Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

To be honest, I can't remember if it was to everyone here that I first said it, or if it was one of my friends.  It's almost two years now.  Wow, how time flies.  I'm fairly certain that this was the first place I stated it.  The first person I discussed it with, in person; was a friend and coworker who just wants me to be happy.  No tears, just walking around in my heels to show her how comfortable I was in them.  She wasn't supportive, at the beginning, but later took me to Colorado and it was the first time I went out as me in public.  Also was where I finally settled on my true name.

Trans or cross dresser? At one time, transgender wasn't in use yet. ->-bleeped-<- was the previous word before that. We've come a long way. I have to wonder what it will be tomorrow.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

21 years old, overriding compulsion to finally be me, a female.. not attempting to live as others had seen me.  I got my first hormone levels drawn...Estrogen count 60, Testosterone <3... I'm basically a girl already at least hormonally.. Pre anything

So me, to my mother... I show her my labwork.. tell her I"m female and I'm making it final.  Mom to me "I wish you'd never been born".   That was the last time I talked to her for 10+ years.  Noone needs that kind of negativity.  I get called an abomination by my only living grandmother.   The rest of the family has nothing to do with me over a decade.

I got my name changed, got some surgery to fix downstairs ambiguity.  Now me, 43 years old... I FINALLY have insurance.   I've been having bad lower abdominal cramping  a while now, and finally got back on HRT after not taking anything for over a decade.

Ultrasound:  Oh, you have a  uterus + ovaries too, and no prostate, nothing internally male whatsoever.  Thank the gods.

I show this to mother (we started talking again).   I showed her 5 pictures, told her I have about 70 more from the ultrasound.  Mother doesn't believe any of it... refuses to see any more pics.

At this point I have to understand she's delusional and probably had a hand in my intersexed birth 'assignment' in the first place.  Turns out I had old really scar tissue around the belly button I'd never known about either, and she's always been a liar.  Found out dad was divorced, oldest brother born out of wedlock, I was born while father was in prison... so many lies, this just makes one more.. my questionable birth.  Still have one older brother referring to me by my old name.. a long dead one, that is oh so wrong on so many levels.

A somewhat disjointed story, but that's essentially who & where I came out.  My mother.. and she told everyone else.  I told my brother & sister too, they are somewhat accepting of me as their sister.

Quote from: PurpleWolf on January 09, 2018, 01:36:21 AM
So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

The first person I came out to was my wife, about a year and a half ago.  The build-up was traumatic: I was nearly paralyzed by fear, the same fear that had kept me in denial for decades.  It took me months to build up the courage to tell her.  So many times, I was on the verge of doing it, drawing a breath to speak, getting my tongue and lips in position for the first syllable, and then having a panic attack and saying nothing.

When I finally said it, I was in a funny detached state: it was like I was listening to my own voice speaking the words I had rehearsed.  I said I was pretty sure I was transgender.  She wanted to know why I thought that, so I told her that all my life I had wished I was a woman.  She said that didn't necessarily mean that I was transgender, and I replied that it was pretty much the definition of it.

Having gotten the T-word out, I knew that our relationship would be at the top of the agenda.  So when she asked what my plans were, I emphasized that I did not want to leave her.  That I figured the next step would be to find a therapist and take it from there.  And then she said the magic words: "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you."

Joy, relief, love, gratitude!  That moment was the beginning of my new life.  I have other rebirthdays: first HRT and starting full-time, but that one was the first.

Next month, we are in a local theatre production of Cinderella, and she is the fairy godmother.  Of course!   :D  (I am the sound & light girl.  In real life, though, I know I am Cinderella.)

It was terrifying. I didn't come out, my dad outed me. He just asked me outright if I wanted to be a girl. I freaked out and panicked. I freaked out because of my mom. She had pretty much told me my dad would throw me out and disown me. I found out much later that my dad suspected I was trans and had actually talked about it with my mom. She's the one who couldn't accept it and she knew telling me my dad would disown me would have a big effect on me. Once she told me I needed to be careful about wearing makeup, nail polish, etc because my dad wouldn't put up with much more. And then another time she asked me if I was taking female hormones, was someone maybe giving me birth control pills. I told her no I wasn't and she said she hoped not because if I ever did my dad would disown me. She told me he had actually said that. Of course he didn't but I didn't know. She also told me my brother would hate me and never have anything to do with me again. That seems ridiculous now but at the time I was afraid she was telling the truth. Yes my dad and brother already thought I was gay and didn't have a problem with it but being trans is an entirely different thing. So I thought it was possible that coming out as trans would be too much for my dad and he would reject me. The thought of my dad and brother rejecting me was heartbreaking for me.

