Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Quote from Tommie_9:

"Tolerance" happens when someone tells me they have compassion for me and don't say they hate me and never want to see me again. But when I probe them with questions I find they are trans-phobic in general, but they don't direct that negative energy or speech toward me. Tolerance isn't much better than rejection, but it could be worse.

"Acceptance" happens when someone tells me "It's okay who you are. I still love you. I support you." Well, no, they aren't supporting me when they say "its okay" and use the word "still." They aren't supporting me when they start communicating with me less often.

"Support" is wanting to learn more about my experience, telling me they are going to call me by whatever name and pronoun I want to use, telling me their only worry is for my safety, and including me presenting as a trans woman in their activities. Out of all my family and friends, I have one brother, his wife and their grown children who actually support me. For example, they bought a ticket for me and asked me to tailgate with them at a college football game next Saturday. I will be a fully decked out, accessorized, A-cup bra wearing, fan girl.

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My family has never accepted me. They tolerate me, which means they don't blatantly hate me. BUT they have NEVER made ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER to try to use my new name, ever. Unfortunately... Which means, I don't really wanna see them that much, or their families. My mom avoids calling me by any name because she knows how much I hate being dead-named. My other family members just don't care and dead-name me every time I see them, which isn't often... I don't think this is ever going to change. They blatantly ignore me being trans. They totally avoid talking about it and never bring that up. This has been going on since I was 13... Though in my teenage years they actually blatantly hated me and said some VERY hurtful things :(. And as years have passed, that has "evolved" into "don't ask don't tell".

It just is what it is. I think they are transphobic and homophobic by character... It hurts but... they aren't the only people in the world, luckily!

I am not out to any of my family except my sister, but she supports me.  She's paving the way for me to come out to my parents too.  Beyond immediate family I have no clue how they will react.

Bari Jo

My dad and brother are very supportive. My dad has helped me with transition.  My mom is tolerant at best. My grandpa is kind of accepting since its obvious I am not going to change. My uncle is totally not even tolerant. For that reason I have absolutely no contact with him and my dad cut him out of his life completely.  I've pretty much cut my mom out of my life too. Until she changes anyway.

My family is mostly supportive, mum can be a bit of a struggle but shes getting there. My siblings have been great they all support me. At worst one sister is a bit oblivious but never malicious.

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blood family, no, not at all....other than my kids who are too young to give a FK.  Wife is supportive, but I met her after transition, so why wouldn't she be.  I had to build a support system, didn't have one grandfathered in unfortunately

      I have been very lucky my kids have been accepting and mostly supportive my youngest asked me what I would would wear to her wedding I told her I would dress  as she wished her reply was that it would be a lot more fun shopping for a dress than a tux I still smile when I remember that. I have been out to restaurants with friends dressed as myself I am not yet full time but I will be out to the world the way I am going

   bobbisue :)

Overall I think I am pretty lucky. blood family is very accepting. My parents are at 50% Sarah use, which is fine. My siblings all switched immediately and barely slip up. To their kids, I am now aunt Sarah.

One of my brothers in law is really struggling with it, I guess mostly out of worry for my wife. The others don;t know yet...

All people who know in my family so far have been supportive (parents, brother, aunts, uncles and some cousins).


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I'm out to my whole family. My brother is the only one who is openly supportive. One of my cousins at least still talks to me and hasn't said anything mean yet. The rest of my family ranges between being distant, or in the case of my parents, horrible any time they talk to me.

My boyfriend's family treats me like a person with feelings, so I actually spend time with them.

Quote from: Eevee on November 20, 2017, 12:51:50 AM
I'm out to my whole family. My brother is the only one who is openly supportive. One of my cousins at least still talks to me and hasn't said anything mean yet. The rest of my family ranges between being distant, or in the case of my parents, horrible any time they talk to me.

My boyfriend's family treats me like a person with feelings, so I actually spend time with them.

Hello Eevee, I sent you a PM. Please check it. Thanks!


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The only two people I am out to so far, my dad and step-mother, are being supportive.

My Dad and Brother are my close family in England, I'm in Australia, they're both completely amazing😀.

My dad tolerates me. Said some trans phobic stuff he won't apologise for. Only calls me by my actual name once I texted him saying how it made me feel. Still accidentally drops the wrong pronouns in. I've implied I'm non binary and stuff about my sexuality but it makes him uncomfortable so he'd rather just ignore everything about me being trans. I'm glad my mum died when I was young bcos it's likely she would have been like my dad and I couldn't have handled that

My brother isn't accepting and still dead names me. But we don't have anything in common anyhow. It's strange bcos he studied biology so agrees with me there's a biological cause. But I guess he'll just always see me as the weirdo misfit

My relatives who I don't see a lot all accept me and use the right pronouns and name with no problems. If they get my name wrong they immediately correct themselves. Although I worry if they've just assumed I'm now a 100% binary masculine guy who's straight and is going to get all the surgeries and fit in completely into society. Bcos that's never going to be me.

