Susan's Place Transgender Resources

One therapist asked me about my sex life and I didn't like it. I wasn't comfortable with him or ready to talk about it. He was emotionally abusive as well. Later I heard he got arrested for sexual battery of a patient. My second therapist who was for trans therapy didn't ask and I didn't tell. I've considered myself asexual for quite some time now. I don't know if it's related to dysphoria. I'm starting with a really good therapist who I think I may be comfortable talking with sex about. I'm hoping to develop some sexuality after transition.

Do you think talking about sex with your therapist is an important part of your gender identity? If so was your therapist able to offer anything helpful in the way of your sexual problems due to dysphoria?

I've talked about it with my primary care physician a lot. The therapist asked the type of relationship I was in, whether it was abusive, all pretty standard questions that didn't make me uncomfortable at all.

Hugs, Devlyn

I don't have any and haven't really understood much about in my life and now after start of hormones, the tiny amount that I had left of any desire, is gone. So, not much to talk about  ;D

We've talked a bit about how I really cannot imagine, that in this life I would be again interested about sex and thus, the srs is something I want just for the looks, not for sex and would be happy for just cosmetic operation, which isn't offered here.

Oh well....

My therapist asked about my sex life, in a general way, because she wanted to understand how my marriage was holding up under the stress of transition.  Seemed like a perfectly reasonable question under the circumstances.  I was a bit uncomfortable answering, but the reason for asking made sense, so I did answer.

More recently, a different therapist asked about in connection with helping me decide between full-depth vaginoplasty and a cosmetic procedure.  Obviously it is relevant to know what my prioritites are regarding actually needing a vagina.

Neither one asked for explicit details, and I likely would not have given them if asked.  But the kind of questions they asked were relevant in the situation, and digging for the answers was helpful to me in clarifying my needs and desires.

Quote from: Mendi on January 24, 2018, 08:12:04 PM
I don't have any and haven't really understood much about in my life and now after start of hormones, the tiny amount that I had left of any desire, is gone. So, not much to talk about  ;D

We've talked a bit about how I really cannot imagine, that in this life I would be again interested about sex and thus, the srs is something I want just for the looks, not for sex and would be happy for just cosmetic operation, which isn't offered here.

Oh well....

I'm glad that you know what you want and don't let anyone convince you other wise.

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 24, 2018, 08:13:34 PM
My therapist asked about my sex life, in a general way, because she wanted to understand how my marriage was holding up under the stress of transition.  Seemed like a perfectly reasonable question under the circumstances.  I was a bit uncomfortable answering, but the reason for asking made sense, so I did answer.

More recently, a different therapist asked about in connection with helping me decide between full-depth vaginoplasty and a cosmetic procedure.  Obviously it is relevant to know what my prioritites are regarding actually needing a vagina.

Neither one asked for explicit details, and I likely would not have given them if asked.  But the kind of questions they asked were relevant in the situation, and digging for the answers was helpful to me in clarifying my needs and desires.

I hope you got what you wanted. I haven't gotten that far yet and didn't realize you had therapy that in detail just regarding your surgery. I'm completely pre op and pre hormones. The sex related issues I have are dysphoria and psychological I think. Thanks for sharing.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 24, 2018, 07:36:38 PM
I've talked about it with my primary care physician a lot. The therapist asked the type of relationship I was in, whether it was abusive, all pretty standard questions that didn't make me uncomfortable at all.

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for your input.

I talk about it some with mine.  Initially, he wanted to know more about me in a general sense.  Now, he might ask a specific question for clarification based on something I said in the process of the session.

Quote from: rmaddy on January 24, 2018, 09:15:20 PM
I talk about it some with mine.  Initially, he wanted to know more about me in a general sense.  Now, he might ask a specific question for clarification based on something I said in the process of the session.

Did he help you resolve anything?

Quote from: KarlMars on January 24, 2018, 09:23:36 PM
Did he help you resolve anything?

Lots of things.  Are you, by any chance, asking me the same question?

In my first and second session with my therapist I shared many things. In my first session I asked "can I talk about sex?" and she said "yes, that's why I'm here". After selectively telling certain bits about myself to different people I wanted one where all my cards were on the table. More of an emotionally cleansing bit for me I think. Anyway I told her everything that was on my sexual mind at the time. While my conservative wife considered me "out there" and bit too far from normal for her, my therapist wasn't shocked and said all things considered I was as normal as anyone else. I found that comforting in some small way. Mainly it felt good to just have it all out there on the table. Verbalizing things helped me process them a bit more and realize just how deep my needs and desires went as a transsexual.

Yes. In recent sessions mostly about the absence of the same [emoji20]

During an initial consultation we discussed for about a half hour on the subject of my transsexual "history/motivations" when she finally said: LOL "oh I'm sorry no clue, haven't any experience with transsexualism that's my husband's specialty" (with primarily FTM in the office next door!!)

