Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I was out running this evening, and while doing this a car went by and the occupant said "aww yeah" in a very lecherous tone. I'm pretty sure this was directed at me both because of the timing and the fact that it's kind of chilly out for him to have his window open. Obviously this was pretty mild stuff. It's not the first time for me, and it's been worse before.

What's weird is that even though I find it very unpleasant (and kind of scary) I seem to feel like I need to experience more of it. I think its some sort of "If I'm going to be a woman then I need to earn it" type of thing. Has anybody else felt this way?

      I have reached the age where the guy would be driving by on his mobility scooter if it did happen to me but I do get it it would be scary and affirming at the same time and sadly part of the female experience

     bobbisue :)

That kind of thing has happened to me a lot in the past. It doesn't happen now very much because most of the time when I'm out I'm with my boyfriend.  But I've had guys say really piggy stuff to me when I've been out by myself. It's always two or more guys who do it. They get a lot more brazen in a group. It's also always been young guys who said stuff to me. From older guys I get a smile or a hello. I've had guys call me baby, honey, sweetheart, sweet cheeks, angel, etc. A couple of times when I've walked past guys I've heard " yeah, I would SO hit that". I like male attention but I'm not crazy about attention from guys who make piggish comments. It kind of skeezes me out to be honest.  When guys say stuff like that to me I don't even acknowledge them.

Quote from: bobbisue on January 28, 2018, 09:10:56 AM
      I have reached the age where the gut would be driving by on his mobility scooter if it did happen to me but I do get it it would be scary and affirming at the same time and sadly part of the female experience

     bobbisue :)

Mobility scooter. That's hilarious!  😂😂

I hate it. In one night I had a guy grab my wrist as I was leaving a bar and I had to jerk it out of his hand.. then after that I left the club and a bunch of guys just standing there swarmed and surrounded me. One of them "claimed" me, had all the other guys go away and started following me while I was trying to get away.. he kept talking to me even though I clearly wasn't interested. I did a quick turn to get away from him finally.

Just be careful out there. I thought that's what I wanted but when it happened and I felt powerless (what makes a man think he should decide who I talk to?!). It's just crazy.

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Quote from: Allison S on January 28, 2018, 09:17:45 AM
I hate it. In one night I had a guy grab my wrist as I was leaving a bar and I had to jerk it out of his hand.. then after that I left the club and a bunch of guys just standing there swarmed and surrounded me. One of them "claimed" me, had all the other guys go away and started following me while I was trying to get away.. he kept talking to me even though I clearly wasn't interested. I did a quick turn to get away from him finally.

Just be careful out there. I thought that's what I wanted but when it happened and I felt powerless (what makes a man think he should decide who I talk to?!). It's just crazy.

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That's awful! I'm glad you got away safely.  It's scary to realize just how much stronger some CIS guys are than us. My dad has taught me some basic self defense stuff. When he first started trying to teach me self defense I really didn't take it seriously and really didn't think I needed it. My dad told me to think of how easily my brother could hold me down with one hand. Then he said to imagine a guy Tyler's size doing that. Only instead of tickling me or harmless messing with me, the guy intended to rape me or hurt me. That was very sobering for me. I had never thought about it that way before and it did scare me. All women should take a course in self defense and they should carry pepper spray or a stun gun. I have both. Some transwomen think because they are bigger than most CIS women and because they lived as males before, that makes them immune to possible sexual assault. That's totally not true. A transwoman is just as vulnerable as ANY woman. So be careful ladies.

Quote from: Allison S on January 28, 2018, 09:17:45 AM
I hate it. In one night I had a guy grab my wrist as I was leaving a bar and I had to jerk it out of his hand.. then after that I left the club and a bunch of guys just standing there swarmed and surrounded me. One of them "claimed" me, had all the other guys go away and started following me while I was trying to get away.. he kept talking to me even though I clearly wasn't interested. I did a quick turn to get away from him finally.

Just be careful out there. I thought that's what I wanted but when it happened and I felt powerless (what makes a man think he should decide who I talk to?!). It's just crazy.

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Where did this happen? 

In the beginning I felt similar to what you are feeling now. He had to make it perfectly clear because there were people everywhere and it had never happened to me before. I was looking all over for whatever pretty girl this fool was honking and yelling at.

