Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Rowena_Ellenweorc on November 22, 2017, 03:54:06 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Put my foot down...
Post by: Rowena_Ellenweorc on November 22, 2017, 03:54:06 PM
Post by: Rowena_Ellenweorc on November 22, 2017, 03:54:06 PM
All right, so if you've read my story, you know that hubs isn't completely on board with my being trans/nb but trying to accept that I am. SOOOO mooooooonths ago, he agreed to start using different pronouns for me, but hated the idea of they/them pronouns, claiming that it would confuse the kids to use plural pronouns as singular. Despite my protests at this, and explaining there is nothing new about using they as a singular pronoun, we consented on ze/zir. I figure getting him to use he/him pronouns, or anyone in either of our families, is too much for them, especially considering most are devout Mormon. And while I would prefer he/him pronouns, they/them are just as comfortable for me.
Anyway so for the past few months, he's still been using she/her pronouns for me, and its been making it harder to use either he/him or they/them pronouns on myself, because I feel like he's still denying me. So I finally put my foot down last night. Conversation goes a little something like this... (I realize I could probably have handled it a bit better, but I am completely frustrated that he hasn't been putting forth the effort. I can forgive messups, but no effort... that's too much.)
Hubs: Mama says she wants you.
Me: I'd really appreciate it if you use correct pronouns.
Hubs: Okay.*huff* Mama says ze wants you.
Me: I'd REALLY prefer they/them pronouns. (Ze/Zir was chosen for his comfort, but my preferred pronouns are they/them or he/him)
Hubs: But its confusing!
Me: No its not. We've been using they for years.
Hubs: But that's when we don't know how many people there are.
Me: No, we've used it as a singular when gender is unknown for years.
Hubs: So what? You want me to say 'Mama says to go to them'?
Me: Yes!
Hubs: Its too confusing!
Me: No its not.
Hubs: Fine *huffy*
Five minutes later
Hubs: *Sentence using she pronouns.* [I have a rotten memory so can't remember the sentence sorry]
Me: PRONOUNS
Hubs: I'm sorry. Its just too hard.
Me: I don't care. Please just use the right pronouns.
So there's that first step. Now to convince him we need to tell his parents, its killing me that my parents know and his don't. Buuuut... I do have a real question to post after this story. What's the proper way to correct misgendering by your partner? And what do I do if he stops trying?
Anyway so for the past few months, he's still been using she/her pronouns for me, and its been making it harder to use either he/him or they/them pronouns on myself, because I feel like he's still denying me. So I finally put my foot down last night. Conversation goes a little something like this... (I realize I could probably have handled it a bit better, but I am completely frustrated that he hasn't been putting forth the effort. I can forgive messups, but no effort... that's too much.)
Hubs: Mama says she wants you.
Me: I'd really appreciate it if you use correct pronouns.
Hubs: Okay.*huff* Mama says ze wants you.
Me: I'd REALLY prefer they/them pronouns. (Ze/Zir was chosen for his comfort, but my preferred pronouns are they/them or he/him)
Hubs: But its confusing!
Me: No its not. We've been using they for years.
Hubs: But that's when we don't know how many people there are.
Me: No, we've used it as a singular when gender is unknown for years.
Hubs: So what? You want me to say 'Mama says to go to them'?
Me: Yes!
Hubs: Its too confusing!
Me: No its not.
Hubs: Fine *huffy*
Five minutes later
Hubs: *Sentence using she pronouns.* [I have a rotten memory so can't remember the sentence sorry]
Me: PRONOUNS
Hubs: I'm sorry. Its just too hard.
Me: I don't care. Please just use the right pronouns.
So there's that first step. Now to convince him we need to tell his parents, its killing me that my parents know and his don't. Buuuut... I do have a real question to post after this story. What's the proper way to correct misgendering by your partner? And what do I do if he stops trying?