Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It was weird and kinda awkward but I'd say it went about as suspected. She wasn't like super excited but she seemed accepting. I told her she was the first family member I told because she would probably be the most accepting and she agreed with that. We both agreed that my dad is not going to take this very well and that it might end my relationship with him. She did tell me though that she and my dad have talked about me before and he thinks that I'm happy not being in a relationship and that he's not expecting me to carry on the family name. This is surprising to me though because he's told me before that he wants a family out of me, but I guess he seems ok that it's not going to happen. It'd odd to me that he thinks I'm happy though, I never act super happy around him and I remember around my 30th birthday we were at a bar and he was making a toast to me and I said something about how I wasn't happy in life and he was surprised about that. If he couldn't gauge that I wasn't happy then me being trans is going to be a HUGE shock to him, and I really don't think that I can tell him in person. He's pretty narrow minded so I think it may be best to explain everything in a letter.

She thinks my mom will be accepting though, but I told her I really can't come out to her while living at home. She said she did start to suspect me being trans after seeing the halloween pictures I posted, and that certain things from over the years did seem to make sense now, and she said that this explains me stealing her victoria's secret catalogs out of the mail (she knew about that?!) 😂 She asked how long I've felt this way and I told her since I was 6 and that seemed to surprise her. She wasn't super enthused by it, I told her it was going to take some getting used to and I understand that, she didn't come out and say she was happy for me but she did seem to be ok with it, I guess we'll just have to see how things go from here. I'm gunna see if she'll hang out again a couple weeks and hopefully she doesn't try to avoid spending time with me now. We went though some really old family photos last night and I shared them online this morning and she commented that it was a fun night and she mentioned how much her dogs love me, so that's a good sign! I think it's only going to get harder from here with my family

I'm happy for you that it went well. Hopefully as time goes on your sister will be more enthusiastic. With all the difficulties that comes with being trans I think the hardest thing of all coming out to family. Telling a love interest your trans would be second.

Congrats Maddie.  Hope it continues to go well for you.  :)

Hi Maddie,

  I'm with Julia about her comment on coming out. Sometimes that youngin has an insight that is good and surprises us old farts. This time she is right on. Coming out to family can really be hard. Hopefully you get enthusiastic acceptance and sometimes there is just an okay acceptance. Take heart in that it wasn't rejection or worse yet hostility. I can tell you that last really sucks.
  Be glad your sister took it well, it is still a win.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Maddie,
   It is good that it went well. The more she is able to see your lack of choice, your pain, the more likely she will be to be supportive. I found as I told people I started to note the difference in the people I told and those not yet told. I felt that  only those I told really knew me. It is nice to not have the secret that is kept from everyone. Good luck from here on.
Moni

thanks everyone! I think she will definitely be more enthusiastic about it in time, I could tell that she was doing a lot of thinking yesterday like maybe she just didn't see it but I think once she sees me dressed in person she will get used to it and hopefully see how much happier I am now. It didn't come as a surprise to my friends, so it was easier to come out to them because I act like myself more around them, but around family I always kept myself pretty repressed, so her reaction was very understandable. Hopefully she can help me deal with tell my parents down the road

yay! I was texting with my sister for a little bit and she said that she's been brainstorming ways to help my parents be accepting of this when I come out. She asked when I'm looking to do it and she said she'll do whatever I need when I decide to go through with it. She asked if I'm going to miss my old life at all and I said no and that I was very unhappy until last year and she saw that and said I could use that when I tell them, and that maybe this could even somehow bring the family closer together. So these are all good things to hear from her! I told her that her support means a lot to me :)

That is awesome news she is being so supporting! So glad you have her in your corner. :)

Yay, sisters are awesome!  Looks like you have an ally too.  Paving the way for the parents.  She is awesome!

Bari Jo

Things are going well with my sister :) She's still the only family member that knows about me though. Yesterday morning she called me just to chat and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes! it was very nice! Today we actually both went shopping together, which was our first female bonding experience. I only got a few things but it still made me happy to shop with her, it's something I've always wanted to do! We're going out to another store tomorrow morning too!

Maddy, glad you have had a good start. It's not easy. Get as much reference material that you can an plot it out as a script to explain to your parents. My kids are the same age as you, that's who I had to explain to. They were great. Maddie I've sent this out before and it is a great coming out letter. One to each parent. I would say to look it over as a sample of what you could do. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

Please let me know what you think.