It felt good for something that I had waited for my whole life to start happening. I would complain when my friends and I were out and it happened but inside I was smiling. I don't know when it changed but it got to be too much. It's creepy and frightening and I cannot believe that I ever thought that it was awesome. Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend took me to the mall to exchange a Christmas gift, this group of guys just bulled their way right between us the one trying to get me to talk to him. Then the disgusting things they said very loudly after they were past. What are we going to do about it? I am nearing 50, he is ten years older than me and was shaking with anger, shame and fear for an hour after. I know that I can't beat a group of guys from experience and he is smart enough not to try. I work hard not to be rude but anymore I don't look at men or let them engage me at all if I can help it. Sometimes I feel horrible about it, how else can react though. For a while, if they seemed nice, I would try to talk to them so I wouldn't be rude and most of the time it was no problem. Maybe one out of ten though it would just encourage them and they started spewing nasty. It's like, there is the creepy, eww, eww, eww, leave me alone.

I do understand how you feel, I just can't handle it at all anymore. Even though I think it is adorable when guy comes face to face with me suddenly and is like; Oh! You, um... Do.. Then look down all embarrassed. It is so cute! I want to rescue them but I don't, ever. That guy could easily be gross given a chance. Maybe it's shutting out half of the world, it's the only way I can be though. It's not even that I know, absolutely KNOW, that there are men out there that would gladly beat me to death if they knew about me and thought that they could get away with it. It's that there are men out there that don't see women as people at all, we are only real to them in so much as what they can do to us or how they can show us off. I have had a guy hit on me, then later that same evening in a group where I was the only girl, ignore everything that I was saying like the rest of the men there. Oh they would smile when I tried to talk, like, 'You can stay, give us something to look at and show off for, but please, you are not equipped to speak intelligently.' THEN that same guy tried to get my phone number before he left! Really!?!

That feeling is long gone for me. It couldn't hold up against all the rest. I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling the way that you do though. Far from it. Many women feel the same way. Then again I know a few women who have a rape fantasy, none of them want to get raped in reality though. It's easy to feel two ways about something at once.

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on January 28, 2018, 10:58:28 AM
In the beginning I felt similar to what you are feeling now. He had to make it perfectly clear because there were people everywhere and it had never happened to me before. I was looking all over for whatever pretty girl this fool was honking and yelling at.

It felt good for something that I had waited for my whole life to start happening. I would complain when my friends and I were out and it happened but inside I was smiling. I don't know when it changed but it got to be too much. It's creepy and frightening and I cannot believe that I ever thought that it was awesome. Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend took me to the mall to exchange a Christmas gift, this group of guys just bulled their way right between us the one trying to get me to talk to him. Then the disgusting things they said very loudly after they were past. What are we going to do about it? I am nearing 50, he is ten years older than me and was shaking with anger, shame and fear for an hour after. I know that I can't beat a group of guys from experience and he is smart enough not to try. I work hard not to be rude but anymore I don't look at men or let them engage me at all if I can help it. Sometimes I feel horrible about it, how else can react though. For a while, if they seemed nice, I would try to talk to them so I wouldn't be rude and most of the time it was no problem. Maybe one out of ten though it would just encourage them and they started spewing nasty. It's like, there is the creepy, eww, eww, eww, leave me alone.

I do understand how you feel, I just can't handle it at all anymore. Even though I think it is adorable when guy comes face to face with me suddenly and is like; Oh! You, um... Do.. Then look down all embarrassed. It is so cute! I want to rescue them but I don't, ever. That guy could easily be gross given a chance. Maybe it's shutting out half of the world, it's the only way I can be though. It's not even that I know, absolutely KNOW, that there are men out there that would gladly beat me to death if they knew about me and thought that they could get away with it. It's that there are men out there that don't see women as people at all, we are only real to them in so much as what they can do to us or how they can show us off. I have had a guy hit on me, then later that same evening in a group where I was the only girl, ignore everything that I was saying like the rest of the men there. Oh they would smile when I tried to talk, like, 'You can stay, give us something to look at and show off for, but please, you are not equipped to speak intelligently.' THEN that same guy tried to get my phone number before he left! Really!?!

That feeling is long gone for me. It couldn't hold up against all the rest. I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling the way that you do though. Far from it. Many women feel the same way. Then again I know a few women who have a rape fantasy, none of them want to get raped in reality though. It's easy to feel two ways about something at once.

Where are these things happening??????

I was clearly recognized as transgender by three young men on a bench in Boston Common last summer.

Guy 1: Hey, hey, check this out!
Guy 2: Woah....
Guy 3: Bitch got some ->-bleeped-<-!

