Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 09:38:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Androgyne with boyfriend
Post by: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 09:38:34 PM
Post by: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 09:38:34 PM
My boyfriend isn't uncomfortable with he/him pronouns, it's just that maybe he's not used to it... I don't know, I'm not very assertive with my pronouns so that could probably create confusion for him. But I want to assure him that it's still me and I don't want to have any reconstructive surgery, I just pack or bind sometimes but not because I want my chest to be reduced or for me to have a penis, it just gives the appearance of both if that makes sense. But sometimes he gets very worried and thinks about how he doesn't want a boyfriend and he's not consistent with pronouns in fact he doesn't say them for me at all he says she still. And sometimes I feel like I'm being a burden or that he loved me more when I wasn't out, but I was hiding when I was closeted. I know that's not true but I guess I just need support, I'm not suicidal I just need some validation or support from an outside perspective... thanks you guys
TL;DR I worry about being a burden to my boyfriend and I need a little support in being confident in who I am
TL;DR I worry about being a burden to my boyfriend and I need a little support in being confident in who I am
Title: Re: Androgyne with boyfriend
Post by: widdershins on January 27, 2018, 10:37:04 PM
Post by: widdershins on January 27, 2018, 10:37:04 PM
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but honestly, not even trying with your pronouns is a huge red flag that he doesn't really respect you or your needs. You deserve better, and you need to know that you deserve better.
Beyond that, there is a very real possibility that he may actually not be attracted people with a masculine gender presentation, and did find you more attractive before you came out. And that's not his fault. We can't willingly change our sexuality, any more than we can choose not to be trans. It's important to face and deal with that possibility, not hide from it.
You really need to sit down with him and have a mature and open discussion with him about these things. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be.
Fortunately, you're young. If it doesn't work out, you don't have as much to lose as someone married with a mortgage and children. The possibility of losing him may feel like the end of the world, but I promise, it won't be. And you have your whole life ahead of you to find someone who is genuinely attracted to your authentic self.
Beyond that, there is a very real possibility that he may actually not be attracted people with a masculine gender presentation, and did find you more attractive before you came out. And that's not his fault. We can't willingly change our sexuality, any more than we can choose not to be trans. It's important to face and deal with that possibility, not hide from it.
You really need to sit down with him and have a mature and open discussion with him about these things. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be.
Fortunately, you're young. If it doesn't work out, you don't have as much to lose as someone married with a mortgage and children. The possibility of losing him may feel like the end of the world, but I promise, it won't be. And you have your whole life ahead of you to find someone who is genuinely attracted to your authentic self.
Title: Re: Androgyne with boyfriend
Post by: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 10:43:37 PM
Post by: punky_glitter on January 27, 2018, 10:43:37 PM
I think he is, it's just that I myself am not confident in myself and he doesn't understand how to help