Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well, something weird happened today at work.

My manager (who I came out to a couple of weeks ago) told me that the Managing Director (MD) of the company has asked him if I was transgender.  He said yes (he knew I would be cool with that as I told him I didn't mind him knowing at some point in the future).

I was absolutely in shock! I present as male, just with slightly longer hair than usual, longer fingernails, no arm/hand hair and probably slightly feminine mannerisms.    Apparently the MD was talking to a co-worker and they were talking about me and came to the conclusion that I'm probably transgender.

How is this even possible??  Maybe gay, but Trans???  What vibes am I giving off!!  :o lol

Anyone else experienced something similar?

The other issue now is how long can I keep it under wraps before the whole workplace knows?  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I guess scared but also kinda wierdly proud! So that's three people at work now...

Oh and the MD said to my manager if ANYONE says anything transphobic to me they will be sacked on the spot, so that's nice.  ;D

Sadly not haha people seem to think I'm gay before trans lol

When I was a teenager, someone guessed something about me.  I assume I was giving off some kind of vibe, but I don't know what.  It was an unpleasant (triggering) experience for me.

Well sorta.  Yesterday I went to get a manicure.  I regularly push my cuticles back but do not get a professional manicure often, maybe once every year or two.  The hand rubbing is relaxing, by the way!

We small talked for a little bit and she asked me if I was wanting to get a full set.  I told her yes, that I wanted her to do both hands, and I thought that was an odd question. 

She giggled then said, "Don't take this the wrong way please, but thought that you might be TG because you have a nice soft face and your hair could certainly be easily styled to look more fem if you wanted it too.  But I guess you are not trans because you do not know what a full set is, my bad.  You certainly look fine as a guy but if you wanted to be trans...", then she told me what a full set is. 

I told her that I was not offended but I was not transitioning.  I felt a bit silly, as I knew some ladies do add fake nails, but I did not make a connection that those fake nails are called a full set.

She did a nice job, and she showed me how buffing can give a high polish, with no nail polish needed to be used.  She put on some clear polish on a finger to show me the difference in looks from the buffing block high polish look and the liquid clear nail polish look, then she removed the clear polish on that finger.  I liked both looks. 

I gave her a nice tip and felt a little more fem after hearing her say her initial impression.

Chrissy

I always had people, friends, family, strangers and even a boyfriend tell me I'm a girl. I thought I was a boy and that everyone felt like the opposite sex.. I know serious denial. I also didn't think I gave off any concious indication. But people pick up things from the first time they meet us.

It's really crazy how many times I was insulted by someone telling me I'm a girl. I really thought they were being rude. What's my problem? Lol

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After I told everyone about myself, my aunt said, that call it an intuition or whatever, but she always knew that I was a girl. She said that it was quite obvious when looking at me as a child and how I behaved.

No, I've lived as a gay man my entire life so even if I look more feminine than before I think most people think it's because I'm gay. That will change when I go full time of course.

If your not ready for this info to be out there better  have a word with them both asap ans explain.

Maybe the guess was down to trans being more acepted or atleast reconised in socity and they know your married? 1 + 1 can = 2

Yes. In high school I had a guy once tell me I just needed to have a sex change already. Then once these 2 girls were talking about someone going to a highschool reunion and then started imagining how they were going to look at their highschool reunion. Then one of them looked at me and told the other girl she would bet money that I would show up at the first highschool reunion as a woman. And then there was my dad and brother. My dad totally thought I was trans and of course it was him outing me that got my transition started. When I told my brother I was trans he totally was not surprised. He even asked me if I thought it was going to be a big surprise to him and said I had never seemed like a boy to him.

Yes basically I always hated body hair so I would shave all my body hair off and I would get my hair and eyebrows done every 5-6 weeks I would wear eyeliner mascara every day. Some of the girls at work said it sucks that a guy wears more make up than we do or we have longer leg hair than him. I was told that I make a better girl than a guy also that I whine like a girl too lol. I always had the nicest shoes. I have been asked if I was gay or trans or a girl or what was up with me I denied it all and I said I just like it   

Quote from: Shambles on January 25, 2018, 09:14:40 AM
If your not ready for this info to be out there better  have a word with them both asap ans explain.

Maybe the guess was down to trans being more acepted or atleast reconised in socity and they know your married? 1 + 1 can = 2

Hmmm. Yes, I have had a word and they will keep it to themselves, but i wonder how many other people are talking (getting paranoid now).  ;D lol

Well, it's kinda a double whammy.  I guess because people see me being married they assume I'm heterosexual. They are WAAAAY off the mark. lol 

I'll confuse the crap out of them I think when they ask:  are you gay then? and I say: no, heterosexual, and they say: oh you still like women then, and I say, no that would make me gay, I like men.  I'd better prepare for some exploding heads. BOOOOM!

Thank you all for replying, some very interesting responses.  I have only been mis-gendered (properly gendered??) once when I was around 17.  I was at a work's outing meal and a waitress referred to me as 'miss', which I didn't actually mind, but some co-workers found it absolutely hilarious.  I was much younger then...  ;)

Never.

If it ever entered someone's head they never told me.

