Community Conversation => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Transsexual talk => FTM Top Surgery => Topic started by: November Fox on January 17, 2018, 11:40:18 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Post-op update from NF
Post by: November Fox on January 17, 2018, 11:40:18 PM
Post by: November Fox on January 17, 2018, 11:40:18 PM
Hi guys.
I had top surgery with Dr Van Loenen ans Dr Kingma in Slotervaart Hospital Amsterdam. I wanted to share my particular story with you for different reasons:
- Dr Van Loenen is very well known here for her great work
- I had peri, cup size B
- I have a severe panic disorder (CPTSD) and was more afraid of that than anything else
- I had complications (bleeding) and went back for 2nd surgery on day 2 after initial surgery.
- I'm in the hospital and I'm bored
The days leading up to surgery were quite stressful because I was staying with family, due to the trauma I have frequent panic attacks and as a family it can sometimes be challenging. Trying to get in touch with hospital staff about my condition was a fruitless endeavor. They did not understand and thought I was using CPTSD as an excuse to get out of surgery.
Allowing them to think I wasn't transgender was not an option for me so I went ahead with the surgery despite my hesitations. I made several attempts to keep my head as cool as possible (meditation, breathing, etc). I brought my uncle with me to the hospital as well. He's supportive of the trans thing but not the type who understands or empathizes with mental illness. He's the "get over it and get on with your life" type.
Being rolled into surgery and having my IV hooked was a horrible experience. People were yellibg at each other and joking loudly, which triggered very intense crap for me. They poked me with the IV five times until they decided to put my hand in warm water so they could find the vein. I went into surgery panicking.
Thankfully I was put under without noticing it. When I woke up I was still panicking. The surgery took about 3-4 hours, much longer than expected due to a complication (internal bleeding). My uncle had left and I just felt lonely, miserable and misunderstood. Back in recovery I was still panicking but not allowed to use my regular medication (valium). I found out later that the surgeon actually approved me using the medication but the staff were hesitant.
Due to my extreme panic I was discharged earlier. My uncle came to fetch me and bring me to my grandmother's house where I was staying. There wasn't much sensitivity for my situation, I had asked my uncle to bring a pillow and he had said that he would, but did not bring one. The car ride was bumpy and awful, with my uncle and his girlfriend having rather loud merriment in the front seats.
My pain and discomfort - coupled with the loneliness from waking up alone after general anaesthesia - caused me to not be able to enjoy their merriment at all. I had another panic attack and what ensued was a fight between me and them because they coul not understand why I was being such a self-centered ass (debate about that possible in the comments).
When we got to my grandmothers place I could barely stand and I went to bed straight away. Next morning I noticed my right breast had swollen to previous B-cup size and I was alarmed. I felt sick and nauseous. My grandma said it was nothing but I phoned the hospital anyway. They said I had an internal bleeding and to come to the hospital straight away.
I phoned at 10:30 AM but we were having a problem - my grandma did not want to drive me all the way back to Amsterdam. She was scared that I would pass out in the car and did not want to take the responsibility. At 14:00 PM it was finally resolved that her partner and her drive me. Thankfully they were way more empathetic than my uncle and aside from the pain the car ride went okay.
I arrived back at the hospital at 16:00 and was rolled into surgery at about 18:00. This time around I asked to get the IV ahead of time, rather than moments before surgery. Due to it being an emergency they did not give me any sedatives other than the ones I had already taken (valium). This was a very good thing because as it turns out, the clarity in my mind allowed me to keep control over my panic.
I was rolled into OK fully aware of my surroundings. The surgeon was very friendly and said to look her in the eye, breathe in through my nose with my belly and breathe out through my mouth. They gave me the fluids and mask and I was out. When I came to, I was scared again but the dude who did the aneasthesia was by my side the whole time and another staff member talked to me about mindfulness.
I'm in a ton of pain, much worse than after the first operation but they are taking good care of me and I was able to get some sleep. I'm staying here for a few days, much longer than usual, for observation.
Anyway guys, long story but I hope it helps someone who also has a panic disorder.
Cheers
Rowan
I had top surgery with Dr Van Loenen ans Dr Kingma in Slotervaart Hospital Amsterdam. I wanted to share my particular story with you for different reasons:
- Dr Van Loenen is very well known here for her great work
- I had peri, cup size B
- I have a severe panic disorder (CPTSD) and was more afraid of that than anything else
- I had complications (bleeding) and went back for 2nd surgery on day 2 after initial surgery.
- I'm in the hospital and I'm bored
The days leading up to surgery were quite stressful because I was staying with family, due to the trauma I have frequent panic attacks and as a family it can sometimes be challenging. Trying to get in touch with hospital staff about my condition was a fruitless endeavor. They did not understand and thought I was using CPTSD as an excuse to get out of surgery.
Allowing them to think I wasn't transgender was not an option for me so I went ahead with the surgery despite my hesitations. I made several attempts to keep my head as cool as possible (meditation, breathing, etc). I brought my uncle with me to the hospital as well. He's supportive of the trans thing but not the type who understands or empathizes with mental illness. He's the "get over it and get on with your life" type.
