Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I honestly don't even know if I'm going to transition, or how far, but I believe that since I've been seriously thinking about it for a few years now, it's probably what I need. I'm 18, brand new here, I go by Riley, and I haven't started any sort of transition yet (I guess that should've been obvious). Honestly, do I need to have an identity in order to transition? Sometimes I feel like I'd only do it so that I can better express myself when I'm feeling feminine, is that a valid reason to transition? I don't think I really have dysphoria, but I never really feel like it's me when I look in the mirror, like I'm looking at somebody else. There's also times where my sexuality seems to confuse me about which gender (sex) I want to be in certain situations, which even further makes me hesitate about transitioning. Sometimes I just feel like my reasons for transition aren't valid, and that I'd be invalidating 'actual' trans people. I don't know. Anyways, onto the original point for this post. Do y'all think I'll need FFS? I'm mostly worried about my forehead, chin, and nose. But, like I said, I haven't started hormones or anything yet, so I don't know how that'll affect it. I think my biggest concern is my voice. I mean it's not super deep or anything, but when I try to train it, it seems pointless and I always end up giving up. I feel like I can't get a middle pitch, it's too high or too low, and I have no clue what resonance is or how to change it.

Hopefully y'all can give me some insight :)

Pictures:

You can't see all of my forehead, but most of it. Bangs might actually just work to cover it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lw0ysayEk33-vjM3yNiQsir2fBCiEGrb/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17PEFbFEVRepnWhrChahaGqzZ8np2S9Bj/view?usp=sharing

Quote from: rlacy2018 on February 10, 2018, 05:31:12 PM
I honestly don't even know if I'm going to transition, or how far, but I believe that since I've been seriously thinking about it for a few years now, it's probably what I need. I'm 18, brand new here, I go by Riley, and I haven't started any sort of transition yet (I guess that should've been obvious). Honestly, do I need to have an identity in order to transition? Sometimes I feel like I'd only do it so that I can better express myself when I'm feeling feminine, is that a valid reason to transition? I don't think I really have dysphoria, but I never really feel like it's me when I look in the mirror, like I'm looking at somebody else. There's also times where my sexuality seems to confuse me about which gender (sex) I want to be in certain situations, which even further makes me hesitate about transitioning. Sometimes I just feel like my reasons for transition aren't valid, and that I'd be invalidating 'actual' trans people. I don't know. Anyways, onto the original point for this post. Do y'all think I'll need FFS? I'm mostly worried about my forehead, chin, and nose. But, like I said, I haven't started hormones or anything yet, so I don't know how that'll affect it. I think my biggest concern is my voice. I mean it's not super deep or anything, but when I try to train it, it seems pointless and I always end up giving up. I feel like I can't get a middle pitch, it's too high or too low, and I have no clue what resonance is or how to change it.

Hopefully y'all can give me some insight :)

Pictures:

You can't see all of my forehead, but most of it. Bangs might actually just work to cover it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lw0ysayEk33-vjM3yNiQsir2fBCiEGrb/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17PEFbFEVRepnWhrChahaGqzZ8np2S9Bj/view?usp=sharing

I only started hrt on Jan 2, but when I decided to do that, I was sure I wanted-and needed it to be truly happy with myself. Its like realizing you've been missing something for a long time and finding it (simply put). At least for me. In my opinion there are plenty of routes you can go, but you have to decide which one is best for you, or if full transition is what you want.

As far as FFS, if you're not sure about transitioning, I would try and figure that out first. But, for me, I plan on getting rhinoplasty after about two years on hormones, due to the fact that eventually they will change the way my face looks. I believe it will give me a better opportunity to fix my nose so that it really matches my real face, also, after being on hormones for two years, coming off for a bit (if I need to) won't really be a big deal, unless I've had GRS. Just my two cents, hope it helps :)

Quote from: AutumnGurl81 on February 10, 2018, 06:10:38 PM
I only started hrt on Jan 2, but when I decided to do that, I was sure I wanted-and needed it to be truly happy with myself. Its like realizing you've been missing something for a long time and finding it (simply put). At least for me. In my opinion there are plenty of routes you can go, but you have to decide which one is best for you, or if full transition is what you want.

As far as FFS, if you're not sure about transitioning, I would try and figure that out first. But, for me, I plan on getting rhinoplasty after about two years on hormones, due to the fact that eventually they will change the way my face looks. I believe it will give me a better opportunity to fix my nose so that it really matches my face, also, after being on hormones for two years, coming off for a bit (if I need to) won't really be a big deal, unless I've have GRS.  Just my two cents, hope it helps :)

It does. :) So, do you think I need to have dysphoria in order to transition? I mean, since I don't (from what I can tell, mostly), would that invalidate other trans people? Would I be able to call myself trans?

