afraid of me!  I saw an opportunity to be a good example and didn't have it in my heart to be a jerk in any case.  Would have been nice for this to not even have prompted a discussion though.  Toni
     

Quote from: Toni on November 13, 2017, 09:27:45 AM
Ha!  I've been the "token ......." a few times, but most actually provided me an opportunity and gave me power that I used to do some good, probably to the surprise of those who anointed me.  When I came out at the VA (small town) it was delightfully funny to observe everyone tripping over themselves with PC, some out of requirement, some with genuine caring.  It wasn't until one of the nurses took me aside, I'm sure he had been delegated, and explained that I was their first and only trans person and they didn't know how to act around me.  Did I want to be called by a different name?, What pronouns should they use, etc.?  When I assured them Toni(y) works either way and I wasn't going to fuss about pronouns and just wanted to please be helped when I needed it like anyone else, they breathed a collective sigh of relief and smiled and all was good.  They were afraid of me!  I saw an opportunity to be a good example and didn't have it in my heart to be a jerk in any case.  Would have been nice for this to not even have prompted a discussion though.  Toni
   

People are afraid of saying the wrong thing to people who are different. I see it where I work. It is a school for students with severe disabilities which is attached to a school with typically developing kids. We used to do a lot of having the kids from the attached school come over and help in our classrooms. You could  see those students go from being unsure and scared of our kids to very shortly pitching in and doing anything to help our kids. It was beautiful to see and their attitudes changed and seemed to change permanently. I have seen this on the transgender level. I see people who are unsure with me at first. I assume they have clocked me on these occasions. When they see I am just a real person, who cracks jokes, cares about our kids, and other 'normal' stuff, you see they start treating me fine. It's fear of the unknown. Nice post Toni!
Moni

I don't feel like a token at all. It's true that within my immediate group of some dozen lab workers and about triple that number of students rotating every term, I'm the only trans person and for a few I may be their only direct experience.

However this is Cambridge ma and a lot of trans people seem to gravitate to here as it's a very accepting area so there's a couple of trans women I see nearly every day, numerous others I just see occasionally and then just random people on the street, a couple weekly and I'm unlikely to catch anyone who even vaguely passes so of course there's lots of passing trans people I just don't notice.

And so also nobody makes me feel like a token.

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 12, 2017, 06:58:26 PM

Bari Jo, you're encourageable, Girl!

Hah! No encouragement needed!

Bari Jo

Quote from: Bari Jo on November 16, 2017, 01:04:44 AM
Hah! No encouragement needed!

Well, you're incorrigible, too! [emoji16]