Being rolled into surgery and having my IV hooked was a horrible experience. People were yellibg at each other and joking loudly, which triggered very intense crap for me. They poked me with the IV five times until they decided to put my hand in warm water so they could find the vein. I went into surgery panicking.
Thankfully I was put under without noticing it. When I woke up I was still panicking. The surgery took about 3-4 hours, much longer than expected due to a complication (internal bleeding). My uncle had left and I just felt lonely, miserable and misunderstood. Back in recovery I was still panicking but not allowed to use my regular medication (valium). I found out later that the surgeon actually approved me using the medication but the staff were hesitant.
Due to my extreme panic I was discharged earlier. My uncle came to fetch me and bring me to my grandmother's house where I was staying. There wasn't much sensitivity for my situation, I had asked my uncle to bring a pillow and he had said that he would, but did not bring one. The car ride was bumpy and awful, with my uncle and his girlfriend having rather loud merriment in the front seats.
My pain and discomfort - coupled with the loneliness from waking up alone after general anaesthesia - caused me to not be able to enjoy their merriment at all. I had another panic attack and what ensued was a fight between me and them because they coul not understand why I was being such a self-centered ass (debate about that possible in the comments).
When we got to my grandmothers place I could barely stand and I went to bed straight away. Next morning I noticed my right breast had swollen to previous B-cup size and I was alarmed. I felt sick and nauseous. My grandma said it was nothing but I phoned the hospital anyway. They said I had an internal bleeding and to come to the hospital straight away.
I phoned at 10:30 AM but we were having a problem - my grandma did not want to drive me all the way back to Amsterdam. She was scared that I would pass out in the car and did not want to take the responsibility. At 14:00 PM it was finally resolved that her partner and her drive me. Thankfully they were way more empathetic than my uncle and aside from the pain the car ride went okay.
I arrived back at the hospital at 16:00 and was rolled into surgery at about 18:00. This time around I asked to get the IV ahead of time, rather than moments before surgery. Due to it being an emergency they did not give me any sedatives other than the ones I had already taken (valium). This was a very good thing because as it turns out, the clarity in my mind allowed me to keep control over my panic.
I was rolled into OK fully aware of my surroundings. The surgeon was very friendly and said to look her in the eye, breathe in through my nose with my belly and breathe out through my mouth. They gave me the fluids and mask and I was out. When I came to, I was scared again but the dude who did the aneasthesia was by my side the whole time and another staff member talked to me about mindfulness.
I'm in a ton of pain, much worse than after the first operation but they are taking good care of me and I was able to get some sleep. I'm staying here for a few days, much longer than usual, for observation.
Anyway guys, long story but I hope it helps someone who also has a panic disorder.
Cheers
Rowan
Title: Re: Post-op update from NF
Post by: Pao on January 24, 2018, 06:33:09 PM
Post by: Pao on January 24, 2018, 06:33:09 PM
I am sorry for all your troubl s. I know this is kinda late, if I really wanted to reply.
I had massive panic issues when I came out of anesthesia the first time. Now I always panic going in. Waking up alone is pretty aweful. I am sorry your Doctors wet so hesitant to let you have a Valium first. That is pretty standard here if you have panic disorder going into surgery.
I hope the rest of your recovery goes better.
I had massive panic issues when I came out of anesthesia the first time. Now I always panic going in. Waking up alone is pretty aweful. I am sorry your Doctors wet so hesitant to let you have a Valium first. That is pretty standard here if you have panic disorder going into surgery.
I hope the rest of your recovery goes better.
Title: Re: Post-op update from NF
Post by: Devlyn on January 24, 2018, 06:44:45 PM
Post by: Devlyn on January 24, 2018, 06:44:45 PM
I had a pretty good anxiety attack in surgery prep. They doped me up and a couple minutes later everything was great! :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Post-op update from NF
Post by: November Fox on January 25, 2018, 08:00:22 AM
Post by: November Fox on January 25, 2018, 08:00:22 AM
Haha...
As it turns out for me going in "sober" worked out better. I was sober before the 2nd surgery and was thinking much more clearly. The surgeon practiced breathing with me, and when I woke up one of the anestiologists said she'd teach me some mindfulness tricks but never got around to it ^^
As it turns out for me going in "sober" worked out better. I was sober before the 2nd surgery and was thinking much more clearly. The surgeon practiced breathing with me, and when I woke up one of the anestiologists said she'd teach me some mindfulness tricks but never got around to it ^^
Title: Re: Post-op update from NF
Post by: November Fox on February 05, 2018, 07:09:51 AM
Post by: November Fox on February 05, 2018, 07:09:51 AM
Just wanted to give another update. For those who follow.
After my incision line gave up, and my nipple and surrounding skin separated (that was @#%! hard to look at), the wound seems to be filling in. I don´t know if new skin, but the creepy void I had now is covered with new tissue.
Still some filth coming out but nothing nearly as bad as in the beginning.
I feel mostly good. Just low on energy and the right side (where it´s healing) is still painful.
After my incision line gave up, and my nipple and surrounding skin separated (that was @#%! hard to look at), the wound seems to be filling in. I don´t know if new skin, but the creepy void I had now is covered with new tissue.
Still some filth coming out but nothing nearly as bad as in the beginning.
I feel mostly good. Just low on energy and the right side (where it´s healing) is still painful.