I think I'm definitely sure that I want to look more feminine, so hormones would definitely help. When I sing, act 'feminine', etc, it doesn't feel like it's enough because I'm still a 'boy'. Maybe that's a sign. Do you think it's necessary to see a therapist for a while? There are basically no good therapists in my area that accept my insurance, so I was thinking about just going for a one-time hormone prescription session. I don't know if that's a dumb idea.

Tbh it's something that only you can answer, it's about your life, and your GID. No one can really "advise" you on whether you should transition or not, IMHO. I think therapy defintely gave me an outlet and justified (for myself) what I already knew. Maybe try and find a support group? What city/state are you in, maybe someone here will have some helpful information in regards to therapy.

Quote from: AutumnGurl81 on February 10, 2018, 06:25:14 PM
Tbh it's something that only you can answer, it's about your life, and your GID. No one can really "advise" you on whether you should transition or not, IMHO. I think therapy defintely gave me an outlet and justified (for myself) what I already knew. Maybe try and find a support group? What city/state are you in, maybe someone here will have some helpful information in regards to therapy.

That's true. Well I know my school is getting a GSA at some point soon, but I only have like three months left, so that's not really a big help. I live in Martinsville, VA. I was seeing one therapist before, but my mom didn't like him, and it doesn't seem like there's anybody else that's not an hour away. Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to travel a couple times a month for it, but the one I really wanted to see didn't understand how our insurance worked. (I emailed him) I showed my mom, and she called him an idiot, and told me to find someone else. It feels like she's really not on board.

Finding a gender therapist with experience is important. Ask them about this too to make sure. You can grow out your hair while you're in therapy too and if you feel like you wanna try hrt you can. A month or 2 won't do too much physically I don't think (always ask your doctor) but it can set you up to see the process works. Good luck!

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Quote from: Allison S on February 10, 2018, 06:42:29 PM
Finding a gender therapist with experience is important. Ask them about this too to make sure. You can grow out your hair while you're in therapy too and if you feel like you wanna try hrt you can. A month or 2 won't do too much physically I don't think (always ask your doctor) but it can set you up to see the process works. Good luck!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

I would, but the closest gender therapist with experience is like an hour away, and most don't accept my insurance (living with my mom). And it doesn't seem like she's willing to pay.

@ rlacy2018:  What you described is something that almost every transgender goes through at the beginning.  The suggestions from Allison S and AutumnGurl81 are right on in my opinion.  For sure seeing a therapist will be a big help with your decisions regarding all of this.  Transition is a big life changing event that not only affects you physically and mentally but also affects your family and friends... and your future ... so you need to be very well informed.  It would be best for you to somehow find a way to at least see a gender therapist, even just one appointment, and see what your options are.  The money spent would most likely be much less than the cost of making mistakes in your endeavor.

Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 10, 2018, 06:57:46 PM
@ rlacy2018:  What you described is something that almost every transgender goes through at the beginning.  The suggestions from Allison S and AutumnGurl81 are right on in my opinion.  For sure seeing a therapist will be a big help with your decisions regarding all of this.  Transition is a big life changing event that not only affects you physically and mentally but also affects your family and friends... and your future ... so you need to be very well informed.  It would be best for you to somehow find a way to at least see a gender therapist, even just one appointment, and see what your options are.  The money spent would most likely be much less than the cost of making mistakes in your endeavor.

I think that's the best thing to do, too. But, like I said in my replies to them, (this really isn't meant to sound condescending or anything, to me it does..) the closest actual, or good gender therapist is about an hour away. I'm willing to travel, but most of them don't accept my insurance, which my mom would have to pay for if they don't accept the insurance, and the one I showed my mom, she called him an idiot (not directly to him) because he didn't know how our insurance works.

Quote from: rlacy2018 on February 10, 2018, 07:04:28 PM
I think that's the best thing to do, too. But, like I said in my replies to them, (this really isn't meant to sound condescending or anything, to me it does..) the closest actual, or good gender therapist is about an hour away. I'm willing to travel, but most of them don't accept my insurance, which my mom would have to pay for if they don't accept the insurance, and the one I showed my mom, she called him an idiot (not directly to him) because he didn't know how our insurance works.

@ rlacy:  I read all of that about your mom and your insurance in your previous postings.  At 18 years old I would assume (or hope) that you have a job.  Try to work some extra hours, do some work around your neighborhood, mowing lawns, shoveling driveways, painting, raking leaves, etc...  curtail your spending on other stuff.  Save your money for this... IMHO it is VERY IMPORTANT.

Getting back to the original question, "Do you need FFS?"

No, most probably not.

At 18 years old, you have not been under the influence of Testosterone that long. If you start a T blocker and Estradiol now, then you will not need much of any FFS in the future. Most of us need at least 3 years of HRT before we look feminine. The younger you are, the sooner you will feminize.