Sheeeze . . . so much for "therapy"! My counselor is a licensed MTF Minister as well and pretty much 'ok's anything I want (one of the perks of having managed to cope with this for the last 40 years?) Prescribing Endo is same way . . .  8)  8)

Yes, I talk about everything with my therapist, I'm 100% open with them.
I don't share irrelevant details,  but if I think it has, is or could impact my mental/emotional health, then it's open for discussion. [emoji5]

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Quote from: Megan. on January 26, 2018, 05:51:26 AM
Yes, I talk about everything with my therapist, I'm 100% open with them.
I don't share irrelevant details,  but if I think it has, is or could impact my mental/emotional health, then it's open for discussion. [emoji5]

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It's good that you have a therapist you're comfortable enough talking to.

Quote from: KarlMars on January 26, 2018, 12:13:08 PM
It's good that you have a therapist you're comfortable enough talking to.

I think I got really lucky, I've been seeing them for over three years now. We only meet monthly currently,  and I often just update them on my life, any key events and how I feel about them.
If i wasn't considering any GRS I'd probably stop the sessions,  but I'm aware that GRS may well have some heavy impacts on me, and I want that support there if needed. [emoji5]

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I am going to put on my therapist hat for a moment.
Any therapist that gratuitously starts asking about sex in anything other than a general way should be avoided at all costs.  If it is not part of the problem it should not be brought up in therapy by the therapist.
During an intake I may ask how is your sex life.  That is the end of it unless the answer is of concern.
In therapy with someone for gender dysphoria or as a stepping stone to GRS or in order to have a therapist that you have a relationship with after GRS there is no need to discuss sex unless the client brings it into the therapy room.

Now I can take that hat off (yeah!)

Gee, apparently when I took my hat off my train of thought got derailed--who would have thought? ???
No, sex isn't the problem, it is memory caused by being somewhat chronologically endowed. 

Quote from: Briah on February 13, 2018, 10:09:12 PM
I am going to put on my therapist hat for a moment.
Any therapist that gratuitously starts asking about sex in anything other than a general way should be avoided at all costs.  If it is not part of the problem it should not be brought up in therapy by the therapist.
During an intake I may ask how is your sex life.  That is the end of it unless the answer is of concern.
In therapy with someone for gender dysphoria or as a stepping stone to GRS or in order to have a therapist that you have a relationship with after GRS there is no need to discuss sex unless the client brings it into the therapy room.

Now I can take that hat off (yeah!)

Gee, apparently when I took my hat off my train of thought got derailed--who would have thought? ???
No, sex isn't the problem, it is memory caused by being somewhat chronologically endowed.

Thanks. I am thinking of going into the psychology field.

It is a great field; so long as you don't mind long hours, lots of study, and low pay.  ;D

I don't have a sex life so nope

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They've asked me about it relation to whether or not I had psychological difficulty with it, if I felt it was in some way related to gender dysphoria.

To which the answer is yes. It's one of the major tells of me having a problem, and it's one that didn't resolve with time.

They also asked about my sexuality in building up a psychological profile and looking to see if I demonstrated "classic" symptoms of transsexuality, although my sexuality is unhelpful in that respect since it's effectively "neutral" (bisexual). And sexuality does seem to vary a lot in trans people, so I guess it's one of the "older" questions in the list.

Quote from: KarlMars on January 24, 2018, 07:32:55 PM
Do you think talking about sex with your therapist is an important part of your gender identity?

Nah. She was more interested in the relationship dynamic between me an my partner and how that was going to change, than the sex. In that sense, I could see the medical professionals at the GIC were monitoring the sort of support network I had through these questions, and were encouraging me to make sure I didn't cut myself off too much from one. 

QuoteIf so was your therapist able to offer anything helpful in the way of your sexual problems due to dysphoria?

I don't have a problem talking about it, but it hasn't been that helpful if I did. I mean, I knew the reason behind the problem with it - I didn't need a sex therapist or anything. I'm not even sure if what I've got can be "resolved". It's the thorniest issue I have, for sure.

I brought it up. She didn't ask and I think that was appropriate. I needed to open up about it as it was a major component of my desicion to transition.

my situation is complicated
im 22 years old and i dont hace sexual live and im virgin
in a time i tought i was asexual male or something like that
I think i was bi couse i feel atractive to mens ands womens, more men but i feel fear about it (cause all arounds me thinks its atnormal) and i preffer frienship with girls like a "normal boy"
But i have gender identity problems especial with my boy- thing that scares me and anal-sex with a men scares me more, but i like anal masturbation yes im crazy
My terapist talk me about try date with women and men to know my orientation and i try to open a little,...
my love record ... i loved a girl that was my exgirlfriend but our relation ship not work cause i sometimes acts few fem (probably i wasnt sexual atract to her but defenly i loved her) and she wants a male-male that do male things... now i understand it and probably is the reason why she starts to search a man
after that  i only kiss a woman and a man was good but i dont was the same probably cause i dont love them