I would not even know. The only one I still talk to I haven't told. Eventually I will. But the rest of my family has either disappeared, died or I already disowned for other reasons. Such a great family I have/had. And I would not know about my wife's family, they treat me good but as you can see from my other post my wife is iffy at best. And if I came out to her family she would probably disown me. So out of respect for her I keep it to myself. One could hope. But I feel it's up to her to come to terms with me being transgender and her wanting me to be out to them. Until she is ok with me I can't and won't do anything to embarrass her. Not 100% sure it's embarrassment she is feeling. But she has to come to terms with her feelings. I can't force her by going behind her back to her family. But I can make them think about it as I make more Facebook friends like me.


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Negative. Though it might be possible, but difficult at this late time in life.

Denise

My only immediate family are my two brothers.  They are both supportive, though I don't have a lot of communication with one of them.  (But what he said was nice.)  I have a cousin who lives on the other side of the planet.  I don't communicate much with him, but his wife is accepting.

I am not out to any family members except for my sister, who is somewhat neutral. My parents think I might be a lesbian but they prefer to pretend, and perhaps it's a don't ask don't tell situation too. Giving you a hug purplewolf.

Am in the midst of planning top surgery in the US next year. Because I do not live in the US but my sister does, I thought I could save money on accommodation and transport, and bunk in with her for about two weeks. But she's asked me to go rent an Airbnb instead :(

I have a brother I rarely see and I am frankly afraid of him.  My parents are dead but although they loved me, they did not support me in wanting to be a woman.  When I was recognised in public by her friends, my mother actually said that she despised me.  To be fair, I was young in a time and place when and where being openly trans was very dangerous, and finding employment would have been almost impossible, so few parents would have been happy to have a trans child.

Based on your definitions, I feel incredibly lucky. I've also subdivided people into four categories.

Blood family, a "relatively" small group: 100% supportive.

Extended family, by far the largest group, which includes my close circle of friends and neighbors: 90% supportive, 10% accepting.

Outside circle of friends and loose acquaintances (a pretty small group): 30% supportive, 60% accepting, 10% tolerant.

And there are a few very special friends who go far beyond supportive, and qualify as "encouraging." They have taken the lead when I've been hesitant, and helped me move forward so much when I was stuck in the many ruts we tend to run into. (Details in my personal thread.) I just returned from a 1400 mile road trip just to see them again. They are worth every mile.

Steph

I started 2 months ago so my family doesn't know but some friends do. They're accepting and listen to my worries and fears. I do feel I'm on track because I want to go out more and more as myself [emoji4] I still think I'm not passable but I'm starting to not care about that as much.

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Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
I am not out to any family members except for my sister, who is somewhat neutral. My parents think I might be a lesbian but they prefer to pretend, and perhaps it's a don't ask don't tell situation too. Giving you a hug purplewolf.

Am in the midst of planning top surgery in the US next year. Because I do not live in the US but my sister does, I thought I could save money on accommodation and transport, and bunk in with her for about two weeks. But she's asked me to go rent an Airbnb instead :(

Wow...So sorry.

My family are notoriously self-absorbed and self-interested people, so they're too busy serving themselves to be hateful. At the same time they also don't give a crap about me. The sort of people who only call up or get in contact when they want something, but are never available should I need something.

I guess it's middle ground.

Doesn't really matter; I don't need them, and it's taken me four or five years to realize whatever I may think they "owe" me in terms of care isn't happening (and some of them did owe considering what they've put me through with their addictions and mental issues), so I might as well suck it up and get on with my own life. They're 300 miles away, thank god.

Quote from: PurpleWolf on November 19, 2017, 12:15:22 PM
Quote from Tommie_9:

My family has never accepted me. They tolerate me, which means they don't blatantly hate me. BUT they have NEVER made ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER to try to use my new name, ever. Unfortunately... Which means, I don't really wanna see them that much, or their families. My mom avoids calling me by any name because she knows how much I hate being dead-named. My other family members just don't care and dead-name me every time I see them, which isn't often... I don't think this is ever going to change. They blatantly ignore me being trans. They totally avoid talking about it and never bring that up. This has been going on since I was 13... Though in my teenage years they actually blatantly hated me and said some VERY hurtful things :(. And as years have passed, that has "evolved" into "don't ask don't tell".

It just is what it is. I think they are transphobic and homophobic by character... It hurts but... they aren't the only people in the world, luckily!