FFS is really for those of us who have been under Testosterone for at least 10 years.

Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 10, 2018, 07:11:44 PM
@ rlacy:  I read all of that about your mom and your insurance in your previous postings.  At 18 years old I would assume (or hope) that you have a job.  Try to work some extra hours, do some work around your neighborhood, mowing lawns, shoveling driveways, painting, raking leaves, etc...  curtail your spending on other stuff.  Save your money for this... IMHO it is VERY IMPORTANT.

I've planned on getting a job when I start college, I just haven't had the motivation. And my senior year has been super stressful. But, honestly, I probably do have the time. In fact, I do have the money, it's just the matter of talking to my mom about it. It seems like it's so hard to even bring up the subject with her. She's not as harsh as I'm making her out to be, but it's just how I feel.

Quote from: Dani on February 10, 2018, 07:13:10 PM
Getting back to the original question, "Do you need FFS?"

No, most probably not.

At 18 years old, you have not been under the influence of Testosterone that long. If you start a T blocker and Estradiol now, then you will not need much of any FFS in the future. Most of us need at least 3 years of HRT before we look feminine. The younger you are, the sooner you will feminize.

FFS is really for those of us who have been under Testosterone for at least 10 years.

That's what I was thinking (and hoping). Thanks. :)

Quote from: rlacy2018 on February 10, 2018, 07:16:24 PM
I've planned on getting a job when I start college, I just haven't had the motivation. And my senior year has been super stressful. But, honestly, I probably do have the time. In fact, I do have the money, it's just the matter of talking to my mom about it. It seems like it's so hard to even bring up the subject with her. She's not as harsh as I'm making her out to be, but it's just how I feel.

@ rlacy:  It seems to me that now you have the motivation to get a job or jobs now so you can make an intelligent decision about transitioning.  There are lots of job opportunities out there that can be compatible with school hours.

Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 10, 2018, 07:25:47 PM
@ rlacy:  It seems to me that now you have the motivation to get a job or jobs now so you can make an intelligent decision about transitioning.

That does seem to be the truth. Thank you.

Quote from: Dani on February 10, 2018, 07:13:10 PM
Getting back to the original question, "Do you need FFS?"

No, most probably not.

At 18 years old, you have not been under the influence of Testosterone that long. If you start a T blocker and Estradiol now, then you will not need much of any FFS in the future. Most of us need at least 3 years of HRT before we look feminine. The younger you are, the sooner you will feminize.

FFS is really for those of us who have been under Testosterone for at least 10 years.

@ Dani:  I tend to agree with you about your FFS comment.  Thankfully I never did need FFS and I started my HRT almost 20 years after my high school days.... but of course, everyone... every body... is different.  I have a feeling that there may be more things that need to be discussed with a therapist than just FFS... ... even just ONE appointment to get a confident feeling about all of this.

Rlacy transitioning is exciting, daunting, and often life changing. As others mentioned you're young, ffs is an option usually after being on hrt for some time. Some opt to have ffs without ever going on hrt, or very minimally use hrt. I'm on hrt and sometimes I wonder if surgery is the better option for me. I'm still considering ffs and no hrt someday. But then I'd need a lot more laser/electrolysis...

My point is decisions we make can change depending on what's best for each one of us- especially financially. I hope you decide what's best for you and seems like your mom is a support in a way. You're lucky.

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Quote from: Allison S on February 10, 2018, 09:48:40 PM
Rlacy transitioning is exciting, daunting, and often life changing. As others mentioned you're young, ffs is an option usually after being on hrt for some time. Some opt to have ffs without ever going on hrt, or very minimally use hrt. I'm on hrt and sometimes I wonder if surgery is the better option for me. I'm still considering ffs and no hrt someday. But then I'd need a lot more laser/electrolysis...

My point is decisions we make can change depending on what's best for each one of us- especially financially. I hope you decide what's best for you and seems like your mom is a support in a way. You're lucky.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

That's true. I shouldn't worry about things that I don't have to consider for years. And yes, I am, I just need to talk to her, and try to get through to her.

Welcome to the site.

I think Dani nailed it with her take on your photos. As also stated, it will ultimately be up to what make you comfortable/happy.

I also want to share some links with you . Mostly welcome info, caution and rules of the site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)	Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)	Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Jacqui

Hi Rlacy  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Quote from: Jacqueline on February 12, 2018, 12:34:32 AM
Welcome to the site.

I think Dani nailed it with her take on your photos. As also stated, it will ultimately be up to what make you comfortable/happy.

I also want to share some links with you . Mostly welcome info, caution and rules of the site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)	Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)	Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Jacqui

Thank you. :) I appreciate the feedback.

Quote from: V M on February 12, 2018, 01:35:23 AM
Hi Rlacy  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi V M

Thanks! :) It does seem like a very welcoming place.