I had just turned 17 and I had been at a friends house. While I was over there I had used hot curlers in my hair and I had tried out some liquid eyeliner she had just gotten. When I got home my dad just looked at me. My mom started asking what I had done to my hair and telling me to go wash my face. My dad said " do you want to be a girl"?  And I freaked out and started crying. He told me it was ok if I did and hugged me and told me I didn't need to cry. My mom said " oh great! That's just wonderful! I'm the one who should be crying, what are people going to think"? After my dad calmed me down he asked me why I hadn't told him sooner. I told him because I was afraid he would disown me. He asked why I would ever think that and I told him because my mom had told me he would. He got furious with her and I really think that was the beginning of their end.

My brother hadn't been home when all that went down so I did have to come out to him. I wanted my dad to tell him for me but he told me it was something I needed to tell him myself. I was really scared to tell him but I managed it. He just said ok and asked me if I thought it was a big surprise to him. He told me I had pretty much always been more like his sister anyway.

When my uncle found out he started with the mentally ill crap, suggested my dad have me committed to the nuthouse and even suggested conversion therapy. My uncle and grandpa both told my dad he wasn't helping me by supporting my " delusion". Then my mom started telling me I was a big embarrassment to our family. That was very true for her but not at all true for my dad and brother. My mom told my dad it would effect his standing with the police department.  He just told her she was being stupid and he wasnt the one who was trans which was the only way it would effect his work.

That's how I came out/got outed.

Wow, Julia, I love your dad and your brother!

I had all these pent up anxieties how people would react.  So far everyone has been been accepting.  Some even magically supportive.  My first coming out is one of the magically supportive.  I was planning on doing it in person, but I painted myself into a corner reacting.  I was crying, heart beating like a freight train, and magical support.  After it felt amazing.  I felt lighter, prettier, at one with myself.  I still feel it's the best day of my life, even though it's awkward.  Here's the link if anybody cares to relive it.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230281.0.html

Bari Jo

Wow i feel for you doreen and julia. My 1st time was so arkward, was going to mention it to my doc even though they given me a phone appointment not face to face and they didnt phone when they said so the call came when i was at work. It was a male nurse not my doc but i said the words still, as i said it i didnt belive i just said that... to a complete stranger aswell. Came off the phone in denial. That didnt sound right, thats not me. After a few hours of thinking about it i came back around to my current mindframe. I new it was true but where to go from here?

1st time in person was a couple of days ago to wife. Could not speak about this, i havr never talked to anyone my whole life about anything personal. I just cant do it, and if could i no the carefully crafted mental speach that had been running though my head would not come out right and i would end up not doing the subject justice and then doubt myself. I wrote it down, was about 1000 words but i could have written a book.

Hid the letter close to me and said ill do it at 8pm. Clock ticked down and i was pooping myself, heart racing egging myself on but 8pm ticked by. I knew if i didnt do it soon i wouldnt for some time. It was 845 when i said i wanted to speak to you for awhile now but cant say it so ive wrote it down. Handed the letter over then sat there as her thoughts of me comptly changed. Wasnt a good night but needed to be done. Feel alot better for it now

Not including therapist, it was in October to my father. I was so terrified at a fundamental level. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably, but in that fear driven silent sob way. Still, it was only the second most terrifying moment of my life (not to repeat myself for the billionth time on this, but the first by which everything else has been contrasted against was in the last few hours of my mother's life when I acknowledged she was actually dying, and I just sat over her bed crying more than I could have ever imagined it would be possible to).

Afterward, I felt numb. I went to sleep fairly readily, and it just was the new reality.

I was nervous as a long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. I came out by showing my friend a picture of myself dressed. She looked for a moment and said "If you're going to do that, you need to get boobs."  :laugh:

Pretty nervous for what turned out to be nothing.