After coming out it's a different story. Lots of people thinking about it and then having the eureka moment. Lots of people suddenly recognizing all "the signs" were there from an early stage.

People totally sensed strangeness but apparently never made the connection.

Back in my day there was no transgender.  There were a few people who had had a sex change like renee richards and there were ->-bleeped-<-s, which I knew I was, but it just wasn't on people's radar. Transdar?
So I always thought I was gay and living in the closet.  Lot's of people tho guessed and asked if I was gay.  Including my extremely homophobic mom.  Which caused me a lot of grief and shame.

Just had a conversation about which toilet I'm planning on using!   ::)
Why are people obsessed with toilets???!?!

I said, I'm in the very early stages (not even seen a therapist yet), so the male ones until such time as I'm living full time as a woman and have changed my name which could be years from now.  They seemed happy with that.

It's all a bit much at this stage!!!   :o

The last couple months before my father died he thought I was gay and in the closet, but that just isn't the case, well not at the moment anyway - I like girls! But that's not thinking I'm trans.

Does my 6yo niece thinking I have boobs count? I suppose compared to her father who is rail thin and weighs maybe 130 I do...

No. Most are surprised when I tell them.


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Yeah everyone doesn't even believe me when I tell them.


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Let's see:

From kindergarten, kids called me a girl.
In high school, the computer class designed a dating app, and the principal forced all students to participate. They put me down as a girl.
My ex guessed that I was on hormones for at least a year before I actually started them.

People have been saying I'm girl for as long as I can remember. There was one time a friend of my mum's commented on saying you should of been girl and I can't remember ever feeling more outed in my life! I was about 8 at the time so I just ran off buried my head in the sand.

The friend that I eventually came out to was pretty surprised and then a month or so later it clicked that she'd figured it out years ago!

I had an employee ask me.  It took me about three or so seconds to answer truthfully and I've never regretted it.  She's been a true friend.

My sister always said she thought I was something. I was quite unusual for a guy in a number of ways. But them I'm also quite unusual as a girl. ;D

My mom knew. Never said anything until I came out of the closet.

She just laughed and said "So it's time now."

My sister wasn't surprised. Neither was my brother. He had always seen me as a brother.

Two of my friends guessed, didnt comment till I came out to them

Some friends guessed back in 2014.

No. Even after I flat out tell people. Even after I had a letter on my wall from the Gender Clinic, in an art exhibition, even when dressed like my avatar, people still called me he and considered me a man. The only people who don't are from my trans support group.

Not to my knowledge, and since coming out, no one has said that they had suspicions. I lived and presented quite masculine.
Several people thought I might be gay earlier in my life as I avoided any relationships due to my utter confusion with what I was. On the occasions they asked about this I was happy to clarify that I wasn't, but never labelled myself as heterosexual either.

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When I was in my late teens through mid twenties I had a lot of people ask if I was gay. I don't remember anyone suggesting they thought I was trans. Most people were surprised when I came out, but one girl that I had previously had a fling with said that it actually made a lot of sense to her. I didn't bother to ask why.

I've had 2 of my employees guess that I was trans in the last week or so. I don't exactly act or dress feminine, so I shouldn't have been surprised that the people I spend 35-50 hours a week with figured it out, but I was. They've been incredibly supportive since finding out. Both promised not to tell anyone else; one tends to be a gossip, so I guess only time will tell. 

Hello everyone

I have just joined Susan's, am in therapy but in the closet.

I am 62 now but I answer Yes certainly as it has happened several times in my lifetime. I will just give you a couple:

I was a little boy about 7 (already knew I was girl really) and a lady saw me playing with other children and commented that she had never seen a little boy with such a girl's face before. She truly seemed surprised. I felt happy.

When I was in my office around 30 years ago - so I would have been 32 - a kind colleague commented "deadname" is somewhere in between the genders. This was not sarcastic but serious with no ill intention. I felt delighted.

Several times people have told I am not a man. Usually malicious; occasionally neutral. Obviously there were/are right!

Pamela

When I was younger, gay men would try to pick me up everywhere I went. This used to puzzle me, because I'm attracted to women not men, so why were men hitting on me all the time? I now realise that everyone was seeing a feminine-looking male with female body language, and immediately assuming I must be gay. Since growing my hair out, gay men have stopped approaching me. I don't know whether that's just because I'm older and less attractive, or because they're no longer interpreting the person they see as a gay man, but as a nonpassing trans woman instead.

That's very interesting and very nice of the MD! I have an identical twin brother and a lot of our mutual friends thought I was "gay" (In my culture there isn't much of a difference between gay and transgender). My brother would always get upset at them and told them "No! He's my brother and he's straight!" (I didn't come out to him until I was away from home for college). It's very funny that my after I come out to my brother he was like "REALLY??? I HAD NO IDEA!?". Well in my thinking I think he just loved me no matter who I really am which he still does. We are always close but after coming out I feel like we are even closer :)!

Yes, I did.

