Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was talking to my boss today. He's spent 40 hours a week sitting next to me for the better part of a decade, and we've worked off and on at the same places since 1988. He really knows Mike. For the last five years or so he's watched me transition, a unique perspective for someone. And a challenging one at times, I'm sure. He's been a strong ally, a mentor, and a friend.

Yesterday, the owner was on a conference call with us, switching back and forth on my pronouns, and me and the boss were in stitches (silent movie style) listening to him struggle.  :laugh:  In his defense, I only recently became legally female, and he's still adjusting. No harm, no foul. So afterwards we were talking about it and Scott mentioned that mentally, he found it a lot easier to call me Devlyn consistently after I had my name legally changed. He knew I was using Devlyn, but he said there was some sort of a stumbling block to saying it.

Just wanted to share the insight. Big shout out to Scott, a longtime viewer of the site, and ally to all of us.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

That is an interesting insight.

And it's great that you have been working with such an understanding and supportive colleague and friend for so long.

Scott is very cool.

I had one guy refuse to call me Rachel until I changed my name legally. From that point on he was 100% on name and pronoun.

Hearing these stories, it seems that cis people really feel strongly about the legal name change.  Why do you think that is?  I mean, it's not like the legal name change instantly makes you into a different person.  So why is it suddenly so much easier and acceptable for them to call us by our new names after that point?

Interesting, isn't it? A woman at work had her daughter change her first name and she was intentionally not using it. I told her that I thought it was disrespectful to do that. She said "I don't care, that isn't the name I gave her."  :(

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn,
     This is a great perspective!!!! Now I have similar experience. One of my co-workers flat out told me, not because of a stumbling block just being stubborn. That he was not calling me by name until my name was legally changed. So sort of similar, his stumbling block was that it wasn't my official name. I don't know what difference that was. I mean people go by nicknames all the time. Good perspective love learning how others deal with different things.

Quote from: echo7 on December 08, 2017, 07:02:50 PM
Hearing these stories, it seems that cis people really feel strongly about the legal name change.  Why do you think that is?  I mean, it's not like the legal name change instantly makes you into a different person.  So why is it suddenly so much easier and acceptable for them to call us by our new names after that point?

Cultural, perhaps. In some cultures, i.e. native American, people routinely have/had several names through life, a childhood 'general' name and a new one as a teen or adult when their character and deeds had developed enough for an appropriate name for them. In some countries, people of certain rank would change their own names several times, and this had to be recognized by their subjects each time, such as in feudal Japan or Tahiti. In Western cultures, the only time names seem to be easily socially changed are in the case of a wife taking the surname of her husband. That tradition's been around centuries so I suppose people are used to it enough not to see it as unusual. Just changing one's name outright, or surname as well here seems viewed with suspicion or surprise as it's relatively rare.

I've had people ask me why I bother changing my name at all as if it's a major inconvenience for them or an attention seeking thing for me. I think it's just our cultural mindset. Some parents seem to want to lord the name they gave over their kids, which is a bit odd. If they had a daughter that kid's surname might well change if she marries anyway and they don't seem to get het up about that. I think they just get a bit offended that their choice of name has been overridden by you.