Hugs, Devlyn

The day I came out, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had been treated for stress for thirty-five-years. Who knew I was really transgender? Well, I did and nobody else and I kept it secret. But regardless I was unable to admit my confusion to the varied therapists I visited. I began to get more and more agitated about the reason my first wife left 40 years ago. I didn't know why she decided to have an affair. I was ashamed to violate my vows. But I have been on HRT for 16 months. My face is just about hair free and the hair of my head is to my shoulders like my hippie days. Just now it's grey but kind of sexy. This has been the most stress free year of my life and I look forward to each new day of discovery

Felt pretty much nothing. I wondered if I was supposed to feel better for telling people, but I didn't as it was fairly anti climactic anyway, and I had to deal with skepticism and people who thought they know me better than I know myself.

It wasn't a weight lifted. The weight would be there no matter how many people knew it, or how safe it was to talk about it, as the only weight that matters to me is what I think of it. I'm my own worst judge, so as long as I was ok with it it didn't matter who knew what.

I wasn't afraid of telling anybody.

That's because nobody has any leverage over me, I suppose. There is nobody who could hurt me psychologically with their opinion of me for that information. There is noone who would throw me out of the house or fire me or whatever. And there is nobody I know of that could actually hurt me physically for it or would want to. I feel just as worthy as any other human being out there of existing, at the very least. If someone tried to shame me, it wouldn't work for this reason. They have nothing to hold over me that I actually believe makes them automatically better. 

Sure, I felt weird explaining it to people at the time, because as a general idea it does seem out there to most people and it seems out there to me when I think of how it changes labels, or of bothering doctors and surgeons with myself. But I didn't feel ashamed or whatever.

Telling people is only the beginning. Once that is over, then you have to deal with the aftermath.

Quote from: PurpleWolf on January 09, 2018, 01:36:21 AM
So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

It was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done in my life. It was one of those things that I knew once it was out there, I couldn't take it back. So I had to be sure.

I still remember how I felt. I was sweating, my mouth was like sandpaper. Even though it was to someone online. Someone I'd been dating for a little while. Someone I'd had a relationship with for a relatively long time. Honestly I don't think I've ever been more scared of anything before or since.

Did they take it well? Exceptionally well. See the thing is, this girl was gay. She lived in America and we'd spoken on the phone a lot. I really never understood why she even wanted to date me, with her being gay. But she did. Maybe she already knew something I didn't, who knows.

I don't remember the details of the conversation, only the emotion. But the upshot of it was she registered here a little while before I did, to try and understand what it all meant. And... from the outset she never treated me as anyone other than myself. Which was the most incredible thing for me. It was her who actually persuaded me to come here. She wound up being a mod, lol. Not long after I did. Probably the only SO mod there's been, at least that I can recall.

It didn't work out. But not because of me being transgender. Other stuff. But I won't ever forget that first time, and how amazing she was about it.

I actually did cry when she didn't just tell me to get lost. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling of relief and acceptance and just... well ecstacy really. And how someone could be so... understanding and want to try and find out what it meant to me and what I was going through. It stayed with me. It still stays with me.

I felt terrible. I came out to my ex partner. She started blaming me for destroying her dreams and her future. After that I was afraid of coming out to anyone and delayed my transition 2 years.

I first came out to a close friend of thirty five years and next to my pastor, didn't go well. Neither speak with me any more and we were encouraged to leave our church home.

Mine's kinda weird, it's a little messy. Technically there's one girl that I came out to first, but I don't really consider her the first. It's my friend's ex and she would always message me after their breakup and then eventually ask about him, constantly, I think in the end she was just faking friendship to keep tabs on him. I got suckered in and we got close. She knew that I liked to dress up as a woman for Halloween and stuff so she started asking me about it and I started opening up a bit. This was October of 2016 and I didn't tell her I was trans just yet. We talked a little over the next few months and then in early Feb 2017 it just all came out one night. I remember I was talking to her on facebook while I was in a hotel room for work, I remember telling her that I actually wanted to be a woman and I said I couldn't believe what I was telling her and that I never actually thought I would come out to someone. The thing is though that she dragged it out of me by asking me all these questions, which honestly I needed, but she needed to mind her own business too, this girl has no boundaries.

I did some reflecting for a few days and starting trying to plan things out. Then 11 months ago today I was texting with another friend and made a joke that she took seriously about my pronouns and she asked about it and I said I'd talk to her about it some other time. This girl was a good friend of mine that I had known since I was 15, she's an awesome person and I love her dearly and I had hinted to her before about a lot of this stuff, so I figured that if I could tell that other girl about me then it's time that I started telling my real friends. So I started talking to her through facebook that night and I was terrified, I was shaking and it was hard to type but it went great, she made me feel loved and supported and for the first time in a long time, hopeful. She said she had known a while and she said I seemed trapped and tortured and that she's super happy for me. She's been so helpful with my transition so far. I felt so relieved after I told her.

