Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: _.Alex._ on January 31, 2018, 02:51:47 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I'm too scared
Post by: _.Alex._ on January 31, 2018, 02:51:47 PM
Post by: _.Alex._ on January 31, 2018, 02:51:47 PM
I've known that I am transgender for over a year now. Whenever I think about it, I am 100% certain that I want to transition. My dysphoria has come to a point where it's almost unbearable.
But whenever I think of coming out, I start telling myself that I can't be sure, and that I'm probably just making everything up. I tell myself that I should better wait, because it would be really awkward if I were wrong. I just can't bring myself to come out, just the thought of it makes me shiver. At the same time I know that I am at a very miserable place, and that I need to do this in order to get things going.
Does anybody have any advice for me on how to get over my fears and doubts? :-\
But whenever I think of coming out, I start telling myself that I can't be sure, and that I'm probably just making everything up. I tell myself that I should better wait, because it would be really awkward if I were wrong. I just can't bring myself to come out, just the thought of it makes me shiver. At the same time I know that I am at a very miserable place, and that I need to do this in order to get things going.
Does anybody have any advice for me on how to get over my fears and doubts? :-\
Title: Re: I'm too scared
Post by: Jessica on January 31, 2018, 02:59:57 PM
Post by: Jessica on January 31, 2018, 02:59:57 PM
Hi Alex 🙋♀️ Welcome to Susan's, I'm Jessica! You have taken a big first step when you joined us here. We all go through fears and doubts. Susan's helped me when I first started and even now I need help that is shared by so many here
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.
Things that you should read
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Title: Re: I'm too scared
Post by: DawnOday on January 31, 2018, 03:32:05 PM
Post by: DawnOday on January 31, 2018, 03:32:05 PM
Quote from: _.Alex._ on January 31, 2018, 02:51:47 PM
I've known that I am transgender for over a year now. Whenever I think about it, I am 100% certain that I want to transition. My dysphoria has come to a point where it's almost unbearable.
But whenever I think of coming out, I start telling myself that I can't be sure, and that I'm probably just making everything up. I tell myself that I should better wait, because it would be really awkward if I were wrong. I just can't bring myself to come out, just the thought of it makes me shiver. At the same time I know that I am at a very miserable place, and that I need to do this in order to get things going.
Does anybody have any advice for me on how to get over my fears and doubts? :-\
Alex I recognize your problem as I let my fears get the best of me for 64 years. I went to a therapist at least 6 times each time talking about depression. But that was not the reason I went. I finally, decided to do it. To explain my feeling different from a very early age. By the third meeting she had written my authorization letter. That was a year and a half ago, when I first started HRT. I have not regretted my decision, one day, or even one hour. The great thing about it is, neither has my family. My wife did have a short period of doubt, but I think she is okay with it now.
Title: Re: I'm too scared
Post by: Janes Groove on January 31, 2018, 03:33:17 PM
Post by: Janes Groove on January 31, 2018, 03:33:17 PM
Welcome to the site Alex. Good news bad news situation here:
The bad news first. There is no easy way to come out. It's hard and the only advice I can give you is to get it over and out of the way as soon as possible. The pretzels we tie ourselves up in trying to convince ourselves not to come out are pretty bad and cause us needless and extended bouts of anxiety and depression. You just have to do it. In the words of Lady Macbeth, "If it's to be done, best it be done quickly." Also as Brutus said in Julius Caesar,
"There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries."
There is no better time than right now to do what you need to do. You got this.
The good news? Once it's done you will feel SO MUCH BETTER.
The bad news first. There is no easy way to come out. It's hard and the only advice I can give you is to get it over and out of the way as soon as possible. The pretzels we tie ourselves up in trying to convince ourselves not to come out are pretty bad and cause us needless and extended bouts of anxiety and depression. You just have to do it. In the words of Lady Macbeth, "If it's to be done, best it be done quickly." Also as Brutus said in Julius Caesar,
"There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries."
There is no better time than right now to do what you need to do. You got this.
The good news? Once it's done you will feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Title: Re: I'm too scared
Post by: Sephirah on January 31, 2018, 03:50:46 PM
Post by: Sephirah on January 31, 2018, 03:50:46 PM
Let me ask you a question, hon. Going by the first line of your post, you seem sure that it's what you want. So what is it that you're unsure about by coming out? What is it that you feel you might be wrong about? If you feel like it's something you definitely need to do to be able to move forward then what do you think you might be making up?
*big hug* It's okay to be scared. Life changes are often scary. The bigger the change, the scarier it can be. Understanding why they're there can be a big step in getting over those fears.
*big hug* It's okay to be scared. Life changes are often scary. The bigger the change, the scarier it can be. Understanding why they're there can be a big step in getting over those fears.
Title: Re: I'm too scared
Post by: Dena on January 31, 2018, 05:20:34 PM
Post by: Dena on January 31, 2018, 05:20:34 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. I have a link that might help you. I pick this link up from another member and when I reviewed it, I found it closely followed my group therapy sessions 35 years ago and it's just as true today as it was then. Other members have remarked that is was helpful to them in understanding their feelings. It's called "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) so review it and see if it clears up a few questions for you.