About 10 years before coming out to myself, I had my first experience of gender euphoria. I didn't know that's what it was, but I was high for days. I told my wife some of my thoughts and feelings, that I'd realized I would rather have been born female, etc. At the time, I figured I was probably what they call a "male lesbian." Well, she shared what I had shared with her with a trans man she knew; and he suggested I might be transgender. When she conveyed this suggestion to me, I laughed it off. No. Not me. Uh-uh.  :)

When I did come out to myself, this trans man was the only transgender person I had ever known; and I didn't remember that he had made this suggestion. I found him on Facebook, contacted him, came out and asked if we could meet. I had no idea what to do next. When he replied, he said, "This news does not surprise me." Then I remembered.

Long standing childhood friend told me he's had suspicions since we were a lot younger
A flatmate who is like me from uni figured I must have some level of dysphoria
few close friends
Mum wasnt surprised but is disappointed

I think maybe some people could sense there was something. Like, I don't know, girls never really wanted to go out with me, and I was an okay-looking dude, or so I thought......I mean, it could've been bad breath, it could've been the fact I was bi, or maybe I was actually just pretty ugly.

But then there are things like.....well, people have never really paid attention to me. I've never been listened to the way that men are supposed to be in the patriarchy, even though I'm over 6 foot and had a pretty deep voice. This always stung my male pride, haha. So maybe people could sense something off. Who knows.

Quote from: VickyS on January 25, 2018, 06:50:52 AM
Well, something weird happened today at work.

My manager (who I came out to a couple of weeks ago) told me that the Managing Director (MD) of the company has asked him if I was transgender.  He said yes (he knew I would be cool with that as I told him I didn't mind him knowing at some point in the future).

I was absolutely in shock! I present as male, just with slightly longer hair than usual, longer fingernails, no arm/hand hair and probably slightly feminine mannerisms.    Apparently the MD was talking to a co-worker and they were talking about me and came to the conclusion that I'm probably transgender.

How is this even possible??  Maybe gay, but Trans???  What vibes am I giving off!!  :o lol

Anyone else experienced something similar?

The other issue now is how long can I keep it under wraps before the whole workplace knows?  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I guess scared but also kinda wierdly proud! So that's three people at work now...

Oh and the MD said to my manager if ANYONE says anything transphobic to me they will be sacked on the spot, so that's nice.  ;D

An old roommate once suggested I might be trans long before I ever transitioned.  I shut down the conversation and distanced myself from her :(  I just wasn't able to think about it.  I was far too scared. 

I lost touch with that person and would love to be able to track them down someday. 

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Welcome to Susan's Place SarahBear1981. It's actually surprisingly easy to track down people you knew in the past. I have located an old high school friend however the real record is a man from work. His wife died and somebody got him on face book. Shortly after that, he ran across a grade school sweetheart and now about 60 years latter they have married and are living happily ever after. I hope you find them when you decide to try finding them.

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My ex-wife guessed on our second date. I was, to put it mildly, shocked that she knew, let alone that she would ask me directly. I told her what was the truth at the time (that I did have gender dysphoria, but I was trying to not transition). Six years, one wedding, and one child later, I realized that I didn't have a choice.

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People have guessed I was transgender or female my whole life. When I was a little toddler, my mother told me that my nannies refused to believe I was a boy until they changed my diapers.

As a young child, all my aunts and uncles would ask me if I would rather be a female, and my aunt would always refer to me as "my girl" and wink.

I didn't even come out to my best friend in high school, and one day she randomly asked me: "Are you transitioning?"

Quote from: Dena on February 08, 2018, 08:04:35 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place SarahBear1981. It's actually surprisingly easy to track down people you knew in the past. I have located an old high school friend however the real record is a man from work. His wife died and somebody got him on face book. Shortly after that, he ran across a grade school sweetheart and now about 60 years latter they have married and are living happily ever after. I hope you find them when you decide to try finding them.

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Thank you! :)

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Nah, most people close to me thought I was gay.

I have been on the other side though, and mentally tagged a few people as eggs, and two of three have since come out and begun transition.

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i'd never been called trans prior to my coming out, but i would get told i sounded/acted/dressed/et cetera like a boy ALL the time.

When I came out to my mom, her exact words were "this is not news to me." Apparently she knew, or at least suspected since I was a toddler. In fact, she had been describing me to people as "my daughter is a man in a woman's body" for years before I ever came out. My dad said he'd had suspicions as well. No one else has ever said anything, but most people have treated me like a male for most of my life.

I'm pre everything (with longer male styled hair) and get questioned as trans all the time. But I also have a public life and people LOVE to comment on appearance so, if it's not one thing, it's another.

I don't mind, but my wife is against transitioning so it embarrasses her, so in turn I get frustrated when she feels embarrassed.

I mostly did my best to keep a lid on my closet monsters during my time in the army.. I maybe overcompensated in some ways and came off like some kind of GI-Joe superhero wannabe.. But during my time spent in the service, several people asked if I was gay. I received a few heart felt nicknames from my peers that were crude incantations of my last name mixed with all forms of LGBTQ.
On my way out of the service, during my going away ceremony (a 10 minute formation of my troop to announce me leaving), I heard someone yell "So what size tits are you gunna get!?".....
Memories.. Sweet memories.. lol