So what happened with both of those girls? Well the first girl I wrote about is no longer part of my life. She was a fake friend who was just using me to spy on her ex. She blocked me and unfriended me on facebook in April on the day that my grandmother died (after she left me condolences!) and then she messaged me a week later like nothing happened, and again a month later. I ignored both messages. The other girl is still one of my best friends and truly supports me and I've posted a few pics of her on here with me <3

My partner has known for a very long time, and still supports the vagueries of me.

In the wider world, there are now two folk that know - one of our own, who I have known for a very long time, they on,y know because I felt I had nowhere else to turn - they know me and my past, and context is important.

The other is my therapist, and that disclosure was preceded by much anxiety - the irony of which doesn't escape me.

Its very intimate, and the act of disclosure requires vulnerability.

Rowan

I was exhilerated, but trepidated, coming out to my mom in mid-2016, I didn't expect to recieve the amount of backlash i received, I ended up reneging on all that I told her, I was twenty-years-old and now I'm twenty-one years old, but now I turn twenty-two years old in early-may 2018, I'm going to see a gender therapist at a gender clinic on 31st january 2018

Hi, Belladonna!

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How did I feel?

I was an emotional wreck and told my close female friend why I was so desperately unhappy...I would have been about 18 at the time...I was terrified, but with a great sense of relief once I had told her and someone apart from me knew my deepest most private thoughts.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 09, 2018, 11:03:09 AM
I was nervous as a long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

That sounds about right for me as well LOL  ;D  Felt like an odd baptism of sorts

Imagine someone giving you a lecture about a medical condition and then saying that that's what they have. This is how I explained it, with science. Not many emotions involved from my side even though I was somewhat unsure whether what that meant and included was understood completely by them in that moment and I couldn't calculate people's reactions really so there was some uncertainty about how they would take it left, even though I was sure that my mum, my dad and grandpa wouldn't react dismissively or truly negative in any way and they didn't.

Happiness or joy was not felt by me for coming out, it wasn't such a big event really I was just telling them what I had found out was a fact about me. I was glad that it was accepted by most people and that I finally got that out of my way and system that's all. I still thank this neurological article for letting me FINALLY understand my condition and giving me the knowledge that it was a scientific fact, an actual condition and as such I could accept it. 
Why would I cry telling someone though? Doesn't make sense to me but I generally don't cry so of course I didn't.  But maybe that's something people do, I mean some people even cry watching movies, I don't get it but they do *shrug*
My mum told me she cried over it later alone in the car to let me know that it was hard for her because somewhere she got that idiotic idea that she had lost "a daughter" though. I simply told her this:" Face the facts, you never had a daughter and you can't lose what you never had in the first place. Mourning the loss of something that, in fact, never exited and that you never actually possessed isn't logical."
She told me I wouldn't understand even though she was the one clearly not understanding.

The first person was my mother it went well and she said she was going to support me through it. Second one was my dad he seemed completely indifferent, later it turned out it wasn't that easy for him after all, he just didn't let it show and let it show by little things accidentally that he had some struggles truly coming to terms with this weeks later, he got over it eventually.
Other than that my mum, who has a weird need to talk about stuff and her emotions with people, had already taken that away from me by outing me to most of the rest of the family and friends of the family including the really close Christian friends of our family. They were the ones where I thought they might not take it well and probably wouldn't accept it but they had even less of a struggle than my parents really, she was extremely accepting and understanding and encouraging me what definitely surprised me because they are religious people.

Quote from: Corax on January 11, 2018, 06:10:24 AM
Why would I cry telling someone though? Doesn't make sense to me but I generally don't cry so of course I didn't.  But maybe that's something people do, I mean some people even cry watching movies, I don't get it but they do *shrug*

That's because you're a guy! ;)

Quote from: Corax on January 11, 2018, 06:10:24 AM

Other than that my mum, who has a weird need to talk about stuff and her emotions with people, had already taken that away from me by outing me to most of the rest of the family and friends of the family including the really close Christian friends of our family.