Quote from: DawnOday on March 16, 2018, 06:54:13 PM
Maddy, glad you have had a good start. It's not easy. Get as much reference material that you can an plot it out as a script to explain to your parents. My kids are the same age as you, that's who I had to explain to. They were great. Maddie I've sent this out before and it is a great coming out letter. One to each parent. I would say to look it over as a sample of what you could do. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

Please let me know what you think.

thanks for posting that! Those are definitely a good starting point, I think I'm going to write my dad a letter like that but I think I'm going to tell my mom face to face (probably with my sister around). I've been meaning to write the letter soon so I can edit it as needed over the next few weeks. I also want to write my coming out post for Facebook soon. I have a therapy session on the 24th, I might try to write them before then so my therapist can read them

That is a big step Maddie,  Congratulations.  I hope it keeps going well for you. 

Julie

Quote from: Maddie86 on March 16, 2018, 05:58:44 PM
Things are going well with my sister :) She's still the only family member that knows about me though. Yesterday morning she called me just to chat and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes! it was very nice! Today we actually both went shopping together, which was our first female bonding experience. I only got a few things but it still made me happy to shop with her, it's something I've always wanted to do! We're going out to another store tomorrow morning too!

@ Maddie: Wow that is really great news.... the shopping trip and Sister-Bonding was a nice bonus.  Yes, having your supportive Sister with you when you tell your Mom is probably a very good idea.

I hope that things go well with your Dad when you write to him...    Might I suggest that you write the letter and then not send it for a time, rereading it and perhaps editing it as you see fit.... then, when the time is right, and you will know it, you can send him the letter....  or call him on the phone and/or have a coffee with him if that is possible.

Wishing you the best, please keep us updated.  Thanks for sharing this.
Danielle

Quote from: DawnOday on March 16, 2018, 06:54:13 PM
Maddy, glad you have had a good start. It's not easy. Get as much reference material that you can an plot it out as a script to explain to your parents. My kids are the same age as you, that's who I had to explain to. They were great. Maddie I've sent this out before and it is a great coming out letter. One to each parent. I would say to look it over as a sample of what you could do. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

Please let me know what you think.

@ DawnOday:  Those are nicely crafted letters to one's parents...  it was nice that you offered to have Maddie take a look at them....   very sweet and caring of you to do that.
Danielle

Way to go maddie. I came out to my mom and then the rest of my family last Friday. It is a huge step and my sister is hugely supportive. She has always wanted a sister. It was easier than expected to talk to mom. I drove up to see mom as the phone wouldn't the fair at her age, I sat down with her as Doug and explained every thing then went and changed and came back as Donna. Worked for me.
Hope yours goes as well and it is a huge relief to finally be in the open with everyone. My wife's family has know for a month and they are all good except for one family member. That we can live with.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 16, 2018, 10:02:32 PM

Quote from: DawnOday on March 16, 2018, 06:54:13 PM
Maddy, glad you have had a good start. It's not easy. Get as much reference material that you can an plot it out as a script to explain to your parents. My kids are the same age as you, that's who I had to explain to. They were great. Maddie I've sent this out before and it is a great coming out letter. One to each parent. I would say to look it over as a sample of what you could do. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

Please let me know what you think.

@ DawnOday:  Those are nicely crafted letters to one's parents...  it was nice that you offered to have Maddie take a look at them....   very sweet and caring of you to do that.
Danielle

Daniele
Thank you sweetie. I was once very scared and confused myself and I found these letters were a good starting point to make an explanation to my family.

Maddie -  I hope this makes everything go easier. Your folks have chosen their life path. You are choosing yours, and yours exclusively.

thank you everyone <3

I ended up coming out to someone else last night too, another trans woman! I met her about a year ago but didn't really get to know her until a few months back. she's a nice person who of course was supportive and I feel like she's going to be a good help, she's very active in the community and if I have any questions she can help me or point me in the direction of someone who can. She actually runs a local trans support group, I'm going to try to go to one soon!

Hi Maddie,

Your coming out to sis gives me hope. I too wish to start with my sister, as I feel, like yours, is the more progressive of the bunch. If all goes well, I will conspire with her on the best approach to tell mom. :)

Love to all.

~Melanie