I took it as typical male comments from three guys who probably aren't afraid of a girl with a penis. 50 years of being a guy taught me I don't have to worry about three kids on a bench. I found it validating and amusing, a little exciting, honestly.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 28, 2018, 10:08:11 AM
That's awful! I'm glad you got away safely.  It's scary to realize just how much stronger some CIS guys are than us. My dad has taught me some basic self defense stuff. When he first started trying to teach me self defense I really didn't take it seriously and really didn't think I needed it. My dad told me to think of how easily my brother could hold me down with one hand. Then he said to imagine a guy Tyler's size doing that. Only instead of tickling me or harmless messing with me, the guy intended to rape me or hurt me. That was very sobering for me. I had never thought about it that way before and it did scare me. All women should take a course in self defense and they should carry pepper spray or a stun gun. I have both. Some transwomen think because they are bigger than most CIS women and because they lived as males before, that makes them immune to possible sexual assault. That's totally not true. A transwoman is just as vulnerable as ANY woman. So be careful ladies.

Yeah I'm gonna order pepper spray. I've mostly just been going in guy mode- it sucks but it's easier for right now. I never had anyone tell me about this stuff.

Quote from: Cassi on January 28, 2018, 10:20:54 AM
Where did this happen?

Both happened in manhattan.

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Quote from: Allison S on January 28, 2018, 03:27:25 PM
Yeah I'm gonna order pepper spray. I've mostly just been going in guy mode- it sucks but it's easier for right now. I never had anyone tell me about this stuff.Both happened in manhattan.

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Entitled milliniums then.  I'm in Nevada, open carry is the law, lol.

Quote from: Cassi on January 28, 2018, 03:28:59 PM
Entitled milliniums then.  I'm in Nevada, open carry is the law, lol.

Washington is also an open carry.  And a no retreat state...  :)

Quote from: Harley Quinn on January 28, 2018, 03:44:35 PM
Washington is also an open carry.  And a no retreat state...  :)

Oh yeah!  Let Freedom Ring.............................

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 28, 2018, 10:08:11 AM
That's awful! I'm glad you got away safely.  It's scary to realize just how much stronger some CIS guys are than us. My dad has taught me some basic self defense stuff. When he first started trying to teach me self defense I really didn't take it seriously and really didn't think I needed it. My dad told me to think of how easily my brother could hold me down with one hand. Then he said to imagine a guy Tyler's size doing that. Only instead of tickling me or harmless messing with me, the guy intended to rape me or hurt me. That was very sobering for me. I had never thought about it that way before and it did scare me. All women should take a course in self defense and they should carry pepper spray or a stun gun. I have both. Some transwomen think because they are bigger than most CIS women and because they lived as males before, that makes them immune to possible sexual assault. That's totally not true. A transwoman is just as vulnerable as ANY woman. So be careful ladies.

It is interesting, I've been noticing lately just how much more muscular the guys around me are. I haven't noticed any real loss of strength, but I am definitely getting scrawny. I really don't experience it that much, mostly when I pass cars while running at night they just pass by. Ah well, such is life.

I've had both happen to me many times and in perspective crass comments from across the street are trifles, it's true predatory behavior it's best to learn to spot from a distance and avoid. For a woman the latter is generally terrifying and can have a negative effect for a long time, even if nothing 'happens'.

You shouldn't "have" to experience it, but in a way I'm glad I did - I now know what is worth getting worked up about and what isn't. Dumb comments aren't when they're from people you'll never see again.

Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on January 28, 2018, 09:50:13 PM
It is interesting, I've been noticing lately just how much more muscular the guys around me are. I haven't noticed any real loss of strength, but I am definitely getting scrawny. I really don't experience it that much, mostly when I pass cars while running at night they just pass by. Ah well, such is life.

Piggish comments from guys are wrong but one good thing about them is that if guys make comments like that at least you know you're passing. I don't like guys saying that stuff to me but I much prefer that to having guys yelling " ->-bleeped-<-OT" which happened a few times before I transitioned.

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 29, 2018, 09:06:53 AM
Piggish comments from guys are wrong but one good thing about them is that if guys make comments like that at least you know you're passing. I don't like guys saying that stuff to me but I much prefer that to having guys yelling " ->-bleeped-<-OT" which happened a few times before I transitioned.

We'll have to get the Switchblade Sisterhood back into the picture for sure :)

The only thing that ever happens to me when I'm out running is that people wave or smile.  I'm not sure what to make of that.


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Quote from: Deborah on January 29, 2018, 10:44:02 AM
The only thing that ever happens to me when I'm out running is that people wave or smile.  I'm not sure what to make of that.


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I would say they are being friendly. From your avatar picture you're quite passable. I doubt you're being outed.