While she shouldn't have outed you for sure and that went too far, I love what you not understanding her need to talk about her emotions with people means in context for being trans. Basically, it's a girl thing. ;D

Quote from: Roll on January 11, 2018, 10:01:56 AM
While she shouldn't have outed you for sure and that went too far, I love what you not understanding her need to talk about her emotions with people means in context for being trans. Basically, it's a girl thing. ;D

Yes and I wasn't too thrilled about that she had done that and I absolutely didn't understand why she had done it at all and when I confronted her telling her that it had not been her right to give other people that information without talking about it to me beforehand she got mad and upset and accused me of not taking her feelings into account and that she had a need to talk about things and her emotions to people etc. When I said that she didn't have to talk about it and that I hadn't talked about that with others all my life without this need and had dealt with and come to terms with it on my own even though I actually have the condition and she does not, she got even more upset for whatever reason.

It indeed seems to be a women's thing and I tend to not understand women well. I really love my mum and we have an overall good relationship but I absolutely don't get her way of thinking and she doesn't understand mine, hence we often have our differences and a lot of arguments. 

The first time I actually told anyone out loud was in a creative writing course, when I workshopped a piece about being trans. I knew from a young age, but since my parents were so vocally anti-LGBT I never dared to tell my family or friends back home, lest my parents hear through the grapevine. And I had no close friends to confide in after I moved away for college, so there really wasn't anyone to come out to privately once I was safe, you know?

It was a very liberal environment, so I wasn't nervous or anything. Nobody took it poorly or made a big deal out of it. Nor was I emotional about it. It was just a fact of life that I'd accepted a long time prior. I guess it was sort of affirming in that, yeah, I had proved I could announce I was genderqueer to a room full of acquaintances and have zero misgivings. But I wouldn't say it really felt like a big milestone.

First time I told someone...was to my best friend. I was nervous and excited.

I told her "I'm transgender. " over a cup of coffee at her place.

She said "No, you can't be. You never wear women's cloths. "

Then she realized what she just said and started laughing at her stupid statement.

The laughing was relieving. The tension I had felt just vanished and we laughed together.

First time was on here which felt confusing but I needed to splurge and the comments were far better and supportive than I could have hoped for.

Next was my sister who I went to visit and she was amazingly supportive and we both cried together. 
The best day was this last tuesday when I came out to my doctor (GP) who was amazing and really helpful, then when I got to work I came out to a friend/sales manager who again was incredibly nice and understanding and asks me daily if I am ok and if I want to talk. Then on the way home, I told my mum over the phone and she was brilliant and wants to know more about it and will love and support me no matter what. That day I felt elated.  Absolutely on top of the world.  All my dysphoria evaporated and for a few hours I felt like I had been released.

The following day, the sales manager told me he told his wife who I have only met twice and she said she was not surprised!! I asked why and she said I have a feminine manner.  Did not expect that!  Very pleased.

The biggest challenges will be my wife (who half knows but is pretending it's not a thing). My father (God only knows what will happen there as he's responsible for most of my repression) & my step children (in their 30s but very judgemental).  I won't be coming out fully to those until I have seen a therapist and started transitioning. 

The first person in my family that we told was my sister, an ultra conservative right wing individual that I love dearly and was terribly afraid of losing. When told, she got so mad at us......that we had not told her sooner and that we had missed so many opportunities to go shopping together, WOW, didn't see that coming. We have since corrected that with frequent shopping expeditions.

Tia Anne

I felt pretty great. Nervous, but great.
Because finally I could tell everybody who I really was. And I knew my friens would remain just that. Some members of my family, it was not so great to tell them, but I'm not someone to hide - It's important to me than I can be genuine with people I care for.

Quote from: PurpleWolf on January 09, 2018, 01:36:21 AM
So... What was it like the first time you told someone you're trans? When was it?
How did you feel? Was that emotional for you? Did you cry? Happy? Immense joy/relief?

How did that go? (Hope it did go well!) Who was the first person you decided to confide in? Did they take it well? What did they tell you? Do you remember exact words?

Did that experience affect you in some way?

---
This time I don't have a personal story to tell. At 13 I just started identifying as a boy and told people that I felt or was a boy. I don't particularly remember coming out to anyone specifically.