Hi Rlacy,
         Knowing that you want to transition is hard.  I repressed my feelings of wanting to be a woman for most of my life.  I think as a result I didn't have feelings of being a woman trapped in a man's body or severe hatred of my body even while I secretly longed to be a woman.  Once I figured out that I was trans (about a month ago) I have started taking small steps with the intent of figuring out if I should move forwards with transitioning.  I painted my nails under my socks at work, I started wearing women's underwear, I started sitting to pee, I started shaving my body hair and then trying on women's clothes.  Each step led to another and each one feels good to me and so I take another.  I find that there is this need within me to keep taking the next step.  I don't even really think about it on some levels, I just do it.  There are days of doubt, but for some reason I keep taking steps and they keep feeling good. 
        Once I lose a little bit of weight, I will start hrt.  While I look forward to physical feminization, I really want to see how I *feel* on hormones as another indicator that I am on the right track.
        If you are trans, generally these feelings continue to get more and more intense as you get older, so it is best to deal with them while you are young and a transition isn't as hard as you haven't fully masculinized yet.  Also, you will not have wasted 5, 10, 20 or 30 plus years living a lie.  I know that a good therapist isn't particularly close to you, but a properly experienced therapist is really the only thing that will be able to help you sort through these feelings.

       Best of luck and keep asking us ladies questions...we are here to help.

                       Julie

Quote from: JulieAllana on February 12, 2018, 08:38:56 AM
Hi Rlacy,
         Knowing that you want to transition is hard.  I repressed my feelings of wanting to be a woman for most of my life.  I think as a result I didn't have feelings of being a woman trapped in a man's body or severe hatred of my body even while I secretly longed to be a woman.  Once I figured out that I was trans (about a month ago) I have started taking small steps with the intent of figuring out if I should move forwards with transitioning.  I painted my nails under my socks at work, I started wearing women's underwear, I started sitting to pee, I started shaving my body hair and then trying on women's clothes.  Each step led to another and each one feels good to me and so I take another.  I find that there is this need within me to keep taking the next step.  I don't even really think about it on some levels, I just do it.  There are days of doubt, but for some reason I keep taking steps and they keep feeling good. 
        Once I lose a little bit of weight, I will start hrt.  While I look forward to physical feminization, I really want to see how I *feel* on hormones as another indicator that I am on the right track.
        If you are trans, generally these feelings continue to get more and more intense as you get older, so it is best to deal with them while you are young and a transition isn't as hard as you haven't fully masculinized yet.  Also, you will not have wasted 5, 10, 20 or 30 plus years living a lie.  I know that a good therapist isn't particularly close to you, but a properly experienced therapist is really the only thing that will be able to help you sort through these feelings.

       Best of luck and keep asking us ladies questions...we are here to help.

                       Julie

Hey Julie,

I'm glad you've found more of who you are, and I hope you continue to explore and discover that. :) My thing is, I know I love putting on makeup, shaving, etc, but boys can do those things too. That's what concerns me. Maybe starting hormones is honestly the only way to know. I don't really know how I identify, but I definitely know I want to look more feminine, so I think I might actually start HRT soon. I just don't know my place in society, or how I'll react to people calling me she, her.

I actually have messaged a therapist that I probably will see soon. She's a little over an hour away, but it'll be worth it.

Thanks. :)

Riley

Riley,

I re-read your first post here. You are 18 and in a perfect position to transition.

Truth is that you may not need to . There are many spots along the trans spectrum. Perhaps you do not sit at an extreme binary? Maybe they/them is better for you.

Two points here:
1 Because of your age your transition will probably be very good and through if you chose to fully go to the femme side.
2 Most of HRT's physical changes are reversible in the first 3 months or so.

I do think the therapist can help you find out if you really want to leave your gender assigned at birth behind or just embrace more femininity.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey along the way.

Warmly,

Jacqui

Quote from: Jacqueline on February 12, 2018, 01:00:25 PM
Riley,

I re-read your first post here. You are 18 and in a perfect position to transition.

Truth is that you may not need to . There are many spots along the trans spectrum. Perhaps you do not sit at an extreme binary? Maybe they/them is better for you.

Two points here:
1 Because of your age your transition will probably be very good and through if you chose to fully go to the femme side.
2 Most of HRT's physical changes are reversible in the first 3 months or so.

I do think the therapist can help you find out if you really want to leave your gender assigned at birth behind or just embrace more femininity.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey along the way.

Warmly,

Jacqui

Jacqui,

That's true. I don't really know if I need to yet. I have thought about using they/them pronouns, but I don't really know how I feel about that personally. I honestly do believe I'm non-binary, I just don't know exactly where. So, hopefully the therapist can help me out with that.

Thank you. :) Love to you too, and I appreciate all the support.

With appreciation,

Riley