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Title: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 01:00:57 AM
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 01:00:57 AM
hi everyone, this is my first post, and i'm not really sure what to say here. i guess a good place to start would be with where i'm at right now, and how i came to sign up for this board. here goes nothing. . .
last night i stumbled across this board while looking for information about this word "androgyne." i was born male, and for a long time i've known that i'm not "straight," just in the same way i've known i'm not "gay," but "bisexual" was never a really good fit either. it just didn't seem right to me, and i never really could figure out why. i experimented and found that while *some* men i find myself really attracted to, i almost exlusively prefer women. for a long time i identified as "heteroflexible" to my close friends, and "straight" when i just didn't feel like being bothered with explaining what i meant by heteroflexible. several years ago, during one of my frequent periods of self-examination, i started wondering if maybe i was trans(gendered or sexual, i'm not sure which since i can't seem to keep those terms from getting mixed up in my head) and began thinking about getting surgery. the more i thought about it, the more i realised that that wasn't the answer either. i realised that i would feel just as incomplete as a woman as i do a man. so i buried it somewhere deep inside my brain and tried not to think about it, while resigning myself to being a "girly boy."
fast forward a few years to August of this year. i met and eventually started dating my current girlfriend. she identifies as "queer," saying that the reason she does is because "gender doesn't matter." well that seems to have opened the floodgates. suddenly feeling that it's okay to be effeminate allowed all of these repressed thoughts to come to the surface with a vengance. i started thinking about surgery again, and again i realised it wasn't the answer. so i asked myself what i really wanted, and found i wanted to be both male and female, sometimes all male, sometimes all female, other times a mix of both. as a result of this i became even more confused than before. it didn't make sense to me, i didn't think that was okay, i thought i had to pick one and stick with it. so i decided to talk to the GF about it. she is the only one in my life currently whom i feel as though i can talk about this too. she didn't have a lot to say, but she did say two very important things: 1) it's okay and perfectly natural to be confused because this isn't easy 2) she explained her views on gender to me, and elaborated on why gender doesn't matter to her. i didn't really get any answers, but i did get breathing room. that's when i started paying a little more attention to gender.
most of my friends would agree that i'm pretty effeminate, but i've always felt like i've been holding back on that aspect of myself. i've worn make up before (and loved it) and i have a few articles of women's clothing that i would work into outfits to create an androgynous look. for a long time i've wished that i looked more androgynous, but until 24 hours ago, i never realised that i could use it as and identity, not just an appearance. i ran across androgyny online, and this is where i first encountered the word "androgyne." the more i read the more it made sense, and the more i could see it as something that applied to me. it explained why i never felt straight for liking girls, and why bisexual didn't seem to fit either. it explained why i wanted to be more feminine, but not actually want to be a female. it also explained why being male never seemed right either.
i'm critical, and i don't like to jump to conclusions, so i'm hesitant to grab onto androgyne as an identity and apply it to myself. however, when i signed up for this forum i picked androgyne as a user subgroup, and was overcome with a sense of self-validation that i've only ever experienced before when i wrote in my journal that all my friends and family would still love me, even if i'm not perfect all the time. while reading through some of the posts in the androgyny forum here, i kept reading so many things from people that were so close to what i think and how i feel, so i think i'm on the right track.
i really look forward to getting to know all of you on here and i hope that i can find some answers, because this is really the only thing that's made sense so far.
-Vicarious One
last night i stumbled across this board while looking for information about this word "androgyne." i was born male, and for a long time i've known that i'm not "straight," just in the same way i've known i'm not "gay," but "bisexual" was never a really good fit either. it just didn't seem right to me, and i never really could figure out why. i experimented and found that while *some* men i find myself really attracted to, i almost exlusively prefer women. for a long time i identified as "heteroflexible" to my close friends, and "straight" when i just didn't feel like being bothered with explaining what i meant by heteroflexible. several years ago, during one of my frequent periods of self-examination, i started wondering if maybe i was trans(gendered or sexual, i'm not sure which since i can't seem to keep those terms from getting mixed up in my head) and began thinking about getting surgery. the more i thought about it, the more i realised that that wasn't the answer either. i realised that i would feel just as incomplete as a woman as i do a man. so i buried it somewhere deep inside my brain and tried not to think about it, while resigning myself to being a "girly boy."
fast forward a few years to August of this year. i met and eventually started dating my current girlfriend. she identifies as "queer," saying that the reason she does is because "gender doesn't matter." well that seems to have opened the floodgates. suddenly feeling that it's okay to be effeminate allowed all of these repressed thoughts to come to the surface with a vengance. i started thinking about surgery again, and again i realised it wasn't the answer. so i asked myself what i really wanted, and found i wanted to be both male and female, sometimes all male, sometimes all female, other times a mix of both. as a result of this i became even more confused than before. it didn't make sense to me, i didn't think that was okay, i thought i had to pick one and stick with it. so i decided to talk to the GF about it. she is the only one in my life currently whom i feel as though i can talk about this too. she didn't have a lot to say, but she did say two very important things: 1) it's okay and perfectly natural to be confused because this isn't easy 2) she explained her views on gender to me, and elaborated on why gender doesn't matter to her. i didn't really get any answers, but i did get breathing room. that's when i started paying a little more attention to gender.