The only person I really 'came out' to... was my mother, at least with that particular approach.  I never felt 'like a trans'.  Frankly I think the whole 'm2f trans' label is very misleading.. are you saying you're a  male turning female?  What is a male? Timeless question, we all know XY doesn't always = male.  I do not claim, nor will I ever claim to that label.   I'm not 'offended' if someone asks that, frankly I'll tell them NEIGH. lol.  The irony though is noone (except of course among trans community) has ever asked me that.   I've had plenty assume I'm lesbian though, and even ask me that.  I mean I am, but ugh.. I don't really like having that assumed either. 

i've got a lot of "first" coming out stories, depending on how you look at it.  there were different sets of people, different time periods, and vastly different feelings, levels of understanding, and frames of mind surrounding them. 

the FIRST time, at least the earliest i can recall, i was around 13 or 14 and didn't know "trans" existed.  i was chatting with my cousin and told her i thought i wanted to be a boy.  it was just one of those awkward self-discovery conversations teenagers have; we didn't really take anything too seriously or know how it worked, and we didn't really stop and think about the implications of the future.  it was just "oh, well i hear there's a surgery for that and when you grow up you can just get it done" and then we moved on...

((the rest that follows might be "off-topic" if you only want the literal first; otherwise, life story ahead but i feel like it's important to have for the sake of comparison to show how it's changed over years))

a few years later, i mentioned to my boyfriend at the time that i didn't fully identify as a girl.  as before, it wasn't taken all that seriously because neither of us fully understood the implications of such a statement/feeling, and nothing was really done.

a few more years later, i still hadn't been able to ignore those feelings and had learned more about what "trans" actually was.  not enough to really understand it, but enough that, over time, i had to accept that it was what it was and i couldn't keep ignoring it.  so i started looking online for support and information and brought it up again, this time more seriously.  i don't remember that moment, but i do know that for a while nothing was still being done until we (my partner and i) were at a meeting with a counselor who i was initially talking to about something else, and it got brought up there.  and after years of him resisting and me ignoring, that conversation finally pushed my partner (and me) to accept that these feelings would mean actual changes.  and that is when we broke up.  there was a sort of grey fog of sadness around me for a while, like i was mourning something intangible.  then there was the realization i would also have to share this with my best friend and my family. 

i told my friend over the phone.  i don't really remember that conversation, but i'm sure it was awkward, though my friend at least wasn't upset or bothered by it. 

then i wrote my dad a letter.  i don't remember that, either.  i just know that aside from not really understanding and confusing it with being gay and trying to resist because he knew me as his "little girl", my dad was about as good about the whole thing as i could expect him to be.  he has never been cruel to me about it and has at least tried to listen and make sense of things, and he's gotten more accepting over time.

the next "coming out" i did was to my mom and grandma; my friend came with me during a visit at my grandma's house and we had a really uncomfortable sit-down in the living room.  i was so nervous and afraid that at first i couldn't even speak and my friend was the one to break the "news".  then i started explaining, or rather, attempting to defend myself from the barrage of verbal attacks and accusations that followed.  it went even worse than i had expected it to, and ended with me giving a long, tearful speech about my feelings only to be met with an even longer period of total silence.  then they turned and started chatting with each other about other things as though i hadn't said a word.  they got to let their anger and confusion out on me while ignoring anything i said, and refusing to acknowledge my own feelings or experiences.  my friend and i finally just got up and left the room, stunned and feeling like we'd wasted our time.  for a while after that, my mom and grandma would occasionally try to tell me things to convince me that i was wrong and didn't know what i was talking about and that they knew better, etc etc... and when they realized i wasn't going to give in, they just quit talking about it until i was forced to move back "home" with them after the breakup, where my mom tried to lure me back by making it seem like she would try to start accepting my pronouns, etc. (on top of other offers, like helping me find work and an apartment, all of which were lies). 

things were so bad after i came back that i was suicidal and completely at my wit's end after a couple of years dealing with a combination of isolation and awful treatment.  i didn't know up from down, but i tried to keep moving forward and making some kind of life for myself, however slowly, starting from scratch with no support and no resources except the internet.  fortunately, i found a primary care doctor within walking distance of the house, and eventually--when i couldn't stand it any longer--i wrote him a note saying that i was transgender and felt it was important for him to know that.  i didn't know if he would have any helpful information for me, but much to my relief and surprise, he did.  he set me up with another doctor who offered HRT not far from where i was, and after a few more weeks of waiting, i finally started taking T.