After for years thinking about if im a straight woman or bi woman or no binary bisexual or a lesbian woman trapped in boy body  or a spacial watermelon.... after all this things i acep if you fall in love with someone only fall in love with him or her... but i dont want to be the boy of the relationship cause i dont feel in that way

so, for now i dont care if love comes good if not np (but i still prefer  see nude boys  >:-))

My plans to trasition are far... but it comes first i need focus in my studies... in anyway i will need money XD

I don't especially like discussing my sex life with my therapist but it's just one more thing I have to do for surgery. If you don't play the game you don't get the letters for surgery. I withheld certain details from her in the beginning,  mostly the BDSM details but she could tell I was holding back and wanted me to tell her everything so I did. I don't know if it was a part of therapy or just entertainment for her. Lol

I was very sexually active as a male, thus sex as a female and having great orgasms was very important to me. I am also very gregarious and no topic would embarass me. I was ever so lucky to have just the greatest therapist and guide. He taught me about my mental changes and  that sex as a female was very much different, requiring mental triggers that are so different. For example men are driven visually whereas females use imagination and sounds and words are more important.

You should initiate the subject and your concerns, some therapist dont ask sensitive subjects as much as they should. So you raise them, thats what a therapist is there for. There is no shame or embarassnent. If you are forthcoming with an experienced therapist it will prepare you for the best sex ever, making your orgasms as a male pale by comparison.

Of course I did !!! I am sexually active, and part of living my life involves sex. DUH !!!! I like sex, and it's a major thing for me to enjoy my body and to feel the intimacy involved. Of course I talked to my therapist about it. Funny thing tho...the support groups (2) I attended did not have a very favorable attitude about sex I am sorry to say. Like to want to enjoy sex was somehow a "bad" reason to want to have correction surgery. Oh well....eh ? I kept in contact with several gals from those groups. One killed herself, and I'd say 4-5 didn't even want to have sex !!! Different strokes I guess. HTH and ty for posting this topic :)
J

And TY warlocker for that great post. Your attitude is great and you are spot on. Great words !!!

Very well said warlocker and right on the money.
I'm asexual but that is just as important in my journey and talking about it brought out what was really hidden deep inside me. In all of this transition that talk has been the most emotion and important yet. 

Q: Do you talk with your therapist about your sex life?
A: Yes.

I have no problem telling my doctor about my sex life, maybe not in too much detail but im pretty sure my therapist doesnt wanna hear it, lol. Shes a self proclaimed "traditional christian woman" which made coming out to her interesting. She never met a trans person before me. She's trying though.

No, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about with a therapist, but I would talk about and it's non-existence with a doctor,but only if asked.

Quote from: Julia1996 on March 23, 2018, 02:52:57 AM
I don't especially like discussing my sex life with my therapist but it's just one more thing I have to do for surgery. If you don't play the game you don't get the letters for surgery. I withheld certain details from her in the beginning,  mostly the BDSM details but she could tell I was holding back and wanted me to tell her everything so I did. I don't know if it was a part of therapy or just entertainment for her. Lol

With my current counselor I talked about my past sex life but did not elaborate about the details. I wasn't getting into the kinks and strangeness as I don't think I can talk about it with another counselor. My wife and I were in couples counseling a few years ago due to my kinks and we both left a session disgusted. While I tried to discuss what was destroying our marriage my wife who was sitting straight across for him noticed he was getting aroused. It was just so gross and our last section. We worked it out ourselves

Well I know this is different but I told a nurse "that's my problem" after basically telling her I'm celibate, and don't need std testing. Well, they keep asking if I want an hiv test so I think that does kinda open up the convo a bit for me to "overshare"...

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Quote from: KarlMars on January 24, 2018, 07:32:55 PM
One therapist asked me about my sex life and I didn't like it. I wasn't comfortable with him or ready to talk about it. He was emotionally abusive as well. Later I heard he got arrested for sexual battery of a patient. My second therapist who was for trans therapy didn't ask and I didn't tell. I've considered myself asexual for quite some time now. I don't know if it's related to dysphoria. I'm starting with a really good therapist who I think I may be comfortable talking with sex about. I'm hoping to develop some sexuality after transition.

Do you think talking about sex with your therapist is an important part of your gender identity? If so was your therapist able to offer anything helpful in the way of your sexual problems due to dysphoria?

I am Asexual also, and yes i feel like sex is important for me to talk about as part of my gender identity, but its not really a subject im use to or comfortable talking about and yes i have had problems in this area due to dysphoria... like soo much

I do not talk about sex but I do talk about the results of my sex. Two beautiful human beings.

yes