Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: KarlMars on January 26, 2018, 05:46:08 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: KarlMars on January 26, 2018, 05:46:08 PM
Post by: KarlMars on January 26, 2018, 05:46:08 PM
A lot of the guys I ran into online wanted to experiment with me for the novelty of it. I don't like being objectified.
Title: Re: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: Elis on January 26, 2018, 10:53:26 PM
Post by: Elis on January 26, 2018, 10:53:26 PM
You do get a lot if this; seems to be more common for guys my age (20s). But you do also get a lot of cis guys who are decent and see trans men as simply men. Most are too nervous to start the conversation online in case they come across as one of the fetishist types; which is annoying.
Title: Re: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: Mr.X on January 27, 2018, 11:09:36 AM
Post by: Mr.X on January 27, 2018, 11:09:36 AM
Yeah, definitely try to root those guys out.
I have had no issues getting dates when I put some effort into it. Most were fine with meeting up, even after I disclosed my trans status to them. Too bad I'm too picky for my own good, and none of them ended in something more. But hey, the dates were there. Being trans doesn't make it easier, but it doesn't have to be a hindrance.
I have had no issues getting dates when I put some effort into it. Most were fine with meeting up, even after I disclosed my trans status to them. Too bad I'm too picky for my own good, and none of them ended in something more. But hey, the dates were there. Being trans doesn't make it easier, but it doesn't have to be a hindrance.
Title: Re: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: SeptagonScars on January 27, 2018, 12:55:26 PM
Post by: SeptagonScars on January 27, 2018, 12:55:26 PM
Being trans hasn't made it a lot harder for me to find dates, which has surprised me a lot. In fact it's often been of help for me starting more open, honest and personal conversations (ice-breaker, basically) that have lead to feeling more comfortable with each other quicker. I'm more confident with myself now compared to pre-transition so my dating pool has actually expanded. Though I have to admit I have absolutely zero standards when it comes to who I'm into, so obviously me saying "yes please" to literally every guy hitting on me is gonna keep me busy. (Just saying me not being picky at all is probably a huge reason I can get dates very easily, so I think that's important to take into account).
I'm also very open about talking about me being trans to strangers/people I barely know, and I'm lucky to live in a place where transphobia and homophobia seems to barely even exist at all. Those who have rejected me for being trans have been very polite and kind about it, and I take rejection quite well. But yes, I've also had some experience with those who fetishise trans people and that's been making me uncomfortable too. I don't know exactly how to prevent ending up with those, other than backing out as soon as I notice it/get uncomfortable. Also have experiences of having been with guys who were fine with it but then later they regretted it and had an emotional crisis over having been with a trans person, which felt awful for me as well but I had no way of knowing prior.
I've only been in 2 long term/romantic relationships since coming out (and 2 before), but me being trans was not an issue then either in comparison to before. In my personal experience most guys seem to either don't mind/not care about me being trans, just not be interest and we both move along separately, or they've thought of it as an extra interesting aspect of me that they're drawn to. Similar to how me being creative or goth can be alluring, I guess.
I'm also very open about talking about me being trans to strangers/people I barely know, and I'm lucky to live in a place where transphobia and homophobia seems to barely even exist at all. Those who have rejected me for being trans have been very polite and kind about it, and I take rejection quite well. But yes, I've also had some experience with those who fetishise trans people and that's been making me uncomfortable too. I don't know exactly how to prevent ending up with those, other than backing out as soon as I notice it/get uncomfortable. Also have experiences of having been with guys who were fine with it but then later they regretted it and had an emotional crisis over having been with a trans person, which felt awful for me as well but I had no way of knowing prior.
I've only been in 2 long term/romantic relationships since coming out (and 2 before), but me being trans was not an issue then either in comparison to before. In my personal experience most guys seem to either don't mind/not care about me being trans, just not be interest and we both move along separately, or they've thought of it as an extra interesting aspect of me that they're drawn to. Similar to how me being creative or goth can be alluring, I guess.
Title: Re: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: KarlMars on January 27, 2018, 06:32:23 PM
Post by: KarlMars on January 27, 2018, 06:32:23 PM
Quote from: SeptagonScars on January 27, 2018, 12:55:26 PM
Being trans hasn't made it a lot harder for me to find dates, which has surprised me a lot. In fact it's often been of help for me starting more open, honest and personal conversations (ice-breaker, basically) that have lead to feeling more comfortable with each other quicker. I'm more confident with myself now compared to pre-transition so my dating pool has actually expanded. Though I have to admit I have absolutely zero standards when it comes to who I'm into, so obviously me saying "yes please" to literally every guy hitting on me is gonna keep me busy. (Just saying me not being picky at all is probably a huge reason I can get dates very easily, so I think that's important to take into account).
I'm also very open about talking about me being trans to strangers/people I barely know, and I'm lucky to live in a place where transphobia and homophobia seems to barely even exist at all. Those who have rejected me for being trans have been very polite and kind about it, and I take rejection quite well. But yes, I've also had some experience with those who fetishise trans people and that's been making me uncomfortable too. I don't know exactly how to prevent ending up with those, other than backing out as soon as I notice it/get uncomfortable. Also have experiences of having been with guys who were fine with it but then later they regretted it and had an emotional crisis over having been with a trans person, which felt awful for me as well but I had no way of knowing prior.
I've only been in 2 long term/romantic relationships since coming out (and 2 before), but me being trans was not an issue then either in comparison to before. In my personal experience most guys seem to either don't mind/not care about me being trans, just not be interest and we both move along separately, or they've thought of it as an extra interesting aspect of me that they're drawn to. Similar to how me being creative or goth can be alluring, I guess.
That's interesting and inspiring. Where do you live?
Title: Re: Hard for transmen to find dates?
Post by: SeptagonScars on February 01, 2018, 03:39:39 PM
Post by: SeptagonScars on February 01, 2018, 03:39:39 PM
Quote from: KarlMars on January 27, 2018, 06:32:23 PM
That's interesting and inspiring. Where do you live?
Thanks, I live in Sweden. Used to live in a bigger city first half of my transition, then in a small village second half of transition.