now i still have more "coming out" to do and i'm scared.  i will have to tell my managers/coworkers somehow, and i don't have the first clue how to approach it or what will happen when i do.  i'm going to go in expecting to get the boot at the first chance they get, because even if they can't use gender as a reason to fire me, the minute they want to let someone go i don't doubt this could bump me up to the front of the line.  i'm not totally sure that didn't happen at my last job, where even pre-T i had as masculine an expression as i could manage and came out to one of the managers in private when questioned about it.  i was told a few months later that all temps (they are temp-to-hire for the first 6 months) get let go at the beginning of the year and was laid off on new year's eve.  i didn't see anyone else being let go, though, and was not told about this "policy" until then--despite her acting like it was something i should have already known.  maybe i was just unlucky with the timing; big corporations do it to everyone when/where they can, but i can't shake the feeling that i didn't do myself any favors by coming out, especially after hearing similar and worse stories about trans people at the same company in other locations.  so regardless of what happened at my last job (this is the same company, but a different location and position), i'm not confident about coming out to the managers.  and after some conversations i've overheard in the breakroom and just general comments i've heard from coworkers, i'm not confident about their response, either.  i'll be fine to just keep my head down and do my job as long as i can, but i'm not looking forward to it. 

While I didn't consider it trans at the time, it felt really great when I started developing my crossdressing.  I found a CD group and found others who were like me.  I then go into full crossdressing and going out that way.  It was just the natural thing to do.  Prior to that, I had only worn pantyhose or stockings.  While my ex didn't have a problem with that, I was terrified someone else would find out.  These days, expressing my feminine side is just part of me.

So my female friends know.
How did I feel when I told my friend? Honestly not too worried, she's extremely open minded and once she confirmed I wasn't joking so sent me about three hundred page booklet to my email about makeup tips.

I'm dreading coming out to the world

I don't think my first time really counts, because the first person I told was my priest.  I'm an Episcopalian so it wasn't that big a deal on some levels, but I was a little worried because I didn't know if she would be trans-exclusionary as a feminist and a lesbian.  In any case, I owed it to her and to myself, as coming out would have significant impacts on my spiritual journey and as a  major  participant in the life of my parish.

The second time was to one of my best friends and role models at my parish.  My hands were shaking and my lips were quivering as I told her my story.  I could see tears in her eyes and at the end there was just love and laughter.  She's if anything an inch or so taller than I am, so we talked about being tall women and it was all good.

I do so very much wish I could have a Mulligan on my talk with her and the next person I came out to.  I wish I could have said: Hey I've got the best news ever and I'm so happy and I can't wait to tell you so you can be happy with me!

But we can only do what we can do. . .

I initially explained dysphoria to my best friend from high school 5 years ago without knowing what it was. I told her I always felt discomfort, out of place even, but I didn't know why. She just listened and there wasn't much else to be said. Fast forward to just a few months ago and I mentioned changes I was doing at first. Then eventually it became clear I'm transitioning. I told a coworker/friend just a few days after starting hrt and it was helpful to me.

I knew if I'm going to be successful to see this through I have to tell someone. And I felt I needed those people to be supportive and understanding and they were/still are!



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Amazing. I told my work, then extended family, then wife. The relief was instant and I knew I could stop thinking about what might go wrong and get on with life. Should have done it years ago.

When I told my wife I thought I might be, I was an emotional wreck.  It was the scariest and saddest thing I have ever had to endure... knowing that what I was saying to her was breaking her heart and crushing her soul...

My best friend and his wife were the first people that I told. I chickened out several times before I finally decided to do it. I was a blubbering mess as I tried to explain a little of what I'd been going through for the last 30+ years. Once I finally had it out, and they were so accepting and helpful, it was like a 30-ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It got easier telling other people after that.

First person I came out to was a boy I liked around when I first started hormones, so about age 17. He was sweet and accepting. I'm now turning 23. All these years in, all my documents changed, my entire family is accepting.

Really, I don't know what I did to get such a wonderful family, but of 6 siblings, my parents, my grandparents, not one of them hasn't come to 100%  accept me (though some struggled for the first year).

Same story with my friends. I'm blessed to have gotten to love and be loved by so many wonderful people.

Quote from: yayo on February 04, 2018, 07:07:33 AM
First person I came out to was a boy I liked around when I first started hormones, so about age 17. He was sweet and accepting. I'm now turning 23. All these years in, all my documents changed, my entire family is accepting.

Really, I don't know what I did to get such a wonderful family, but of 6 siblings, my parents, my grandparents, not one of them hasn't come to 100%  accept me (though some struggled for the first year).

Same story with my friends. I'm blessed to have gotten to love and be loved by so many wonderful people.

That sounds like a very good current situation.  Good to hear.  Thank you for sharing.