Community Conversation => Intersex talk => Topic started by: anoncole on February 05, 2018, 03:47:43 PM Return to Full Version
Title: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: anoncole on February 05, 2018, 03:47:43 PM
Post by: anoncole on February 05, 2018, 03:47:43 PM
This is probably a really common question, but anyway,
I'm a teenage trans guy living with my mom. I'm out to her as trans, but I feel like telling her I could be intersex would be a lot more awkward. (a bit TMI ahead) I have a more masculine build than other AFAB people in my family, as well as a small abnormality inside of my vagina that feels like a very small penis(about the size of the tip of my thumb), but I do menstruate. I've know about this for a few years now, but never told anyone else for fear of an uncomfortable conversation. I've felt a horrible uncertainty since, and I really want a professional medical opinion, but I can't get to that step without first telling my mom. I realized there's no way to approach it without it being uncomfortable, but how exactly should I go about this?
And also, if I am intersex, can I still go on HRT when I am older?
(Never used a forum, hope I'm doing this right)
I'm a teenage trans guy living with my mom. I'm out to her as trans, but I feel like telling her I could be intersex would be a lot more awkward. (a bit TMI ahead) I have a more masculine build than other AFAB people in my family, as well as a small abnormality inside of my vagina that feels like a very small penis(about the size of the tip of my thumb), but I do menstruate. I've know about this for a few years now, but never told anyone else for fear of an uncomfortable conversation. I've felt a horrible uncertainty since, and I really want a professional medical opinion, but I can't get to that step without first telling my mom. I realized there's no way to approach it without it being uncomfortable, but how exactly should I go about this?
And also, if I am intersex, can I still go on HRT when I am older?
(Never used a forum, hope I'm doing this right)
Title: Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: Kendra on February 05, 2018, 04:19:58 PM
Post by: Kendra on February 05, 2018, 04:19:58 PM
Hello anoncole, welcome to Susan's - thank you for joining and for posting.
Others may have different views and more experience on this topic than I have, but my recommendation is: if your mom already understands you are transgender, I wouldn't hesitate bringing up the possibility you might be intersex. It's just a possibility and not a final answer. I can understand the conversation is extremely personal and difficult, but if you already have a good relationship with your mother this is something where she may be able to help obtain additional assistance.
HRT involves many factors, medical history and routine tests. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point (I think you will be fine), as the most important thing is to be completely honest with any qualified medical professional so they can help you make the best decisions for your future. This is one reason the medical field has strict confidentiality regulations, so patients can be more comfortable discussing topics that may be very personal.
Since this was your first post I'll add information we provide to new members - to help with initial navigation and explain the site's guidelines.
I also want to mention the Youth Talk forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?board=496.0), focused on topics for members under the age of 18.
I am glad you are thinking about your future and considering important questions. I wish you the best, and a warm welcome.
Kendra
Others may have different views and more experience on this topic than I have, but my recommendation is: if your mom already understands you are transgender, I wouldn't hesitate bringing up the possibility you might be intersex. It's just a possibility and not a final answer. I can understand the conversation is extremely personal and difficult, but if you already have a good relationship with your mother this is something where she may be able to help obtain additional assistance.
HRT involves many factors, medical history and routine tests. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point (I think you will be fine), as the most important thing is to be completely honest with any qualified medical professional so they can help you make the best decisions for your future. This is one reason the medical field has strict confidentiality regulations, so patients can be more comfortable discussing topics that may be very personal.
Since this was your first post I'll add information we provide to new members - to help with initial navigation and explain the site's guidelines.
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.htm) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
I also want to mention the Youth Talk forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?board=496.0), focused on topics for members under the age of 18.
I am glad you are thinking about your future and considering important questions. I wish you the best, and a warm welcome.
Kendra
Title: Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: Lady Sarah on February 05, 2018, 06:39:50 PM
Post by: Lady Sarah on February 05, 2018, 06:39:50 PM
Find out if you can be examined and tested. This will go a long way to concluding whether or not you are intersected. Bringing this up with your mother intelligently might get her to get you tested.
Title: Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: Dena on February 05, 2018, 07:42:30 PM
Post by: Dena on February 05, 2018, 07:42:30 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. It's possible what you are describing is your clitoris which in sexual development is the equivalent of a penis. In some women it's larger than normal. It will also grow under the influence of testosterone and can have the appearance of small penis. Some FTMs are comfortable with this growth and don't desire additional surgery and others desire surgery to produce something larger. Being intersex is relatively rare so you might consider waiting until a doctors visit and take it up with your doctor first. If the doctor agrees with you, then discuss it with your mother.
Title: Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on February 06, 2018, 07:21:09 AM
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on February 06, 2018, 07:21:09 AM
*
You wrote that this growth is inside your vagina.
Where? At the end of the canal? That might be an enlarged cervix.
Another possibility is a growth or tumor.
Yes, go to your doctor for an examination.
*
You wrote that this growth is inside your vagina.
Where? At the end of the canal? That might be an enlarged cervix.
Another possibility is a growth or tumor.
Yes, go to your doctor for an examination.
*
Title: Re: How do I tell my mother I think I might be intersex?
Post by: mm on February 06, 2018, 12:59:19 PM
Post by: mm on February 06, 2018, 12:59:19 PM
Best to see a dr and get examined and see what you learn.