Wolf I can totally relate to this last part!!!!! My family is actually in between acceptance and tolerance. Mine right now dead name me, don't attempt the right pronouns and just tell me "we are adjusting to it." They have always told me they would love me and accept no matter what. At one point they told me if I came out gay that it would be fine. Now that I came out as transgender the talk has not become action. They feel as if I betrayed them changing my name. They send me mixed signals all the time. I have talked to my father once. My mother seems to accept it sort of. I don't know if they will warm up to it, but as you said they aren't the only people in the world. I have allies at work and love them for it. Several customers have been rude and called me an "it" and my manager told them they can call the home office and tell them how awful it is to have a trans person working there. So I have people that have my back big time and I couldn't ask for more. I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
I am not out to any family members except for my sister, who is somewhat neutral. My parents think I might be a lesbian but they prefer to pretend, and perhaps it's a don't ask don't tell situation too. Giving you a hug purplewolf.

Thanks  :D! I needed it.

Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
Am in the midst of planning top surgery in the US next year. Because I do not live in the US but my sister does, I thought I could save money on accommodation and transport, and bunk in with her for about two weeks. But she's asked me to go rent an Airbnb instead :(

Damn! That sounds cruel  :(.

Good luck to you too!!! And hugs!

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
Wolf I can totally relate to this last part!!!!! My family is actually in between acceptance and tolerance. Mine right now dead name me, don't attempt the right pronouns and just tell me "we are adjusting to it."

Wanna know how long my family has been 'adjusting'  ;)?!? Just reconnected with my sister (if you can call it that!) and tried to make her understand via email... Result: she claims this is all news to her (!!!) though she has known since I was 13.......... And told me she might be able to accept the fact 'as time goes by'!!! Right...! Like, how much time do you need exactly?!

Btw I'm so sorry to hear all that...  :'( Just warning that if it takes for them more than few years to 'adjust' to it - they probably never will... So, be mentally prepared!

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
They have always told me they would love me and accept no matter what. At one point they told me if I came out gay that it would be fine. Now that I came out as transgender the talk has not become action. They feel as if I betrayed them changing my name. They send me mixed signals all the time. I have talked to my father once. My mother seems to accept it sort of. I don't know if they will warm up to it, but as you said they aren't the only people in the world. I have allies at work and love them for it. Several customers have been rude and called me an "it" and my manager told them they can call the home office and tell them how awful it is to have a trans person working there. So I have people that have my back big time and I couldn't ask for more. I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

I'm just so sorry to hear all that... Isn't there any laws against discrimination where you live?

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

Thank you so much for support! And keep your head high, okay? And spend time with the allies!!! Ignore the rest.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Let's just say this short time I've spent on this forum I've felt more support & acceptance than EVER from my family members in my life...

I do now  :D!!!

My Aunt on my dads side Know and is ok with it does not care she just want me me to be happy and my cousin on my moms side knows and she says the same. my mom passed away when I was 8 but I know she would be ok with it. My dad well that is another store on for a horror movie.

If by supportive you mean " i know your trans but so what until i see you as female your a dude to me" or maybe " yeah i believe you and i know your in pain but ehh what cha gonna do." Only my mom treats me like a girl 90% percent of the time and worries about me and my depression. My brothers only use female pronouns around my step sis because other wise he feels awkward. My step sis i feel like she doesn't belive that being transexual is real but i don't know. My dad; his own words" i dont accept it but i love you i'm not like those ->-bleeped-<- fathers that kick there kid out" although i live a lone. And he repeat it alot wich makes me thinks huhhh....oh well.

I haven't told any of my family but i think my mother might suspect. My grandparents live with her and i am unsure about how they would react, they are very set in their ways.
Seen my dad maybe once in the last three years so what he thinks doesn't really matter. Of my two sisters the youngest would be fine with it, while the other would use it as another source for her issues like everything else.

Quote from: iamthatiam8 on December 13, 2017, 03:47:45 AM
If by supportive you mean " i know your trans but so what until i see you as female your a dude to me" or maybe " yeah i believe you and i know your in pain but ehh what cha gonna do." Only my mom treats me like a girl 90% percent of the time and worries about me and my depression. My brothers only use female pronouns around my step sis because other wise he feels awkward. My step sis i feel like she doesn't belive that being transexual is real but i don't know. My dad; his own words" i dont accept it but i love you i'm not like those ->-bleeped-<- fathers that kick there kid out" although i live a lone. And he repeat it alot wich makes me thinks huhhh....oh well.

My dad was the same way :/

Flora & Elis - I feel for you  :-\ :'(!!!
Hang in there! There are supportive people in this world.