most of my friends would agree that i'm pretty effeminate, but i've always felt like i've been holding back on that aspect of myself. i've worn make up before (and loved it) and i have a few articles of women's clothing that i would work into outfits to create an androgynous look. for a long time i've wished that i looked more androgynous, but until 24 hours ago, i never realised that i could use it as and identity, not just an appearance. i ran across androgyny online, and this is where i first encountered the word "androgyne." the more i read the more it made sense, and the more i could see it as something that applied to me. it explained why i never felt straight for liking girls, and why bisexual didn't seem to fit either. it explained why i wanted to be more feminine, but not actually want to be a female. it also explained why being male never seemed right either.
i'm critical, and i don't like to jump to conclusions, so i'm hesitant to grab onto androgyne as an identity and apply it to myself. however, when i signed up for this forum i picked androgyne as a user subgroup, and was overcome with a sense of self-validation that i've only ever experienced before when i wrote in my journal that all my friends and family would still love me, even if i'm not perfect all the time. while reading through some of the posts in the androgyny forum here, i kept reading so many things from people that were so close to what i think and how i feel, so i think i'm on the right track.
i really look forward to getting to know all of you on here and i hope that i can find some answers, because this is really the only thing that's made sense so far.
-Vicarious One
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Pica Pica on December 19, 2007, 04:41:10 AM
Post by: Pica Pica on December 19, 2007, 04:41:10 AM
obligatory hello.
And also...
....Hope things make more sense for you. I came reeling in confusion and I feel settled into myself. Hope the same happens to you. And if it doesn't happen very quick, hope you got lots to say anyway.
And also...
....Hope things make more sense for you. I came reeling in confusion and I feel settled into myself. Hope the same happens to you. And if it doesn't happen very quick, hope you got lots to say anyway.
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: cindybc on December 19, 2007, 08:53:25 AM
Post by: cindybc on December 19, 2007, 08:53:25 AM
Hi Vicarious One, welcome to Susan's and I do pray that you find the answers to your many question on this board. There is a thread here for androgynes ((Androgyne Talk)) May see you there.
Cindy
Cindy
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 06:45:21 PM
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 06:45:21 PM
thanks everyone :D
i've been looking at some of the posts and it's kind of surreal how things start snapping into place.
i've been looking at some of the posts and it's kind of surreal how things start snapping into place.
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Pica Pica on December 19, 2007, 07:57:19 PM
Post by: Pica Pica on December 19, 2007, 07:57:19 PM
We're slowly building a culture...you get to help shape it.
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: tinkerbell on December 19, 2007, 08:12:07 PM
Post by: tinkerbell on December 19, 2007, 08:12:07 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi220.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd141%2Fgoldendragonfly%2FTinkerbell-2-5.gif&hash=5be8480c960ef48b1799ad2adf2134b3c3a7c712)
Hello there and welcome to Susan's!Thank you for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html) We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 11:05:50 PM
Post by: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 11:05:50 PM
Quote from: Pica Pica on December 19, 2007, 07:57:19 PM
We're slowly building a culture...you get to help shape it.
that's actually really exciting. it's about time for a new one.
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: barbie on December 22, 2007, 01:21:12 PM
Post by: barbie on December 22, 2007, 01:21:12 PM
Quote from: Vicarious One on December 19, 2007, 01:00:57 AM
last night i stumbled across this board while looking for information about this word "androgyne."
Hi,
I also tend to categorize myself as an androgyny.
I am not quite sure whether you are familiar with the long history of debate between nominalismists and realismists in the West: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11090c.htm .
According to the nominalism, there is no clear boundary between man and woman.
I try no to be attached to various 'nouns'. Whatever I am, I enjoy myself. Labeling myself can mislead me. I am in the boundary between man and woman, and just enjoy it. Sometimes, I am proud of it. Actually, I take advantages of my vague identity. A lot of girls chat with me, and sometimes seriously consult me regarding their personal issues. Of course, some men and some women do not like my long hair and crossdressing. It can be difficult to be accepted in the mainstream. But what I am is not so much an issue to me.
Nowadays people are bored, wanting some 'queer' things. It is an interesting time.
Barbie~~
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Kaeren on December 22, 2007, 05:27:50 PM
Post by: Kaeren on December 22, 2007, 05:27:50 PM
I am bored also. And it is not only about the gender issue. I just seem to loose intrest after a while in things.
Why be 'normal' if you can be SPECIAL !
And I seem to be able to get away with it anyhow as long as I act more or less stable.
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Christo on December 22, 2007, 10:03:45 PM
Post by: Christo on December 22, 2007, 10:03:45 PM
Welcome to susans place Vicarious One :) :) :)
Title: Re: obligatory introductory post
Post by: Suzy on December 22, 2007, 10:22:03 PM
Post by: Suzy on December 22, 2007, 10:22:03 PM
This is your obligatory welcome!
Have the obligatory great stay at Susan's with your new obligatory friends.
Obligatorily yours,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Have the obligatory great stay at Susan's with your new obligatory friends.
Obligatorily yours,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi