Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone.  I need some advice. My brother's friend Jeff came over earlier and asked if he could wash some clothes because the washer at his house was broken. I told him that would be fine. I could tell he had no clue how to wash clothes and he looked totally baffled when he saw our washer.  It's got a bunch of touchpads. I told him I would wash them for him and he could just come back later and get them. So I was taking his stuff out of the dryer and noticed a bulge in his jeans pocket. It was a small Ziploc bag. It had a glass tube and some copper colored steel wool. I know exactly what that was. People use that stuff to smoke crack. My dad has shown me pictures of that stuff.

When he came to get his laundry I handed him the bag. From the deer in the lights look and his face going pale it was pretty obvious he forgot it was in his pocket. I asked him if he had lost his mind bringing drugs into our house. The only thing worse would be walking into a police station with it in your hand. My dad is totally anti drug.  He's seen a lot of really awful things caused by drugs. He even drug tested my brother and I randomly when we were younger. I'm not even kidding. If my dad had seen that not only would Jeff not been allowed to come to our house, but he would totally have arrested him. He said there were no drugs in the bag, just the pipe. That doesn't matter. Drug paraphernalia is still illegal. He asked me to please,please not tell Tyler. I told him if he got busted  with that stuff on him or in his car and Tyler was with him he would get arrested as well. He said he did think about that but that if he got busted and Tyler was with him he would be the only one arrested and they would let Tyler go. I asked him how he thought that would happen. He said because our dad was a cop and cops don't arrest the family members of other cops. I told him this wasn't a TV show. They totally would arrest Tyler if his dad is a cop or not. If Tyler got arrested all my dad could do about it would be to pay his bail. Just because he's a cop his family doesn't get away with doing  something illegal.

Jeff said he didn't know that and he promised to make sure he didn't have anything illegal when he was hanging out with Tyler. Then he asked me to please not tell Tyler. Jeff is really nice and of all Tyler's friends he was the nicest to me before I transitioned. I really hate to narc him out but just because he said he wouldn't have anything illegal when Tyler was with him that doesn't mean he actually won't. I can't trust that he will keep his word. It would be really bad if Tyler got arrested on a drug charge. That could cause a lot of problems for my dad at work and it would be very embarrassing for him.

I don't know exactly how Tyler will react. Most probably he will totally stop hanging out with Jeff. I feel really bad about ratting him out but I don't think I have a choice. He could get Tyler in serious trouble.  I can't see anything else I can do. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Hi Julia

In your position I would be very worried about my brother as it seems that Jeff has a serious problem.  If he is using crack then I don't expect he will always be in a place to really think of Tyler's welfare and would assume that his concern for your brother will decrease as time goes by.  I can't imagine Tyler (or your Dad) would thank you for protecting Jeff if things ever do go wrong and Tyler ends up in trouble as an innocent bystander

Perhaps you could broach the subject with your brother and suggest that he try to help Jeff through what I guess is a bad time in his life

Charlotte

My feeling is that you can't trust the word of someone smoking crack. Even if he meant it sincerely. That is far above and beyond casual drug use.

No matter how nice he was to you, it's not fair for you to have to keep his secret. I would give Jeff a heads up(something along the lines of not feeling comfortable with lying, even by omission), but tell Tyler. If Jeff is genuinely a nice guy, maybe make a case for trying to get him help rather than shunning him.

I don't have much experience with people using crack, but I've had several meth and heroin addicted friends in the past. Someone using something that hard cannot be trusted to keep their word. He may actually mean it right now when he says he won't have it in the car with your brother, but when it comes down to it, he will choose his crack pipe over respecting your brothers safety.

I agree with Roll. I say give him a heads up, then tell your brother. Maybe something like: I can't keep this secret from my brother. I'm giving you a heads up because you've always been so nice, but I cannot take the chance that you won't risk his safety. I hope you get help and get clean.

Hi Julia,

  I can tell you from personal experience that someone smoking crack doesn't exercise good self control. I used to make my own before it became widely available. One eighth ounce at a time. I would smoke it in the morning before work, come home for lunch to smoke more before going back to work then smoke more after coming home and into the night. There was never enough, I always wanted more. I like speed any speed but crack was the best. I've even been in the jail lockup area working on their equipment while high. Now that was stupid but I got away with it.
  I would not trust myself not to do or not have speed on me. And I was a "responsible" working adult with a family back then. It's a wonder I didn't kill myself with it.

At the very least, your brother needs to be aware of what is going on. I suspect that your brother given this information will make the right decision and you  shouldn't need to involve your father. In addition, you should encourage Jeff to seek treatment as breaking that type of habit can be difficult.

I think you need to protect your family first. I'd tell Jeff to get rid of all the evidence first, then tell your brother/Dad. I'd also take some precautions just in case Jeff does something stupid after you tell him.

I would have tossed it and then had a discussion with Jeff. Addicts of all types have judgement problems, but some are worse than others. I worked for a bail bond once upon a time and heroin addicts were the worst lying manipulative pieces of humanity I had to deal with. Couldn't trust them to do just nothing. God forbid you get in the way of their hookup. That said, criminalizing it has proved to be a failure and indoctrinates them into being criminals. You can't fix them by taking away one method of not dealing with reality. The problems are still there, but politicians can't sell rehabilitation in our punishment oriented society. They won't keep their jobs long unless they live in a progressive place.


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At least tell your brother.  Me...I'd have called the police, and had them waiting there when he got in.  I am not totally anti drug, but I am the type that doesn't want it anywhere near me.  Do it at home; leave your crap at home; don't involve me; and if you do involve me, even in passing, plan on having the police called about it.

Except pot, I'm pot friendly.  As a drug, it's about as bad as alcohol.  I still don't do any drugs beyond prescription meds, and caffeine.

If your brother gives Jeff a ride and they are pulled over, all Jeff has to do is toss it under the car seat and your brother is busted. Dope belongs to the driver of a car if not found on a person.

Jeff has not only endangered your brother.  He has made YOU an accomplice.  He has put you in an awful position.  You would be justified in telling your father, and probably legally obliged to do so.  At least tell your brother.   Urgently, as he needs to know that he is in danger of being implicated.

I told Tyler. I hated to rat Jeff out but I couldn't take the chance. Tyler will always come before friends.  Tyler said he was going to talk to Jeff about it. I don't know what he plans to do.

Quote from: Julia1996 on December 03, 2017, 07:42:29 PM
I told Tyler. I hated to rat Jeff out but I couldn't take the chance. Tyler will always come before friends.  Tyler said he was going to talk to Jeff about it. I don't know what he plans to do.

I think that was a smart move, your brother's friend was putting him at risk and I'm sure you would have felt awful if he got busted for something that wasn't his fault. Leave it up to your brother to tell your dad

Sorry julia, but, you can't trust a crackhead. You did the right thing telling your brother about it.

Hi Julia,

You did the right thing.  Tyler deserves to know and his friend Jeff put you in a very difficult position.

With that said, it's a shame substance abuse is criminalized like this.  Jeff being thrown in jail for being a crack user does not solve Jeff's issue and doesn't help society.   Society has been trying to solve the drug problem through the legal system for years and it doesn't work.  People don't just become addicts.  There's usually an underlying reason or reasons they choose this form of escape.

Take care,
Paige :)