My sister turned my on to these personal alarms. Initially I kind of blew it off but then I thought about my kids and ended up getting one for everyone in the family. From the manufacturer some qualify for free ones like students and veterans, just pay shipping. I ended up getting ours at Sam's as I liked the model better and the price was right. You only pay a small surcharge if not a member and on these it's super cheap and its free shipping.




https://www.basu.com

https://www.samsclub.com/sams/sound-grenade-130db-personal-sos-alarm-swat-with-carabiner/prod20081942.ip?CAWELAID=730010300001874275&pid=_CSE_Google_PLA_1013571766&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=239330745813&wl4=pla-295047582180&wl5=9019115&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=1247713&wl11=online&wl12=137980&wl13=&wl15=49512706693&wl17=1o1&veh=sem&source=ifpla

Quote from: Deborah on January 29, 2018, 10:44:02 AM
The only thing that ever happens to me when I'm out running is that people wave or smile.  I'm not sure what to make of that.

I think they are being friendly as passerbys often are. 

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 29, 2018, 01:59:13 PM
I think they are being friendly as passerbys often are.

Or senile?????

Just joking.

Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on January 27, 2018, 09:20:27 PM
So I was out running this evening, and while doing this a car went by and the occupant said "aww yeah" in a very lecherous tone. I'm pretty sure this was directed at me both because of the timing and the fact that it's kind of chilly out for him to have his window open. Obviously this was pretty mild stuff. It's not the first time for me, and it's been worse before.

What's weird is that even though I find it very unpleasant (and kind of scary) I seem to feel like I need to experience more of it. I think its some sort of "If I'm going to be a woman then I need to earn it" type of thing. Has anybody else felt this way?

Hey Sister,

I get that same kind of thing sometimes when I am out running as well... There is personal perspective to all things and I have never seen it as harassment... it is simply the way some guys express themself... I managed to live amongst their kind for over a half century without ever expressing myself like that but, I know honking or yelling "Oh Yeah" or "Woooo" is the best some guys can come up with in a pinch...

Anyway, It is certainly a new experience when it starts to happen... I run a lot and running was one of the first activities I started doing en femme years ago... I have always regarded it as pretty harmless and not given it too much thought beyond that.. It can feel validating to some degree, especially when you are first getting out in public and not sure if people are buying what you're selling, so to speak...but still, I would urge you not to seek it out as a source of validation... your validation and sense of self should come from within ...not from a guy driving by in a pickup truck!

Onward we go brave sister!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Quote from: tgirlamc on January 29, 2018, 03:54:57 PM
Hey Sister,

I get that same kind of thing sometimes when I am out running as well... There is personal perspective to all things and I have never seen it as harassment... it is simply the way some guys express themself... I managed to live amongst their kind for over a half century without ever expressing myself like that but, I know honking or yelling "Oh Yeah" or "Woooo" is the best some guys can come up with in a pinch...

Anyway, It is certainly a new experience when it starts to happen... I run a lot and running was one of the first activities I started doing en femme years ago... I have always regarded it as pretty harmless and not given it too much thought beyond that.. It can feel validating to some degree but still, I would urge you not to seek it out as a source of validation... your validation and sense of self should come from within ...not from a guy driving by in a pickup truck!

Onward we go brave sister!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

I never was like that to women either and for some reason I picture a bunch of monkeys oooh and awing?  :)

Quote from: Cassi on January 29, 2018, 03:56:52 PM
I never was like that to women either and for some reason I picture a bunch of monkeys oooh and awing?  :)

I've often said watching a group of guys was like watching a bunch of gorillas and sometimes I feel like throwing bananas at them.

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 29, 2018, 04:02:37 PM
I've often said watching a group of guys was like watching a bunch of gorillas and sometimes I feel like throwing bananas at them.

So very truth Sweetie.  Did you ever see that video short made someplace in Africa I think?  A group of soldiers are messing around and there's a chimp.  One of the soldiers gives the chimp an AK-47 and they all start laughing until the Chimp fingers the triggers and the AK starts firing.

https://youtu.be/hO5TNU3fiJo?t=10

Think same thing would happen if you tossed a banana :)

Also, there should be a trunk monkey for trans:

https://youtu.be/Rx6WB5YJia8

I have never experienced anything like this. I wonder sometimes if it would do me good to have it happen, with a non bad result ending. I have in my head that I can take care of myself and that I am older and not in the range where guys do this kind of thing. Logically, I know that it could go badly, but emotionally, it's kind of like ghosts. I'll believe it when I see them. It might shatter my naivete if it happened.  Still, I am always cautious. I grew up in New York and you learn to be more guarded there I think.